It’s Your Turn To Draft And Be Sexy
We’ve done many a mock draft these past few weeks. But why should we, the KSK Gay Mafia, be the only ones who get to have all the fun? We’re gonna bypass the usual cheerleader post and present you with the first-ever KSK commenter mock draft. And you get the top mock draft of them all: Famous Women Or Men You Get For An Evening. The rules here are very simple. This is a celebrity you get for a night to do with as you please. Picks are first come first served. But only pick one person, and once you pick, you must wait 10 picks before making another selection. Once 10 other commenters have picked, you can then pick another person. And please, try and provide some linkage for the masses. Add a NSFW warning if appropriate.
Oh, and no picking Keeley Hazell. I took her first. Enjoy the draft everyone. And the NFL draft as well.
NOTE: One other rule: No time traveling. You pick someone in their current metaphysical state. No "Liz Taylor whe she was thin" bullshit.
473 comments:
ScarJo. Easy.
Dammit! Biel.
Christina Aguilera. Dirrty one. The new classy one. Either way the hotness is transcendent.
Excellent, I'm definitely taking
Christina Aguilera in 1999. At that time, she was the B-list to Britney, so she would've done kinky shit like invited another girl into the bed:
http://www.pleasantmorningbuzz.com/pics/christinagenie.gif
monica bellucci.
I'll take Alba then.
Alba at 5 is a great value pick.
So obvious and uninspired, fellas. You can do better, I just know it.
And I pick Thomas Jefferson.
Tall, smart and powerful beyond comprehension.
Even though he seems to prefer his freakiness in chocolate form, I think I have enough junk in the trunk to keep him happy for a night.
Don't worry, I've got a sleeper waiting in the wings.
Penelope Cruz, absolutely. Exotic, Hot, Beautiful, and a super sexy accent. Score!
Siobhan: I guess the parameters do allow for dead people.
Ben Franklin...the man was a genius and a pimp
we could start off with some intelligent discussion and then go pick up some bitches. I mean what girl could resist Ben Franklin.
Janelle, the Eagle cheerleader. i don't give a fuck that I'm a Giants fan
In keeping with the principle of fuck crazy, don't spend more than one night with (or for the love of God adopt kids with) Crazy, I'd take Angeline Jolie.
dcat
And I take Marisa Miller for the win.
Alessandra Ambrosia, hands down.
http://berrylish.com/gallery/Alessandra%20Ambrosia/slides/vslingerie37.html
Tom Brady, in the shower of the Gillette locker room and possibly on the 50 yard line if there's time.
Tiffany
Amber
Thiessen
giggity.
Damn you, Drew.
Salma Hayek, would probably still be hot when she hits 50.
Aishwariya Rai
Fuck you, I win
Naturally, Drew took my "sleeper" so I'm taking Jessica Simpson for Round 2.
That's a mute Jessica Simpson, by the way.
Sirs, We'll take Pam Grier, from her Foxy Brown day...
http://images.wikia.com/uncyclopedia/images/thumb/f/f3/Pam_Grier.jpg/180px-Pam_Grier.jpg
Lindsay Lohan, at age 17 (Mean Girls era)
not waiting 10 minutes... I'll turn my draft card in early:
Eliza Dushku
Russell Crowe circa Gladiator.
I am a man of eclecctic tastes, so....
Kate Hudson
wait wait wait.... the rules are not clear!!!
If I choose "Lynda Carter" do I get to choose the 1978 model or am I stuck with the 2007 one? Similarly, if I were to choose "Cleopatra" do I just get a pile of dust?
That being said...
I take H.R.H. Madeleine Thérèse Amelie Josephine, Princess of Sweden, Duchess of Hälsingland and Gästrikland.
Erin from Esurance! Wait, wrong thread.
Rose McGowan, preferably with leg rifle.
Amanda bynes
(what a girl wants era)
Damn you Dan, dam you to hell taking Christina, you'll regret that.
Well, I'm gonna go ahead and draft Elin Nordegren...thats right, Mrs. Woods...teach her a thing or two about a good stroke.
http://thesandtrap.com//imgs/tapins/elin_nordegren.jpg
Ana Beatriz Barros, bitches.
Obligatory pics:
http://home.comcast.net/~lnsfcomish/_Ana-Beatriz-Barros-01.jpeg
http://www.skotcher.com/wallpapers/celebrites%20feminines/ana%20beatriz%20barros/Ana_Beatriz_Barros_39.jpg
http://i44.photobucket.com/albums/f19/daflow669/50df8_anaBB072.jpg
Damn you Miamidiesel!! And, she's my countrywoman too!!
