Friday, October 20, 2006

The Beauty Of Democracy When Not Dependent Upon Obese, Middle-Aged Caucasians: Results From The Preseason Cheerleader Poll

As you may recall, we did a little cheerleader poll a while back. Many of you grabbed the chance to rock the vote, and I'm sure a lot of you grabbed something else (not that we're judging over here; we're very fond of saying, "Let he who is without sin grab the fresh Kleenex"). We received almost a hundred votes, and while there may have been a hanging chad in there or two, we are finally ready to share the results with you.

We awarded 5 points for each first-place vote, 3 for a second-place vote, and third place votes were good for one point. A contestant could not receive more than one vote per ballot. It takes a while to add this shit up on an abacus, which is why I didn't use one.



Your results:

Most First-Place Votes: # 9. This would be a good time to point out that we have no idea as to the names of these broads. In fact, life would probably be much easier if we could refer to women exclusively as single-digit numbers, at least until more of them learn how to drive. Michigan Becky said that #9 "easily had the prettiest face to me," and New York Becky pointed out, "why they gave us a better shot of #1's ass than this girl's is beyond me." Finding out we had two Beckys was almost as surprising as discovering that we had two women that actually read our site.

Most Second-Place Votes: # 8. Ocho was probably the blondest of the group, so I guess I'm not surprised that she made it this high. NFL coaches might say she is "deceptively attractive," not that Deuces O'dare complained, mentioning,"Her relative thickness is a plus. she has what we call a take-home package."

Most Third-Place Votes: #9 again. You can probably guess where this is heading...

Winner (Women's Votes): #7, also my favorite. But probably because she's grabbing # 9's ass. You know, because that girl-on-girl thing, yeah, we kinda like that.

De Facto Homely Chick (fewest points): # 5 appeared on only four ballots, and was the only contestant without a first-place vote. Ouch.

Most Depressing Breasts: # 4. TheBigO said, "I was looking at #4 until I noticed that shes got the titties of an old male orangutan." There's a joke in there someplace...

Grand Champion/Object Of Underhanded Zest: #9. A close call (we counted twice), but Niner edged out Ocho, 194-180. Okierover overshares, "I'm thinking really bad thoughts." And chornbe chimes in, "There is no second or third place. There is only #9." And Cheech Marino sends it all home with his sparkling analysis, "With an ass like that I'd eat the corn out of her shit."

So much for the Kleenex.

26 comments:

Unsilent Majority said...

I think I'd rather bunk up with the becky's

Skeezer said...

man #9, id like to bite her ass, develop lockjaw, and have her drag me to death

becky said...

damn right

Son of Brasky said...

agreed... I can't believe women read this site and my disbelief has nothing to do with sports.

FenwayFaithful78 said...

I guess I'm not your average woman. I love this site! Reading snarky sports blogs takes up 20% of my day. Sad but painfully true...

Canadian Bobsled Champ said...

On the fact that there are two Beckys


Its going to get a bit weird. Im talking two dragons!

BigRicks said...

I haven't heard the corn line since Uconn Spring Weekend a few years back, good stuff.

Zach Landres-Schnur said...

i'd have given no. 6 some more consideratioin. looks like she's well endowed up top. and hey, 6 and 9 would make a good couple.

what? too trivial?

TroubleHelix said...

My Boyfriend only lets me out of the kitchen to do sports related activities. It's this or foxy-boxing.

Gotta get back to cleaning. The keyboard is covered in cake batter

"If the Bible has taught us anything—which it hasn't—it's that girls should stick to girl's sports like hot oil wrestling, foxy boxing and such and such."

Jutter said...

Judging by the faces (specifically the noses) I think 3 and 5 quite possibly could be brothers.

Bender said...

Number 8 looks delightfully thick in the britches

the dude said...

#2 looks like she's about ready to push #3's love button.

Brigadier Pudding said...

#1 has mad cottage cheese. she still a phenomenal ass, though.

Suss & The Family Stone said...

Two Beckys = 30 Helens

Awful Chief said...

sussman, fantastic reference. i appreciate that.

Panger said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Panger said...

other than the fact after reading your cheerleader posts every friday i feel a compulsion to get an ass implants, i love this site.

-lsmith said...

So, a chinese person gave me a bottle of liquor this morning. The short story of why is, I work at a hotel, this fellow knew no english, and I know no chinese but I was able to help the fellow out, and so he gave me a bottle of liquor. It is a brown liquor and the only words in western characters on the bottle are: 'changzhishishigejeiyikngjiuyeyouxiangongsi' and 'yikangjiu.' So, I was wondering, since some of you chaps are football experts, and some are liquor experts, if any one knew what it was? My plan is to go home from work this morning, drink the liquor, smoke a ton, and hope the combination, along with the obvious magical properties of a gifted bottle of chinese liquor can make all the above cheerleaders appear. And Mulan too, if she is grown up enough, or the actress who voiced her in the movie.

-lsmith said...

I have now consumed half the bottle. Alas, no cheerleaders, no Mulan, no Ziyi Zhang either. The girlfreind gave me a blind taste test, and yes, blindly I was able to discern this liquor from Jack Daniels. Will give another update when the bottle is consumed.

-lsmith said...

The bottle is drank. Can not type anymore. Damn those captchas are hard.

The Critic said...

Man I'm late but 9 could easily sit on my face.

Canadian Bobsled Champ said...

4 lookslike the kind of girl that is into space docking.

BoSox Siobhan said...

Even though I know Fridays are cheerleader day here at KSK, I stop by anyway.
Then I yawn and look at my own boobs and wait for more sports chat.

Otto Man said...

Two Beckys = 30 Helens

I was hoping someone would bust out the Kids in the Hall conversion chart.

Becky said...

How in the world do I miss the Becky's conversation?

I miss the Kids in the Hall. Cabbageheads and Buddy can't be topped.

OkieRover said...

Thanks for the mention.
#9 was the finest.