Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Injuries, Unlike KSK Writers, Don't Discriminate by Location or Race.

I'm running the Marine Corps Marathon on Sunday (and yet still catching the late game with the Steelers because drinking after about three hours of running equals rapid drunkenness). After running two half marathons in '05, I've been basically preparing a full year for this. And despite what this smarmy bastard thinks, I'm not planning on walking the thing. Rather, I'm aiming for the fairly-lofty-for-a-first-time-marathoner time of sub-3 hrs. So, naturally, two weeks ago, when doing a 22-mile sort of dress rehearsal run, my left calf muscle seizes the fuck up about 12 miles in and I have to stop. It wasn't a major injury - I've been running since. It seems okay for the most part, but it gives me something to worry about. Did I also mention that it's cold as shit in D.C. right now?

What am I trying to say here? Well, this is my self-indulgent way of illustrating that injuries can fuck up your shit in a manner most expeditious. Here are a few notable NFL players that were Rumphed by the injury bug this week.

LaVar Arrington --

I suppose Michael Strahan can sleep easy knowing his sack record is safe and secure. LaVar was nipping hard at his heels with his one sack in six games. Before Unsilent Majority gets too happy about this development, here's a sentimental Redskins send-off video made by some fan for LaVar and Patrick Ramsey set to a Michelle Branch song. There's really no excuse for that, 'Skins fans, not even the tons and tons of meth (read: not meth) that flows through the city like lead through the Potomac. Like, the league should consider punitive action or something.

Mike Doss --

Doss, seen here with what counts as a black person in Indianapolis, will miss the remainder of the year with a torn ACL. He lost his starting duties to the hard-hitting but lackadaisical covering skills of Bob Sanders. Sadly, this spells the end of the C:\DOS\RUN jokes from the local wags this season.

I'll take the ball and score for $800, Alex.

Matt Hasselbeck --

Where's your power of prayer now, Shaun? Seriously though, as a Steelers fan, people would expect I would have some schadenfreude-induced glee from seeing Hasselbeck go down, even if only for a few games. Really, I don't care. I don't harbor much enmity towards the Seahawks. I've been alternatively bemused and amused by some of their fans' conspiracy theories in the offseason. Honestly, why would the NFL want the Steelers to win the Super Bowl? Seattle fans contend that the league and the media spent the whole time hyping the Steelers and Jerome Bettis, so, of course, they want them to win. My question is, since when did the league give a shit how a storyline plays out? They already got millions of poor suckers to watch the fucking game and the corporations to pay for ad time, what does it matter to them if it reaches a satisfying result or not for the majority of the viewers? If anything, the league has more to gain from Seattle winning. The Steelers are already one of the league's most popular teams and winning or losing Super Bowl XL wasn't going to change that. If Seattle wins, the league had the opportunity to convert a city with a tepid following of its team into a more dedicated one. That means more revenue. And what the fuck do you think the NFL cares more about, a storyline or revenue? Okay, now let us never discuss this subject again. Or again, tomorrow? Sure, whatever.

Ben Roethlisberger --

I...uh, oh geez. Can I just cut and paste my comment from the the last time he got hurt? Is there some boilerplate I can format for just such an occasion? Like, for when this happens another five times this year, even once or twice after he's put on IR? Setting aside the motorcycle accident, this concussion would have represented his fulfillment of the annual midseason injury. And the Steelers haven't even played Baltimore yet. Guuuuuhhhhh.

Matt Lepsis --

The Broncos tackle is gone for the season, thus significantly harming the Denver Running Back Industrial Complex. "Anytime you lose one of your top players for the season, it's always a pretty good [cock]punch," said coach Mike Shanahan, through an interpreter who speaks douche.

Also, for the record, can we all admit that the Broncos' defense is not as good as the Bears'? I don't care how many points they haven't given up to the Raiders, Browns, Ravens and Chiefs without Trent Green, let's all agree to nip this argument in the bud right here. Along with the Seahawks thing, it seems, I'm really just searching for some closure in this post, you see.

Packers' receiver Robert Ferguson is also out for the year (yet again), Browns' DB Gary Baxter was tossed off a bridge by a biker and John Abraham is getting his stomach stapled so Nelson won't pull down his pants and the school girls won't call him Fatty Fat Fat Fat.

27 comments:

Dave F'n Bates said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Dave F'n Bates said...

...or, alternatively, we can stop caring about how many points the Bears haven't given up to the Packers, Lions, Vikings, MVP-less Seahawks, Bills and Cards.

And didn't Denver hold the Patriots to 7 points in New England?

/just sayin

Fornelli said...

I think the Bears defense and special teams have outscored the Broncos offense.

That has to count for something right?

swing4 said...

The last time I was in DC for the MC Marathon, it rained. I remember a runner shivering on the metro after the race, wearing running shoes, shorts, a tank top, a plastic rain poncho, and his socks as gloves. Now I am just envisioning you, in sock mittens, asking for the Steelers score, and cracking some ribs like that guy in the video on With Leather yesterday. Enjoy that 26.5 miles. Sucker.

Sean Carter said...

The Bears defense is absolutely outstanding and way too strong for the Broncos offense..... Peep into this amazing Christmas Blog to check out some really cool stuffs and unique ideas

Critical Sports Blog said...

Neither team will be in the Super Bowl. Everyone knows it's Cardinals-Raiders when the dust settles.

Unsilent Majority said...

Jay Z is right about the Bears D...but he lost me with the Christmas blog

gymclassheroes said...

Yeah, but have you heard the Jerome Bettis is from Detroit?!?!?!

Awful Chief said...

Ape, going for 2:59 as well, then straight to the beer tent. Semper Fidelis, motherfucker.

Unsilent Majority said...

Chief, I'll be the guy holding a scalding cup of coffee next to all the people holding out cups of water

Big Jim Slade said...

Separate knobs...WHY SEPARATE KNOBS!?!?!

the dude said...

I'll take the rapist for $800 Trebek.

Captain Caveman said...

Hey, I've got some commentary on Hasselbeck's injury. Hold on, lemme just get it out of the freezer. Come back in 15 minutes, I've got the microwave on defrost.

doug_plank said...

I'll take Famous Titties for $ 500, Alex.

Unsilent Majority said...

what a cute little bastards

Rob I said...

Poor Robert Ferguson has to sit at home every Monday night watching himself dive for a touchdown at the end of that FUCKING ANNOYING CAR COMMERCIAL.

Ian said...

What's with the constant KSK hate for the Broncos?

Unsilent Majority said...

it's nothing organized, it's just that none of us seem to care for them very much.

TheBigO said...

"Shut your mouth Trebek, you and your dago moustache, ya Canadian ponce"

"What did I just say about the ethnic slurs"?!?!?

Fondled by Foley said...

I will be holding the sign that says "What are you running from?!?!"

Awful Chief said...

My shame.

Big Jim Slade said...

God I hope Netflix carries that movie, Chief.

To the queue!

doug_plank said...

Chief,

Was he pissin the bed or rubbing it off on the sheets?

I remember that movie.

Awful Chief said...

His sheets were not pregnant.

Mike said...

"What's the difference between you and a mallard with a cold? One's a sick duck ... I don't remember how it ends, but your mother's a whore."

becky said...

Osi out now 6-8 too.
Fuck me.

mistermeastyspleen said...

holy shit, an interpreter that speaks douche. some times it's the simplest shit that gets me going.