Friday, June 15, 2007

I hope she wasn't getting muddied by the whole damn crew

You're all a bunch of whiny assholes who just have to complain about the poor girl's ocular lopsidedness. Since I'm such a nice fucking guy here are some hot lesbo videos of Sarah Shahi. Keep it in your pants if you live in Carl Monday's area code.





While the gaylords over at the four letter are spending all of their free time poring over the film of this years incoming rookie class we've been researching the real heroes, the cheerleaders. Each spring/summer a new crop of big titted, small waisted, roundassed lovelies jiggle their way into our collective consciousness. But who are they? Where did they come from? What kind of shampoo do they use? These are the pressing questions on the mind of every football fan alive yet they remain unanswered. Let's right that wrong, shall we?

Without further ado I give you, Better Know a Your New Eye Candy. Today's subject is the lovely Ashley White, a new acquisition of the already stout Miami Dolphin squad.

Yeah, that's the good shit.

Ashley is a delightfully bouncy 22 year-old who makes up for her advanced age with a pedigree that could make your average untested 18 year-old quake in her spankies (take a moment to picture that and join me in the next sentence at your own leisure). After leaving the fertile breeding ground of Georgia the doe-eyed sexpot went where all doe-eyed sexpots go to cheer, tan, and fuck large men dwelling on the seventh floor. That's right. Little Miss innocent got her start at the U where she cheered, attended classes, and serviced the the baseball team's infield (may not be "true").

After a fulfilling stint in Coral Gables Ashley did what any smoking hot chick in southern Florida with no job and a fear of old guy balls would do.

"Look at me Ma, I'm a weekend weather girl at a generic regional affiliate!"

So yeah, she did the meteorology thing for a while, then she did the meteorolgist. It's a tradition as old as weather itself, beautiful yet completely sickening.


"Look at me Pa, I look like a schmuck and I'm probably a total pussy but I landed that ass!"

Apparently the life as a meteorologist's arm candy didn't manage to fulfill all of Ashley's needs (Ashley, if you've still got some "needs" fulfilled you know where to find me). Now that she's reached the pinnacle of human existence I fully expect to see her dump that douchey husband of hers and get with a real man of Miami. I'm thinking Lt. Winslow might be up to the task, I bet she loves a good numby.

So later this year when you're watching Trent Green's corpse carried off the field be sure to keep one eye trained on Ashley's ass.




big time HT as always to The Professional Cheerleader Blog

22 comments:

flubby said...

"Our forecast calls for flurries of passion followed by an extended period of gettin' it on."

Shan said...

thank god there is no chance of golden precipitation over the weekend.

grungedave said...

I think Trent Aric is somehow related to Peter Gibbons.

miamidiesel said...

big titted, small waisted, roundassed

When the hell did Maj get a hold of my grocery list for this evening?

And by the way, I like the premise of the whole "Better Know Your Eye Candy" thing, but on a day when BDD subjected us to the Berman Booger romance? Not nearly enough here, we deserve something that goes beyond the Sarah Shahi post from a couple of weeks back to make up for that

Unsilent Majority said...

miamidiesel- trust me i tried, but the dolphins have no pictures of her yet.

Awful Chief said...

I wonder who the lucky mofo judge with the red had is and what his notes were for her...

Ashley White:
-white
-nice ass, titties
-i'd fuck that
-look like a bitch that got "Gored" by Frank

Burnsy said...

She'll be the starting QB by week 6.

Big Daddy Drew said...

Like any weatherwoman, she'll tease you for a solid hour before finally giving you what you've been asking for the whole fucking time.

Redhead said...

Am I the only one who's noticed that her eyes are two different shapes? She looks kind of like Chunk from the Goonies.
Oh screw it, you guys aren't looking at her face.

B said...

Um, doesn't anyone else want to know what the fuck is up with her eyes in that second picture? The left one appears to be a good three inches higher than the right one. Is it just me?

Unsilent Majority said...

it has to be an optical illusion. otherwise she'd never get the weather girl job.

JTExperience said...

Yeah, in both pictures her eyes look fucked up. And you can see all her ribs. Not saying I'd throw that one back, but she ain't perfect. I hope future installments of BKYNEC prove more satisfying.

Tracer Bullet said...

I give her a heartfelt, "Eh."

Will said...

The Shannon Doherty effect, in full effect.

The Pirate Sloth said...

Ok Sarah is fucking hot. I'm now in total agreement with that.

Ashley... I'd let UM fuck her - Lord knows he needs it. I'd rather not touch the woman.

K said...

Trent Aric? That's a name worthy of Max Powers status. Hats off to Trent for hitting that.

Amphibian said...

Moral of the NBA finals and this post: flop or whine and you get the call/hot lesbo action, courtesy of Dick Bavetta and Unsilent Majority.

Anderson Varejao and us commentators 1, sporting ethics 0.

Unsilent Majority said...

amphibian- i can get down with that. me and dick are good buddies after this past season.

Ghost of Carl Monday said...

John Amaechi approves of the general message of those videos

82 said...

Man, Ashely looks just like Brittany Snow!

Barely Mormon said...

What kind of shampoo do they use? WTF? What an oddly gay question slipped into an extremely hetero article.

josh86 said...

I think ashley is a beautiful woman