Sunday, October 15, 2006

Raiders, weary of Randy Moss, suspend Jerry Porter

Citing mounting frustration at the antics of wide-receiver Randy Moss, the Oakland Raiders have suspended Jerry Porter for four games.

The final straw for Porter seems to have been Moss's seeming lack of effort on several key plays in last week's loss to San Francisco.

"We have to send a message to Randy that if he engages in behavior detrimental to this organization, then Jerry Porter will be held accountable," said head coach Art Shell. "You can't just do and say whatever you want without somebody else having to face the consequences of your actions."

Moss has been openly critical in the national media of the Raiders' coaching staff and his teammates, going as far as to openly invite a trade. Most recently, in response to criticism by Fox analyst Howie Long, Moss accused to the former Raider of being a drug-abuser.

"We regret that it had to come to this," Shell added, "but Randy has left us with no alternative but to make an example of someone-- and that someone is Jerry Porter."

For his part, Moss remains defiant, "I am going to keep speaking my mind-- they can suspend Jerry for the whole season if they want, but I'm going to keep being me."


mutoni said...

haha-it's just like in the army when someone screws up, and the whole platoon has to do pushups while he watches.

Rapist's Wit said...

Moss went on to say "Suspension? what's a suspension to me? I shake my dick at suspensions" and proceeded to demonstrate quite enthusiastically

JoSCh said...

Hey, is this a fake news/satire website? Holy crap, it is! Nice to see it back.

Claude Balls said...

Brilliant post. I am going to copy it and pass it along as my own.