Tuesday, April 10, 2007

KSK Programming Note:
Ladies... Invade Tomorrow

Most of you remember the bet that I conned the rest of the fellas into taking with the ladies over at, um, Ladies..., even though it doesn't seem like college basketball ended just last week. We lost, and so we had to pick a day when they could come over and get their cooties all over our shit (because girls are icky!).

Tomorrow is the day we put the toilet seat down.

All we know is that Holly is sending us two posts on their behalf, and we will be running them here shortly after we receive them. We can only imagine the lascivious liberties that will be taken with subject matter, word economy, and visual imagery, but I know they've collectively spent a fair amount of time getting their work together. I honestly have no other clue of what to expect.

As a faithful (and perhaps tomorrow, fateful) reader of KSK, we are recommending you exercise one of two options:

(a) Pretend the Blogger hamster has Wednesday off, or
(b) Do your part to keep the testosterone levels healthy tomorrow and comment on what you find in this space tomorrow.

You'll not only be representing KSK tomorrow if you select option (b), you'll be be representing all men around the world. Every man that ever had to resist squeezing his secretary's ass, every man that refused to blast his load into an unconscious coed, and every man that helped build a pro football stadium with more women's restrooms than men's restrooms will turn his eyes to you, in a last bastion of hope.

You guys, those of you that choose to weather the storm, will be the men of the house tomorrow. And while we would be remiss to dictate how you wield this authority of sorts, we'd hope that those posting tomorrow would not escape the rational scrutiny and criticism that we six have come to expect of you. At no other time will your service be more appreciated, or more crucial.

Make us proud.

89 comments:

Clutch247 said...

so I guess metioning about butt plugging is unexceptable.

I don't know whether to be excited or scared shitless..........fuck.

David said...

I have stockpiled every ridiculous and childish sexist remark that's popped into my head over the past few years. I was born for this. No amount of baking or genuine human feeling or ovulating will deter me.

I will be ready.

phish said...

I'm, damn good and ready! I've got my dick in hand ready to go.

What's that? It's not until tomorrow?

Oh. This is awkward.

Mikki said...
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Apocalipstick said...

*crosses fingers* Please let them post man on man pics. Please let them post man on man pics.

LadyAndrea said...

Nice pic, Punter. I guess we know which Idaho women's softball players you'd prefer.

I think we're going to end up being a helluva lot nicer to KSK than KSK would've been to us, had they won.

Mike said...

I think tomorrow calls for that curious combination of neanderthal sexism; smarmy & suggestive flirtation; swaggering, swinging-dick machismo; and the particular conflation of literary allusions, philosophical musings, and low-brow fart/dick/tit humor that women have never had a clue about.

I bringin' the A game. Virtual asses will be squeezed, tits will be gawked at, intellectual shortcomings will be mocked, and no drinks will be paid for without strict quid pro quo rules laid out in advance.

Awful Chief said...

Likely comment for tomorrow:

"So, you all have vaginas, right? Sweet. Like, do usually call it your vagina, your pussy, or something else--i don't mean you call it 'something else', but like, another word or words?"

LadyAndrea said...

Well, Awful Chief, I usually call mine "something else," so you were on the right track.

Nastinchka said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Holly said...

Good post, MMP.

Just wanted to take this (very brief) moment before the bomb drops and we all hate each other to thank the KSK Mafia for being, really, better sports about this than anyone expected.

Rob I said...

I, for one, welcome our labially-enabled overlords.

LadyAndrea said...

"labially-enabled?" I swear to God, I will find a way to work that into a conversation today.

janie said...

I cannot wait.

After the testosterone-charged, decidedly girl-unfriendly mock draft last week, we can only hope for some seriously hot pics of gorgeous blokes for our perusal tomorrow.

Do your worst (best) ladies...

Burnsy said...

I can't wait to learn to quick and easy recipes to cook for chicks who need to lose weight and handy hints on how to keep my color loads bright and shiny like they're still brand new. And how I can help girls wash off the protein loads.

Pemulis said...

it's safe to assume they will be making and bringing pie, no?

LadyAndrea said...

Pemulis, there will be punch and pie. ; )

Mayor McRib said...

As long as they are blogging from the kitchen, I don't see it as a problem.
Remember ladies, when the clock on the stove reads midnight your rule is over.

cinnamon girl said...

@mayor mcrib: barefoot and pregnant, while doing the dishes, right? I DON'T THINK SO.

Jackin'4Beats said...

"labially-enabled" is high comedy. Nice...

I think we should counter every bloke pic with a nice bikini pic or even some Maxim photos to level the estrogen-testosterone playing field.

MMP - YOU...YOU...YOU....oh nevermind.

Oh, and ESPN is finally taking a stand against Schrute-bag Cowdung.

Grimey said...

we'd hope that those posting tomorrow would not escape the rational scrutiny and criticism that we six have come to expect of you

The only problem here is you can't make fun of ladies being gay when they talk about wine.

janie said...

@ cinnamon girl

I fear the comments will get a lot worse than that tomorrow. I'm starting to think that this whole experiment could turn into a fairly traumatic experience.

We must be strong sisters!

