Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Sushi For Badasses


Contrary to all the cheap British jokes listed directly below, I'm actually quite fond of England. It's the country where I lost my cherry, which it makes it a far more meaningful nation to me than the United States. I also enjoy British beer, kebabs at 4AM, televised lawn bowling, saying "cheers" instead of "thanks", chicken curry sandwiches from Morton's, scotch, the Astoria, bubbly British girls with hot accents and large breasts, "About a Boy", Oasis and so much more. Plus, everyone there drinks. It's a great country all around. It's why I drafted it! I'll be claiming it for my own shortly.

So, to salute the glory of Great Britain, here's a video of Official KSK Badass and Man I'm Slightly Gay For Bear Grylls sinking his teeth into a live trout. Seriously, this guy is fucking awesome. I'm gonna steal his identity. All I need is his social security number and a rubber girdle. I can make it happen, people.

92 comments:

Unsilent Majority said...

That's some fucked up shit right there.

Signal to Noise said...

That was awesome. Best part of Father's Day was the Man vs. Wild marathon.

The Kid said...

Originally, the show wanted Eli Manning to host, but he backed out so they had to settle for Bear Grylls

Rob I said...

That's the greatest thing I've ever seen. I've always wanted to reach into a river and eat a live salmon, like a bear. Or, I guess, like Bear.

Hercules Rockefeller said...

That's booger-eating delicious!

nerditry said...

Motherfucker has a camera crew. Les Stroud is unimpressed.

Shan said...

camera crew or not, that dude is hardcore.

BeaverFever said...

big deal, what's the difference between bitindg into the spine of a trout or swollowing a few goldfish ?

seriously, this guy is a sick fuck (the cool kind).

Bloof said...

He's not such a badass.Call me when he does that to his ex-wife.

-Orenthal

BeaverFever said...

somewhere a member of PETA watched this video in disgust and shed multiple tears for the trout.

btw, ozzy osbourne is proud of him.

John S. said...

Been there done that (SERE grad).

Not to impressed with his survival "skills" portrayed in the show. It is more sensationalist than what you should be doing in order to survive.

/Yes, I was waterboarded and, yes, it really sucks.

Shamel said...

Best Bear clip:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qdkX7KG-tlg

lieutenant winslow said...

about a boy? wtf? i'll give hug grant points for banging a black hooker, but... fuck. really? about a boy?

Big Daddy Drew said...

Watch your ass, john s. Only Ufford gets to brag about being in the military.

John S. said...

Oh... well... tell that member of Uncle Sam's Misguided Children that "Rangers lead the Way" and for him to "Have a good 'un."

The Pirate Sloth said...

That clip was beautiful even with the sound off. And the old woman next to me here in the airport just gave a disgusted sigh at video.

Fantastic. Thanks Drew.

Captain Caveman said...

"Rangers lead the Way"

Hey, any grad of SERE can brag away -- that school is the real deal. Save the Ranger braggadocio, though. Half of the Rangers' appeal as an elite unit is the immense shittiness of the regular Army.

John S. said...

"...Half of the Rangers' appeal as an elite unit is the immense shittiness of the regular Army."

While I will, for the sake of argument, accept your faulty premise about the rest of the Army, I reply as follows:

And the other half is how much the Rangers are an elite unit.

No hard feelings though. We are all brothers. Just... well...some brothers are just duller than others.

The Last Unitard said...

That's nothing compared to the time he jumped into a frozen over pond and stayed there for a few minutes while he calmly explained why he needed to get out as quickly as possible.

Jennifer said...

My husband loves Bear. I find it suspect. Guy's a super rich dude, the son of a politician, owns his own island, and does this shit for fun. Plus, he has a camera crew, how much danger is he really in?

dick_gozinia said...

"Love Actually" is a much better fruity hugh grant movie that nobody wants to admit they like (but secretly like). And it has Keira Knightley looking pretty cute.

John S. said...

Jennifer - you are right to be suspicious. Remember the episode when he eats a dead zebra? Going so far as to put his face into its carcass and bite off some meat? Yeah... BIG B.S. on that one.

In a survival situation, water, not food, is your first priority. The amount of water that you body would pull into your stomach in order to digest raw meat would VASTLY outweigh the benefit conferred by the meat eaten. In fact, when you eat raw meat, your body does not get to digest much of it anyway.

Pure showmanship.

Big Daddy Drew said...

john s., you miss the point, which is that he ATE A DEAD FUCKING ZEBRA.

Stop ruining the latent homosexual fantasy for everyone. You're the type of guy who probably says Chasey Lain isn't that hot in real life. Boo!!!!!!

John S. said...

Drew - Don't get me wrong. I recognize the fact that he ate a dead zebra. I respect the lengths to which he will go to create an entertaining show.

All I am saying is that for him to pass it off as "survival" skills is a bit misleading.

