Thursday, April 19, 2007

Urlacher fined $100,000 for hat--
Goodell drunk on power, scotch Gatorade


From the desk of Roger Goodell, Commmissioner National Football Leagye

To: Brian Urlacher

Re: Courtesy reminder on official NFL player apparel policy

Do you know what 'Official Sports Drink of the NFL' means, Brian? It means if you show up at Media Day wearing a faggy hat pimping some bullshit fortified water, I am going to fine your ass six-figures. Capiche, dickhead?

I am through playing around you bastards. David Stern thinks he is some kind of a hardass??? I'll show him a what a hardass really is. He wants to suspend a referee for the playoffs??? I'll push a referee down a fucking elevator shaft if they so much as look at me sideways. No more vitaminwater hats, Brian. And if you cross me one more time, I swear on all that is holy, I will make your life a living hell, do you understand me you miserable prick? With me, you do not fuck.

But to make it up to you I want to introduce you to some newly approved official NFL apparel, just for you. Enjoy, cockmunch.

Yours truly,

Rog










19 comments:

save the steagles said...

Bad ass Roger Goodell is kinda sexy. Just me?

The Leitch hat needs to be marketed immediately.

Adam said...

I'm not sure which duo is more power hungry -- Goodell and Stern or Jesse and Rev. Al.

Anyway, I nearly choked to death on my bagel when I read that elevator shaft comment.

- Adam
ArrowheadAddict.com

Burnsy said...

I drink vitamin water because Brian Urlacher's hat tells me to.

sledgod said...

@Save the steages: Agreed.

Someone get on this immediately. Hats, T-shirts, mousepads, diploma frames--I'll buy anything that has Will Leitch saying "I'm so emo." Where's twoeightnine?

Signal to Noise said...

+1 for the Riverdance cap.

I really, really want to see Goodell shoving a ref down the elevator shaft now.

C-lo said...

Does this mean the next time Urlacher steps on the field he's going to wear a hat that says, "Goodell"? That's SO Jim McMahon of him.

lieutenant winslow said...

aww, Flubby...

TheNaturalMevs would be so proud

Smello said...

"With me, you do not fuck."

I intend to make this part of my every day venacular starting right now as I get up to head into the boss's office. Thank you, Flubby.

Mitch Kayak said...

Agreed on the Leitch hat.

We can make millions off that.

Chris said...

So is Goodell crazy like Denzel in Man on Fire or Denzel in Training Day?

mikeski said...

That last one's not a 'Shop, is it? Didn't think so. That guy really is a World Champion.

ben said...

mad props for the Judah Freidlander reference! That guys awesome (shoulda shown the Free Cheese hat though)

Awful Chief said...

With me, you do not fuck.
- Rog

Fuck with me, you do not.
- Yoda

twoeightnine said...

I did not have sex with Paris*. A few ladies in Paris, yes.



*there are a few weeks that I don't remember.

Total BS said...

Good afternoon, this is your local Photoshop representative. Did you know that with just six easy payments of 99.95, you too can make fancy interweb illustrations like Mr. Flubby here. Thank you for your time.

The Last Unitard said...

$99.95? That's all? And I can make the payment directly to Flubby?! Score!

Can I get a Leitch in the shower hat instead?

my word verification: rsexnno

McBain said...

mad props for the Judah Freidlander reference! That guys awesome (shoulda shown the Free Cheese hat though)

I believe you meant "Extra Cheese."

"And your hats...'Extra Cheese.' What does that even mean?"
"I think it's pretty self-explanatory."

Robocats said...

That Riverdance hat is pure gold. Now that's what you should sell in the KSK shop! No offense, but that is even more relevant than the draft from 7 years ago.

Zach Landres-Schnur said...

He wants to suspend a referee for the playoffs??? I'll push a referee* down a fucking elevator shaft if they so much as look at me sideways

*But not eddie hochuli. with me, i will let him fuck