Monday, April 16, 2007

Self-Referential and Off-Topic: If This Is Anyone but the Hollywood Gay Mafia, You're Stealing our Bit!

Christmas Ape, as you may or may not know, is our resident journalist / NPR-listener, and as such his off-season duties include staying abreast of new Noam Chomsky writings and reading Women's Wear Daily, which he claims is a great source for journo-industry news. (Sure, buddy. At least I'm transparent about my embrace of women's fashion.)

However, to Ape's credit, he uncovered a cabal of New York Times writers trying to infringe on KSK's turf: they got dubbed the Gay Mafia:

Does a scattershot list of gay Timesmen a mafia make? According to Out magazine's media-heavy Power 50 list, which ranked several New York Times reporters a collective seventh on the list, it does, even if many of its made men don't actually know each other. "Yes, there really is a queer cabal in the Eastern elite media, and it works on West 43rd Street in New York City," reads the accompanying text, citing T magazine editor Stefano Tonchi, assistant managing editor Richard Berke, national correspondent Adam Nagourney, advertising columnist Stuart Elliot, style reporter Eric Wilson, theater critic Ben Brantley and restaurant critic Frank Bruni.

As for the use of the 'M' word related to the assorted journalists, Aaron Hicklin, editor of Out, told WWD: "The Times still has an old-fashioned power that I think the Web has tried to replace but been less successful at. It's still a cultural arbiter….Should we have used the word mafia? Only inasmuch as mafia is shorthand for people whose combined weight is fearsome." And according to Out, these Timesmen are "one group you don't want to run into in a dark alley."
Oh, is that right?

Well, guess what, New York Times Gay Mafia. You ain't shit. Men preferring you to that shrike Maureen Dowd might make you a big deal in Manhattan, but that's a tiny little island, and Kissing Suzy Kolber has a monstrous gayness that covers four states and a crappy district. What have you done as a collective gay mafia besides have sex with men? You've done dick. You homos haven't lived anything as gay as Peter King's lust for Tony Romo. Where's YOUR exposé of the top 30 gay quarterbacks in the NFL?

So, suck on that, Out Magazine. Suck on my big, throbbing, aching member. That's right: the KSK Gay Mafia will happily meet the New York Times Gay Mafia in a back alley, and we will collectively fuck them in the ass. Fuck them hard and slow until we're satisfied and exhausted.

You know, metaphorically.

38 comments:

the occasional joo said...

Who do those assholes think they are stealing your gay namesake? Blasphemy!

sledgod said...

Get him a sleeping bag, yeah!

Rob I said...

Meanwhile, the Hollywood Gay Mafia chortles and eats another helping of baby.

DrDoom said...

you guys also have a cannon.

a sex cannon.

but really way to steal a nickname.

becky said...

ahhhh...

um...

hm.

well, that's 2 drunk posts today.
drew, the gauntlet has been thrown.

Otto Man said...

you guys also have a cannon.

Actually, the Times has stolen that too. This week's Sunday crossword had this clue for 109-across: QB Grossman.

This thievery will not stand.

DrDoom said...

otto man.

my secret cameras caught a picture of the thief

http://www.smh.com.au/ffxImage/urlpicture_id_1052591733831_2003/05/12/wld_blair_jayson.jpg

BeaverFever said...

i was shocked to see that a style critic and a theater critic are gay. who would've ever guessed that ?

The Pirate Sloth said...

CC - you're bitter today. I think you should get a hug.

Christmas Ape said...

Frank Rich feels left out.

Otto Man said...

Nice catch, Dr. Doom.

As far as Frank Rich goes, he's been feeling out for decades now.

Otto Man said...

On another issue, what's with the pig-tail on the word "Gay" in that new logo?

Makes me want to keep pulling on it. "Curly ... straight! Curly ... straight! Curly ... straight!"

Burnsy said...

If I were them I'd stick with Queer Cabal. That actually sounds kind of badass for a bunch of snake charmers.

Peter McSheisty said...

Has anyone seen Marcus Vick, today?

(please dont ban me)

JAMMQ said...

After watching Jarhead last night for the first time two things have become clear: 1) The movie is a complete rip-off of Full Metal Jacket and is almost unbearable to watch for anyone over 25, and 2) CC is insane because he is a Marine and would REALLY take care of the Times staff members. Long live the KSK Gay Mafia! F*ck Adam Nogourney!

Chris said...

