Friday, April 13, 2007

This Week’s KSK Mock Draft: Great Movie Deaths We’d Like For Our Own

We’ve got a special guest host and participant for this week’s draft: None other than Orson Swindle of Every Day Should Be Saturday, the best college football site on the Internet. He even offered to use the royal we. Take it away, Swindle…

During our blogger summit at a gay bar in midtown Atlanta, Ufford and we decided that EDSBS had to make an appearance in the mock draft category. Actually, we decided this, and threatened Ufford with leaving his pearl-buttoned shirt-wearing ass on the sidewalk at Piedmont and 10th for the Rusty Cocklords to have him as they liked if he refused us a spot in the mock draft.

Threat of forced rough trade revoked, here we are. The topic: movie deaths. This includes scenes you find admirable, noble, badass, enviable, and suitable as a model for your own inevitable demise.

Two rounds. Serpentine Draft. The order: Swindle, UM, CC, Ape, Drew, Flub, Punter.


Round 1, Pick 1 - Swindle – King Kong, “King Kong”

I die standing on top of the world, swatting planes out of the sky with my huge hairy arms, and watching the world gawk at my collossal cock and balls swinging like the inner workings of a universal sex clock over the city. Bullets rip into my flesh, but they only anger me in principle, since they barely scratch the epidermis of my stop-motion animated hide.

I'm like an evil black sun rising over the city. Like Charles Oakley hitting the town on any given Saturday night in the 1990s, actually, but slightly less tough, and without an unregistered firearm.

It's even better than you think, though. You know why I'm dying? It's the same in every version. I'm beating millions of dollars out of the sky with each swat of my hands for beauty. Practically raging my ass off for beauty's sake buck naked on top of the Empire State Building. This isn't just an angry gorilla beating off onto Manhattan from 100 stories up. This is fucking art.

The actual line: "Oh no, it wasn't the airplanes. It was beauty killed the beast."

That's what they'll say when they gun shirtless me down outside a Miami convenience store, machete in hand and bomb strapped to my face: It was beauty killed the beast. (And a well-placed hollow point to the heart, of course.)


Round 1, Pick 2 - UM – Christ, “The Passion Of The Christ”

Mel Gibson's uproarious comedy* culminates with the most important death in human history (apologies to Franz Ferdinand and Cus D'Amato). Now for the millionth time, WE'RE SORRY!

*I didn't actually see the movie


Round 1, Pick 3 - CC – Tom Sizemore, “Saving Private Ryan”

Spend the day fucking up Germans in a French town while horrifically outnumbered before toughing it out with a bazooka despite getting shot in each shoulder. Then he delivers a badass line and dies.

Of course, my first choice would have been Sgt Stryker in Sands of Iwo Jima, which would save me the indignity of being in the U.S. Army... but he gets killed by a sniper. Fuck that.

And I'm still waiting for the Vietnam film that uses John Bobo’s death. THAT'S the one I really want.


NOTE: We couldn’t find the clip where Sizemore dies. Enjoy this 3-minute version of the D-Day scene.

Round 1, Pick 4 - Ape – Alec Guinness, “Bridge Over The River Kwai”

It seems likely I'll die with shameful recognition. At best, I'd like to take
some people with me. Homer's tongue hitting the destruct button in the
plant as he expired is similar, but I feel I've hit my Simpsons
reference limit for the week. Genuine class.


Round 1, Pick 5 - BDD – Tony Montana, “Scarface”

It's not even close. If I'm goin down, I want to do it taking out as
many people as possible with a really, really big fucking gun. Plus,
all the cocaine I've ingested will render the bullet wounds relatively
painless (or so I've been told). I can't think of a more
over-the-top, ludicrous way to die. I could even do that stupid Tony
Montana accent that every douchebag wearing a visor does at your local
watering hole. I could do without Tony's killing his sister after she
offered to satisfy his disgusting incestuous urges. But otherwise,
this is the ultimate death scene for me.