Thats all.

Also, while I may be more of a Aria Giovanni guy, there is nothing wrong with Chasey Lain.

Otto Man said...

You're the type of guy who probably says Chasey Lain isn't that hot in real life. Boo!!!!!!

I'm risking a lifetime ban, but I don't think Chasey Lain is that hot on film.

Of course, I'm one of those freaks who likes my pornstars to come from the 18-to-35 age range. Drew can keep the GILFs to himself.

BeaverFever said...

good call on aria giovanni, i prefer jewel de nile. tori wells when i feel like going somewhat old school.

btw, the bloodhound gang wrote a song about chasey lain, the ballad of chasy lain from the aptly titled cd "hooray for boobies". funny stuff
http://www.purevolume.com/bloodhoundgang

rar288 said...

There's something oddly sensual in his voice when he's talking to the sushi. Is that weird or is it badass? Honestly, I really don't know.

John S. said...

Tori Wells is good... real good. However, I like Jezebelle Bond when I am going old school though.

She is just plainj dirty.

Brother Joshua said...

best part of my two days in london a couple summers ago: two friends and i walking down the sidewalk. we pass possibly the hottest girl i've ever seen with perhaps the best body i've ever seen wearing a very tight outfit, walking the other way. we walk a few more feet and there's a homeless guy sitting against the building. he looks up at us, grins, and says "holy shit! fucking perfect!"

BeaverFever said...

damn you must be young john s. real old school to me is nina hartly, cassie nova and other stars from the 80's.

btw, didn't jezebelle bond have a tattoo of the social distortion logo (great band) ?

The Kid said...

@Bro Josh
I was expecting a lot more from that story. I thought you were gonna get "Clariced" (from Silence of the lambs when Miggs tosses his seed at her)

John S. said...

I was in Junior High and High School in the 80's and, as a result, did not have that much access to porn. Accordingly, I consider porn in the 90's to be "old school".

Granted, to a porn PhD, my designation is probaly WAY off, but, that is how I see it.

Yeah... she did have that logo on her arm, which is why I really dug her enough to actually remember her name.

Otto Man said...

btw, didn't jezebelle bond have a tattoo of the social distortion logo (great band) ?

You guys are running a graduate seminar on porn stars, and I just can't compete.

But on the topic of Social Distortion and tattoos -- about a decade ago, I happened to run into lead singer Mike Ness across the street from where SD was about to go on stage. I have never seen so much ink on one man, outside of the carney scene. The best ones were his knuckle tattoos: "LOVE" and "PAIN."

John S. said...

the kid - Shouldn't you call it "migged"? I mean, due to the fact that kind of sounds like "mugged" it would convey the essense of the act better.

BeaverFever said...

john s. i was also in high school during the 80's. i guess i was lucky to have friends with older brothers that always had porn.

it's all good, and relative i suppose.

Brother Joshua said...

the kid: no, thank goodness that didn't happen. but his hands were under a blanket, so who knows what was going on.

John S. said...

I had the friends with the brothers, but, only one VCR in the house.

Couldn't exactly kick mom out of the living room for a quick "jerk-and-clean" and I, on a deep level, am against watching porn with other guys.

BeaverFever said...

related knuckle tattoo story. a guy at this gym my brother and i worked out at had "shit" and "fuck" tattooed on his knucks. his name or at least what we called him was crazy ray.

Otto Man said...

That's where I thought he was going too, Kid.

Last time I was in San Francisco, me and the wife were walking down Market Street at 2pm. Looked over into an alley and saw a toothless, filthy homeless guy, pants down around his ankles, punishing his penis like it was a wife on "COPS".

Yeah. That's an image I'm only getting out of my head with a bullet.

The best part was that he looked at us like we were the perverts.

The Kid said...

crazy old guys and your lack of internet. haha suckers

John S. said...

@the kid

Honestly, I feel sorry for the kids coming up today. Porn used to be something to be sought after, acquired through skill, guile and cunning and "utilized" under the same circumstances as a thief trying to rob the hope diamond. The whole process served to "heighten" the experience.

Now, everything is just a couple of key strokes away. By way of analogy:

Me=Hunter/gatherer w/dead wild boar
You=Sitting down at table with a McRib

Nothing wrong with the McRib, it suits its purpose on a basic level, but, it is just not the same as the wild boar.

Otto Man said...

Forget it, John. These whippersnappers today, with their easy access to Vietnamese spin-fuck chairs and amyl nitrate tabs. They just don't understand.

The Kid said...

@John S
thats a pretty good analogy and i hear where you are coming from, but i'm very ok with my easy access

ps how did this comment section go from grylls eating a live trout to an in depth, generation v generation porn discussion

sledgod said...

That's all well and good, but the immense amount that's easily accessible means us kids with our fast Internets and Sugar Ray may have more discriminating tastes and refined appetites from our wealth of porn experience.

