Friday, April 20, 2007

Philadelphia: Is There a Connection Between Its Production of Cheerleaders and Cream Cheese?

All over the NFL, teams are auditioning for new cheerleader squads, a tradition as American as eating disorders and breast implants. In few places is this done as well in Philadelphia, where the Eagles cheerleaders (A KSK favorite) must be selected from the hottest 0.65% of the American female population. Anything less and the girls would get batteries thrown at them.

Here are some photos from the Eagles cheerleaders tryouts, which is apparently some sort of beauty pageant. As well it should be.

Fitness Award-winner Jamie demonstrates the proper technique for walking.

Jessica Simpson? Nope, that's Kjersti. She thinks John Mayer is a total pussy.

Raise your hand if Captain Caveman wants to lick your stomach.

Jennifer won the Overall Beauty Award. With those split ends? Pffft.

So there you go. That's one more week closer to death, one less week until the 2007 NFL season starts. Thanks to our friends at the Professional Cheerleader Blog for the photos.


Burnsy said...

Is CC's girl using prosthetic legs? They look painted on. I'd like to pop them off and spin her like a top. Fitness broad scares my pants.

mjhmba02 said...

Did Jamie think her shiny legs would distract from her rough grill?

Captain Caveman said...

FYI sheer tights are common at most NFL cheerleader tryouts. You can also find them at your local Hooters.

Chris said...

Fitness chick's face looked like it was beaten with a 20 pound barbell by her steroid abusing boyfriend Rick.

liquid_d said...

Thanks for the spanktastic post! However, donot think these fine ass ladies represent the general female population of Philly. I believe these women are imported, as most local girls are skanks.

Wormfather said...

I wouldnt fuck any of those chicks with a stolen dick, let alone mine that I paid handomely for.

BeaverFever said...

sheer tights in weird way are somewhat of a turn on for me. can't explain it, just chalk it up to me being some sort of perv or being from upstate ny.

also, why aren't any of them wearing a "i'm in the sexy business" shirt or pair of hot shorts ?

Signal to Noise said...

wormfather - don't lie.

Give me Jennifer.

word verification: "rackqb."

Captain Caveman said...

I wouldnt fuck any of those chicks...

Lies make the best comments.

John S. said...


Damn I hate single people

Victor Yuschenko said...

Alternative spellings of standard-issue first names are an unpleasant ruse. When I see "Kjersti" instead of "Kristi," my thought process is as follows:
1. Is she a goalie in the Swedish Superliga? Is she related to the late Pelle Lindbergh?
2. Wait, she's hot. Hotter, in fact, than if her name was Kristi. But...
3. ... Is her mother retarded? Is "Christy" or "Kristi" that hard to spell? If mom's a window-licker, isn't Kjersti as well?

The worst offenders are the Aimees of the world. NB to parents: "Amy" is a white-collar name. "Aimee" suggests that your daughter would such the "Y" out of my last name. Plus, it screams Texas, which is never good.

Also, is it me, or does the young lady in the second-to-last picture have a lower body that more than faintly resembles that of Correll Buckhalter?

PANGER said...

proof i'm a chick: i actually started to look for her split ends.

John S. said...

proof I am a married man...

I went to look for the sllpit ends because I had no idea what they were, and took this opportunity to find out once and for all

My Insignificant Life said...

I'd hit 'dat

Awful Chief said...

I think Jennifer may be Sarah Spain with dyed hair, or possibly her older sister.

BeaverFever said...

amen victor on that aimee thing. i had an ex named aimee from new jersey.

and Texas isn't that bad.

LadyAndrea said...

Victor, I like "Amie," but b/c of the song.

No, yes, yes, no. That first one is busted, I agree. The last one has bad hair.

BeaverFever said...

let's face it all of us would hit all of them. well not me being the happily married man that i am.

also, big fan of the asics on the one with the sheer tights. best running shoes money can buy

Vanilla said...

Kjersti looks a lot like Jessica Simpson, and she must be smarter than Simpson because... well, because it would be impossible not to be smarter than her.

John S. said...


























Awful Chief said...


yesiamahooker said...

sheer tights are common at most NFL cheerleader tryouts? is CC the ron jaworski of nfl cheerleader tryouts? you sit at nfl films all day rubbing one out to the...i mean watching the films of the tryouts?

BeaverFever said...

i'm going to quess that CC is just an all around cheerleading aficianado.

twoeightnine said...

I keep on waiting to see a girl that I dated in one of the pictures but then I realized that none of them are from Philadelphia.

Stuck in the Ivy said...

She thinks John Mayer is a total pussy.

Sounds like my kind of girl.

And I know an Aimee, she is neither from Texas, nor blue collar. She does refuse my repeated advances though, which is frustrating as hell.

Femmefan said...

Dude, you are seriously twisted. (And I only use Dude when my brain is suffering from too much wine with nacho chasers and I can't come up with anything better).
Keep sharing your perverted thoughts with the world.

mandy said...

Nice Pure Prarie League reference ladyandrea. And I am 100% gay for knowing what you were talking about.

It may be flat, but Kjersti has the widest stomach I have ever seen. I'm not sure where it ends.

mandy said...


LadyAndrea said...

Eh, that doesn't make you gay. That's a great song right there. Glad somebody noticed it. : )

mandy said...

It is a great song, but it's definitely filed under my "Songs I'm Kind of Embarrassed That I Like" folder.

Wormfather said...

I'm back from a weekend of looking at my fiance for like 72 hours straight (sans one trip to the liquor store). I've not come to this decission.


I'm going back to last week to look at the epilepsy montouge of cheerleaders...they were fucking hot.

(This has not been edited for content or spelling)

OkieRover said...

I could do bad, bad things to those women.
I'm pretty sure at least two of the things violate several laws in Oklahoma.
Not that I'm a total law abiding citizen now.

twoeightnine said...


So why are you marrying her?

Stein said...

Well Mr. Victor Yuschenko, are you a fucking moron? Alternative spelling my fucking ass. Maybe you want to you know, get your head out of your ass and realize, maybe if you looked into it remotely, that she is Norwegian, and Kjersti is a somewhat common name there. So get off your fucking high ass horse, do the world a favor, and shoot yourself in the eye.

And wait, my name is Stein...that's a first what variant was that for me?