Poor Mark Foley. That poor, poor disgraced Congressman. It's a terrible thing, when gayness infects a man like that. That's clearly what happened to Foley. It certainly wasn't his fault that he called teenage pages to ask them things like, "Have you ever tried on a scrotal cuff?" Foley wants you to know he's a gay man. But, more importantly, he wants you to know that he's fighting the gay with all his heart.
You see, Foley was infected with an insidious gay cancer that is the hallmark of the homosexual/secular/liberal/goat-blood-drinking special interest group agenda. This... this Gayvian flu was no doubt injected (anally) into Foley somewhere down the line. Once inside him, it corrupted his mind, replacing his old-fashioned GOP values with Scissor Sisters lyrics and a taste for both John Cameron Mitchell films and unholy adoption practices.
Gayness has transformed Foley from upstanding family man into the hideous monster you see today. So you see, that's why you need to vote Republican in November. Republicans recognize the damage that can be done when patriotic Americans try the Homoszechaun beef. We used to think gayness was a choice. No longer. Liberals have clearly created a gay-inducing serum that queers up anyone who comes into contact with it. Savages!
Do you want all your lawmakers to turn gay and transform Congress into some kind of disgusting gay trade fair, where riders have a whole new meaning and the Paddling Lobby exercises full control?! Because that's what would happen if you didn't vote Republican. These gaydanistas have managed to infest our most noble conservative lawmakers! The victimization is staggering! Who will they get their filthy, white-lace-gloved hands on next?
Still don't believe any of that? Think it's just spin? Well then, it's America's gay blood on your hands, people.
That's why we at KSK make it a point to nominate a Meast of the Week that is 150% heterosexual, with absolutely no traces of faggoty badness anywhere to be found. This week's meast? The Chicago Bears defense.
You won't find 11 less gay men anywhere in the world. They're tough. They're strong. They refuse to pay child support. And they all have asses so tight you could play squash against them. Thanks to these men, the Bears have held opponents to a league-low 36 points while scoring a league-leading 156. They have emerged as the dominant team in the NFL, and could now be considered favorites to win this year's Super Bowl in Miami.
And that's just what we need to knock some of the evil gay out of South Beach. Because, you see, the old Mark Foley would have wanted it that way.