Monday, June 4, 2007

You've got your big cheese, I've got my hash marks pipe

Via one of the savvy eBay entrepreneurs.


To be honest, trying to fill space during this interminable off-season can be vexing a real pain in the ass. That's why KSK loves the godsend that is NFL's new bossman, Roger Goodell. Rog has made it perfectly clear the axe swings on his schedule and at his pleasure-- “due process” be damned. For all we know, at anytime Goodell may drop the bomb on Mike Vick with the gusto of Peter King demolishing a plate of canapés at the hospitality tent.

However, an unintended consequence of Roger Goodell's new suspend-now-sort-out-the-legalities-later personnel conduct policy is that fans, sports radio and wiseacre sports bloggers can't even consider waiting until the legal system runs its course before weighing in on the troubles of ne'er-do-wells like Pacman Jones and Mike Vick. . Under Rog's stewardship, Vick may actually serve his suspension before the courts sort out this whole unseemly affair. Irrational speculation rules!!!

As the dogfight case continues to get worse and worse for Vick, the comedy keeps getting richer and richer in the comments of the FanHaus. ("YOU DON'T SAY ANYTHING ABOUT BOXING, UFC AND ALL THAT OTHER CRAP AND HALF THESE CLOWNS TRYING TO GET VICK KNOW THEY WATCH THAT CRAZY SHIT TO, SO STOP FOOLING YOURSELF AND LEAVE THE MAN ALONE. MIDDLE") The pro-Vick faction of this braintrust rally to preserve his sterling reputation, vociferously demanding restraint and patience before judging Vick. ("What happen to the days of being innocent until proven guilty???") Let due process run its course, others insist. ("You guy's are calling him all kinds of derogatory names and he hasn't even been convicted in a court of law. Put your Klan appareal away for now, sheesh.")

Not that the anti-Vick partisans are any more eloquent. ("Glad to hear it! Vick is in ass.") There seems to be widespread belief in lex talionis among that bunch. ("lock his A#$ in a ring with the dogs he abused, starved and tortured or allowed them to be. Let those dogs tear him apart limb from limb like they so enjoy watching them do to each other.")

If this mess marks the ends of Vick’s era as a productive NFL QB, then he can always fall back on canine pugilism. Some people would pay good money to see Johnnie Morton fight one of Ron Mexico’s dogs on pay-per-view. Certain advertisers would love it…

21 comments:

Burnsy said...

As long as Michael gets a portion of the profits to assist with his legal fees, I see no problem with this.

Jason said...

I, for one, would welcome the Michael Vick : Dogfighting Beyond Thunderdome series.

"Two dogs enter, one dog leaves."

Then again, I'm a bloodthirsty wretch.

Wormfather said...

Hey Flubby, a focused post on a specific topic.

WTF? Who do you think your writing for? Now get back in there and give me a tangent.

Chris said...

How about the Mike and Marcus Show.

They could take in illegal acts from all over the world. A donkey show in Tujuana, a cock fight in Equador, etc.

larry burns said...

@ chris

giving underage girls beer and pot for sexual favors you know all good stuff.

Otto Man said...

I like the Mike & Marcus show, but you know they'd just wind up phoning it in from some hash bar in Amsterdam after the third week.

Jason said...

@ chris-

"Next week on the Mike and Marcus Show: Mike and Marcus compare the Age of Consent laws in all 50 states. First stop, Missouri!"

Otto Man said...

"Up next on the Mike & Marcus Show: What were we just talking about?"

MDT said...

Fuck dogfighting. I think you could make a ton of money staging cagefights to the death between FanHouse commenters and YouTube commenters. Plus, PETA wouldn't give a damn.

Brian said...

"If this mess marks the ends of Vick’s era as a productive NFL QB..."

Was this post written in 2004 or something?

Chris said...

I can see it now... Mike and Marcus just sitting on the couch giggling for a 30 solid mins.

Zach Landres-Schnur said...

@chris

could they be giggling AND eating slim jims? just cuz.

dp said...

FanHouse commenters are the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked.

Oh, I gotta go, my weiner kids are listening.

larry burns said...

fanhosue is ridiculous, it is so bad.

it actually scares me sometimes

Jason said...

Comin' up next on The Violence Channel following today's episode of the Mike and Marcus Show: An all-new "Ow, My Balls!"

The Pirate Sloth said...

They could be motivational speakers for kids (either suburban kids, inner city kids, rural kids, any kids!) and they could do a whole lecture series on how to Ruin Your Chances of Ever Succeeding in Life (or How I Got My Dumbfuck Ass Booted From the NFL)

J.L. White said...

The "Norfolk Waves?" No way Michael Vick plays for that USL team in 2009. No, the USF team both Vicks will sign up with will be the Hampton Hold-ups.

What, too soon?

J.L. White said...

Wow, I got it wrong twice in one post. It's the UFL.

Tracer Bullet said...

This week on "The Mike and Marcus Show," the fellas get the munchies and head to Denny's at 4 a.m. After consuming roughly 2,500 calories of processed sugars and animal fats, they stare at their table for 45 minutes. Then the knives come out.

Rick Muscles said...

i'm ok w/ blood sports as long as what kills each other was always intended to be food. cock fightin' and bull fightin' awesome; entertainment- then we can fill our bellies. it's good for the economy. dog fightin' no way.

Malice said...
This comment has been removed by the author.