(Go Le Anne Schreiber! Nice work.)

TheStarterWife said...

Pretty Princess Panties Party! I cannot wait!

MDG said...

before we even begin:
metschick: Yes
lady andrea: Yes
clare: Yes
Holly: Yes
Metschick: Yes
SA: Yes
Texas Gal: Yes
The Starter Wife: Yes
J. Money: Yes

LadyAndrea said...

Janie, I fear that too. Like, I should just stay away from the comment section.

Holly said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Holly said...

Awww, gee, mdg. I'd blush if I knew how.

janie said...

@ladyandrea

No way. We should fight hard, fight dirty and fight to win!

Let'em bring it on!

brad said...

As I read this post, the following lines popped into mind:

It takes 10% Luck
20% Skill
15% Concentrated power of will
5% Pleasure
50% Pain
And 100% Reason to remember the Name.

I swear, KSK, WE WILL NOT LET YOU DOWN.

Redhead said...

Are you kidding? The comments are going to be great tomorrow - completely offensive and highly entertaining. I have no doubt that the Ladies... will be able to handle it. I can't wait.

Danny G said...

Great, now they're going to ruin KSK like they ruined Deadspin.

David said...

@ danny g

Or like they ruined the whole Eden "garden of paradise" thing.

Oh, god the next 24 hours should be delightfully offensive for all parties. God; I'm so, so happy.

LadyAndrea said...

MDG, you must have quite the hard-on for Metschick. You're doing her twice.

TheStarterWife said...

In all fairness, it is the Metschick. Who wouldn't want her at least twice?

MDG said...

I do have quite the hard-on.

I was distracted when writing. All I can think of is... Imagine all the boobies.

Brian said...

In my head, no matter what they post , I'll envision them blogging in short skirts, stripper boots and big-ass titties.

It's the only way I'll make it through the day.

CLARE. said...

Great, now they're going to ruin KSK like they ruined Deadspin.

I'm sure that by "ruin" you mean "made awesome."

MDG said...

I actually have each one pictured in an outfit from the draft last week. Except Holly is wearing only the edible panties.

Burnsy said...

No way, they'll be blogging at a slumber party. They'll disagree and pillow fight. Then one of them will get hit in the eye and start crying. Another will take off her tank top to dry her tears.

Hot damn, this is going to be the best blogging ever.

It's going to be quite the festival of fisting, a fistival if you will.

MDG said...

Just for the record I plan on throwing around the word moist as many times as possible tomorrow.

Big Daddy Drew said...

For tips on how to treat your substitute teachers, I refer you to Alex Balk Day at Deadspin.

Danny G said...

clare.

I'm sure that by "ruin" you mean "made awesome."

Nope, ruin was the word I was looking for.

xtrarant said...

"every man that refused to blast his load into an unconscious coed"

Yes, because that's what all 'real men' aspire to - rape.

Meant as a joke or not (and from the tone of most of MMP's post, I'm guessing even if he says it was a joke he really wishes he could rape an unconscious co-ed) that's horrid.

Way to make men look even worse, jackass. And the comments around here sure aren't helping.

LadyAndrea said...

MDG, you have to tell us what outfit we're each wearing in your head. I'll do my best to oblige tomorrow....

Biggus Rickus said...

Cool. I can dust off my violently mysoginistic jokes.

Q: What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?

A: Nothing you haven't already told her twice.

Biggus Rickus said...

@xtrarant

No matter how sensitive you pretend to be none of the Ladies... will fuck you.

Danny G said...

Who's a bigger buzzkill, Clint or xtrarant?

xtrarant, shouldn't you be out protesting Imus' radio station?

xtrarant said...

@ smallus dickus:
I forgot, all ladies secretly want a misogynistic asshole who dreams of raping unconscious coeds.

Maybe that's the problem - you 'pretend' while real men actually really do respect women.

Remember - when you "blasted your load" into your unconscious mother, she didn't actually like it. And she doesn't count as a girlfriend.

CLARE. said...

xtrarant, you're new here, aren't you.

Biggus Rickus said...

@xtrarant

Wow. Someone's taking this shit far too seriously. Kudos on the "smallus dickus" joke though. I've seen clever plays on words, but nothing as creative as that. You strike me as the kind of guy who sees a corvette and says, "Looks like somebody's overcompensating." Maybe your friends even laugh at that shitty joke.

janie said...

Now now boys - no fighting. You'll need all your testosterone to combat the enormous injection of estrogen this site will receive tomorrow.

Sigh...no wonder we're always having wars. If only women ran the country...

Ryan said...

Good afternoon. In less than 24 hours, male commenters from here will join others from around the world. And you will be launching the most important commenting battle in the history of mankind. "Mankind." That word should have new meaning for all of us today. We can't be consumed by our petty differences anymore. We will be united in our common interests. Perhaps it's fate that today is the 10th of April, and you will once again be fighting for our freedom... Not from tyranny, oppression, or persecution... but from cooties. We are fighting for our right to live. To exist. And should we win the day, the 11th of April will no longer be known as an irrelevant Wednesday, but as the day the men declared in one voice: "We will not go quietly into the night! We will not vanish without a fight!" We're going to live on! We're going to survive! Tomorrow we celebrate our misogyny!

