Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Quien Es Mas Macho? - Bledsoe O Romo?


In case you thought Terrell Owens was the most selfish douchebag on the Dallas Cowboys roster, I give you an absolutely hilarious quote from an AP story this week:

Drew Bledsoe doesn't carry a clipboard, and he's not into playing big brother. He's either a starter or one unhappy veteran.

And good for him. When you throw back-breaking interceptions in multiple games and have all the mobility of an armoire, you clearly deserve to tear a team apart once you've been benched. Drew Bledsoe isn't some dipshit Christian like Kurt Warner. Once you've benched him, you are fucking DEAD to him, Cowboys. You hear me? That man is a starter. A fucking starter.

Sure, he takes 45 seconds to throw a quick-hitch pass, but you Cowboy coaches don't get it. Bledsoe is clearly scanning the field and probing the Giants defense to determine skeletal girth and muscle tone. It's a new technique!

We mock what we don't understand.

Anyway, Cowboy fans, Bill Parcells is reportedly giving the nod to Tony Romo to start for the Cowboys in Week 8. But, given Romo's inconsistent performance in the second half Monday night, it may be fair to ask just which QB of yours is the lesser of two dipshits. And so, we break out the pro and con lists to determine once and for all...

Quien Es Mas Macho? Bledsoe O Romo?

Senor Bledsoe


Pros:
-Muy macho
-Muy fuerte
-Experienced veteran presence helps keep team calm in the face of multiple 4th quarter collapses
-Allegedly "spent the second half seething", which means he really wants to play!
-Stopped playing good football over five years ago and now plays with nothing to lose
-Always healthy enough to play badly
-Utter lack of mobility means receivers know exactly where errant passes will be coming from
-Experienced enough to know when to take the sack. Repeatedly. Even on 4th down
-Strong relationship with Bill Parcells means he has a strong relationship with Bill Parcells
-Only QB who can make Terry Glenn seem useful.

Cons:
-Shitty
-May be dead
-Viejisimisimisimisimo
-Chingada tu madre
-Learned pouting skills at Washington State
-Isn't Texan. Can't be trusted.
-Plays for team that does not have Bill Belichick coordinating defense
-No le gusta audibles to running plays. No le gusta at all.

Senor Romo


Pros:
-Muy macho
-Muy joven
-Throws different kinds of interceptions
-Isn't Drew Bledsoe
-Peter King has great, Danny Weurffelesque feeling about him
-Benching Bledsoe means one less former Patriot for Bill Simmons to use to somehow mention Patriots
-Praised for possessing mobility. Not possessing great mobility, but simply possessing it.
-Don Banks said Romo gives Cowboys the hope of the unknown. Which means that yes, he could be shitty. But the Cowboys already know Bledsoe is shitty. So Romo presents better odds of not being shitty

Cons:
-Possibly shitty
-Muy blanco
-Name reminds one of Ricky Roma, Tony Roma and Bill Romanowski simultaneously
-Didn't take extensive Texas History course required in state's retarded public school system
-Isn't Texan. Can't be trusted
-Once bought salsa that was made in NEW YORK CITY?!
-Isn't married. May be queer like Aikman

Tough choices. But we at KSK don't pussy out on the hard stuff. The clear winner of this battle is...

The Carolina Panthers.

23 comments:

Christmas Ape said...

Bledsoe takes the snap and drops atras, atras, atras. He holds it, Holds It, HOLDS IT!

Otto Man said...

Well played, CA. You must be one of them smart helper-monkey apes.

As for the Bledsoe-Romo debate, this is a tighter struggle than "Tango de la Muerte."

Unsilent Majority said...

Ay, Señor Ding Dong!

Dat RoRo Kid said...

I heard Bledsoe and Romo would very much like to remake the last love scene in "Y Tu Mama Tambien"...que mierrrrrda.

Shenanigans said...

spanglish- very nice, not like the adam sandler movie.

Icheb said...

Hilarious. Simply hilarious. =)

Big Jim Slade said...

"Señor Collins no es macho, solamente un barracho..."

Benny said...

Good thing I took some spanish in high school. I knew it would come in handy one day.

whowillsexmutombo? said...

El QB estupido esta encima del banquillo. El otro QB estupido esta en el campo. Y el gato esta debajo de la mesa!

doug_plank said...

Are you saying Romo may possibly be a homersexual?

With the Giants beating Dallas, they become ESPN's favorite NFC team to fellate until November.


"Crown their ass!!!"

TheBigO said...

Bledsoe es un calambre en los testicales de burro.

Stupid cougar bastard.

Dave F'n Bates said...

"But...Schindler es bueno. Senor Burns es el diablo."

I know it's not Bumblebee Man, but I had to throw that in there...I laughed out loud just typing it.

epsknows said...

GGGGGGGGGGOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Whoops, wrong sport. Viva la revelucion. Dammit, wrong site.

Grimey said...

Russian: "For every terrible interception you throw, I cut off a finger."

Romo: "Mine or yours?"

Canadian Bobsled Champ said...

I'm not hungry, but I hear he makes good ribs. Anyone else in?

8hrdrive said...

Does TO tie into this somehow? He has to.

Intentional Safety said...

Oh, Drew. I think he believes, deep in his hamster wheel brain, he should still be starting for the Patriots.

the dude said...

Wait, wait, Cowboys controversy that has nothing to do *allegedly* with TO. Skip Bayless must be turing in his grave.

...and

A powerful tidal wave in Kuala Lumpur has killed one hundred and twenty people. Ay, chihuahua! Whoa, whoa,whoa!
Seriously I know too much Simpsons stuff.

Sadie said...

Well. As a Panther fan I have say I'm pleased with that verdict.

Poor TO. This might take some attention away from him.

Dan said...

Bobby: Irvin's looking good this year, huh, Dad?
Hank: Yep. I'm giving him an A minus.
Bobby: I'm giving him a B plus. That gives him some room to improve.
Hank: Good thinking, son.
Bobby: And I'm giving Troy Aikman a B plus, too.
Hank: That's not funny, Bobby.

Dan said...

Also...

Bobby: We're going to see the training camp of the Dallas Cowboys. They used to be in Austin till... well, you know. But like my dad says, "Cowboys will be Cowboys."
Hank: I say that in private, Bobby.

Internet Creatures said...

Either way, Jay Mariotti will tell us that he told us so.

Let's get Mariotti fired.

Sign the petition if you agree.

http://www.petitionspot.com/petitions/firemariotti

or Click Here

TBoone said...

I award you one brown star for excellent use of Spies Like Us dialogue.