Thursday, June 21, 2007

Of Kenny Irons And Portable Midgets For Human Trafficking



And suddenly, Kenny Irons of the Bengals is our favorite player. Reader Joel W. explains:

A few weeks ago I was working check-in at LAX airport for the rookie conference held in LA. JaMarcus Russell never said a word, Dwayne Jarrett dissed Keyshawn, and Bengals running back Kenny Irons brought more luggage than I've ever seen in my life. I asked him what was in the luggage, an innocent question, which prompted Kenny to hoist the luggage and proudly proclaim,

"I got a midget in here to suck my dick."

Long live the Bengals!


Yes, but did he pack his bags, or did someone pack them for him? You never know how a dwarf prostitute will get into your Samsonite. I know a similar problem plagues Pedro Martinez on road trips.

On a side note, the contest entries from you readers have been absolutely stellar of late (except for you, LadyAndrea). So much so that we will be creating a second nonkeeper league for the runners up. I need two leagues anyhow. So thank you for doing a complete 180 and giving us some fun tips during the summer doldrums. It’s user-generated content! Like Al Gore’s Current network, only with midgets sucking your dick!

20 comments:

BeaverFever said...

"I got a midget in here to suck my dick." , i'll have to remember that one next time soemone asks me what i have in my bag.

Unsilent Majority said...

MIDGET NIPPLE!

Biggus Rickus said...

They confiscated my midget at Hartsfield last time I tried to get on a plane with it. Fucking preferential treatment.

wrecking_ball said...

"Does Aquafina make a dog-sized bottle?"

- Michael Vick

Jordan Ginsberg said...

Runaway Midget on DVD? Really?

How in the hell did they turn that book into a movie?

The Kid said...

Runaway Midget:
The Story of Eric Mangini after a sub-.500 07-08 season

Wormfather said...

@the kid, Mangini isnt a midgit, he's a fucking penguin, get it right! Damnit, show some respek.

BeaverFever said...

bridget the midget has been on the howard stern show many times. she is a legend in midget porn, the jenna jameson of midget porn stars if you will. back to porn we go.

Big Daddy Drew said...

Jordan wins.

Wormfather said...

How come this shit always ends up in porn. I could start talking about Jesus and we'd end up talking about some porn star that Johnny Damion layed.

I like that about this site.

Grimey said...

Hopefully he learned at the rookie conference that you should never check your midget luggage... always keep them in your carry-on.

BeaverFever said...

over a half hour without a comment. don't tell me people are actually getting work done.

Otto Man said...

Alright, since we're desperate -- the midget angle got this movie line stuck in my head.

Sam said...

What's it say in the Bible? "Let he without sin toss the first dwarf"? Right?

Dweeze said...

Image search. Right. Like that's not from your personal collection.

The Kid said...

if even a third of these stories are true, then im completely satisfied. if the roethlisberger story is true, then my life is complete

The Pirate Sloth said...

You know - I could use a handy midget, what with my traveling every week.

Like this week in lovely Cincinnati. I've stayed in my hotel room to avoid being shot, stabbed, and/or mugged by a Bengal. I could use a good midget to help pass the time.

And by the way, Skyline Cincinnati chili sucks my balls. I tried it after all these years of listening to people talk so highly of it, and it completely sucks balls. It's some of the worst tasting shit I have ever had in my life. It's so bad, I had to try it again tonight, and a completely different place.

Different joint; same runny, watered down, bland, unimaginative slop. This stuff is so bad that I've run out of adjectives to describe it.

Otto Man said...

Skyline Chili was created for people who think normal chili is too tangy, too delicious, and too devoid of crappy macaroni. It has all the charm of Spaghetti-Os and all the taste of haggis.

You know, I wouldn't be surprised if the Bengals players are getting into so much trouble lately just to make people start associating the city of Cincinnati with wanton crime instead of that crappy chili. It'd be a trade-up.

eat it said...

Midgets huh? I fucked em'.

Bloof said...

You can have all the midget booty.

It a little known fact that midgets can't wipe their own ass because they have those stubby stubby arms. So what's that ass like? Think, man, think.