If you know anything about KSK you know that we are staunch supporters of feminism, assuming feminism means "dressing women up in outfits that make them look sexier." That's why this week we've undertaken the most important mock draft subject to date. If you could pick any item of clothing (or accessory) for a woman to wear what would it be and why?
Note: Your face is not an accessory (I already tried).
Because even we don't always understand what we're doing I'll let Big Daddy Drew sum up the rules... To clarify the rules. You pick one piece of clothing or accessories, every attractive woman you encounter must wear them for you at all times, including the wife.
Marriage is bourgeois.
If someone else drafts a certain item, you never get to see a woman in it again.
Thanks mein fuehrer.
The draft order is as follows: UM, Drew, Ape, CC, Flubby, Punter. Sadly Ape decided to attend opening day at RFK so the order was shuffled.
And remember, if you want to play along at home but can't get a woman to come within sniffing distance of you there's always another option.
1. UM- The Bikini (the thongier the better)
I kicked off the draft before I had a firm grasp on the nuances of Drew's set of rules so I decided to stay safe. The bikini is a classic. They perfectly display the assets of the beautiful people while exposing the flaws of all those borderliners.
2. Drew- High Heels
Every man has differing tastes, but I've yet to find a man who would prefer a girl in Keds to one in 6" bend-me-over-the-credenza pumps. High heels accentuate the calf. I have no idea why this makes me hard enough to take batting practice, but it does.
I knew somebody was going to pick a shoe, I just didn't think I'd be all alone in the mocking.
UM: I was tempted to say "first one to pick shoes is a homo"
CC: First one to pick shoes knows what the fuck is going on.
Flub: Don't be hostile at the hostel.
Note- For reasons only clear to Caveman he decided to stay in a hostel during the Final Four (even though he was on the company dime). I hope those pushy Bavarian backpackers gave him a good lesson on what's wrong with America.
3. CC- YES!!! Thong Underwear
No explanation necessary
Yeah, because the rest of this is TOTALLY necessary!
BDD: Choosing between high heels and thongs was extremely difficult.
4. Flubby- Pearl Necklace
You'll have as much fun giving it to her as she will wearing it.
Uh Flubby, remember Drew's rule?
every attractive woman you encounter must wear them for you at all times
That gooey touch of romance would get old...fast.
5/6. MPP- Catholic Schoolgirl Outfit
There's a wrong way?
UM: I call shenanigans! you can take the knee socks, you can take the skirt, you can take the sheer oxford shirt that's busting at the seams...but you can't have the whole package.
MMP: 5. The Skirt
6. The sheer, busty white oxford shirt
you can have the socks, UM.
BDD: Does that rule out all pleated miniskirts? I guess it does.
UM: I think there's a big difference between a schoolgirl skirt and the traditional mini skirt
BDD: I said PLEATED miniskirt.
Anyway, I think complete uniforms are allowable, so if Punter wants to pick again, he can. After all, the point of this thing is to throw up some hot pictures.
MMP: I'll stand behind my revised selection.
BDD: I admire a man who stick by his principles. Or at least, his penis's.
MMP: One and the same, my friend.
UM: flubby's up. seeing as how he's a lawyer here's my prediction
Ape: You assholes, I was at RFK for opening day,
MMP: Nobody made you go. Drew, let him pick twice when he's up again.
BDD: This is EASILY solvable.
We'll count the Catholic schoolgirl uni as a single pick, leaving Ape as the last pick in the round. Whcih means Ape gets to pick twice RIGHT NOW! Huzzah!
MMP: King Solomon is impressed with your conflict resolution skills.
(ed. note: Old Testament > New Testament... flame on, gentiles!)
Flub: seeing how UM is a Jew here's my prediction for him
UM: Mmmm, holy goodness...
Ape: 6. Edible panties
Parenthetically for the record, I'm astounded UM took regular bikini over weed bikini. If we actually went through with the last meal draft, the panties would have been whatever flavor my first round pick would have been: unless, of course, I went with the meal of three dozen jumbo crabs.
Maybe I'm swayed before it's just starting to get warm out and hot girls everywhere are popping up in these. Simple, but still incredibly hot. The first warm weather day of the year is better than Christmas, but First Waem Weather Day ofr the Year Ape doesn't fit well on the marquee.
It's also spelled wrong because I'm a little drunk.
Rounds 2-4 coming soon...so try to not tell us how we fucked up until we're done.