Either "finale" is a funny word or I'm a bit blazed. The jury's still out on this one folks. Anyways...if you missed part 1 or 2 just click on those numbers back there.
You're in for some overtly sexy shit, try to keep your composure. God damn I love the off season.
MMP: Has the classic spring dress been claimed yet? Very easy on the eyes and also coming into season as well.
BDD: It has not. Sundresses, I imagine, also fall into that category...Flubby's up.
UM: Ah, the sundress
BDD: That's a muumuu. Different category.
UM: Still sexy...
BDD: Where is flubby? I wanna pick!
Flub: I'm still thinking. I may be out of ideas.
BDD: Out of ideas? Some pervert you are. Think uniforms and lingerie.
Flub: That's what 11 years of marriage will do for you.
BDD: Pfft. 11 years of marriage should only serve to INCREASE the ol' hornometer. Pick anything. Pick a muumuu. Let's end this thing.
20. Flubby- Guitar
I have always been a big fan of the chick wearing little, if anything, except a guitar (perfected by Liz Phair).
21. CC- Nipple ring
Women may choose to wear either barbell or ring, in one nipple or both. This is by far and away the sexiest piercing: hidden from plain sight, available only to those who remove a woman's clothing. Tongue rings are fine if you're a trashy high school girl or experimenting in college, and clit piercings frighten me (but in a good way), so the nipple ring it is.
This is a nice way to round out my selections, as all of my women will be wearing wedges, thong underwear, heavy eye makeup, and nipple rings. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go masturbate.
I have to say, the frankness with which some of us discuss "number 3" can be terrifying.
22. BDD- Belly chain
Fucking hot. Accentuates the hips and midriff, and shows that a woman is dead serious about turning you on. It's like a sexy, shiny equator that perfect divides your T&A. And only women with the right kind of body can pull it off.
Nothing says class quite like rhinestone jewelry.
CC: I dated a girl who never took her belly chain off. It was excellent. But not as excellent as the girlfriend with a nipple ring.
God I hate you.
UM: WHAT?!?! when did Sobe start making a drink called Lean?
That coyote knows what's up!
Flub: That's probably what the coyote is thinking in the picture. "Damn they got sizzurp up at Quizno's now?"
That or: I'm looking for the man that shot my "paw."
Ape: There were coyotes discovered in Rock Creek Park two years ago. I hope one eats Tammy Darvish.
I heard that's what happened to Chandra Levy.
23. UM- Babydoll
That's just some sexy shit right there.
Hmm...this should have added up to 24. Eh, fuck it, lots more pictures are coming!
BDD: Daisy dukes, French maid outfit, nurse outfit, tight sweater, fishnets, body stockings, any sort of latex get up, Demibra (the ones that don't actually cover the tits), fur coat with nothing else, crotchless panties, cheerleader skirts, and stripper dresses
UM: weed, whipped cream, tassles, clear platforms, body paint, tube top, saddle from Secretary
CC: tee shirt cut up to reveal cleavage and stomach, then tied in a knot in back in order to stay tight against body
Flub: Man, I hate what Rolling Stone has become, but the new cover, with the chicks from Grindhouse, is pretty good.
UM: BULLETS! I DRAFT BULLETS!
BDD: I'm pretty sure Rose McGowan got an asslift.
UM: I'm pretty sure she was raised in an underground bunker...insert stupid Ufford joke here.
CC: I'd be happy to fire those off.
MMP: Ape, do you have any more pictures of your cat?
CC: Do you have any pictures of a hot woman wearing your cat?
Ape: Sure, what do you need?
MMP: Whatever you have, preferable a good head shot and maybe a full-body shot.
That's when things veered of course.
I hope you enjoyed the single greatest mock draft in the history of the internet. Now feel free to critique our efforts and spurt lists of your own sick indulgences.
Update: We forgot one...
Update 2: Apparently Punter really did want a picture of Ape's cat for reasons that are not sick and disgusting in the least. I profusely apologize for making him look like some sort of weirdo. We wouldn't want you readers thinking we were unbalanced or anything like that. So please Mr. Punter, don't kill me in my sleep.