Friday, April 6, 2007

KSK Mock Draft: Clothing and Accessories that Accentuate the Hotness of Womankind --The Finale

Either "finale" is a funny word or I'm a bit blazed. The jury's still out on this one folks. Anyways...if you missed part 1 or 2 just click on those numbers back there.

You're in for some overtly sexy shit, try to keep your composure. God damn I love the off season.

MMP: Has the classic spring dress been claimed yet? Very easy on the eyes and also coming into season as well.

BDD: It has not. Sundresses, I imagine, also fall into that category...Flubby's up.

UM: Ah, the sundress

BDD: That's a muumuu. Different category.

UM: Still sexy...

BDD: Where is flubby? I wanna pick!

Flub: I'm still thinking. I may be out of ideas.

BDD: Out of ideas? Some pervert you are. Think uniforms and lingerie.

Flub: That's what 11 years of marriage will do for you.

BDD: Pfft. 11 years of marriage should only serve to INCREASE the ol' hornometer. Pick anything. Pick a muumuu. Let's end this thing.

20. Flubby- Guitar

I have always been a big fan of the chick wearing little, if anything, except a guitar (perfected by Liz Phair).

21. CC- Nipple ring

We sure are getting good mileage out of Christina's piercings.

Women may choose to wear either barbell or ring, in one nipple or both. This is by far and away the sexiest piercing: hidden from plain sight, available only to those who remove a woman's clothing. Tongue rings are fine if you're a trashy high school girl or experimenting in college, and clit piercings frighten me (but in a good way), so the nipple ring it is.

This is a nice way to round out my selections, as all of my women will be wearing wedges, thong underwear, heavy eye makeup, and nipple rings. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go masturbate.

I have to say, the frankness with which some of us discuss "number 3" can be terrifying.

22. BDD- Belly chain

Fucking hot. Accentuates the hips and midriff, and shows that a woman is dead serious about turning you on. It's like a sexy, shiny equator that perfect divides your T&A. And only women with the right kind of body can pull it off.

Nothing says class quite like rhinestone jewelry.

CC: I dated a girl who never took her belly chain off. It was excellent. But not as excellent as the girlfriend with a nipple ring.

God I hate you.

UM: WHAT?!?! when did Sobe start making a drink called Lean?

That coyote knows what's up!

Flub: That's probably what the coyote is thinking in the picture. "Damn they got sizzurp up at Quizno's now?"

That or: I'm looking for the man that shot my "paw."

Ape: There were coyotes discovered in Rock Creek Park two years ago. I hope one eats Tammy Darvish.

I heard that's what happened to Chandra Levy.

23. UM- Babydoll

That's just some sexy shit right there.

Hmm...this should have added up to 24. Eh, fuck it, lots more pictures are coming!

Honorable Mentions

BDD: Daisy dukes, French maid outfit, nurse outfit, tight sweater, fishnets, body stockings, any sort of latex get up, Demibra (the ones that don't actually cover the tits), fur coat with nothing else, crotchless panties, cheerleader skirts, and stripper dresses

UM: weed, whipped cream, tassles, clear platforms, body paint, tube top, saddle from Secretary

CC: tee shirt cut up to reveal cleavage and stomach, then tied in a knot in back in order to stay tight against body

Flub: Man, I hate what
Rolling Stone has become, but the new cover, with the chicks from Grindhouse, is pretty good.


BDD: I'm pretty sure Rose McGowan got an asslift.

UM: I'm pretty sure she was raised in an underground bunker...insert stupid Ufford joke here.

CC: I'd be happy to fire those off.

MMP: Ape, do you have any more pictures of your cat?

CC: Do you have any pictures of a hot woman wearing your cat?

Ape: Sure, what do you need?

MMP: Whatever you have, preferable a good head shot and maybe a full-body shot.

UM: Sicko

That's when things veered of course.

I hope you enjoyed the single greatest mock draft in the history of the internet. Now feel free to critique our efforts and spurt lists of your own sick indulgences.

Update: We forgot one...

Update 2: Apparently Punter really did want a picture of Ape's cat for reasons that are not sick and disgusting in the least. I profusely apologize for making him look like some sort of weirdo. We wouldn't want you readers thinking we were unbalanced or anything like that. So please Mr. Punter, don't kill me in my sleep.


McBain said...

CC: Do you have any pictures of a hot woman wearing your cat?

That made me laugh incredibly hard.

I'm not sure you missed anything, as Drew covered just about everyting in his honorable mentions. I do love the ultratight graphic tees that girls think are hilarious but are actually trite. The slogan just gives you the "I was reading you shirt" excuse. Twevles times a night.

Stuck in the Ivy said...

Solid final round guys, though I only counted four picks...I thought there were six of you. Oh well.

And from the Sun Times story, "The officer didn't have far to go; he was at the Dunkin' Donuts next door."