LadyAndrea said...

Nicely done, Ryan.

devang said...

Clothes, hmm, let's see:

Lady Andrea - The sexy business suit (you know a lawyer and all). She's the only one I've seen a picture of.

Metschick - nothing but a David Wright shirt

Texas gal - Cowboy cheerleading outfit

Holly - umm, don't know much about Holly, so help me out.

TSW - A Debra Messing style outfit

Clare - see Holly

Ladies, please have some standards. No belly shots of BDD.

can't wait for the caveman like comments tomorrow.

WV - uriin - What the ladies will do to KSK tomorrow.

devang said...

Sigh...no wonder we're always having wars. If only women ran the country..

Nagging is not diplomacy

Otto Man said...

All your boobies belong to us.

Holly said...

A. Ryan, thanks for making the joke I wasn't allowed to make.

B. I actually have each one pictured in an outfit from the draft last week. Except Holly is wearing only the edible panties.

Why, hello, sailor.

janie said...

We don't nag. We just persuade and remind forcefully, repeatedly and often.

The Pirate Sloth said...

@MDG - "Just for the record I plan on throwing around the word moist as many times as possible tomorrow."


I'm with ya buddy. Stay strong Men, stay strong. We'll survive. Ya never know, they just might surprise us. I have a feeling that these women are just as naughty, dirty, and horny as the rest of you - as a matter of fact, I'm pretty sure most of them ladies would eat at least half of us guys for lunch and want thirds.

devang said...

Is the word cunt allowed tomorrow?

janie said...

Is the word cunt allowed tomorrow?

That's so much worse than moist.

janie said...

...but I have a feeling anything goes tomorrow.

devang said...

Hey I just asked....

Biggus Rickus said...

So is "moist cunt" way out of bounds?

I also want to go on record as saying that I'm pro dirty, naughty and horny. Also, sapphic. In case you Ladies... were wondering what to center your posts around tomorrow.

devang said...

Also, sapphic.

I would venture to say it will be the opposite

Awful Chief said...

The comments tomorrow will get you so moist that you'll need a drip pan on your computer chair.

Holly said...


I would venture to say it will be the opposite


Clearly, you've never seen one of our tickle fight threads.

John Shotter said...

It is amazing how having a daughter whom I love and adore makes it very hard to jump on this bandwagon.

I, for one, welcome our labially enabled overlords pro tempore.

LadyAndrea said...

Devang, we don't feel confined to ogle just men or women.

Billy said...
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Billy said...

enormous injection of estrogen

That imagery couldn't have been by accident........

janie said...

Actually "moist cunt" sounds quite nice. Weird that. And I'm all for sapphic, but only on the weekends.

@billy

Thank you for pointing out my penis envy. I'm so transparent.

Biggus Rickus said...

If there are tickle fights and moist cunts I can totally get behind this takeover.

devang said...

Clearly, you've never seen one of our tickle fight threads.

I guess not. Although my curiosity, amongst other things has been aroused and will be checking into the ladies place regularly.

devang said...

If there are tickle fights and moist cunts I can totally get behind this takeover.

...or on top
...or under
...or sideways

fixed.

Josh said...

@ otto man

It's "are belong to us." All your boobies are belong to us. For fuck's sake.

/nerd

David said...

Oh crap. After having perused the comments from that past few hours, especially the Pullman speech, I'm beginning to worry that we're blowing our wad too early...

Biggus Rickus said...

The nice thing about wads is that there's always another one coming. Punintentional.

Signal to Noise said...

Oh wow. Excited just thinking about the possibility for commenting malfeasance.

We salute you, Ladies...and you know damn well why I'm using "we."

ryan said...

@David

Your lack of faith is disappointing, but I have a feeling tomorrow will give us plenty of chances to blow multiple wads.

Texas Gal said...

I totally have a Cowboys cheerleading outfit. And since I'm taking the day off of work tomorrow, I will plan to wear it for at least part of the day.

Does that help?

Biggus Rickus said...

It doesn't hurt, texas gal.

MemphisRaines said...

@texas gal

I've never been a bigger Texas fan than I am right now. And by I... you know what I mean.

Signal to Noise said...

@texas gal: we can get with that.

Texas Gal said...

Anything to help the cause, boys.

Mayor McRib said...

Just so we understand each other. I respect all of you ladies.
But instead of punching all these buttons on the keyboard you would be better served punching in some numbers on the microwave to make me some dinner. Salisbury steak sounds good right about now.

Please don't take me seriously.

Otto Man said...

Josh, thanks for the correction. You outed yourself as a nerd in the defense of accuracy. Thanks.

Jackin'4Beats said...

If only women ran the country...

Then we would all be looking over our shoulders for the woman who was looking to destroy us all...and take us away from our girlfriends/wives because we're just some sweet man-candy.

Man: Wow, your girlfriend sure is nice. I need to find a woman just like her.

Woman: Wow, your boyfried sure is nice. I need to have him for myself.

That Chris Rock sure is a prophet.

Steve said...

This is like in Deep Impact where they see the meteor coming, but they can't do anything. They just....wait.