Tuesday, October 24, 2006

KSK Visits Indianapolis, Neither Will Ever Be the Same Part 1

KSK is blowing up so fucking huge that we're getting invited to road games. Alright, that might be an exaggeration, you could say I was just tagging along with some friends with an extra ticket. Regardless, it was a great experience that I will not soon forget. I’ll mostly remember the silent rage bubbling throughout my body like that weird ass slime from Ghostbusters II.

After resigning to the concept of defeat (down 2 touchdowns with 12 seconds left, indy ball) I started thinking about those magical passes in our pockets (obviously not press passes). I was slightly consoled by the experience of watching the Redskins file out of the locker room and walking towards the exit between Shawn Springs and Marcus Washington (I love a man in braces).

The hotel provided a perfect view of the city.
I was at the Marriot adjacent to the stadium. The same view
could be enjoyed by the Colts who also stayed there...and yes,
the camera wasn't so hot and I'm no photojournalist.

Obviously Indianapolis is the crappiest little city on Earth (apologies to Reno and the Forbidden City) and I made sure to make a mental list of all the things that either: a. pissed me off, b. made me sad to be there, c. made me laugh, or made me question how I was living on the same planet as these people. That’s right Indy fans, if you’re out there (doubt it) then I’ll welcome your hatemail...it gets me off. Below I’ll offer my incites insights on the city, the stadium, and the inhabitants.

Indianapolis, Indiana...Why?
  • I have no idea why people would willingly live in Indy. If you have to live there out of necessity then I pity you; if you choose to stay (or move) there then I question your chemical balance.
  • First Reaction: It’s like Baltimore sans the whimsy. As you can plainly see the views are a sight to behold, truly breathtaking. Through extensive research we found a very nice small restaurant with a legit wine list. Besides that the city was like a wasteland, I kept wondering where everything was. Then I realized I there were no surprises around the next, or any, corner.
  • Cold + Windy = Gay
  • I’ve never seen so many white people in my entire life. The inside of the Dome looked like an Abercrombie ad with ugly people. Washington may not have the most polished crowd (which is good and bad) but we've got nothing on Indy. They must lease a lot of short busses.
Check out Part 2 right here.

24 comments:

Zach Landres-Schnur said...

want an uglyfest with white people, i'm told the indy 500 is a horror show.

Rob I said...

East Rutherford is full of schadenfreude right now.

Bad Barbecue said...

I'm no fan of the city of Indy nor other lily white midwestern cities, but D.C., although diverse in population, is one of the most segregated cities I have ever lived.

Unsilent Majority said...

did you live here in the 70's?

Critical Sports Blog said...

DC is a shithole but it's superior to Indy. In fact Beirut is more fun on a Friday night-if you watch where you step.

Larry Bird Flu said...

I find it hard to believe it could be whiter than a Packers game. Though I guess there's more whimsy there. And/or cheese.

Awful Chief said...

bb, if you think DC is segregated, you definitely haven't spent much time in the metro Detroit area. Areas like Columbia Heights, U Street, and Capitol Hill are pretty diverse. And don't forget Adams Morgan where on an average Saturday night you will see gangsters, drunk underage white girls, cougars, probable sex offenders, and general douchebags. That's diversity, holmes.

Big Jim Slade said...

It’s like Baltimore sans the whimsy.

And by 'whimsy' you mean Hep C, right?

Unsilent Majority said...

no jim, whimsy is actually baltimorean for heroin. but to be fair, almost everything in that city is code for heroin

Unsilent Majority said...

lbf, green bay doesn't count because it's not a city. at best it's a town.

Larry Bird Flu said...

UM - fair point. I'd go one further and say it's a village. And Favre is their idiot.

And Chief - don't forget the gallons of vomit running thru the gutters of 18th St. after some bachelorette decides to get pizza at 1 a.m.

lova said...

No one took the bait and sent a proper hatemail :( ? I will give it a try since I am here in the Crossroad State and having lived in DC for a year: ..... can't do it. I will say this though, Marvin Harrison is deified here and he should be.
(my word verification is "tochy", how appropriate is that ?)

Unsilent Majority said...

only one piece of hate mail so far...I'm waiting people!

on a serious note, Harrison is just plain awesome, I love the guy. HOWEVAH! It seemed like the crowd was much more into Reggie Wayne (who is also bucknasty), any time he walked by the crowd starting chanting his name.

JoSCh said...

I don't have a dog in the fight, but REG-GIE REG-GIE! is a way cooler chant than MAR-VIN MAR-VIN! or is it MARV-IN MARV-IN? Stats be damned.

brickyard said...

You must also remember that the REG-GIE chant harkens back to number 31, Reggie Miller, who until Peyton got here was the most (man)loved pro player in Indiana since Larry Bird.

jamie said...

To put it this way, when I lived in Columbus, OH, we used to mock Indy for being too white and boring.

boomstick aka Shop Smart, Shop S-mart said...

While I can't truly defend Indy, I will point out that you have to be pretty lazy if you can't find something fun to do while downtown. Aside from having the greatest Jazz bar that isn't in Chicago or flattened by that nasty little storm in New Orleans, there are quite a few great bars on Mass Ave and on Meridian St.

I question why you were looking for a "good" wine list, but then I remember that Washington fans are all just a little crazy. I will admit that if you wanted good wine lists, you would have had to drive north 15 to 30 minutes to either Broad Ripple or Carmel. Or you could have walked to the Restaraunt at the Canterbury.

Shoot the Messenger said...

Indy sucks....unless you live in Cincinnati....DC race relations? Harumph!

C.W. said...

Indianapolis is America's smelly belly button.

The Griz said...

Holy shit!!! There are white people in the midwest?

Great Indianapolis material here, captain obvious, can I get a "How Fucking Tall is Yao Ming" posting next?

Indianapolis is exactly what a city in the Midwest should be.

JMW said...

Jamie, I've never been to Indy, but I've been to Columbus, Ohio. And just typing it made me shudder.

Shoot the Messenger said...

Well Griz, it's ironic you anaolgize the anglo nature of the Midwest next to a freakishly TALL Chinese person considering the average height of a Chinese male is 5 ft. 6 inches. Maybe a better comparison would have been White is to Midwest America as Dog is to Chinese Food.

The Griz said...

What's ironic is that you missed the fact that I was commenting on the complexity of the posting with that analogy, not the anglo nature of Indy.

anon said...

> Indianapolis is exactly what a city in the Midwest should be.

You know... with none of those people.

To be fair, I have family here in Illinois that just might agree.