Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Steve Irwin Memorial Meast of the Week - Week 5


Poor Mark Foley. That poor, poor disgraced Congressman. It's a terrible thing, when gayness infects a man like that. That's clearly what happened to Foley. It certainly wasn't his fault that he called teenage pages to ask them things like, "Have you ever tried on a scrotal cuff?" Foley wants you to know he's a gay man. But, more importantly, he wants you to know that he's fighting the gay with all his heart.

You see, Foley was infected with an insidious gay cancer that is the hallmark of the homosexual/secular/liberal/goat-blood-drinking special interest group agenda. This... this Gayvian flu was no doubt injected (anally) into Foley somewhere down the line. Once inside him, it corrupted his mind, replacing his old-fashioned GOP values with Scissor Sisters lyrics and a taste for both John Cameron Mitchell films and unholy adoption practices.

Gayness has transformed Foley from upstanding family man into the hideous monster you see today. So you see, that's why you need to vote Republican in November. Republicans recognize the damage that can be done when patriotic Americans try the Homoszechaun beef. We used to think gayness was a choice. No longer. Liberals have clearly created a gay-inducing serum that queers up anyone who comes into contact with it. Savages!

Do you want all your lawmakers to turn gay and transform Congress into some kind of disgusting gay trade fair, where riders have a whole new meaning and the Paddling Lobby exercises full control?! Because that's what would happen if you didn't vote Republican. These gaydanistas have managed to infest our most noble conservative lawmakers! The victimization is staggering! Who will they get their filthy, white-lace-gloved hands on next?

Still don't believe any of that? Think it's just spin? Well then, it's America's gay blood on your hands, people.

That's why we at KSK make it a point to nominate a Meast of the Week that is 150% heterosexual, with absolutely no traces of faggoty badness anywhere to be found. This week's meast? The Chicago Bears defense.


You won't find 11 less gay men anywhere in the world. They're tough. They're strong. They refuse to pay child support. And they all have asses so tight you could play squash against them. Thanks to these men, the Bears have held opponents to a league-low 36 points while scoring a league-leading 156. They have emerged as the dominant team in the NFL, and could now be considered favorites to win this year's Super Bowl in Miami.

And that's just what we need to knock some of the evil gay out of South Beach. Because, you see, the old Mark Foley would have wanted it that way.

27 comments:

doug_plank said...

Bear Down!!

Maybe Foley was stung by a gay bee.

Urlachers's baby mamma also is being sued by the Lord of the Dance Michael Flatley for extortion for a sexual harrasment suit against the Irish Two -stepper.

The gal gets around.

http://www.suntimes.com/news/metro/90288,CST-NWS-urlacher10.article

Roger said...

Was listening to NPR the other day and they gave a quote from the first direct Republican response to the Foley scandal. The source said two things.

-confirmed that Foley was gay
-stated that Foley was molested by a member of the clergy as a youth. Cause, you know, the guy's got to be gay due to some horrible trauma, right?

Well stated, Drew.

Fornelli said...

Ya, but the Bills were without Shaun Alexander, so it doesn't count.

TheBigO said...

Looks like Fornelli is suffering delusions brought on by the Gayvian flu. That was definatly one faggoty ass comment. I'll bet he shares Mr. Foleys affinity for 15 year old boy meast.

epsknows said...

Hahaha, you talked about the Bears' asses in a post about Homoszechaun beef. That's humor.

My boss also has Foley's attorney as one of his legal team. His damn divorce is costing me money so I can't be a Republican.

doug_plank said...

Roger-

Don't forget the alcohol also.

I'm waiting to hear next that his mother was scared by Noel Coward while he was in the womb.

SandisfieldStyleBBQ said...

I think anybody that feels really proud about either political party is gay, they both suck ass.

C. said...

Mark Foley should be punished for impugning the good name of booze like he did by going into rehab and claiming alcoholism as a reason for wanting to rumph 16-year-old boys.

JoSCh said...

I don't know, I saw several Bears defensive players put their sack on Hasselbeck, that's pretty gay.

Had to type pnmpzx, I'm sure that's internet-urban for straight pimp.

Jawbreaker said...

Bears = 36 PA
Broncos = 34 PA

Just sayin'...

Then again, the Broncos have Plummer, so that voids my entire argument.

CJ said...

Damned Anonymous. The Chargers are also at the 36 mark.

Fornelli said...

Anon-The Chargers and Broncos have only played 4 games. The Bears have played 5.

BigO-I'm suffering delusions? Last I checked McGahee is having a better year than the injured Alexander. Alexander in 2005=Great. In 2006=Above Average.

Captain Caveman said...

Hooray! Pointless third-party dick-measuring! Hey everybody -- the douchebag party is over here!

Fornelli said...

Nice to see your back CC.

Hey, you pointed us in this direction.

TheBigO said...

"McGahee is having a better year than the injured Alexander."

Really?? Wow McGahee is a stud. You know, Todd Heap has way more catches than the injured Jerramy Stevens, that's fuckin amazing. It's almost like one guy IS playing and another guy isn't.

TheBigO said...

Fornelli why are you looking at his back?? Gay much??

Fornelli said...

Have to respect somebody who's retort is "You're gay."

Well then let's look at McGahee's totals after three games, and Alexander's who played the first three games.

McGahee had 311 yards at 4.4 a carry.

Alexander had 187 yards at 2.9 a carry.

At some point you are going to have to realize that last season ended on that February Sunday in Detroit, and that in 2006 Alexander hasn't been that good. He's slowed by a foot injury, and misses both Steve Hutchinson and Pork Chop Womack.

Now go ahead and call me gay again. Just get it out of your system.

peytonloveskenny said...

Stephen Colbert would be proud.

TheBigO said...

The only reason I called you gay was because you told CC, that it was nice to see his back (not something one dude should say to another frickin dude), chill. Ok dude you win, Willis is having a better year, so far, than Shaun Alexander. Week 5 just ended, don't pop too quick.

swing4 said...

*yawn*

BoSox Siobhan said...

Swing - Aren't these boys cute when they fuss and fight like this? If they were only shirtless and well-oiled.

Otto Man said...

Say what you will, but I heard that the gayness was smuggled across the border by illegal Mexlamofascist terrorist appeasers who want to marry gay and wash dishes.

Won't someone think of the children?!?!?!

Uh, not you, congressman. Thanks.

The Angry Rant said...

Wow. That's an awful lot of flying fur and estrogen on an NFL-themed website.

Son of Brasky said...

Fornelli, shame on you for forgetting the apostrophe.

Fornelli said...

Aren't these boys cute when they fuss and fight like this? If they were only shirtless and well-oiled.

I was totally willing to do this but he already thought I was gay enough as it is. I didn't wanna stoke the fires.

gymclassheroes said...

um, I'm gay.

-Chris "where is my spleen now?" Simms

anon said...

BigO calls everyone gay, lists favorite movie as The Harder They Come...

Too easy.

One Love, Dread.