The Beauty Of Democracy When Not Dependent Upon Obese, Middle-Aged Caucasians: Results From The Preseason Cheerleader Poll
As you may recall, we did a little cheerleader poll a while back. Many of you grabbed the chance to rock the vote, and I'm sure a lot of you grabbed something else (not that we're judging over here; we're very fond of saying, "Let he who is without sin grab the fresh Kleenex"). We received almost a hundred votes, and while there may have been a hanging chad in there or two, we are finally ready to share the results with you.
We awarded 5 points for each first-place vote, 3 for a second-place vote, and third place votes were good for one point. A contestant could not receive more than one vote per ballot. It takes a while to add this shit up on an abacus, which is why I didn't use one.
Most First-Place Votes: # 9. This would be a good time to point out that we have no idea as to the names of these broads. In fact, life would probably be much easier if we could refer to women exclusively as single-digit numbers, at least until more of them learn how to drive. Michigan Becky said that #9 "easily had the prettiest face to me," and New York Becky pointed out, "why they gave us a better shot of #1's ass than this girl's is beyond me." Finding out we had two Beckys was almost as surprising as discovering that we had two women that actually read our site.
Most Second-Place Votes: # 8. Ocho was probably the blondest of the group, so I guess I'm not surprised that she made it this high. NFL coaches might say she is "deceptively attractive," not that Deuces O'dare complained, mentioning,"Her relative thickness is a plus. she has what we call a take-home package."
Most Third-Place Votes: #9 again. You can probably guess where this is heading...
Winner (Women's Votes): #7, also my favorite. But probably because she's grabbing # 9's ass. You know, because that girl-on-girl thing, yeah, we kinda like that.
De Facto Homely Chick (fewest points): # 5 appeared on only four ballots, and was the only contestant without a first-place vote. Ouch.
Most Depressing Breasts: # 4. TheBigO said, "I was looking at #4 until I noticed that shes got the titties of an old male orangutan." There's a joke in there someplace...
Grand Champion/Object Of Underhanded Zest: #9. A close call (we counted twice), but Niner edged out Ocho, 194-180. Okierover overshares, "I'm thinking really bad thoughts." And chornbe chimes in, "There is no second or third place. There is only #9." And Cheech Marino sends it all home with his sparkling analysis, "With an ass like that I'd eat the corn out of her shit."
So much for the Kleenex.