Round 1, Pick 6 - flubby – C. Thomas Howell, “Red Dawn”

If I go out, I'm taking a couple helicopters full of Commies with me. WOLVERINES!!!!

I found some Red Dawn stuff on YouTube, but nothing as funny/creepy/possibly gay as this C Thomas Howell tribute video, complete with Vitamin C soundtrack.


Round 1, Pick 7 - Punter – The real President Mitchell, “Dave”
Death by ejaculation will never get its proper due.

Round 2, Pick 8 - Punter – Flounder, “Beerfest”
If I can't fuck myself to death, drowning in beer wouldn't be a bad substitute.

Way to pick deaths with no easy-to-find video, Punter.

Round 2, Pick 9 - Flub – Sam Jackson, “Deep Blue Sea”

The shark jumps out of the pool, grabs SLJ in his jaws and then, even though it is out of the water, the shark somehow manages to find some miracle reverse gear to go back into the pool. This death is an unapologetic affront to the laws of physics and nature. I dig that.

Round 2, Pick 10 - BDD – Maximus, “Gladiator”

The only thing better than dying in front of a crowd that's cheering
your name is dying in front of a crowd that can only stare at you with
dead silent awe, because you are such a fucking badass. I have
vanquished my hated rival, died a hero's death, and now get to return
to my kickass Tuscan villa and my hottie Italian wife for the rest of
eternity. Watching this scene stoned is just about the awesomest
thing ever.


Round 2, Pick 11 - Ape – Randy Quaid, “Independence Day”

Drunken, raving lunatic redeemed, but still dead. I suppose there's some thrill in getting revenge on an anal-probing alien race and simultaneously saving mankind after being jilted and disdained most of your life. But the world is still in ruins because they didn't heed your warnings, so there's that.

In other words, I didn't give this pick any thought.


NOTE: We couldn’t find that video either. Enjoy the air battle scene from that flick.

Round 2, Pick 12 - CC – Michael Douglas, “Falling Down”

Spend a day lashing out at just about every annoyance in society, teaching people some FUCKING MANNERS, and killing neo-Nazis execution style and inducing heart attacks in asshole golfers when necessary (video above). Then, suicide-by-cop to give my daughter the life insurance money. You're welcome, sweetheart.

Round 2, Pick 13 - UM – Waring Hudsucker, “The Hudsucker Proxy”

When is a sidewalk fully dressed?
When it's Waring Hudsucker!

Say, buddy, who's the most liquid businessman on the street?
Waring Hudsucker!

Waring Hudsucker's demise is one of my all time favorite movie deaths and it's definitely the funniest. I'm not saying that's the way I'd like to shuffle loose the mortal coil, but it could certainly be worse than a ridiculously long freefall. Besides, without Hudsucker's leap we'd be without one of the world's great inventions.

You know, for kids.

I got video but it's not in english...maybe even funnier.


Round 2, Pick 14 - Swindle – Hudson, “Aliens”

Go. Down. Shooting. And tossing out profanities left and right. If you're gonna kill me, world, you'll do it with a mouthful of lead and my dying words of hate in your ears, asshole. And when you do it, be sure to send soulless killing machines with acid for blood to do it--like, seventeen thousand of them. Because that's just a start on what you're going to need to finish the job.

Either that or some bad chicken served medium rare in a Chinese food stall in Kunming. That almost did the trick once, too.


Your favorite deaths in the comments.

86 comments:

The Last Unitard said...

GAME OVER, MAN!

Gary said...

Bruce Willis in Armageddon too gay for you because of his hair/the soundtrack? Because personally setting off a nuke to prevent mankind from getting meteor-bombed to hell and gone, and having your life/hot daughter flash before your eyes like a bad acid trip isn't a terrible way to go.

J.L. White said...

ow, just wow. Oh, not over the picks, but that no one took the "Slim Pickens riding an atom bomb as it's being dropped on innocent people" idea. You guys really dropped the ball on this on.

Unsilent Majority said...

jl. I drafted that for the "action scenes we want to live out" draft. after that i considered it off-limits.

TheStarterWife said...

