Welcome to Part 2 of the greatest mock draft of all time. For Part 1 go here.
Off the board: heels, thongs, bikinis, schoogirl outfits, pearl necklaces, edible panties, camisoles...let's do this sexy thing.
8. MMP- Mary Janes
Just like 'em. Dunno why
What a reach!
BDD: What are Mary Janes?
MMP: It's a closed-toe shoe with a strap across the foot.
Cue the crickets.
9. Flub- Slinky Black Cocktail Dress
The Nolan Ryan of women's apparel
Sans the inflated ERA?
Different from heels, but they achieve the same sexy-leg effect that Drew and I like so much.
11. Garter belt with thigh highs
You could put Natasha Lyonne in thigh highs and I'd be turned on. This is the absolute classic lingerie combination. Yet I have no clue why I like it so. Perhaps it's the garter straps accenuating the ass just so, or the lacey tops of the thigh highs gently caressing the...
OOPS. Look at the mess I made. I have to clean this up.
UM: NOOOOOOOOOOO! All you guys were so caught up in your clogs and whatnot...i thought i'd get the garter...
We should start the Natasha Lyonne All Stars as an answer to Simmons and his Reggie Cleveland squad. Girls whose names make them sound hot when in reality they are the opposite.
UM- 12. Bustier
A showcase of sexitude.
UM- 13. Booty Shorts
What the bustier does for the top half the shorts do for the bottom. It's like taking a work of art and putting it in the world's greatest frame.
BDD-14. Tight as shit business suit
Preferably with a mini skirt that just barely covers the ass, and blouse with the top buttons open so that the cleavage just spill right out. Combine that with the garter and thigh highs and I now have blueballs.
That's a nice pick there Drew.
BDD: I think this draft needs to go 4 rounds. I've got some other stuff I'd like to riff on.
CC- 15. Eye makeup
I was going to say "makeup" but I thought that would be too broad. Girls with lots of eye makeup automatically look 60% hotter. And now, none of your women will ever get to wear it. AWESOME.
Flub- 16. Low rise jeans
But like plutonimum, they can be deadly in the wrong hands.
MMP- 17. One piece tennis dress
One piece tennis dresses. They provide a blend of sportiness and easy access that's hard to come by.
BDD: I like that pick. That's a solid pick.
Now Ape goes twice. Four rounds!!!!!!
UM: fuck fuck fuck. that was my fourth rounder.
Ape- 18. Glasses
Small frames but not those Lisa Loeb cat glasses. Because I like smart, engaging women. And, failing that, ones that at least appear intelligent.
Flub: Good call, Ape
Ape- 19. Nose stud
Provides no tactile pleasure, but is a sign she's at least not up tight. However, the nose stud can't be part of a panoply of piercing. Just the ears and nose. None of that eyebrow shit.
BDD: Ah, but what of the tongue stud? Nothing says easy like a tongue stud.
Check back tomorrow for the thrilling conclusion to find out if anything says easy better than a tongue stud (Hint: If she smokes, she pokes)