Friday, November 16, 2007

No Country For Crappy Quarterbacks

Welcome to the Week 11 edition of Always Be Covering. Last week was not good times...no, not good at all. So yeah, we're closing in on the one week mark and I've built up more pressure than Javier Bardem's cattle gun.

At this point even Javier is starting to turn me on. The very idea of the ballet teacher from The Dancer Upstairs makes me turgid, and a bit sweaty.


Moving on, let's take a look at this week's best offerings. As always, I'm a genius and you should feel compelled to do whatever I tell you. I swear I'll start winning again one day (this is much harder than the NBA).

Arizona +3.5 at Cincinnati
Risking 30 to win 25

Oh that cute, the Bengals are giving points against a team that's not the Ravens or the Jets. Cinci is falling apart faster than Umuofia and Chris Henry's stabilizing influence only goes so far.

St. Louis -3 at San Francisco
Risking 27.5 to win 25

Holy crap, the Niners are fucking abysmal. The Rams aren't all the way back but I'd take a team of crippled deaf midgets coached by a 12 year-old hepatitis ravaged whore as long as they were playing Alex Smith Trent Dilfer.

On a final note, while I am precluded from betting against my Redskins (especially during Dallas week) that does not mean you should abstain. Without Sean Taylor and Santana Moss the Redskins are walking into a slaughterhouse filled with smallpox.


...ok, I mailed this one in a bit. But I was busy seeing No Country For Old Men last night. I'll tell you what I thought of it as soon as I read TBL's review.

25 comments:

kurt said...

Javier Bardem makes for a scary psychopath. Parts of the book that were left out made the movie less exciting than it could have been.

Three throwgasms?

quiet strength said...

UM - I'm really hoping that you don't catch fire with your bets this month. If the key to gambling success is no masturbation...I can't quite think how that would turn out...but I don't think it'd be pretty...

Unsilent Majority said...

sorry qs- i feel a run coming on

Jordan Ginsberg said...

If the rule you followed brought you to a month without precious masturbation, what good is the rule?

Big Daddy Drew said...

Mind ridin' bitch?

The Last Unitard said...

He's no Benicio of the Bull.

Jordan Ginsberg said...

That's a dead dog.

*points to UM's crotch*

Chris(BessMervinGirlDetective) said...

Drew -

http://youtube.com/watch?v=BnUFPWPOiEc

Sorry I know it's shit quality but you get the idea.

Captain Caveman said...

Kurt, just go ahead and leave. Anyone who gives No Country fewer than five throwgasms has no business reading a football blog.

Dilfer's starting for the Niners, btw. Not that it really matters.

Bryan said...

So the movie was good. Javier Bardem and his gun are interesting. There could have been a little more talking, but it was good.
-TBL

ShootBradysKneesWithTheSexCannon said...

Unfortunately the Rams won't be playing Alex Smith this week, they'll be playing Trent Dilfer, which means the crippled deaf midgets could set a record for sacks, picks and fumbles recovered...

Christmas Ape said...

Sugar?

smurphette said...

Is that what you're asking me? Is there something wrong with anything?

Unsilent Majority said...

fine, Dilfer blows too

bryan- +1

iamsofaking said...

No movie was ever improved with more talking.

Christmas Ape said...

Redskins: We've still got a fighting chance. There's no way any team can end our season with seven weeks left.

Cowboys: It took me three hours.

Phony Gwynn said...

Kurt, to follow up on Smurphette's gag, "You don't know what you're talking about, do you?"

What the hell do you want them to do, film every line of the book?

CC says to pack yer shit and leave. I agree.

kurt said...

You guys are awful catty for guys who talk about sports all the time.

They cut out half a firefight when they adapted the script and removed under 90 seconds of dialogue that explained how Chigur got arrested in the first place.

If you've read the book you'll know what I'm talking about. If not, then fuck you for not appreciating the movie enough to want to read the book.

Banned in 5, 4, 3....

Phony Gwynn said...

I'm actually halfway through the book now. So chill out.

Unsilent Majority said...

don't worry kurt, they were just being curt.

i'm waiting on somebody to finish the book so i can snag their copy.

Jackin'4Beats said...

UM: Redskins actually have a chance on Sunday...

Nah, I'm just bullshittin' you, they're goin' down faster than Clint on Quinn's dick before the draft.

Cowboys 37-17

smurphette said...

What about the GAY Mafia means they shouldn't be catty?

john said...

More recommended reading from Cormac McCarthy:

"Blood Meridian"
Perhaps the most violent book I've ever read. Could never be made into a film - instant NC17 rating for violence.

"The Road"
Perhaps the most depressing book I've ever read, but amazing nonetheless.

mamacita said...

UM -- You should go double-or-nothing on this week's game. I mean, what is two months without masturbating if you've already made it through one month? On the other hand, you could be back in the saddle Sunday evening.

ben said...

I really hope you all actually put money behind that Cowboys bet. Certainly took the sting out of defeat for me today.

<--Took the Redskins to cover.