In case you thought Terrell Owens was the most selfish douchebag on the Dallas Cowboys roster, I give you an absolutely hilarious quote from an AP story this week:
Drew Bledsoe doesn't carry a clipboard, and he's not into playing big brother. He's either a starter or one unhappy veteran.
And good for him. When you throw back-breaking interceptions in multiple games and have all the mobility of an armoire, you clearly deserve to tear a team apart once you've been benched. Drew Bledsoe isn't some dipshit Christian like Kurt Warner. Once you've benched him, you are fucking DEAD to him, Cowboys. You hear me? That man is a starter. A fucking starter.
Sure, he takes 45 seconds to throw a quick-hitch pass, but you Cowboy coaches don't get it. Bledsoe is clearly scanning the field and probing the Giants defense to determine skeletal girth and muscle tone. It's a new technique!
We mock what we don't understand.
Anyway, Cowboy fans, Bill Parcells is reportedly giving the nod to Tony Romo to start for the Cowboys in Week 8. But, given Romo's inconsistent performance in the second half Monday night, it may be fair to ask just which QB of yours is the lesser of two dipshits. And so, we break out the pro and con lists to determine once and for all...
Quien Es Mas Macho? Bledsoe O Romo?
-Experienced veteran presence helps keep team calm in the face of multiple 4th quarter collapses
-Allegedly "spent the second half seething", which means he really wants to play!
-Stopped playing good football over five years ago and now plays with nothing to lose
-Always healthy enough to play badly
-Utter lack of mobility means receivers know exactly where errant passes will be coming from
-Experienced enough to know when to take the sack. Repeatedly. Even on 4th down
-Strong relationship with Bill Parcells means he has a strong relationship with Bill Parcells
-Only QB who can make Terry Glenn seem useful.
-May be dead
-Chingada tu madre
-Learned pouting skills at Washington State
-Isn't Texan. Can't be trusted.
-Plays for team that does not have Bill Belichick coordinating defense
-No le gusta audibles to running plays. No le gusta at all.
-Throws different kinds of interceptions
-Isn't Drew Bledsoe
-Peter King has great, Danny Weurffelesque feeling about him
-Benching Bledsoe means one less former Patriot for Bill Simmons to use to somehow mention Patriots
-Praised for possessing mobility. Not possessing great mobility, but simply possessing it.
-Don Banks said Romo gives Cowboys the hope of the unknown. Which means that yes, he could be shitty. But the Cowboys already know Bledsoe is shitty. So Romo presents better odds of not being shitty
-Name reminds one of Ricky Roma, Tony Roma and Bill Romanowski simultaneously
-Didn't take extensive Texas History course required in state's retarded public school system
-Isn't Texan. Can't be trusted
-Once bought salsa that was made in NEW YORK CITY?!
-Isn't married. May be queer like Aikman
Tough choices. But we at KSK don't pussy out on the hard stuff. The clear winner of this battle is...
The Carolina Panthers.