The Chicago Police Department: fulfilling stereotypes since 1837.

Unsilent Majority said...

Yeah, the past two editions included too many picks.

Rob I said...

That's when things veered of course.

No, things veered off course sometime around June

BeaverFever said...

BDD runs away with with this draft. brought it to the next level with the belly chain and the list of honorable mentions were gold.

fishnets, body stocking, and crotchless panties would have been solid picks in this draft.

Awful Chief said...

I suddenly really want some whipped cream on my coffee. Great finish fellas.

grungedave said...

Flub wins for the inspired "guitar" selection alone. Chicks with guitars - super f'n hot!

DrDoom said...

bdd wins and his honorable mentions take everything else there is.

Would Me have be an exceptable answer. as in i want all the girls who are hot i see to be wearing me.

Big Daddy Drew said...

NOTE: I would have picked Frnech maid outfit in the fourth, but I was trying to complete an ensemble, so there you go.

Anyone got some kryptonite?

Chris said...

The baby doll was a fine choice. I am getting used to this whole married thing now so I see more of that and less drunk ramblings as I try to get my clothes off before i pass out.

Crazy Little Thing said...

Question: On the Rolling Stone cover, why does Rose McGowan look like Julianne Moore? I'm confused.

The Pirate Sloth said...

Scarlett can wear an of the fine choices made in this draft and I'd still lay it in her. Except for the tennis dress.

Thanks for making Balt enjoyable. Maybe I should take my laptop with me everywhere I go today so that after 5 mins of looking at the city, I'll look back down at the draft and have a reason to smile.

Wormfather said...

I'm just saying...YOU @#$#ING FORGOT ABOUT COKE!!!

They didnt show the chick but that scene in The Departed when Jack just throws a fist full of coke on that hot chick...I dont even do coke, but damn, I wanted it off her.

I seriously need the directors cut of that film.

Brandon Jacobs Gut said...

You guys forget tight sweatpants. theres nothing better than the beginning of spring on campus cause its too cold for shorts but nice enough to go outside and run. The result are girls jogging in pants like these:

DrDoom said...

i mentioned coke after the first one, but besides wormfather no one else was down with getting high. (i don't do coke)

The Brooklyn Boy said...

I'm AMAZED none of you mentioned baseball or hockey jerseys (with nothing else). Joey Lauren Adams rocked the Leafs jersey in Chasing Amy, I was convinced that was the greatest thing ever. Also fantastic in combination with booty shorts or thong underwear.

Mike said...

Bravo. BDD finishes off with a bang (my bang, not sure about his).

As a fellow, married, suit-and-tie jackass, I'm feeling his selections. Since there's nothing my wife can do at this point that I haven't seen or imagined, it's the hotties at the office that are in play. And Drew drew them up for me:

Hot, sexy suits & heels. With garters & thigh-high stockings underneath, and the belly chain (uh-oh, pass the Kleenex, will ya?) to finish it off.

You guys better get back to football, or I'm violating at least 23 NSFW rules by next Friday.

(Good god, is the stall at the end of the row available?)

BeaverFever said...

thanks to whoever posted the pic of liz phair. she sings and looks like a dirty little slut.

Big Daddy Drew said...

One accessory we forgot to mention: iPod.

Peter McSheisty said...

I cant believe you guys left out wife beaters. For shame.

Sheena Beaston said...

When I saw this cover of Rolling Stone with the chicas from Grindhouse, my immediate thought was "What instruments do these 2 play?"

To which I quickly retorted (in my head, mind you) "They play the skin flute."

Happy Fun Miles said...

I'm handing the victory to CC.

The lack of fishnets in this draft was disturbing.

Ryan said...

@Peter McSheisty: I've been saying that since yesterday. I thought no one else understood.

And, I'm upset at myself for not thinking of the iPod. Been looking at that picture for weeks now...

Signal to Noise said...

BDD dominated this draft. Great out of the box selection of the guitar by flubby, though.

Vanilla said...

@BDD: One accessory we forgot to mention: iPod.

Too bad they didn't go with the Nano or that little iPod Shuffle.

dick_gozinia said...

How did knee-high black boots or knee-high socks not make this list? You guys are bad, bad pervs.

DougOLis said...

What about the lower back tattoo? Or is that too permanent for this draft? I don't care, I'm still picking it.

I like that there just happened to be a cop next door in the Dunkin Donuts, but I especially like the two people who didn't leave because they weren't done eating. "Sir, we need you to leave, there's a potentially dangerous coyote loose in here." "Hell no, not until I finish my chicken sandwich."

CSG said...

How dare you (somewhat) denigrate the the clit ring? Always a good time...just don't get into a relationship.

Tim said...

I'll be picking up Really Hot Best Friend as an undrafted free agent, then.