Friday, November 2, 2007

Everybody Back In the Pool!

Jinx says New England can't lose, and if Jinx says it you know it's true! Jinx!

I hate making homer bets the way conservative politicians hate hot stinky man-ass. But sometimes the urge for that sweet sweet action builds inside of you like a a benign tumor. Last week I tempted fate and bet against the Patriots for the first time this season. Of course I did it because I'm a pathetic fucking homer who should know better by now. There was no way that my Redskins could lose by such an expansive margin as 17 points!

Yep, I'm a dipshit...but at least I'm not Gregg Williams. Fuck that guy. After all, I did profit off of the three other investments.

Fortunately all of that is behind us. It's a new week and I'm ready to get back with the Rent Checks Patriots.

New England -6 at Indianapolis
(Risking 100 to win 91)

The Colts are playing as well as ever having won twelve straight. They've enjoyed a great deal of recent success against the team they are hosting...and they're getting six points. It's unfuckingreal when you think about it, but that's all meaningless right now. New England is the hot shit and everybody knows that they're untouchable.

They remind me of the aliens at the beginning of Independence Day. They don't seem to worry about anything, they just chill up in the stratosphere and blow shit up on a whim. You can throw all you have at them if you so choose, but it will just blow up in your face. What we need is a Jeff Goldblum. Some brilliant scientific mind who can send a virus through their impenetrable defenses. Unfortunately Tony Dungy is not a man of science, he's a man of god. He probably doesn't even believe in aliens.

I hope that this jinx and my monetary sacrifice will appease the Gods and bring about the downfall of New England...but I'd also take the money (if they win and don't cover the Potomac will run red with kitten blood).

Lighten the Mood Parlay!
(Risk 25 to win 153)

Washington -4 at New York Jets
They aren't that bad. Are they?

Buffalo +1 vs. Cincinnati
If these two cities didn't have NFL franchises would you even know they existed?

Cleveland -1.5 vs. Seattle
All hail Horse Balls.

Enjoy your weekend.

25 comments:

deafjeff said...

People who live in "districts" shouldn't make light of people who live in real cities.

Matt said...

Dude....you're KILLING me taking Buffalo +1.

Do you realize their only wins have come from the Jets twice and Baltimore??

And they haven't scored more than 20 points in any game but the Dallas game where they had three special teams TD's??

Cincy will light their ass up meat.

Matt said...

defensive/special teams*

Dale said...

Umm, that's not a parlay, that's a combo.

Bstone said...

Cincy sucks.

Losman-->Evans is the new Palmer-->Johnson.

Unsilent Majority said...

Umm, that's not a parlay, that's a combo.

What the fuck are you talking about? I assure you it's a parlay.

Unsilent Majority said...

Do you realize their only wins have come from the Jets twice and Baltimore??

Blow me, they've won four straight against the spread.

rand said...

Each cover by the Pats puts me in a new pair of GilIIZero's. 17 covers = 17 pair. Which works out pretty good as I don't really want to rock the Disney ones anyway.

StuScottBooyahs said...

Gregg Williams trembles against the awesomeness of Kellen Clemens. We're fucked.

Crazy Little Thing said...

That benign tumor link made me giggle like a six-year-old. And I'm eight now, so that's a little embarrassing.

rand said...

damn it! *pretty well. Damn Larry David, I can't quit the pretty good, pret-tay pret-tay good non-sense.

In any event, please cover Patsies. Gil's drop in 3 weeks.

Unsilent Majority said...

rand- have you seen a release schedule? your plan intrigues me.

Rusty said...

Would someone please explain to me how people accept that Jeff Goldblum can best Earth Destroying Aliens, Dinosaurs, AND Bill Murray???

"Yall get outta my house! Get outta here ya freaky new-age hippie! Get outta here blondie! You too Jeff Goldstein!"

Les Savy Ferd said...

Bills are about 7 seconds away from being 5-2. of course that would make them the worst 5-2 team in the history of the NFL, but it would at least make the AFC East resemble an actual division, and not, some obscure college football conference where one team cleans up every year (I'm looking at you, Mid-Western central Desert South).

having said that, Go Bills!

Danny G said...

My five star lock of the week:

Baltimore + 9 at Pittsburgh on Monday night.

Baltimore definitely keeps it closer than 9.

My Insignificant Life said...

Excuse me but the closing line of "Enjoy your weekend." concerns me - This was posted at 7:39am - how the hell do you end your day before 8am? Does this mean we get no Cheerleader shots? Grant it, Jinx is nice, but pleasseeeeeeeee.........If I have to work past noon, I'd like more skin......

rand said...

@ maj...

from his blog a while back is the best I have to go on. I know some of them are being released in Japan (Rockets game etc), but where the are internets, there are ways...

check your e-mail for dates...

Unsilent Majority said...

My Insignificant Life-

There will be more posts today, i just ended with the pleasantry because i won't be the one posting it.

twoeightnine said...

The Bills are 2+2 points away from being 5-2 and have given up the 13th least points in the NFL (6th least if you adjust the Patriots to a more human/less goatsucker amount of points) and despite the fact that their horrible offense has played the top 3 D's and 4 out of the top 6.

Here's another fact for you degenerates, the Bills have held every opponent this year to less points than they are averaging for the season. Combined the teams are averaging 24 on the season but 19 against the Bills. All with a defense missing more people than Vietnam.

Greggggg can suck a dickkkkk.

Upstate Underdog said...

"All with a defense missing more people than Vietnam."

And Jauron as the head coach.

let's go buffalo.

Jackin'4Beats said...

Maj + Betting on the skins to cover the spread < Gregggg Williams

C'mon man, even a homer like you should have known better.

That being said, I'm no betting man, but I'm taking the Colts outright in a high scoring, but close game. 37-34. I just see Peyton/Addai grinding out that last quarter with Brady on the bench not being able to do a damn thing about it.

At least that's what the voices keep telling me.

evan said...

It's the best week of the season to be a Dolphins fan. Because in Bye Week 2, we'll have more losses.

The remainder of the AFC East will not win as many games together as the Pats.

So I take WAS -4 and GB +2? What's goings on that the Pack are getting a deuce?

Unsilent Majority said...

Chiefs are cover machines at home

evan said...

KC is also full of red meat and stem cells. Favre'll be fine.

My Insignificant Life said...

Thanks, UM - it's been a long week and need the pick me up.