Thursday, June 14, 2007

Byron & David & Daunte & Quinn & Blackula


We, the gimlet-eyed writers of KSK, are not without our analytical side. What is going on in the shittier cities in Florida is not going unnoticed. Indeed, we find it behooves us to deliver the shocking truth:

They are hording mediocre quarterbacks.

Florida, of course, is a bizarre state, a silly place. Why else would fark.com and every car that cuts me off on the Beltway have Florida tags? Coincidence? Surely it is not.

Tampa Bay was first to start the proliferation. Garcia, Simms, Plummer, Gradkowski, probably another Bush brother in there somewhere. It's a sly plot to engender gay jokes and maybe draw a litte attention to a team that's bound to vie with the Vikings for the NFC cellar.

End of story? Was the Anschluss the end of the story?

It appears Jacksonville is content no longer just to be the bearer of a soigne head coach, whose hints of professionalism belie the 45 minutes of fervent masturbation in his Tercel before gametime. Now they want a bunch of quarterbacks who break down a quarter of the way through the season. And not even Donovan McNabb.

What's most disturbing is that none of the players on the roster seem to give a damn. Certainly some more sinister motive beyond winning nine or 10 games and narrowly missing the playoffs is at work here.

If Anthony Wright shows up next, you'll know we were onto something.

32 comments:

TheAntiFollicle said...

I can see Marcus Vick ending in Tampa if this is the case

Otto Man said...

You're giving the Dolphins a free pass? Last year's awesome QB combo of Culpepper and Harrington was a prime reason for why we call Florida "America's Wang."

Captain Caveman said...

Whoa, and you didn't even get to Miami's fun over the last two seasons... Culpepper, Harrington, and Green. Yikes.

Jez said...

What is going on in the shittier cities in Florida is not going unnoticed.

Hey, is this an article about NFL cities in Florida, or just shittier cities in Florida? Because if it's the latter, I didn't see Pensacola mentioned anywhere, therefore, this article = failed.

devang said...

Does Cleo Lemon bring this group down to a medium mediocre or a low suck level?

Otto Man said...

As a lifelong Chiefs fan, I'm incapable of admitting that a 37-year-old has-been journeyman quarterback with medical issues is at all mediocre.

Cleo Lemon, meanwhile, doesn't even qualify for suck.

I will, however, consider Ray Lucas.

devang said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
devang said...

Totally off topic, but UM I could not resist

Awful Chief said...

2006 Lions quarterbacks at the start of training camp:

Jon Kitna
Josh McCown
Shaun King
Joey Harrington
Dan Orlovsky

Who can blame the FL teams for going after the great success the Lions had with the 'throw shit at the wall and see what sticks' approach?

Unsilent Majority said...

devang- i'm familiar. i had the idea for he'brew about ten years ago but sadly it already existed. i was going to flavor mine with matzoh meal.

Big Daddy Drew said...

Like a John Sayles film, the Bucs season will be long and pointless.

devang said...

@UM. Yuck!! Why not just gefilte fish?

/end topic.

TurleyGirlie said...

Drew? Nothing would make me happier.


/Saints fan

The Last Unitard said...

I am a big fan of the chosen beer.

In fact, I would say their Genesis Ale is my favorite beer, which is saying a lot.

It's totally worth the persecution complex I develop whenever I drink it.

L'Chaim!

BeaverFever said...

is he'brew used as a chaser after drinking manischewitz wine ?

also, who is quinn gray ? answer: the 3rd qb on the j'ville depth chart.

Burnsy said...

Excuse me, but at the resident Floridian I must... completely agree with all of this. Fuck, this state sucks. If Orlando had a NFL team, our QBs would be Rodney Peete, Michael Bishop, Joe Hamilton and Shaun King. And they would all play at once.

Burnsy said...

* as the resident Floridian.

We had a cat stuck in our crawl space last night. I'm running on no sleep.

Big Daddy Drew said...

Yes, but Florida still has Tim Tebow's girlfriend, which gives it a solid breast up on other states.

SlickBomb said...

Don't forget the college kids as well. Miami's best QB's of recent vintage have been Vinny Testaverde and Ken Dorsey. Not exactly all-pros.

BeaverFever said...

testaverde has to get some props on longevity alone.

assorted charms said...

Florida and FMiaT. It's not often my day is made by 9 a.m.

jez, it's clear that you've never been to Polk County.

devang said...

MS QBs seem to do OK. Favre and McNair come to mind (I'll leave Eli out of this for now). But their co-eds aren't as hot as the FL co-eds.

So let's see, good QBs or hot loose women....hmmmm.

Tech N9ne's Tribute to Falco said...

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNONCEMENT:

This just in...
And I quote:

"How does one "ride'' a jock?"

-Peter King

http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2007/writers/peter_king/06/12/mmqbte/index.html

hobbes said...

miami is definitely a part of the shit qb fraternity of florida. daunte got hurt, so they sign a 37-year old coming off a season he missed a shitload of games in and a 25 year old rookie.

tim rattay will be on the roster before the week is out.

Burnsy said...

Breaking news: Daunte hurt his hand in an accident in Ft. Lauderdale just an hour or so ago.

wrecking_ball said...

Slickbomb, no love for Gino Torretta?

/sarcasm

jditsky said...

Xmas Ape-

Is Anschlutz what you get when you combine the Anschluss of Austria and a case of Schlitz?

El Duffo O Muerte said...

Now they want a bunch of quarterbacks who break down a quarter of the way through the season

Now if they could just swing a trade for Kyle Boller,they could have each QB start 4 games, get hurt, then move on to the next. And the best part is with those 4 on the roster, you woldnt have to worry about a playoff starter.

Jez said...

@Burnsy -

The cat was "STUCK" in your crawlspace? I'm thinking that's nothing a garden hose with a pressure nozzle and a propped open crawlspace door couldn't solve.

Jez said...

@assorted charms -

You're right, I've never been to Polk County. Shitty?

Burnsy said...

Polk County is the shit. If a cat gets stuck in your crawl space in Bartow, you're eating for two days.

Thomas said...

Cleo Lemon feels disrespected on Rodney Harrison level right now.