Ape, I love you to pieces for the first pick, but you could have totally gone for the double-Alec by picking Obi-Wan in the original Star Wars for your second pick.

save the steagles said...

Jenny Gump--have all the drugs and men your body can handle and then relax for a few peaceful years before you gently fade away with a warm southern sunset.

Smello said...

Bonnie Parker--similar to Steagles pick in that there is life of quality debauchery, including sex with an in his prime Warren Beatty, followed by a death in a hail of bullets.

mediapossum said...

I'd have to take V's death in "V For Vendetta."

First, you administer some vigilante justice and kill your nemesis with your bare hands. Next, you die in the arms of Natalie Portman. Not too shabby.

Grimey said...

The Wild Bunch, totally. You get to die alongside your best friends, and you get to kill a bunch of Mexicans.

lieutenant winslow said...

if Ufford and Swindle were in the ATL and did not make a stop at the Claremont Lounge, i am going to be SEVERELY fucking disappointed

oh, and i cannot fucking believe that none of you picked the old man that dies while fucking a still young and very hot Goldie Hawn in Private Bejamin.

famous last words... "I'm coming"

THAT is how you want to die

Big Daddy Drew said...

Steagles is apparently unaware of just what AIDS does to the human body.

save the steagles said...

I'm just saying in movie world she has it pretty good. The AIDS thing is never really confirmed either.

Gary said...

There is also the death of Jet Li's character in Fearless. After defeating every single fighter the colonial powers can throw at him, and realizing that they'll get him eventually, Li spares the life of his last opponent (and both of them know who won) before succumbing to the poison. Going out on top of the world, at peace.

Biggus Rickus said...

I have to go with William Wallace in Braveheart. You've cowed the British military and subterfuge was the only way they could get at you. You man up as you are having your guts cut out of your still-live body and cry, "Freedoooooooom!" with your dying breath rather than give into your torturers. Every man should wish to represent himself so well. Oh, and you got to fuck that hot Frenchy and plant the seed for the royal line.

lieutenant winslow said...

apaprently i missed MMP'S "the real president" selection.

as far as "death by ejaculation" goes, i cannot recall at the moment, what that hooker that the real president was banging looked like, but... until somebody proves me wrong, i'm still sticking with 1980 Goldie Hawn as the girl i want to die while nutting in

Grimey said...

This reminds me of when my mom felt compelled to warn me about Pretty Woman glamourizing prostitution before she would let me watch it.

And no, this wasn't last week.

Gary said...

It wasn't a hooker in Dave, it was a junior staffer or cookie. And she was played by a then-29 year old Laura Linney.

Wormfather said...

Notable exceptions

Bill "Kill Bill, Vol. 2

and the black dude from the Green Mile, he might have been dumb, but his fuck it, I'll die anyway was bad ass.

DrDoom said...

so by no inclusion of bravehart or riding the bomb previous picks were not ok. Because um stated that the bomb was out.

And surpirsed no one has made this joke yet but flubby
" a shark ate you a fucking shark ate you."

and i know this is nerdish: but how bout vader. he kills the emperor overcomes his evil and gets to see his own son with his own eyes.

Biggus Rickus said...

I like my Vader evil, a la Empire Strikes Back, choking mother fuckers who fail once. His redemption pissed me off.

devang said...

What about the guy in Clerks dying while jerking off and the girl fucking his dead corpse.

Dat RoRo Kid said...

I kind of dig the way that African chick catches it in 'The Good Shepherd'. Stupid, double-agent wanna-be me is on my way to my wedding in a shitty propeller-engine plane when the door is suddenly thrust open and i'm thrown the fuck out. I don't even have time to really say a fuckin' thing about it. DOPE. I laughed out loud when I saw that scene in the theatre.

Biggus Rickus said...

@devang

It would have been better if she'd fucked his live corpse.

becky said...

@devang-
I was JUST about to say that. don't forget he also had the GOOD tp.

Wormfather said...

And whoa, WTF, no Sonny Corleone!?!?!? No mention of a kill in the godfather period?

