Monday, October 30, 2006

Uday Think Gonna Beat Them Bengals?


I watched yesterday's games with a handful of Bengals fans (including my friend Chris Knight of This Charming Fan), which means that there was a lot of shared empathy going around at 4 p.m. Thankfully, by seven o'clock, Roethlisberger had thrown four picks on the way to a Steelers loss against the Raiders, which buoyed our spirits nicely.

If I had to pick a silver lining to the cloud of shittiness that is Comcast's Sunday Ticket-less stranglehold on NYC, I'd say that it's watching the games in bars. Spending my Sundays sharing my grief or joy in a social environment -- as opposed to the cocoon of misery when I watch the Seahawks by myself -- is about the only worthwhile aspect to this shitty, shitty monopoly comprised of shitty shit shittiness.

Yesterday's venue was The Turkey's Nest, a humble but relatively clean dive across the street from McCarran Park, which straddles the hipster Mecca of Williamsburg and the quiet, Polish neighborhood of Greenpoint. One o'clock was a little bit early after last night's Halloween festivities----but we managed to get to the Nest having missed only half of the first quarter. Even though I was hung over and starving, I took advantage of the drink special: 32-ounce Coors Light (official beer of the NFL!), served in a styrofoam cup.

The crowd:

- The Turkey's Nest softball team. This was a bunch of guys who were all about five-eight, 210 pounds. They carried a lot of gristle on their frames, spoke at least 30 decibels louder than necessary, and addressed each other as "ya fahckin' BASTID." I kind of liked them.

- Hipster Eagles fans. Understand one thing: caring about anything, especially something as masculine as sports, is terrible for hipster cred, but I give these guys props. They were wearing not jerseys, but threadbare vintage Eagles T-shirts that were a solid 15-20 years old. When you can stay true to both your team AND your urban fashion sensibilities, I salute you.

- Assorted drunks/barflies. There were some old guys nursing glasses of whiskey at the bar. If they had seats at the bar, that means they arrived before 1 p.m. in order to drink hard liquor, straight up. Yikes. I may be a drunk, but those guys have a problem.

- One (1) Hasidic Jew. I'd joke that he was cheering for Sage Rosenfels, but c'mon: Sage Rosenfels doesn't cheer for Sage Rosenfels.


- Hipster Chiefs fans. These anorexic, unshaven excuses for men showed up halfway through the third quarter in their 28-inch-waist skinny jeans and would do this aspirate "Chiefs!" cheer that sounded like a sneeze. They were even too cowardly to taunt me after the Seahawks lost. Bitches.

- Three (3) women: a Bengals fan whose boyfriend looked like Fred Savage with a white trash-'stache, a hipster Eagles fan (old-school Eagles sweatshirt) with a femme-mullet, and a blonde Bears fan with hypnotic sandbags. She made me want to go bubbadibubbadibubbaduh.

In conclusion, I will give $5000 to the first person to go back in time and murder John Mellencamp before he can record that Chevy song. Also, Larry Johnson is a son of a bitch.

17 comments:

swing4 said...

Please tell me that chicken costume was rented, not owned.

Zach Landres-Schnur said...

you guys fucking see mellencamp perform that song of his -- the one about our motherfucking country -- at the world series?

awful. glad someone else notices.

BJ said...

Larry Johnson is a fucking mofo. The only person worse than LJ is a pissed of LDT who tries to show him up....

Unsilent Majority said...

Are you sure the Iggle fans weren't just wearing this t shirt
http://www.coolestshop.com/retrosport-eagles.html

the dude said...

One time I was with Johnson in the back of a pickup truck, along with a live deer. Johnson goes up to the deer and says, 'I'm Larry Johnson! SAY IT!' Then he manipulates the deer's lips in such a way as to make it say, 'Larryjohnson' ... It wasn't exactly like it, but it was pretty good for a deer!

Big Jim Slade said...

I was lucky enough to watch yesterday's shit show next to a table of NASCAR lesbians. I should've known I was in for a Rumphing from the get go...

Dat RoRo Kid said...

That John Mellencamp song is making me want to NOT watch Sunday Night Football. Does it REALLY need to be played during EVERY SINGLE COMMERCIAL BREAK?!?!

You should come out to PJ Leahy's in Long Island City...that's where me and some boys watch Dolphins games - then promptly shit into our 2nd half white russians at the hopelessness of it all.

Son of Brasky said...

As bad as the Chevy/mellcrap commercials are, the new "Lebrons" commercial is about as good of a commercial as we're going to get.

Satchmo said...

There was a new Mellencamp/Chevy spot yesterday, it seems (at least it was new to me). Instead of Rosa Parks and Hurricane Katrina, there was Pee-Wee football alternated with shots of pro and college ball.

It didn't make the song any better.

Monday Morning Punter said...

John Mellencamp: doesn't he own the Philadelphia Suck?

Bender said...

Bon Jovi owns the Suck, or whatever they're called, with Jaworski.

Thinking...

Thinking...

Philadelphia Soul. Thats what they're called. Yeah. There's my contribution for the day

Dat RoRo Kid said...

Yea, that Lebron commercial is some hot shit...the synth they got going on during the final dive sequence is nice. That's some tight work.

JoSCh said...

Hey, if'n you don't Mellencamp, then you don't like 'Merica... and you kin git out.

Had to type otydway, which is weird, made me think of Uday, and he's top o' the post. It's all circular.

BigTDog said...

Is there any way we can threaten to not buy Chevys if they keep playing that commercial?

Bad Becks said...

At least it sounds like you didn't have to look at Raiders fans there. There's nothing more pathetic than wearing spiked shoulder pads and bringing a sword to a bar.

anon said...

> As bad as the Chevy/mellcrap commercials are, the new "Lebrons" commercial is about as good of a commercial as we're going to get.

> Yea, that Lebron commercial is some hot shit...the synth they got going on during the final dive sequence is nice. That's some tight work.

Super ditto.

moses said...

im pretty sure that direct tv has an exclusive deal with the nfl for the sunday ticket, so comcast pretty much has no way to offer you the sunday ticket.

i believe the direct tv deal ends in 2010 or 2011 so it aint changing any time soon.