Tuesday, October 31, 2006

The KSK NFL Halloween Costume Bukkake


You're stuck in your office right now, and chances are the only person who dressed up for Halloween is that one fat broad in accounting. She probably also brought in candy, ostensibly for the office, but really so she can gorge herself.

A quick note on Halloween candy. The following candy is acceptable at Halloween: Reese's, M&M's, Snickers, Kit Kat and Twix. Give out anything else and you deserve to have your house egged and shit on. Three Musketeers and Milky Way are just subpar versions of Snickers. Hershey's Miniatures suck because you have to dig for Krackels and Special Darks. Mounds, Almond Joy and Nestle Crunch are all right. But really, those first five candy bars are what everyone really wants. So get you ass to CVS a week early next year if you don't have these. Don't fuck around.

Anyway, time to play a little game. Since Deadspin has been infected with "the gay" today, it's now our job to give you a little commenting fun. It's the KSK NFL Halloween Costume Bukkake! Just think of a good costume for the NFL personality of your choice and list it below. Some suggestions:

Mike Nolan: The Fuhrer

Shawne Merriman: Sammy Sosa

Troy Polamalu: Rae Dawn Chong

Donovan McNabb: Stan Marsh

Nick Harper: Steve Irwin

Will Leitch: poorly dressed Ferris Bueller

Alex Balk: Jeff Garcia

Daunte Culpepper: An actual football player

Peyton Manning: Eric "Stumpy Joe" Childs

Terrell Owens: A heterosexual

Drew Rosenhaus: Fagin

Suzy Kolber: A man

Grady Jackson: Gilbert Brown

Gregg Easterbrook: Mel Gibson

Bill Simmons: Bish

Leonard Little: Ted Kennedy

You get the idea. Best ideas will be included in the update. Enjoy!

61 comments:

Suss & The Family Stone said...

Unsilent Majority: Larry David

Engineer Sighted said...

Bill Cowher: Jay Leno

Rob I said...

Mark Brunell: Halloween is sacrilegious. No costume.

moe "simon metz" berg said...

berman:grimace

Grimey said...

Michael Irvin: Mushmouth

Grimey said...

Joselio Hanson: A gasoline pump

Awful Chief said...

Madden: Jabba the Hut

Revenge of Jobu's Stolen Rum said...

Matt Leinart: a concerned and active father figure

Unsilent Majority said...

suss- that's amazing, but i have the hair of a god

Suss & The Family Stone said...

Placido Polanco: A bag of potatoes

Suss & The Family Stone said...

Unsilent, so you're not a

BALD ASSHOLE

HofC said...

Bill Parcells: Pamela Anderson

Eric said...

Ben Roethlisberger: Chunk from the Goonies (http://static.flickr.com/59/179070776_d0e6e92bd5_o.jpg)
Joe Theisman: Mark Schlereth
Michael Irvin: Jesse Jackson
Mark Clayton: Professor from the Muppets (http://www.mouseinfo.com/california-adventure/hollywood/attractions/muppets/2001muppetph9.jpg)
Sean Salsbury: Beaker (see above)
Michael Strahan: New pre-game anchor on Fox (can't find a pic or a name)
Brad Johnson: Aron Ralston (http://www.ullstein-buchverlage.de/media/0000012289.jpg)
Drew Bledsoe: Bristlecone Pine (http://www.nps.gov/archive/grba/graphics/JPGS/bristleconebig.jpg)
David Carr: Andrew Walter
Andrew Walter: David Carr

HofC said...

Deadspin Commenter: Fucking Running Dinosaur

peytonloveskenny said...

Denny Green: A football coach

gymclassheroes said...

Gawker: Turdfurter

HofC said...

Peter Angelos: Steaming pile of maggot-covered dog shit

KillBillWirtz said...

Chad Johnson : Grace Jones

Big Jim Slade said...

Warren Moon: Norman Smiley

Smello said...

Mario Williams: Reggie Bush

The Dude said...

Matt Leinart: A Condom

Smello said...

Chris Simms plus guys whose initials are tattooed on his leg: Charlie's Angels

Monday Morning Punter said...

Big Jim, that's pronounced "es-my-LAY"

Revenge of Jobu's Stolen Rum said...

Stephen A. Smith: A LIBRARIAN!

TheBigSecret said...

Joey Harrington: Matt Saracen

Grimey said...

Fred Smoot: Darth Maul

Monday Morning Punter said...

Mike Shanahan: Templeton from Charlotte's Web.

HofC said...

Really? A Charlotte's Web reference? Okay sure.

One question: I thought this site was the sanctuary to Deadspin's gayness today?

