Thursday, April 5, 2007

KSK Mock Draft: Clothing and Accessories that Accentuate the Hotness of Womankind

If you know anything about KSK you know that we are staunch supporters of feminism, assuming feminism means "dressing women up in outfits that make them look sexier." That's why this week we've undertaken the most important mock draft subject to date. If you could pick any item of clothing (or accessory) for a woman to wear what would it be and why?

Note: Your face is not an accessory (I already tried).

Because even we don't always understand what we're doing I'll let Big Daddy Drew sum up the rules... To clarify the rules. You pick one piece of clothing or accessories, every attractive woman you encounter must wear them for you at all times, including the wife.

Marriage is bourgeois.

If someone else drafts a certain item, you never get to see a woman in it again.

Thanks mein fuehrer.

The draft order is as follows: UM, Drew, Ape, CC, Flubby, Punter. Sadly Ape decided to attend opening day at RFK so the order was shuffled.

And remember, if you want to play along at home but can't get a woman to come within sniffing distance of you there's always another option.


Round One


1. UM- The Bikini (the thongier the better)


I kicked off the draft before I had a firm grasp on the nuances of Drew's set of rules so I decided to stay safe. The bikini is a classic. They perfectly display the assets of the beautiful people while exposing the flaws of all those borderliners.


2. Drew- High Heels


Every man has differing tastes, but I've yet to find a man who would prefer a girl in Keds to one in 6" bend-me-over-the-credenza pumps. High heels accentuate the calf. I have no idea why this makes me hard enough to take batting practice, but it does.

I knew somebody was going to pick a shoe, I just didn't think I'd be all alone in the mocking.

UM: I was tempted to say "first one to pick shoes is a homo"

CC: First one to pick shoes knows what the fuck is going on.

Flub: Don't be hostile at the hostel.

Note- For reasons only clear to Caveman he decided to stay in a hostel during the Final Four (even though he was on the company dime). I hope those pushy Bavarian backpackers gave him a good lesson on what's wrong with America.



3. CC- YES!!! Thong Underwear

No explanation necessary

Yeah, because the rest of this is TOTALLY necessary!

BDD: Choosing between high heels and thongs was extremely difficult.


4. Flubby- Pearl Necklace

This is as close as I could get without people bitching.

You'll have as much fun giving it to her as she will wearing it.

Uh Flubby, remember Drew's rule?

every attractive woman you encounter must wear them for you at all times

That gooey touch of romance would get old...fast.

5/6. MPP- Catholic Schoolgirl Outfit

Halcyon days indeed...

If we're going pervy, let's do it right.

There's a wrong way?

UM: I call shenanigans! you can take the knee socks, you can take the skirt, you can take the sheer oxford shirt that's busting at the seams...but you can't have the whole package.

MMP: 5. The Skirt
6. The sheer, busty white oxford shirt

you can have the socks, UM.

UM: SCORE!

BDD: Does that rule out all pleated miniskirts? I guess it does.

Damn.

UM: I think there's a big difference between a schoolgirl skirt and the traditional mini skirt

BDD: I said PLEATED miniskirt.

Anyway, I think complete uniforms are allowable, so if Punter wants to pick again, he can. After all, the point of this thing is to thro
w up some hot pictures.

MMP: I'll stand behind my revised selection.

BDD: I admire a man who stick by his principles. Or at least, his penis's.

MMP: One and the same, my friend.


UM: flubby's up. seeing as how he's a lawyer here's my prediction

Ape: You assholes, I was at RFK for opening day,

MMP: Nobody made you go. Drew, let him pick twice when he's up again.

BDD: This is EASILY solvable.

We'll count the Catholic schoolgirl uni as a
single pick, leaving Ape as the last pick in the round. Whcih means Ape gets to pick twice RIGHT NOW! Huzzah!

Revised order:

UM
Drew
CC
flubby
Punter

Ape


MMP: King Solomon is impressed with your conflict resolution skills.

(ed. note: Old Testament > New Testament... flame on, gentiles!)

Flub: seeing how UM is a Jew here's my prediction for him

UM: Mmmm, holy goodness...


Ape: 6. Edible panties



Parenthetically for the record, I'm astounded UM took regular bikini over weed bikini. If we actually went through with the last meal draft, the panties would have been whatever flavor my first round pick would have been: unless, of course, I went with the meal of three dozen jumbo crabs.

