Thursday, June 28, 2007

KSK Birthday Wishes From Gregg Easterbrook!


Birthday parties were created in the early 1800’s as part of a pagan ritual. Today they have become overly excessive excuses to indulge children with materialistic baubles. Why, TMQ asks, do we not celebrate the person instead of the gifts? KSK, you were brought on this earth by your Lord and Maker, and it is best not to lose sight of that.

And, if you were wondering who the Lord and Maker is, it’s yours truly. I’m so fucking smart I can create matter simply by concentrating.

KSK Errs Near As Often As The August NYT: Often days like this are referred to as “Bukkake Days”, assuming the word bukkake means any sort of group activity. But it does not. Bukkake strictly means group ejaculation on someone buried neck-up in sand. It’s a very narrow definition. TMQ does not like straying outside of boundaries. It is unhealthy. We must follow them or risk being forever a lost generation.

Why O Why Are You Swearing?: TMQ has noticed an incredible amount of profanity on this website. TMQ appreciates that comedy is hard, largely because TMQ wouldn’t know funny from a raccoon’s asshole. But swearing is the lazy man’s way of getting a cheap, easy laugh. Surely, the comedy stylings of Bill Engvall have taught us swearing needn’t be necessary?


I’m Not a Creepy Old Man Because I’m Christian And A Deep Thinker: Today’s cheerbabes are Nikki, Jenny, and Charlotte. Because I only masturbate to partially clothed women instead of fully nude women, I can retain my moral superiority over all of you.

Happy Birthday, KSK. If you stay out past midnight, you’re contributing to the decay of society. There’s no need to assist the Jews in our eventual downfall.

25 comments:

BeaverFever said...

what no "stat of the week" ?

and before i forget happy birthday.

Skin Patrol said...

Happy birthday KSK. In the movie Knocked Up, they show a big vagina during the birth. I hope you guys do not show a big vagina during the birth (day).

Brother Joshua said...

i have no proof of this, but i am almost sure that easterbrook is one of those "christians" who deny the deity of christ and all the miracles he did in the bible.

BeaverFever said...

what kind of christian denies the miracles of Christ ? i thought the miracle thing was one of Christ's selling points.

Shan said...

WithLeather has a pretty cool post wishing KSK happy burfday, in case anybody hasnt made their way over.

Rob I said...

As the one year anniversary approached, yours truly said aloud "Verily, the football gods will smile upon this website for dirtbags."

Ron said...

With Leather wishing KSK a happy birthday? Now why in THE hell would they do that?
Happy B-Day KSK!
Oh, TMQ, since I laugh at swearing, does that make me a lazy man's commenter, and a cheap, easy laugher? Discuss...

Co60 said...

Happy B-day.

Matt said...

+1 for adding the Jew comment at the end.

Tuesday Morning Pretentious Douchebaggery remains among my top 5 KSK posts of all time. Incredible.

Peter McSheisty said...

Let the bukkake begin, I brought my umbrella. Happy birthday bitches!

I pray for a b-day Vick post.

Otto Man said...

Bukkake strictly means group ejaculation on someone buried neck-up in sand.

"Sand? You ate sand?"

Wormfather said...

Oh now I'm excited, there will WITHOUT A DOUBT be a PK and a BS post. No doubt in my mind whatsoever.

You also forgot to include a This concludes my obligation to say something about [enter sucky team here] blurb. I fucking hate that dude. I made it to the end of one of his articles once and then shot my mom, he's just immpossible, he's like reading Ayn Rand's football prospectus every week.

...dont get me wrong, I liked atlas shrugged, but still.

Oh and happy birthiversary.

Yak said...

TMQ:

"Stop me before I jizz again!"

Co60 said...

@Peter McSheisty
you might want to wear a raincoat also, i have a feeling the bukkake could get very heavy here today.

Ghost of Carl Monday said...

happy birthday, KSK. I look forward to getting nothing done today at work except for mashing the F5 key to see if there has been an update.

Dave said...

Fuck Gregg Easterbrook!

HAHAHAHAHA!

Weed Against Speed said...

Easterbrook's columns are consistently the Sour Read of the Week.

Buck-Buck-Brawckkkkkkk!

Brother Joshua said...

@beaverfever: yeah, it's weird and sort of self-defeating. but they're out there. but this isn't the place for me to talk about my religion.

Dat RoRo Kid said...

Sour Play of the Week: On a 3rd and 3, KSK elected to take a bong rip and jerk it to their old high school girlfriend! Incontheivable!

Johnny Cockring said...

Easterbrook shits with the light off.

TheNaturalMevs said...

Gregg Easterjew reminds me of Gregory Peck, in the fact that both have last names that would lead you to believe they aren't jewish, and looks.

BigFootFool said...

Bukkake day with the NFL Cheerleaders, I'm there... Bukkake with Gregg Easterbrook... not so much

Andrew said...

Aww, you forgot the Battlestar Galactica reference!

*My super sweet 16*THIS IS THE WORST BIRTHDAY EVER! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU!*/My super sweet 16*

BeaverFever said...

andrew, have you seen that sweet 16 clip on youtube with the girl freaking out because she got her car too early ? that is some fucked up shit.

@bro. joshua, agreed on the religion thing. football is more fun.

Jackin'4Beats said...

If you stay out past midnight, you’re contributing to the decay of society. There’s no need to assist the Jews in our eventual downfall.

Unsilent Majority will begin kicking your ass after he sews up your ass and keeps feedin you, and feedin' you and feedin' you.