C.W. said...

The Barber Twins: The Smothers Brothers

Joe Buck: Dean Wormer

The Angry Rant said...

Art Shell: The Blob

Cameron (Go Lions) said...

Chris Henry: Police Officer

Michael Strahan: Mike Tyson

C. said...

Terrence Kiel: DJ Screw.
Randy Moss: Animal (continuing any muppet theme)
Clinton Portis: himself.
Donovan McNabb: T.O.
Edgerrin James: An NFL running back.

Monday Morning Punter said...

Since when is Charlotte's Web gay? Zuckerman's famous pig and all that shit? Gay? It's not like we posted a pic of Bob the Builder fucking one of the Teletubbies.

Shit. Tough room.

Fornelli said...

Bill Belicheck-A bong

one time poster said...

Peyton Manning: Renee Zellweger

The Angry Rant said...

Chad Johnson: Ruby Rhod

HofC said...

Fine. Its not really gay.

But there are only two valid reasons for quoting Charlotte's Web: 1) you are 8 years old and are reading it for the first time 2) you are a parent of an 8 year old who is reading it for the first time

Monday Morning Punter said...

I didn't quote it, but point taken.

HofC said...

That being said, when I was 8 years old - I loved that book.

Zach Landres-Schnur said...

Dennis Green: a crown
TO: a giant penis
Matt Leinart: a condom
Tom Brady: Matt Damon
Brian Urlacher: a herpes breakout

"Hot" Carl Monday said...

Buzzsaw: The Bengals four years ago

Dennis Green and his neck fat: Quatto from Total Recall

Amare Stoudamire: Chris Webber or Penny Hardaway

Barbaro: Elmer's Glue

HofC said...

My wife: The nurse below this post

No joke here, just a wish on my part....

Big AL said...

Randy Moss - Geronimo

Nope said...

John Clayton - Jimmy from South Park


Kyle Orton - Matt Leinart

8hrdrive said...

Joe Buck: a dildo that shoots life-like jizz

Tim McCarver: towel/umbrella

The General said...

Brian Urlacher: Michael Flatley, Lord of the Dance

BigRicks said...

Michael Cooper : Super Sperm Man

Nope said...

Sean Salisbury - Bill Tannen from Back to the Future

Nope said...

*Biff

BigRicks said...

Michael Kay : George Steinbrenner's rectum with a pair of legs hanging out (sorry for the baseball reference)

Al Davis : Skeletor

Chris Simms: He-Man (Strictly for the homoeroticsm, not for the heroism)

one time poster said...

Chris Henry: R. Kelly

the dude said...

Tirico, Theeeeezman, and Kornhieser : The Three Stooges

Ted Washington: A neutron Star that grew so big it collapsed into a black hole

Brad Johnson: Baby New Year

Skip Bayless: Satan

Doc Medich said...

Chris Simms & Kyle Shanahan = Ace & Gary, the Ambiguously Gay Duo

Bill Parcells' fupa = Charlie Weiss' fupa

Will Leitch = Boston Legal-era James Spader

J.L. White said...

Ben Roethlisberger = Mummy

(This may be a better idea for Halloween next year, when Big Ben's body will already been fully wrapped in gauze.)

Christmas Ape said...

I have no costume ideas to contribute, but I just picked up three bixes of BooBerry from the grocery store. I love Halloween.

Christmas Ape said...

ahem, boxes...'tis BooBerry on the brain, y'see

Chairface Chippendale said...

Mike Cooper: Carl Monday

He'll hide in real Carl's shrubs all day. Just waiting. Waiting for him to slip up. Is he looking at that little girl in the cat costume funny? He is, isn't he? I've got you now, Monday.

Matt said...

Art Shell: a statue

rock_n_rye said...

Charles Rogers: Michael Westbrook

Shawne Merriman: Lyle Alzado

Hines Ward: Kim Jong Il

Peyton Manning: Alex Balk

Matt Millen : a flaming pile of shit (not a costume idea, more of an observation)

Mayor McRib said...

David Carr = Ryan Leaf
Micheal Irvin = Pookie from New Jack City
Joe Theisman = Gaping Flesh Wound
Mike Tirico = Band aid that wont cover the flesh wound.
Culpepper = Invisible Man
Shawn Alexander = A guy that ruins my fantasy football season
'06 Bears = '85 Bears

booster said...

Donovan McNabb = Steamin' Willie Beamon
Eli Manning = Peyton Manning
Eric Mangini = Peter Griffin
Romeo Crennel = Denny Green
Shawne Merriman = Barry Bonds