Has anyone seen Marcus Vick, today?

(please dont ban me)


I am ashamed to admit this but before I heard how many had been killed I thought the same thing.

DrDoom said...

i considered making a vick joke but after i heard that the number was 22, i stopped and was amazed. This is awful. I feel terrible for any person at va tech or anyone who knows anyone who goes teaches or lives in the area.

Captain Caveman said...

The movie is a complete rip-off of Full Metal Jacket

I guess it's pretty sad that Anthony Swofford's actual life was a ripoff of a movie.

Get schooled on Jarhead by a real Marine here:

http://www.slate.com/id/2129813/

devang said...

Phew, for a moment I thought the ladies had invaded KSK again.

Drunk bitter posts are pretty common on a Monday morning, especially if the east coast has been masquerading as the Amazon (minus the interesting critters) or Seattle for the better part of 2 days.

Peter McSheisty said...

I have been to over a dozen reputable media outlets' and newspapers' websites, and everyone is saying at least 20 dead or in between 20-22 confirmed. But if you go to drudge or fox news (conservative bias) they are saying at least 32 confirmed. I found this interesting. I dont know what it means but I still thought it was remarkable.

becky said...

@devang:
I rode 3 different subway lines to get to work today. I assure you, there are interesting critters.
unfortunately, they were decidedly NOT the good kind.

janie said...

The BBC and ABC are saying 29 and Sky (Fox sister station in UK) say 32. Whatever it is it's horrible.

devang said...

@becky:

By interesting, I meant, foul, poisonous, odd looking, slimy, and life threatening.

Oh wait...

Burnsy said...

Why did this turn into a comment thread about tragedy?

Dick jokes cure all woes. Let's get back to that. Even if the dick joking involve dick smoking.

devang said...

Even through tragedy, dick joking and dick smoking goes on...

Let not senseless tragedy impede our right to metaphorical gay encounters with hissy fit throwing gays

BoSox Siobhan said...

Hooray, buttsex!

devang said...

KSK Gay mafia vs. the Fish Eye Crew?

JAMMQ said...

All the shooting and gun jokes and gay jokes aside, thanks for the link CC(http://www.slate.com/id/2129813/) . . . becky did say the gauntlet has been thrown with two drunken posts before 12:30 p.m. Let the bukkake continue.

JAMMQ said...

And with that said I ask, where is the Big Daddy?

Redhead said...

Thanks CC, that was a funny post on a day when the news has been anything but. I appreciate it.

God Hates Raiders Fans said...

personally I cant wait for the new wave of over reactionary gun legislation.

And yeah I got a lot of dirty looks in my chowhall when I saw that on the news and said outloud: Holy shit looks like Marcus Vick been busy again. Odd all the dirty looks were from black people.

Sean said...

When a friend called me to let me know what was going on-- we both asked "where's marc vick?"

Seriously though, thoughts and prayers to the Hokies

J.L. White said...

Great job as always, CC. How dare another entity steal the nickname of this most august dick joke-centered Sports Blog, especially as frivilous as the New York Times? When was the last time they had a mock draft of women's clothing? Bunch of dick suckers, those Times guys.

Since me and CC are both Seahawks fans, we can say with a straight face that the stealing of a nickname is totally uncalled for.

swing4 said...

You’re like the established Italian mafia, with your subtle and nuanced appreciation of sartorial and sensual refinement, and they are like the upstart Ruskies come to push into your take, with their mustard-colored, banded collared shirts, vinegar breath and clumsy violence… um, no wait….

the butler said...

One word- Lawsuit.

I hope they all get whacked for trying to pretend they have "old-fashioned power". What the hell does that even MEAN!?!?

And look at dumb ass Hicklin - the "editor" - ending his sentence with a preposition. Shameful.

Robocats said...

drdoom: "i considered making a vick joke but after i heard that the number was 22, i stopped and was amazed"

Hang on, was that an act of compassion or just a crack about Vick's accuracy?

Ok, now I need to go shower after that shameful comment. It really is a tragedy, and very saddening, but no crime is ever above a Marcus Vick joke.

Tracer Bullet said...

Man, that was gayer than the time that gay guy asked if he could go home with me. Of course, I was leaving a gay and lesbian bar at 4 a.m., so he could have gotten the wrong idea.

DrDoom said...

robocats it was meant to just be compassion. No joke, there are somethings that you can;t joke about, like aids trust me i have tried.