Thursday, April 12, 2007

this is the heavy heavy monster sound, the nuttiest sound around

It probably sucks to be Tank Johnson right now. The big dude is locked up in an Illinois cooler for a while. But cheer up, Tank: every cloud has a silver lining. If he was out and about with us civilized folk, Tank would constantly be on verge of an apoplexy during the brief moment after his phone rings but before someone other than “GOODELL, ROGER” came up on the Caller ID. Can the NFL Network make a special out of this?


So, which side are you on?


“Mr. Web 2.0” Tim O’Reilly is pushing a voluntary blogger code of conduct. If O’Reilly thinks some bullshit internet handshake agreement is going to keep belligerent morons from waving their internet-dicks then he is sadly mistaken. Frankly, the whole things smacks of censorship right down to the little bits of flair they would have your blog wear.

Spineless supplicants would get their very own genuine Little Bill Dagget sheriff’s badge (above left). Those who prefer free speech and the open exchange of ideas, and the occasional unpleasantness that accompanies same, would get an “anything goes” badge (above right). What kind of godless commie thinks a stick of dynamite is representative of free speech? Actually, I kind of like the badge with one tweak-- it needs to be modified to reflect the wisdom of Big Daddy Drew Kane:


Exhasutive scientific studies confirm what we
have known for years: pimpin' ain't easy.


Speaking of ho's, this Imus thing has been talked about ad nauseum, and I don’t have the patience or energy to add anything further. Big Sexy makes some salient points about double standards, but misses the fact that Imus was referring to a small, discreet and readily identifiable set of people and not just “womankind” in general. I bring all of this up only to tell you about THE STUPIDEST MAN IN AMERICA:


Buffoonery, thy name is Morning Gary.

Morning Zoo DJ’s are second only to sports radio clowns (cough, Schrutebag, cough) when it comes to unabashed idiocy. After the Imus fallout, it would seem that last thing any DJ with a double-digit IQ would do is have your listeners call and scream “Im a Nappy-Headed Ho!!!” in order to win NASCAR (shocker) tickets. Yet that is precisely what “Morning Gary” on WSBG in Allentown, Pennsylvania did Tuesday morning. The good news for Gary is his out of work ass can now call himself “Sleeping Til Noon Gary."

Finally, KSK was name-checked today by “Mr. Flip" in the Baltimore Sun (but not linked— thanks, dick). What was it, you might wonder. The latest adventures of Sexy Rexy? Unsilent Majority’s sage gambling advice? No, it was Texas Gal’s nail polish pointers from the Ladies… takeover yesterday. Fuck me gently with a chainsaw. Up yours, Bawlmer.

28 comments:

MemphisRaines said...

Aaaannndd - done knocked them ladies clean off the page! Excellent work guys.

Vanilla said...

Wow! Thousands of Baltimore Sun readers just read that KSK was offering nail polish advice. It's like you guys just got pantsed in front of the whole Internet and then just when you thought it was over and you could pull up your pants - your penis falls off.

Babydaddy said...

Does David Simon still write for the Sun? Not since the 80's? Then Fuck! Em!

Unsilent Majority said...

s-u-n?

mamacita said...

Hahahahahahaha. That is the best thing I've read all day -- KSK finally gets some RESPECK, and it's for the Ladies...

throwbot said...

+1 to flubby for the Madness reference.

sledgod said...

Ouch. Well, any naive woman visiting today won't make the mistake of ever, ever, ever coming back.

MDG said...

The sun thing could not be more perfect. Now any lady looking for advice on what to wear to a super bowl party will find either something fromthe draft from last week or a "pass" from the sex cannon.

the butler said...

That Balt. Sun article just SCREAMS of having been tipped off by the Ladies.

Captain Caveman said...

Joke's on them. Bitches show up looking for nail polish advice, and they get a fat load of KSK bukkake. SUCKAS!

kyle said...

Impressive work returning the site to normal. I feel sorry for anybody who came here today looking for nail polish advic, unless they happen to like seeing Killers Whales have their fun with Seals and Sex Cannon jokes, in which case they should really stay.

And another +1 to flubby for the Madness reference.

BeaverFever said...

one more +1 to flubby for the madness reference. "one step beyond.......

DrDoom said...

wait i thought everyone liked sex cannon jokes.

Holly said...

Butler--Nope. We were as surprised as the boys...though markedly more delighted.

twoeightnine said...

It's the Baltimore Sun, that'll bring in what, maybe 2 or 3 hits. It's like when The Miami New Times(?!?) wrote about Ned is my Homeboy. I saw 1 hit.

yesiamahooker said...

Did HL Mencken just roll over in his grave? Ain't no internets going to be telling a Hon what to wear to an O's game.

Burnsy said...

It's Baltimore. It's like Dover, Delaware with black people.

BoSox Siobhan said...

Hooker - I'm not at all sure all the "Hey Hons" even know what the internets are.

Smello said...

So did you guys blow your collective load yesterday leaving you with nothing left for today?

Duration, boys, it's all about duration.

John Shotter said...

Ease down Ripley...

censorship can only be performed by a governmental entity. If people want to enter a discussion forum and, my mutual agreement, dictate the terms and content of that forum, that sounds above board to me.

Think about it... on this forum here, a sports site, if someone came in here and starting talking about celebrity gossip, well, maybe that is a bad example... if someone came in here and starting talking about geopolitical impact of an attempt by Putin to run for a third term they would seem out of place... no?

Same thing.

John Shotter said...

and by "my mutual agreement" I mean "by mutual agreement"

Dave said...

If he was out and about with us civilized folk, Tank would constantly be on verge of an apoplexy during the brief moment after his phone rings but before someone other than “GOODELL, ROGER” came up on the Caller ID. Can the NFL Network make a special out of this?

My buddy Gus and I were talking about this yesterday. Is anyone else imagining Tank in the prison shower scene from Tango & Cash? This has the potential to cause the Unintentional Comedy Meter to completely explode. How has the NFL Netowrk not made this into a reality show already? Do you know anyone who wouldn't watch that?

J Money said...

People from PA aren't very bright so this is no surprise.

As for the stick of dynamite representing free speech... well, I hope you put an exploded stick of dynamite with Bill O'Reilly in a few pieces around it up somewhere on here.

And who will "enforce civility"? Bill himself?

John S. said...

Tim O'Reilly.

TIM O'Reilly.

I guess people really do see only that which they want to see.

LadyAndrea said...

So I come back to KSK because yesterday was pretty funny and there is nothing here. What the hell is that?

KSK blew their wad like a 13 yr-old touching his first boob.

John S. said...

Hey... I resemble that remark, except I was 11.

flubby said...

KSK blew their wad like a 13 yr-old touching his first boob.


Siobhan's ears just perked up.

Relax, more good stuff on the way. It's Friday, baby.

LadyAndrea said...

You know it's gonna be a good day if Flubby is telling me "relax, more good stuff on the way."