7. Camisole


Maybe I'm swayed before it's just starting to get warm out and hot girls everywhere are popping up in these. Simple, but still incredibly hot. The first warm weather day of the year is better than Christmas, but First Waem Weather Day ofr the Year Ape doesn't fit well on the marquee.

It's also spelled wrong because I'm a little drunk.


Rounds 2-4 coming soon...so try to not tell us how we fucked up until we're done.

31 comments:

Erin Andrews Ovaries said...

Apron: Kitchen, Sammich or Steak now.

T. said...

I'm surprised crotchless panties did not make the first round list. Tsk, tsk.

Rob I said...

What the fuck is this? Project Runway? Queers!

Billy said...

Setting gender equality back, one draft pick at a time... I love it!!

BeaverFever said...

BDD hits it out of the park again with that draft pick and great picture to go with it. the high heel/thigh high stocking combo is the best. nothing hotter. Carry on fine gentlemen.

devang said...

No underwear. I'm picking for her NOT to wear anything underneath. Does that qualify? I mean, it doesn't diminish the sexiness, especially if she is crossing and uncrossing her legs and the labias are doing their magic work underneath, and she gets all worked up and ...fuck what were we talking about? Oh yeah, the no underwear makes my balls hurt more than Shaun Livingston's leg.

The Pirate Sloth said...

I'm partial to a garter belt + stockings combo. I could see a woman walking around in that for the rest of my life. If she's got the high heels on with it? God damn she's in trouble.

Burnsy said...

Honestly, was nudity going back to college for another year? What about barefoot?

I like the camisole, but here's a novel idea: let's get a hot slut to model the damn sex cannon shirt already.

Mike said...

Drew got Michael Jordan & Hakeem in the first round with the clear, unquestionably correct pick: High Fucking Heels.

(There is NO other choice.)

UM, I hope that bikini works out better than Sam Bowie.

the chief said...

Put her in my favorite button down oxford shirt & nothing else.

Otto Man said...

Is "nothing but a smile" a valid pick?

Rob I said...

Is "My Little Pony Underoos" a valid pick?

the chief said...

rob - 10 out of 10 child molesters agree that MLP Underoos are a valid pick. nice work.

Ruthless Gravity said...

I've always been bias towards a girl thick in the britches wearing boy shorts.

MemphisRaines said...

Tube socks? Flannel shirt? Wisconsinites (Wisconsians? Wisconsinese?) everywhere are flabbergasted. I love the edible panties pick; it = no panties whenever you get hungry!

save the steagles said...

I have to agree with the chief and say a man's button down oxford is the way to go. But high heels was definitely the star of the first round.

Burnsy said...

Seriously, isn't flat out, blatant nudity the end-all?

Actually, there should be a cankle clause for this draft. Chubby chasers need not declare themselves eligible.

BeaverFever said...

i have to believe crothless panties will be a selection somewhere in this draft. i can smell them, i mean it.

Ryan said...

Hot chick + wifebeater = goodness.

BeaverFever said...

btw, does pubic hair count as an accessory ?

Clutch247 said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Clutch247 said...

Steales said: "I have to agree with the chief and say a man's button down oxford is the way to go. But high heels was definitely the star of the first round"

It's a shame to see that a majority of KSK readers are butt pirates.

how bout those stetch linen pants that go down to their ankles, that can make even the ugliest witch have the nicest ass out.

Ryan said...

And 4 fucking rounds of images of female posterior and funbags? It's like Christmas and my birthday all rolled into one!

My Insignificant Life said...

High heels, thongs, oxford shirts as stand alones are all winners, but combine into one wearing and DAMN! I can die with a smile on my face. I know we're allowed only 1 item, but hells bells, I'm struggling to come up with anything else.

BTW, here's a little something for the ladies....ok, maybe something not to wear.....

http://news.cincinnati.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20070404/NEWS01/304030027/-1/CINCI

Signal to Noise said...

High heels win this round.

I vote for a modified version: the high-heeled leather boot, as in, the "Thank you mistress, may I have another" style boot.

Redhead said...

signal to noise: thanks. you just made me laugh out loud with that one.

DrDoom said...

Micahel irvin wants to know if a line of coke is an accesory.

Happy Fun Miles said...

Fishnet stockings for the win.

David said...

Did we answer the pubic hair counting question? Would different stylings count as different accessories? Is clear-cutting the same as trimming the hedges?

Dat RoRo Kid said...

Three words: Bi-ki-ni.

Jackin'4Beats said...

I'm actually partial to this kind of bikini or maybe even this kind of bikini.

Would love to hear your comments!