You bring shame to the family!

Fuck it, bring the girls back.

devang said...

+ fuckin' 100 becky. I forgot about the good TP.

Unsilent Majority said...

worm- go here
http://kissmesuzy.blogspot.com/2007/03/ksk-mock-draft-movie-action-scenes-in.html

DrDoom said...

would you want to die like sonny did is the question it is not the coolest death scenes it is how you want to die.

Hawkins said...

William Holden, the Wild Bunch

devang said...

No over the top James Bonds villain deaths?

grungedave said...

Wait a second, I thought it was Landfill who died trying to drink his way out of drowning in beer in Beerfest?? (who the F is "Flounder"?)

devang said...

Not from a movie, but when one of the Sopranos guys dies while taking a shit is also another way to go. Total isolation, no one yapping at you. One last message to the world

devang said...

It would have been better if she'd fucked his live corpse.

@biggus rickus took me a while. My mind is on getting out of here and drinking.

Burnsy said...

Denzel in Man on Fire. I want to die after seriously fucking some people up, but still knowing that I ruined the lives of the living by rescuing that cunt-in-training Dakota Fanning.

Wormfather said...

Still, as far as dying goes, getting shot down on the way to beat the fuck out of your sister's husband is bad ass, kind of deep south bad ass, but bad ass none the less.

Oh look, is 5PM...Woot!

dusty said...

Closing scene of Mishima.



This actually happened on Nov 25, 1970. He was Japan's premier novelist at the time and a real reactionary nutjob. Pissed that Japan was losing its identity, he created his own private army then decided it was time that the Self Defense Force hear his message.

Tracer Bullet said...

King Kong is an inspired choice, but I'll take Hakim (Kareem Abdul-Jabbar) in "Game of Death." Going out after kicking Bruce Lee's ass is pretty damned good. That or Jimmy Cagney in "White Heat.

" "We made it, Ma! Top of the world."

Grimey said...

Not from a movie, but when one of the Sopranos guys dies while taking a shit is also another way to go.

BULL. FUCKING. SHIT.

That scene freaked me the fuck out. I had to think of it every time I took a dump for the next year, freaked out that I might squeeze too hard and pop something in my brain. No thank you twice.

smoothvanillapocketrocket said...

The Predator. Think you've won? How about this nuclear weapon strapped to my arm?
As we learned in Predator 2, he was a batshit crazy crew member who decided to go The Most Dangerous Game in the middle of the Amazon (?) against the best soldiers this planet had to offer. He toyed with them awhile and, among other things, disemboweled a 'roided freak in Jesse The Body, dismembered Apollo Creed, and so totally owned that Indian hardass that the echoes of his scream are all that remain.
It took a 7-time Mr. Olympia to present a challenge and even then the Predator chose to nuke himself rather than give that lucky mushmouth the satisfaction of victory. And don't fucking tell me Arnold survived that shit at ground zero! Total Hollywood bullshit.
Final Score:
Predator - 1
Human Race - 0

Ben said...

Punter gets an F- for this draft, especially for mislabeling Landfill.

Missing deaths:

The Horse (Buttercup?) in Animal House

Mr. Orange in Reservoir Dogs

The Navy SEALs in The Rock

Big Jon said...

George from season II of "24": Fly a plane carrying an irreversibly armed nuclear weapon into the desert, martyring yourself for your country, saving 1,000's of lives. Leave a legacy, gentlemen.

Wait a tick, George saved Los Angeles. Scratch that pick all together. I guess I'll go with the guy in the opening scene of "The Last Boy Scout"- Score a touchdown, killing a half-dozen NFL defensive backs in the process and then turning the gun on yourself. Nobody can stop me but me! Tony Robbins would be proud.

moinllieon said...

John Woo + Chow Yun Fat + Guns = The Win

denvergodfather said...