Dat RoRo Kid said...

I went to England last year and, as I painstakingly dealt with my ex-girlfriend's phone vibrating with lovely text messages from her current boyfriend, I sat there at Heathrow in a bar watching grown men drink SEVERAL pints of beer at 7am. Like a lot of them.

If only the fuckin' food was better because I HAVE tasted the big titties and they are delicioso.

John S. said...

@otto man

yeah... I mean, it used to be that the "black brush treatment" was the thing you look forward to when you were in Seoul. Now, unless it involves swinging goats, flying monkeys and a half-tranny named "Chris", the kids today are not impressed.

BeaverFever said...

i believe BDD's chasy lain reference started this generation porn issue.

another big difference is on that darn innertube the variety is endless. there is everyhting for everybody out there and as it has already been pointed out the access to it is very easy. i remember growing up that if there was a scene with a black chick or some babe getting her puss shaved i thought it had to be the wildest stuff out there. and midgets, forget about it. little did i know

Otto Man said...

At least The Onion remembers the good old days.

John S. said...

By way of further illustration...

When I was a freshman in H.S., girls wore those big, bulky day-glo sweatshirts. Erin K. had the biggest boobs in my grade, but, we did not see them because of the swweatshirts she wore.

When I fooled around with her, and the orange sweatshirt was going over her head, I might as well uttered "(breathing sound) One small step for a man... One giant leap for the 9th grade."

The generation after me does not get that kind of build up because girls run around practically naked. Not to be an old fart, but, there is something to be cherished in the anticipation.

Murderface said...

Did you just say you like Oasis? Why not just smear a fucking turd across the inside of my monitor?

I gotta go bleach my eyeballs now.

And I thought With Leather's journo-porn about Brady Quinn was gay.

BeaverFever said...

nice otto man, i remember oui. now that is old school porn. big fluffy 70's bush.

John S. said...

I remember oui too. Nothing like that fluffy bush

The Kid said...

I don't remember who said it on Soprano's, but it was someone who got out of jail. "The main difference from when i went in to now is that when i go to the Bing, it looks like a girl scout convention"

College Wolf said...

Man VS Wild rocks all hell. One of the best shows on TV...

The Kid said...

@college wolf
you joined late, the discussion has turned to porn

Big Daddy Drew said...

Yes, I like Oasis. Shoot me.

-But is not Oasis the greatest British band since the Beatles? Can we not vote on this?! What steps has the Prime Minister taken to prevent Liam Gallagher from leaving?

-Uh.. yes. what exactly is the right gentleman talking about, and who is Liam Gallagher?!

-He is the lead singer of Oasis! And if he leaves, it will be be bloody awful!

Dat RoRo Kid said...

Where are the 'To Catch a Predator'-like sickos on this comment page??? Is everyone on here into geriatric love or can we get a little love for the yungins' with the pink pussers??? Sheeeeeeeeit!

Otto Man said...

big fluffy 70's bush.

I'm pretty sure they had a hair and make-up person assigned strictly to the crotchetal region. A lot of mousse and/or mascara down there.

Moof! said...

Where was the 'poorly concealed homosexuality' tag? For the love of God, let this man coach the Vikings.

John S. said...

@dat ror kid

You illustrate my point exatly. You mind goes right to the, how did you put it?, oh yes... "pink pussers".

I know I am beginning to sound like John Cleese in The Meaning of Life but...

What's wrong with a kiss, boy? Hmm? Why not start her off with a nice kiss? You don't have to go leaping straight for the clitoris like a bull at a gate. Give her a kiss, boy.

You may find that your conquest is a little sweeter when you have to work for it.

OkieRover, Editor said...

My wife nearly threw up when he did that.
I started laughing!!!
Yeah it was cold on my side of the bed that night.

Smello said...

Awww...70s & 80s porn. The nostalgia. I saw a John Holmes movie in 3D at an indy house here in NY late last year. It's truly odd to watch porn with a group. And odder still for it to be in 3D. But, John Holmes, while one ugly man was...impressive.

Now if Bear would stop during his adventures to get naked and have some quality outdoor sex on film, I think Man v. Wild would go from just being badass to being absolutely perfect.

95% of this is crap said...

Killing a trout, big deal. Put up the vid of him getting water from fresh elephant dung.

lauren said...

Mr. BDD!! You've been warned seven times this month to stop bringing up Oasis!

Bloof said...

Hmm... don't look now, but my Bloofy sense tells me there is a porn star commenter draft in the works...

Chasey Lane is a good call, Giovanni has the nice floppy DD's, Jenna Jameson changed the world, but I think a good Shyla Stylez collection will keep me off the little blue pill until I'm six feet under. Too bad she has such a cheesy name.

You guys are forgetting the stage between the 70's tumblweed bush and the 90's baldy - the 80's punk bush. Cindy Lauper half-shave mohawk with assorted colors.

