NFL Europa, the football league that plays all of its games in Europa, may be the latest casualty of The Roger Goodell Experience, as the commissioner may be pushing the NFL owners to go Terri Schiavo on the six-team league after World Bowl XV.
The NFL's merry band of consultants were brought in earlier this year to assess the value of the league. Their findings were made available to all media outlets, including KSK. We present those findings in their entirety below:
Not everyone, however, is eager to see the junior league gets its feeding tube pulled. Proponents have praised the league and claim it to be necessary for developing young quarterbacks in uniforms that challenge their heterosexuality. Advocates of the league were relieved to learn that most players were paid too little to own a car in Europe, and could only get DUIs from stealing vehicles from the local villagers. The little children in the community enjoyed appearing in the United Verplempern commercials. And the German women finally felt petite.
The league, which opened play as the World League of American Football in 1991, has been unable to acheive the international presence it had hoped, as teams based in foreign destinations such as London, Barcelona, and Columbus, OH were unsustainable. The league reportedly will lose $1 million dollars per team this year. Oh, boo hoo, I didn't realize it was gonna cost you guys, like, 4 games of Drew Bledsoe to keep this fucker open. You're gonna put the mockers on this league just because Nigel and Pierre don't see the games? They keep all those fucking museums open over there, and nobody ever goes to see them.
Suddenly I feel bad for all these years of pointing my nose up at all those shit teams when I cycled through the menu screen in Madden. Not that I should give a shit about the Rhein Fire, ever, especially for its own sake.
That reminds me, Did Europe ever pay us back for the fucking Marshall Plan? Fuck no, they didn't. But now, with their own shitty league about to go tits-up, they want OUR teams to come and play in THEIR countries? Don't they still have the plague and shit going on over there?
I mean, holy shit, why do we put anything in Europe, anyway? With that jungle climate? I mean, you could be attacked by a panda bear or a koala at any given moment. And I hear the antelope there are a bitch, too. Although I'm told that their dentists are exceptional. And that their women shave regularly...