Thursday, April 26, 2007

Animal Death Porn: Drew Rosenhaus and Scott Boras Get Their Comeuppance


There are four inherent truths to this video:

1. It desperately needs to be at least four times longer.

2. Everything becomes 40% cooler when it's set to the Beastie Boys' "Sabotage."

3. Hyenas are fucking assholes.

4. Male lions always get a bad rap. "Oh, the lionesses do all the hunting and killing; the males have little purpose besides roaring and insemination." Oh yeah? Well, it seems to me that the pride would have a big fuckin' hyena problem if Mufasa didn't pull the occasional deus ex machina. RAWR! Run away from this, shithead. Oh wait, you can't -- I've snapped your hind leg with my jaws of death. FACE.

31 comments:

Unsilent Majority said...

kick.fucking.ass.

lieutenant winslow said...

not shown: Don King circling the carcass overhead

BeaverFever said...

another inherent truth: everything is at least 25% cooler when shot in slow motion.

John S. said...

I wish I could get video stream at work.

Billy said...

I just got mildly aroused.

Check that.

Incredibly!

DrDoom said...

wow, all thank you for that video.

Burnsy said...

Hakuna matata.

golgi apparatus said...

drew, nice work. that is even more bad ass than the killer whales playing catch with the seal. Whenever I need pumping up, I am watching that video.

Don't You Judge Me said...

80% cooler with "Smack My Bitch Up"

I concur - extremely good use of the "kill, kill, kill" tag.

Big Daddy Drew said...

golgi, CC handled the kill kill kill duties this week. I'm too busy this week writing angry letters to the makers of Cottonelle for changing the thickness of their bathroom tissue.

Peter McSheisty said...

Fucking Sweet. It would have been better if Mufasa would have grabbed that puppy hyena at the 1:05 mark and tossed him in the air, orca style, on the way to his kill.

Clay said...

Now that was awesome.

Credit the lionesses. They tried admirably to defend the carcass. But when the real heavy hitting needed to happen, they called in the big boy, a ruthless killing machine.

I also concur 100% on the excellent choices for the soundtrack of that video. Well done.

Ed in Westchester said...

personal foul on Mufasa for horsecollaring that hyena.
Sweet jesus, he took that thing down with a damn claw.

Damn fine use of Sabotage.

Hercules Rockefeller said...

Those Cottonelle motherfuckers

Wormfather said...

That was a motha fucking theatrical master piece. Note the musical undertone of goinr from "sabatage" to "smack my bitch up".

That lion fucking owned.

On the other side...did the lionesses go back in the morning and as a group just start bitching at mufasa? "you need to do something about this shit instead of just sitting on your fat ass!"

"...fine, I'll fucking go ::mubles under breath:: bitches"

I'm just saying, because there seemed to be some fustration in that kill.


Other than that, awesome job.

Sean said...

Everyone who works around me thinks I'm insane now. And I don't care-- that was f'ing awesome.

Btw, are we getting a final KSK draft before the actual one? I was hoping for: sexual positions; drugs; beer/drinks; and/or, coaches whose job you'd like.

Awful Announcing- said...

How do you wait for the badass part of the song to come and just end that shit?!?!?! That pisses me off.

I'm pretty sure M. Night Shamawad was involved.

Chris said...

wow

lion - 1
Hyenas - 0

DrDoom said...

im with sean please do sexual positions. i don;t tink u can do a better mock draft than that

mmmm beefy said...

Hyenas are fucking ass holes

they are the Drew Rosenhaus of the wild

Peter McSheisty said...

Sexual positions would have the most NSF work images ever. That being said, I take reverse cowgirl with a blunt in my mouth. Watching the Colts rape the Pats. Figuratively not literally. McSheisty dont get down like that.

Jackin'4Beats said...

I always have to wait until I get home to see these videos. God I hate these technology Nazis over here. More comments to follow tonight.

But from watching Planet Earth, it's easy to see how Hyenas are just assholes that need to catch a beat down every now and then to keep them honest.

Ted Valentine said...

That reminded me of the amphitheater grass at your generic Van Halen concert circa 1987.

SlickBomb said...

Amen on point 4. Give it up for the King of the Jungle.

Benjamin said...

Holy fuck balls. That video may have just changed my life.

Casual T said...

I kinda figured that lions (Detroit) were used to seeing hyenas (defenses) stealing (mutilating) their meal (QB).

Benjamin said...

I mean, the lion just bites the first hyena in the head!

"you want to try to bite me back? it'll be hard with my tooth in your eye."

Greg Schuler said...

Like Old Dirty said, I'll fuck yo ass up.

Mufasa needs to keep that pimp hand strong - I hope he straightened those bitches out proper.

Jackin'4Beats said...

Now this is what I'm fuckin' talking about

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oHDeNjwntKM

Kill that bitch mufasa.

fatty said...

Nature's assholes indeed...

http://youtube.com/watch?v=N2Bg4gIwKCA

Swede Zombie Jesus said...

I can't find a youtube clip, but it should be known that the "Jungles" episode of Planet Earth features footage of a clan of 100+ chimpanzees bum-rushing another group of chimps to seize their territory, killing a baby, and cannibalizing it just for shits and giggles.

Score.