Wednesday, June 20, 2007

...and you thought MNF sucked last year

Surely you remember when ESPN first introduced their "B Team" for the Monday Night Football broadcast last season. Let me refresh your memory, they were the ones that didn't suck enormous rhinoceros cock. Seeing as how Ron Jaworkski, the star of that talented less shitty broadcast, has been tapped to replace The Theez ESPN had to assemble a new crew to broadcast the back end of the Week 1 doubleheader. Well Norby the Mixed-Up Television Executive has made his choice--and it isn't pretty...

Two of these men are heading for the broadcast booth, the other two have to get back to the bathhouse.



Yeah, because who among us wasn't getting enough Mike & Mike in our lives? But wait! There's more!

ESPN is set to unveil a second Monday Night Football announcing team today: play-by-play Mike Greenberg, analysts Mike Golic and Mike Ditka and sideline reporter Bonnie Bernstein.


How can you not respect this guy?!?!



Oh fuck you Norby! What did we ever do to deserve this crap. It's bad enough when these three get together on the radio, do we really need them in a booth? One's a jewy metrosexual, one's a fat meathead, and the other one is a possibly senile psychopath who's never put together a complete sentence of logical analysis. Apparently this is the future of ESPN broadcasting; that sound you heard was Awful Announcing swallowing his glock.

The guys are obviously thrilled with the news (even that delusional fucktard Golic who probably still thinks he should have gotten the main job last year) and they've already commented on the new gig.

Golic, the former NFL defensive tackle, says MNF is the "Valhalla job" of sportscasting. When asked about rising to that assignment, he says: "Who would say no? If given the opportunity I'd love to do it. But they have an excellent crew there now."

Oh that it were the "Valhalla job." At least then Golic would be dead, and that would be heavenly for all of us.

Golic says Kornheiser is "a tough bird to figure out." But Greenberg, who has supported Kornheiser on air as a fellow non-athlete in an industry dominated by ex-jocks, expects him to be in the booth for many years.

Wow Golic, you can practically smell the envy on your breath. Envy and ham.

"I want Tony to do that job as long as he wants to do it. Then when he retires, I want them to give it to me," says Greenberg, who'll milk a cow live on air Thursday morning after losing his annual bet to Golic on the NCAA basketball tournament.

I got nothin'. That second sentence tells you everything you need to know about this debacle. Just thank God that it's only one shitty game and not an entire shitty season...for now.


ESPN tabs Greenberg, Golic to head second MNF team

41 comments:

Otto Man said...

Lay off! Golic's wife says he's not as disgusting as he used to be!

Hmm. Considering how disgusting he is right now, it's scary to think he was once much worse.

throwbot said...

While Mike & Mike certainly lick taint, the idea that Ditka is going to broadcast a game blows my mind. He sounds like a brain-damaged veteran, sputtering out sentence fragments and expectorating all over the microphone.

However, if Bonnie Bernstein skanks it up, all is forgiven

BeaverFever said...

i think that golic might actually do a good job. could he be any worse than who they have now or have had in the past ?

also, the gay picture trend continues. the 2 shirtless guys in that picture = gaaaaaaay ! the tennis raquets are a dead give away.

Big Daddy Drew said...

Ditka says the Bears defense is strong and tough. That's good insight.

Awful Announcing- said...

God I can't wait...and if you want a preview ESPN says you get one...

The three Mike’s will be making their debut in the MNF booth, though Greenberg and Golic have been ESPN’s top commentator team for Arena Football League games this season, including the upcoming ArenaBowl XXI in New Orleans on July 29.

Whew...and to think that they weren't going to get any practice.

larry burns said...

I know this is going to get people pissed at me but i actually like mike and mike.

oh and italian airports blow.

K said...

Lay off Golic, people! He was great on Saved By the Bell: The College Years.





Wrong Golic? Shit.

Burnsy said...

Mike and Mike's next ESPN show? "Bear and Cub" and trust me it ain't gonna be featured on ESPN Outdoors.

Someone put another mark on the chalkboard for homotastic leadoff images.

WV: oaleoh... exactly.

BeaverFever said...

and out ofleft field, "italian airports blow."

Burnsy said...

And P.S., is that Chris Jericho on the left?

BeaverFever said...

not sure if that is jericho on the left but the guy on the right looks like peter garrett from midnight oil.

Signal to Noise said...

And Bonnie Bernstein has to be the sideline reporter to save this train wreck waiting to happen?