I am going to go with the dude in Clerks who dies while pulling yoke in the mini mart bathroom. This is, I am sure, how I will meet my demise.

grungedave said...

does "JFK" count? I mean, getting taken out via headshot - and dying while knowing that you tagged everything from Jackie O to Marilyn Monroe...

he went out "on top" more than John Elway did.

denvergodfather said...

Oops posted before I read the other comments. Sorry Devang did not mean to copy.

denvergodfather said...

Ok I am going to go with Statham in Crank. That is a bad fucking day ending with a good fucking death.

smeos said...

I'd have to go with Sgt. Worcester in 'Hamburger Hill'. You get to run around shooting folks and then finish it off with your knife before stumbling back down the hill to die in the arms of your best friend in a manly and only subtly homo-erotic way.

All that and you get the best line in he whole movie: 'We're in the A'Shau Valley . . . and we're not goin' anywhere except back up that Goddamned hill.'

LadyAndrea said...

+10 to Flubby, I was so hoping Samuel L's death would make it on here.

Also, mine would definitely be Chrissy from Jaws. I get to smoke pot, get all naked and then die in a horrible shark attack. Fuckin' a.

dick_gozinia said...

I can't believe you guys dropped the ball on Predator. There are like 3 deaths you could pick from that movie.

You could be Carl Weathers (always a good start) and your severed arm continues to shoot the crap out of the forest and then an alien disembowels you. Awesome.

Blain (aka Jesse the body)...you get to use a minigun a lot. Then the Predator blows a hole in your sternum. Also, you get to say, "I ain't got time to bleed."

The Predator is probably the right choice here. Fuck up tons of dudes and your death pretty much nukes 1/2 of Vietnam and Cambodia. Oh, and getting killed by Arnold is a bonus.

Grimey said...

@big jon:
Jack Bauer: "You inhaled plutonium, George!"

George: "...So?"

Engineer Sighted said...

What about the guy who got to choose his own death in Monty Python's The Meaning of Life?

Mike said...

Mifune in Seven Samurai.

Bad ass to the end, and he takes out the enemy gun in the process.

Either that or Pink in Dazed & Confused

(Oh wait, he doesn't die. He just smokes a lot of weed and gets laid with hot girls. Oops.)

Laser Rocket Arm said...

For some weird sick reason I enjoy the decapitation scene in The Omen. If you do it right decapitation is quick and painless and if you have to die a gruesome death it's always better to die a quick gruesome death.

BTW, Samuel L. getting eaten by the shark? Why does the guy watching the chomp take three seconds before he jumps with the supposed shock of it? Did he learn nothing in acting class?

kyle said...

Score on the "choose your own death" form the Meaning of Life. Being chased off a cliff, and right into your grave, by a bunch of rather tasty ladies has to be a good way to go. It isn't in the badass league that everybody around here seems to want to choose from but it would make for a better funeral than the getting buried in a jug stuff that seems to be favourable around here.

El Pendejo Grande said...

I would like to die like Connor McLeod in Highlander. Guess what, kid - you're immortal (unless you get decapitated later).

keosahawkeye said...

Dave Bowman/Donnie Darko

I want some answers before checking out.

Sean said...

The best death from Predator is the Indian who stays behind to let Arnold and that guerrilla bitch escape. He stands on a giant, fallen tree-bridge, cuts his own chest in order to lure the Predator in, and goes out fighting, with only a army issued knife/machete to do battle with.

I would pick the Predator's death if he set off the bomb in a more populated area, like Tehran.

brad said...

I remember in RoboCop some guy getting covered in toxic waste and his body severely mutated. He was wandering around when he got hit by a car and he splattered all over the place. Never seen anything like it before or since.

Mr. Bad Example said...

OLD SCHOOL: Roy Batty (Rutger Hauer) in Blade Runner. HE owned Han Solo/Indiana Jones for a while, then saved his bacon at the last possible moment, and said those cool, cryptic last words: "I've seen things you people wouldn't believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhauser gate. All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain. Time to die."

NEW SCHOOL: Leonidas (Gerald Butler) in 300. Death by cloud of arrows (as proven by Jet Li in "Hero") is badass.

