Self-Referential and Off-Topic: If This Is Anyone but the Hollywood Gay Mafia, You're Stealing our Bit!

Christmas Ape, as you may or may not know, is our resident journalist / NPR-listener, and as such his off-season duties include staying abreast of new Noam Chomsky writings and reading Women's Wear Daily, which he claims is a great source for journo-industry news. (Sure, buddy. At least I'm transparent about my embrace of women's fashion.)

However, to Ape's credit, he uncovered a cabal of New York Times writers trying to infringe on KSK's turf: they got dubbed the Gay Mafia:

Does a scattershot list of gay Timesmen a mafia make? According to Out magazine's media-heavy Power 50 list, which ranked several New York Times reporters a collective seventh on the list, it does, even if many of its made men don't actually know each other. "Yes, there really is a queer cabal in the Eastern elite media, and it works on West 43rd Street in New York City," reads the accompanying text, citing T magazine editor Stefano Tonchi, assistant managing editor Richard Berke, national correspondent Adam Nagourney, advertising columnist Stuart Elliot, style reporter Eric Wilson, theater critic Ben Brantley and restaurant critic Frank Bruni.

As for the use of the 'M' word related to the assorted journalists, Aaron Hicklin, editor of Out, told WWD: "The Times still has an old-fashioned power that I think the Web has tried to replace but been less successful at. It's still a cultural arbiter….Should we have used the word mafia? Only inasmuch as mafia is shorthand for people whose combined weight is fearsome." And according to Out, these Timesmen are "one group you don't want to run into in a dark alley."

Oh, is that right?

Well, guess what, New York Times Gay Mafia. You ain't shit. Men preferring you to that shrike Maureen Dowd might make you a big deal in Manhattan, but that's a tiny little island, and Kissing Suzy Kolber has a monstrous gayness that covers four states and a crappy district. What have you done as a collective gay mafia besides have sex with men? You've done dick. You homos haven't lived anything as gay as Peter King's lust for Tony Romo. Where's YOUR exposé of the top 30 gay quarterbacks in the NFL?

So, suck on that, Out Magazine. Suck on my big, throbbing, aching member. That's right: the KSK Gay Mafia will happily meet the New York Times Gay Mafia in a back alley, and we will collectively fuck them in the ass. Fuck them hard and slow until we're satisfied and exhausted.

You know, metaphorically.