Friday, June 22, 2007

Koolaid Maroney Wants U To Wash U Ass

This comes from reader Sharkey, who just made my weekend. This needs no embellishment.

Life at the University of Minnesota, rooting for the shithole that is the Gopher football program, is tough. We need to latch on to any success we may have. Enter: Laurence Koolaid Maroney.

That’s his name on Facebook, at least; his entry on the site is golden. Some of my favorites (besides the name, which just makes me thirsty) are found in his Favorite Quotes, including:

-“wash u ass”
-“bout time we got some construda in dis mothafucka”
-“u begul shitting”

And, of couse,
-“Your ass backwards if you chase hoes, chase the cheese they come with the shit.”

Koolaid=American Hero. The pictures posted win the day, however. Attached are a few of the better ones; Gopher pride, muthafuckas!


The bar just been raised.





51 comments:

Awful Chief said...

Koolaid is a loldawg.

Hustler of Culture said...

Wash yo ass!

That will now become my signature on emails...

Monday Morning Punter said...

“Your ass backwards if you chase hoes, chase the cheese they come with the shit.”

I have nothing to add.

Captain Caveman said...

I somebody could tell me what "construda" and "begul" mean, I'd really appreciate it.

The Kid said...

the person in the cubicle next to me just asked if everything is ok. Koolaid has brought me to tears

Matt said...

Folks, we have another "Offseason Chronicles" series idea.

Shan said...

“bout time we got some construda in dis mothafucka”

What the fuck does this mean? I can only assume it is part of an inner city mating ritual, in which both parties apparently have facial hair. Which is displayed in the picture of him kissing Shawn Wayans. I can't wait to open Gimp just to fuck with these.

lieutenant winslow said...

how did i fucking know that the post titled "wash u ass" was going to be authored by the fucking towel spotter himself.

Chuckles said...

Paging The Maj, Paging The Maj.....
We need a translator at the front desk...

Unsilent Majority said...

inner city mating ritual

They don't have inner cities in Minnesota (no matter what Slug might have told you).

larry burns said...

ok after reading these i realize i have no chance nad am not sending in my shit. sorry for taking away one of your don;ts. and agreeing with shan wtf does “bout time we got some construda in dis mothafucka” mean.

checking urban dictionary (the home for jangsters 'jewish')

not defined.

Big Daddy Drew said...

Your beagle is shitting?

BeaverFever said...

forget the urban dictionary, check the ebonics dictionary.

koolaid is a first round fantasy pick.

The Kid said...

I bet "construda" is another word for Hennessey

JMP said...

excuse me, stewardess, but I speak jive...

Tech N9ne's Tribute to Falco said...

Perhaps a playdo extruder that jumps to conclusions...mat?

Everyone caught the Koolaid man on his chain right? Just checkin.

Big Daddy Drew said...

I did not notice that. That is AWESOME.

Brother Joshua said...

i'm not sure if i understand what we're supposed to be drafting here.

Sarge said...

why's he kissing daniel gibson? he should be chasing cheese! time is money, koolaid.

BeaverFever said...

o.k., after doing a few searched all i can come up with is that construda was a washing machine brand from the 1950's.

Shan said...

construda was a washing machine brand from the 1950's

i guess he loves him some clean clothes.

Otto Man said...

So that's what happened to Li'L John.

"Hey, Kool-Aid!"
"Wwwwwwhat?!"

Bloof said...

Construda and begul sound like pastries, but (surprise!) that doesn't make any sense. Anyone know the context?

That 3rd picture looks like SURPRISE BUTTSECKS. Muthafuckas in the elevator must not have the shit.

Chamomiles Davis said...

"Why do you chase the cheese?"

Koolaid knows why.

Burnsy said...

A begul is an ethnic form of bagel, in that it is a piece of white bread with a hole poked in the middle by a finger.

The construda is the area of a person's gums between his upper lip and his grill, as Mr. Maroney so politely shows us in the second picture from the bottom.

Joaquin "The Rooster" Ochoa said...

Viva el Sr. Castillo!!! Ricky Hatton is a bitch!

Unsilent Majority said...

joaquin- I'm not sure why you chose this forum to express yourself but I could not agree more.

Fuck Hatton, Jose's gonna kick his ass in Chico's memory.

JebusHChrist said...

Burnsy - Was that in Webster's? I thought construda was the excreted juices that exited the ass after a fucking. In my hood we frequently referred to it as 'taint juice' but that could just be regional.

Burnsy said...

You may be confusing your regional dialects. However, "felching" is a universal term. Funny how words work.

Wormfather said...

Dont be dolts. Construda is pot.

JebusHChrist said...

I checked with some area G's and none of them thought the gums made sense. They thought it was chronic.

Burnsy said...

Well then my dentist, Antawn "Azztronaut" Jenkins, is a fucking moron.

Rae Carruth's Trunk said...

Oh Yeah!!!! ::busts through a wall::

John Sharkey, Esq. said...

Oh good lord, I did not notice the Koolaid chain. That is phenomenal.

The Pirate Sloth said...

BDD! WE NEED KSK KOOLAID CHAINS!!!!!!

The Mighty Favog said...

Wow...so that's where all of Minnesota's black people have been hiding.

JebusHChrist said...

How did I not know that was his nickname? I am genuinely pissed off.

Patrick said...

Roger Goodell just suspended Maroney for the season, just to be safe.

Bloof said...

Damn... Your crappy MS Paint looks downright shitty on Deadspin.

construda begul

Suss said...

"Roger Goodell just suspended Maroney for the season, just to be safe."

Whatever. He's so gonna appeal.

RJ said...

Wow. I think Randy Moss is going to fit in juuuuuuust fine in New England.

Also, I motion that Maroney must scream "OOOOOOH YEAHHHHHH!!!" after every TD. Or at least burst through a wall during pregame introductions.

Bloof said...

Just a damn minute... That's not Maroney... That's SERENA WILLIAMS!!!

Jess said...

I've never been more proud to be a Golden Gopher in all my life. I'm all misty-eyed and shit.

Oh, This is for the Rapture said...

wow the bar has indeed been raised. I can only hope and pray that someone can design a Koolaid Maroney T-shirt with "U Begul Shitting"

hollywood wags said...

Leon Spinks can't even figure this one out.

It's like the garbage words you type here to post...

Umfekha.

Rickey Henderson said...

those are some nappy headed hos in those pics...

Jackin'4Beats said...

Wow. Kool-Aid Maroney. I have no words...literally

J4B: Gimme some a dat purple drank Kool-Aid.

KA: ZZZyeah.

Phillip said...

Sine yo pinny on the runny kine!

YourTaxDollarsAtWork said...

Mother of God…..

I may have a new hero now that Pacman Jones could wind up in the big house.

wv: ouwduos…. Makes as much sense as anything else Koolaid has to say.

Philistine said...

As you might imagine, KoolAid didn't make it up Brainerd all that often during his Gopher career.

Don'tcha know?

Alex said...

this just in. gatorade will be replaced by kool-aid on new england's sideline.