UNDERRATED: Buliwyf (some nordic dude) in The 13th Warrior. He knows he's dying from the posion in his veins, and still manages to raise one last time to kick the enemy leader in the last battle. Then, he sits on a throne overlooking the carnage and goes to Valhalla. Those vikings knew their deaths, honestly.

QueeferSuthrland said...

No Mufasa from the Lion King?

What are you guys, ASSHOLES?

yesiamahooker said...

did cc call ww2 paratroopers pussies? oh no he didnt...

Slash said...

Similar to "Armageddon," but it's a different meteor movie (Deep Impact) - flying the space shuttle directly into the meteor and destroying it from the inside out, saving the entire earth while creating a really cool fucking explosion. That's how I wanna go out. If I can't die heroically, it'd be sorta cool to go out like Sharon Stone in "Casino" - stumbling down a hallway and collapsing after blowing through a lot of money in a drug-feuled orgy of excess.

sledgod said...

"Old School." Blue. KY wrestling. "Dust in the Wind."

Stuck in the Ivy said...

I'm gonna have to second Leonidas' death in 300. Laying down all your defenses just to get a shot at spearing the King of Persia, knowing full well that there are a couple thousand archers with you in their sights is completely badass. Extra points for personally killing a couple hundred Persians by hand and having a hot wife at home to cry about losing you.

DougOLis said...

How the fuck has no one called Drew on fucking up Maximus' death yet? He was Spanish not Italian, that's why they called him the Spaniard.

I think I would choose Elias' (Willem Dafoe) death from Platoon. Nothing like taking on Charlie yourself and falling to your knees as your platoon leaves you behind to be massacred.

DougOLis said...

For my second pick I choose the dude who got strangled by Xenia Onatopp (Famke Janssen)'s glorious thighs mid-coitus in GoldenEye.

QueeferSuthrland said...

DougOLis-

NICE call, Famke Janssen was the best villaness Bond broad IMO.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=FCjXUWeyR2A&mode=related&search=

PANGER said...

Jack Crabb in Little Big Man. Only cuz he's, like, 110 and dying in bed.

and because i'd prefer my life was more interesting than my death.

Bucktown Skins Fan said...

Billy Cole played by Billy Blanks... yahtzee, big jon, YAHTZEE! And don't forget he was high as a kite from chomping pain pills at halftime before he did it.

From the Alien movies, I'd have to go with Charles S. Dutton in Alien 3. He went toe to toe with the Alien to stall it so that Ripley could dump molten ore on it... and screamed "C'MON, IS THAT ALL YOU GOT!" the whole time.

He went out like a P.I.M.P.

mamacita said...

Okay, I pick Old Yeller. I will completely lose my shit, and then when I go, you're gonna cry goddammit.

Captain Caveman said...

How the fuck has no one called Drew on fucking up Maximus' death yet? He was Spanish not Italian, that's why they called him the Spaniard.

Actually, Maximus WAS Italian. He said he was a Spaniard to hide his identity.

Barney said...

I do believe a few obvious choices have been left for me to bat cleanup with.

Jack Nicholson in THE SHINING - not because I approve of terrorizing and trying to murder your family (usually) so much as he leaves behind a corpse even scarier than he was in life, which ought to count for something.

This next one is for the really gay mafia;

Brad Pitt in MEET JOE BLACK. He totally moists a woman over half a cup of coffee in a public place then gets taken out in a triple bounce vehicular debacle leaving NO DOUBT he's extra double-plus dead because, fuck it, why not? His day wasn't going to get better.

And for those who aren't gay;

Tyler FUCKING Durden who's death is across between an anarchist's wet dream and a mystical ascension.

The HAL 9000 for having the good sense to try and kill Keir Dulay or however you spell his foreign-ass name and for continuing to have "the utmost confidence in this mission" while he's being unplugged. Remaining confident while your brains dribble out your ears is the best any of us can hope for.

El Wray in PLANET TERROR who raised the stakes in Letters to Penthouse stump-fucking fantasies and for "never missing" that Rose McGowan G-Spot.