Bleeeach. Never mind. Today's burma beaver is a nice evolution.

Tech N9ne's Tribute to Falco said...

-Let me ask the right honorable gentleman from Belfast something. What does he plan to do about the removal of Guinness from his liver?

-Okay, follow-up question: Will the Prime Minister be driving his usual car home tonight?


Anyone who hates Oasis must be a malevolent closet homosexual on par with Roy Cohn.

roger goodell's taint said...

Oasis sucks.

Calvin's got a job said...

Is that Bear Grylls or Marv Albert...

yesss! Hooray for back biting

Dat RoRo Kid said...

@John S.

Go fuck yourself. You're an idiot. I don't care what fuckin' training you did.

Mr Furious said...

I'm with Otto on Chasey. She looked promising, but now has gone down the Jenna Jameson, Teri Weigel contorted/botched plastic surgery road...scary face, lumpy implants, etc...

Tori Welles circa Night Trips is as good as it gets...

TheNaturalMevs said...

Sushi for morons would be more apropriate. What the intriguing video fails to show is that minutes afterward, the guy became deathly ill and vomited until he lost about 70 pounds. The poison he received from the fish was worse then having a rare strain of the ebola virus. But hey, at least he got some attention.

Mr Furious said...

Oh, and that fucking zebra clip? Fucking disgusting. And all about the shock value over actual "survival."

BeaverFever said...

good point mr furious, why do all these porn stars decide to fuck themselves up with plastic surgery ? janine lindenmulder is another example. hot as hell and then went overboard by getting tattoos all over her.

also, the chameleon done the same year as night trips is another one of her best works.

Otto Man said...

Yeah, I really never needed to add the word "vaginoplasty" to my vocabulary.

BeaverFever said...

"Yeah, I really never needed to add the word "vaginoplasty" to my vocabulary."

or anal bleaching.

Wormfather said...

From Sushi to the generational porn gap to best british band. I guess that where I come in.

I'm gonna be shot for this, but what, no love for Bush? Sixteen Stone was one of the greatest albums released in my life.

Everything Zen 8/10
Little Things (any song with the quote, "I touch your mouth, my willie is food" gets a perfect 10/10
Comedown (song dedicated to the after effects of heroine) 9/10

And to anyone who tries to tell me they're a rip off of Nirvana, I will spear you in the throat, dont test me.

Otto Man said...

I'm gonna be shot for this, but what, no love for Bush?

What, did you miss our discussion of Oui Magazine?

Wormfather said...

Damnit Otto! Foiled again. I'm going to to start emailing my potential comments to you for approval.

Awful Chief said...

Ah, the full bush... Do any girls except neo-hippies have them anymore? They announced so eloquently "I'm not the kind of girl you ever have to consider going down on. Just fuck me."

BeaverFever said...

been down on a full bush before. not a lot of fun, a little more work involved as opposed to the groomed/shaved bush.

Wormfather said...

@Beaver, think that's bad, ever met a smoking hot chick only discover hair on the nips? To this day I feel conflicted about that girl.

Tech N9ne's Tribute to Falco said...

Indian, huh?

BeaverFever said...

yes wormfather, but i worked through it. i understand the conflict.

Wormfather said...

Italian actually.

But I dont understand how a girl could have hair there and not know that it's a conflict.

You know what, I dont want to talk about this anymore.

BeaverFever said...

dammit wormfather, i was afraid you were going to say she was italian.

Tech N9ne's Tribute to Falco said...

I believe Dennis Hopper explained the phenomenon to Christopher Walken in True Romance.

-Hundreds and hundreds of years ago, uh, you see, uh, the Moors conquered Sicily.

Slash said...

I've seen this on the actual show. I think this guy has taken up the "that guy is fucking crazy" mantle last held by Steve Irwin. He'll eat anything he can catch. Fish, bugs, lichen off tree bark, anything. I haven't yet seen him drink his own urine, but I bet he will eventually.

BeaverFever said...

i'm pretty sure BDD posted a vid of Grylls either drinking his own piss or using it to cool himself off.

brad said...

Jana Cova and Nikki Nova are two of my favorite porn stars.

Jana looks like Kelly Ripa to me, and Nikki kinda looks like Angelia Jolie.

Any thoughts?

TheNaturalMevs said...

If you're talking porn stars, you can't miss a scene from these:

Nici Sterling
Alexandria Quinn
Gauge
Monica Sweetheart
Nici Sterling ****
Anna Nova
Angelica Sin
Jeanna Fine
Nicole Sheridan (when she's not banging that ogre husband in every scene)
Mia Bangg


Check them out, they're the best in the biz.

Calvin's got a job said...

I'm a real big Raven Riley fan

Mr Furious said...

Can we have the fucking porn star draft already or what?