Wednesday, November 7, 2007

The Inevitable Return of Schottenheimer Pt. 2

This is a continuation of yesterday's post analyzing the NFL's 32 head coaches.

NFC East

Fatty Arbuckle (Dal)- Every time Jason Garret walks by the head coach's office he mentally measures for new curtains.
Tom Coughlin (NYG)- He could become the first coach to be unceremoniously fired after winning the Super Bowl...nah, they aren't winning the Super Bowl.
Joe Gibbs (Was)- Die. Die. Die. Die. Die. Die. Die. Die. Die. Die. Die. Die.
Andy "The Pin" Reid (Phi)- Roger Goodell will intervene to fire Reid on Philly's behalf.

NFC North

Mike McCarthy (GB)- As long as he keeps Brett full of opiates it's all good.
Rod Marinelli (Det)- You mean to tell me that Mike Martz isn't the Lions coach?
Brad Childress (Min)- Staking his future on Chester Taylor.
Lovie Smith (Chi)- He took the Sex Cannon to the Super Bowl. Big time grace period.

NFC South

Jon Gruden (TB)- They tried to burn him in the fire place but he managed to escape.
John Fox (Car)- On the verge of becoming the biggest scapegoat since German Jews
Sean Payton (NO)- He could blow up the levee's and still be untouchable.
Bobby Petrino (Atl)- Even Home Depot managers get more respect from their underlings. Mutiny is all but assured.

NFC West

Mike Holmgren (Sea)- They're already collecting the necessary tonnage of smelt to buy out his contract.
Ken Whisenhunt (Ari)- Cushiest job in the NFL. Nobody expects too much and there's no chance he's getting fired before his contract expires.
Mike Nolan (SF)- They're already stocking the fuhrerbunker with cyanide pills.
Scott Linehan (StL)- Injuries happen, and so does seppuku.

NFC Far East

Coming September 2012!


Russell K said...

Who the fuck is Rod Marinelli?

Captain Caveman said...

Actually, Holmgren's contract expires after this season, thus sparing the Walrus from the ignominy of getting fired.

Still, that's a helluva smelt joke.

Upstate Underdog said...

A Wop's Christmas Eve dinner table is not complete until there is a plate of smelt on it.

Bryan said...

Does this mean Prince Humperdink shoots Gruden in the heart?

Jackin'4Beats said...

John Fox (Car)- On the verge of becoming the biggest scapegoat since German Jews.

I'm sure you meant to say escapegoat so I'll let that typo slide.

No need to thank me.

StuScottBooyahs said...

Maj is secretly pining away for the days of Norv Turner

I, for one, still have faith in My Master

ben said...

I have faith in Gregggggggggg Williams.

Kevin said...

ahhh...good to see a Brick reference, I will sleep well tonight...

milesdavis said...

Are you seriously referencing the movie "Brick". That movie was fucking terrible. Shitfest doesn't even come close to describing what an insult to the psyche that abortion of a film was to its viewers.

LaRons said...

Swing and a miss.

This blog is getting boring.

boognish said...

Brad Childress is staking his future on Chester Taylor? Huh? Ever heard of a guy named Adrian Peterson? Was this a brain fart or some kind of attempt at humor?

Steve H said...

I'm just wondering how Andy Reid is a piece of shit because his kids are fucked up, but Tony Dungy is the face All Pro Dad after his kid hangs himself from a ceiling fan and he went back to work two days after they put him in the ground. Just curious how that works.