And Leon in THE PROFESSIONAL for teaching a more or less pre-pubescent (I never checked) Natalie Portman how to fuck all our shit up, get paid, and then make a fucking joke out of blowing yourself and your mortal enemy (some British amyl-nitrate tosser) with more grenades then you can count without a pause button.

Jobs Well Done.

- Barney Dannelke

Spartacus, PA.

David said...

That high school guy in the Grindhouse trailer for Thanksgiving. A quick painless decapitation while receiving a blowjob? Yes please.

The Hoosier Loser said...

How about "Deer Hunter"?

"Mao! Diddy Mao!"

Robocats said...

Ok, so his death didn't occur IN a movie, but he was featured in a movie... Spike Spiegel, Cowboy Bebop C'mon, he lived most of his life as a highly capable martial artist, saved a couple of planets, and was the best bounty hunter and bad ass in the universe. His death? Oh gee...only killed an entire fucking organized crime syndicate, pretty much singlehandedly with a gun. A syndicate that had just been taken over by his mortal enemy and had killed the love of his life. Then he marches outside and collapses in a pool of his own blood on their staircase.

anthony reddick is my homeboy said...

most noble: donnie darko

most bad ass: omartony eat lunch being hung from the helicopter while sosa and

the absolute last way i'de want to die: nicky tarantino and his brother in casino...beaten and buried alive

DrDoom said...

would you want to buried alive. Im thinking thats gotta be one of teh worst ways to go. I am going to agree with a previous commentor stuck in the ivy. I go with leonidus (leonoidus?) as the coolest. Kill thousands of persians adn then fight to the death which is the highest honor in your society and almost take out xerxes.

Mike said...

OT, but I bame this on BDD somehow:

http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20070415/sc_afp/australiaanimalsealion_070415050100

Otto Man said...

Sad I missed all the festivities here.

if Ufford and Swindle were in the ATL and did not make a stop at the Claremont Lounge, i am going to be SEVERELY fucking disappointed

First time I ever went there, the power went out. Pitch black, surrounded by drunken lowlifes and/or hipsters, and the fat, fugly, snaggle-toothed stripper on stage starts screaming out "Don't NOBODY touch me! DON'T NOBODY TOUCH ME!"

Not a chance in hell, princess.

the occasional joo said...

Not trying to get too gay, but Bruce Willis in Armageddon really wouldn't be bad at all. In the end you save the whole fucking planet from being destroyed and having all history of human life erased. HERO.

Daniel said...

Kevin Spacey in LA Confidential. Sow the seeds of your assailant's downfall.

iljasono said...

With Elias off the board, I'd go with Ken Watanabe as Katsumoto in "Last Samurai". Awful movie, awesomely noble way to go. Taking out an entire regiment of overconfident gun-wielding pussy peasant sell-outs, then charging on a white horse, leading your last remaining samurai headlong into machine gun fire, followed by seppuku using your ancestors' katana to preserve your honor and ensure that you die by the sword instead of bullet wounds. The entire army of your enemy gets on their knees and bows.
Only weakness is that Tom Cruise is associated with this death. Actually, that's a very big weakness.

Maybe I'll go with the actual Saigo Takamori instead. Holed up in Shiroyama, beheaded by your lieutenant for honor, and even after you're dead, your enemy is frantically looking for your head for fear that you'll come back as a vengeful spirit and exact revenge.

D said...

Oh, come on.

No-one mentioned Hector from Troy?

The most famous valiant battle death in literature?

Pussies.

Awful Chief said...

I guess nobody else saw Grindhouse. Fuck, I'm late on this one. CC, great pick with Falling Down
"You and me, we're the same."
"No. I'm an American and you're a sick asshole."
-boston marathon loser

assorted charms said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
assorted charms said...

I'm going to have to go with Newt in Alien 3. You survive about 700 near-death experiences only to die in your sleep in the first 10 seconds of the next movie.

For Godfather deaths, I'll go with Altobello in the third one. Death by cannoli - excellent.