Not even the hotness that is BB will make the JV team tolerable.

larry burns said...

beaver a five hour delay on a hard metal chair has lkeft me without the capcaity to monitor myself when i type random thigns about italy. sorry. there was a valve problem we were supposed to take off at 2 (it was my bros bday and i wanted to get home for that) buit instead we took off after 7.

rant over

Unsilent Majority said...

I think it might be RVD and some crazy clone of Peter Garrett and Henry Abbott. I call him...Henter Abbett.

BoSox Siobhan said...

One is gay and one is fat. I get it.
But in all seriousness, Greenberg wears way more makeup than I do. Maybe even more than the trannie sweetie-pie in the post below this one.

BoSox Siobhan said...

@larry burns:
"valve problem" = Ignatius Reilly where I'm sitting.

larry burns said...

@bosox

I don;t get it?

flubby said...

@ siobhan

Agreed, an utter lack of proper theology and geometry.

BeaverFever said...

rant warranted larry.

glad to see UM agrees with me that there is a peter garrett resemblence there on the bald dude in the pic.

BoSox Siobhan said...

@larry: Did you ever read "Confederacy of Dunces"?
If not, read it now! Ignatius has more than a few problems, not the least of which are issues with his "valve".

The Kid said...

June 2008:
ESPN has just announced that this year's MNF crew will be Skip Bayless, Peter King, and Stephen A Smith, with sideline commentary from that chick who hosts Around The Horn, Tony Reali

Unsilent Majority said...

I just had to watch the video for The Dead Heart...nostagiarific!

Unsilent Majority said...

larry burns- get thee to a bookstore

Burnsy said...

@ The Kid

That just gave me a fucking seizure.

larry burns said...

@bosox

no but i will now.

The Kid said...

@burnsy i do what i can

@larry b
i have no idea what these old bastards are talking about either. When i was born, that asshole sammy hagar was just on the verge of ruining a great rock band

albaNY Hawker said...

Couldn't have said it better myself!

BeaverFever said...

UM, funny you said that about the deadheart video. i put on dreamworld from diesel and dust on my ipod and listened to that. nostagiarific!, indeed.

Vanilla said...

File this under "things I should probably keep to myself" but I like Mike & Mike.

From the other side of town said...

There’s still Bryant “oh that’s what they mean by hashmarks” Gumble and Chris “I’m an Adam’s apple away from being a hot tranny” Colinsworth on the NFL network to keep Mike & Mike & Co. from being the worst train wreck out there.

brad said...

You know who I would like to work an MNF game but won't because his personality is not big enough?

Ron Franklin, the guy who did the Saturday night college games on ESPN and I think he used to do the Vikings preseason games.

He's just a solid broadcaster who doesn't think people are tuning in to see him; he knows that the GAME'S the thing.

Matthew said...

Way to ruin the 49ers' return to MNF. I'm so glad I'll be going to that game instead of watching it on TV.

brad said...

@from the other side of town

That's the only reason I thank God I don't get NFL Network at my house.

Michael Beckwith said...

I agree with you. Though it is a fucking catastrophe, at least its only for one night...we hope. I want to know what was wrong with Patrick and Vermeil? Shit, you don't even need a 3rd man with them in there.

Dude, fuck it...

Michael said...

I know I am in the minority here, but I actually like Mike & Mike. Now Ditka, not so much (but I am a Saints fan, and he left a sour taste in my mouth during and after his tenure).

Jez said...

Boy, I sure am glad I have options on sportstalk in the morning. Mike North might be the most uneducated hot dog vendor in the universe, but at least he's talking about Chicago sports and not the Yankees or Red Sox.

The Kid said...

@Jez
Am I sensing some animosity towards sports talk in boston and new york

Special Agent Dale Cooper said...

Who would ever have thought that John Madden would be sorely missed on MNF?! Bring the incoherency back please

JAMMQ said...

WTF!?!?!?!?!

Does ESPN actively TRY to aggravate every sport fan everywhere?

Fuck!

Mike Greenberg speaks like the guy in the "micro-machines" commercials from when I was a kid. It's like listening to an epileptic stutterer on 15 cups of coffee by 7 a.m.

I hate ESPN so much. Where the fuck is Roger Goodell now? Vick can't fight dogs because it might turn off fans, but ESPN can assemble the most annoying broadcasting team possible? Fuck You.

(Sorry, but I fucking can't stand Mike & Mike.)

Jez said...

@The Kid

I'm just saying that the Yankees have the YES Network, so how come it seems that the only teams on Sunday Night baseball are the Yankees and the Red Sox. Is it true that ESPN stands for Eastern Seaboard Programming Network?

The Lantern said...

@Otto man:

Dude, That was John Kruk's wife that said he was less disgusting.