With my 2nd round pick, I'm going with Adriana Lima.
Aishwariya Rai & Adriana Lima 1-2...I got exotic on lockdown.... BDD ain't got shit on me
Faith of "In Bed with Faith."
Blonde, British, big tits, takes it in the ass. Sleeper or reach?
You decide.
My favorite MILF - Cindy Crawford
Damnit Josh, nice pick.
I'm cheating, but I take whoever wins this competition: http://www.hottestmominamerica.com/
Latinas, back to back -- give me Rosario Dawson!
@ devang: My countrywoman too, which made it all the more important to keep her from the foreign devils...
I pick whoever Hugh Hefner is banging currently.
I win.
That link is NSFW, by the way.
Stacy Keibler
How in fuck did Emanuelle Chriqui last this long?! Dibs!
@miamidiesel. Good, as long as she is not in the hands of one of the foreign. Aishwarya is too preciious for that
screw you nucleus!!!!!
Michael Clarke Duncan, I lose?
oy vey sarah silverman!!
Lucy Liu.
I guess I am the Knicks in this draft since I never seem to have a first round pick. But unlike the Knicks, I have some serious value in the later rounds.
Rose McGowan, preferably with leg rifle.
Slickbomb, you beer-goggling already?
Sophia Loren, I don't care if she's sixty, FUCK ALL OF YOU
GACK!
After a night of railing barros, I'm gonna go get plowed with the grand daddy of classical physics... Sir Isaac Newton.
http://www.aerospaceweb.org/question/history/newton/newton.jpg
With his 3rd round pick, the miamidiesel selects.... Chasey Lain
Most. Fucking. Beautiful. Porn Star. Ever.
and it goes without saying that she does everything...
Eva Mendes.
For mid round 3? I say it is gold.
porn star Tori Wells back in her prime. star of torid without a cause 1 and 2, shaved and dangerous, the chameleon, night trips, and many other fine xxx from the late 80's and early 90's.
I'm not at all shocked that Mandy Moore fell this low, because you all have no taste.
Gianna Distenca
Stacy's Mom - She's Got It Going On
http://www.ifilm.com/video/2474027
I'm taking Eva Longoria.
It's a safe pick, plus she looks like this:
http://www.styleikon.com/wp-content/uploads/2006/nov/Eva_Longoria_Maxim_India.jpg
I'm claiming fellow Member of the Tribe Natalie Portman. Anyone who needs suggestions should check out our group blog The Laminated List Fantasy Draft. Me and my boys break down who should go where when picking your Laminated List. Captain Caveman accepted an induction into our Visionary Thinking Hall of Fame.
Emma Watson
Is that a squad car outside my window?
Charisma Carpenter.
http://www.webwombat.com.au/lifestyle/fashion_beauty/images/carpenter-4.jpg
Giselle Bundchen.
Ha!! great 3rd round steal
Jesus Christ – I would sit him down in front of a video camera and ask him a million and one questions about everything in the bible and sell the DVD for ten-thousand dollars a pop. I would be a gagillionaire in a matter of weeks and, then, I can get any of the aforementioned women, for any period of time I want.
So there.
constanzo - but she looks like this without her face.
Ruth Bader Ginsburg.
Taylor Rain
I know I'm kinda late gettin' in here but if I even got to do half the stuff I've seen her do on film I would die a happy man
Looks like its been another 10 picks... with my 4th pick I'm going with Caterina Murino, the Italian chick from the new Bond movie...
Aishwariya-Adriana-Chasey-Caterina... a veritable blue-balls-inducing murderer's row
hot french newscaster melissa theuriau.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=MzBv7G1jE-0
Lucy Pinder.
Yeah.
I am young Bobby Betharding this shit.
Carmella DeCesare... even if she is prancing around with a fruitcake.
NSFW
http://xoomer.alice.it/ginello/cdc/index.html
Heather Brooke. Nothing even remotely SFW available.
With my 3rd pick, I select:
Trish Stratus
http://www.trishstratus.com/
Clealy a steal in this draft
To hell with you, Beaver.
How Kate Beckinsale fell this far is beyond me. Mine now.
That's 10 -- I'm going Shakira. The hips don't lie.
Aurora Snow
Now i got blue balls.
Buddha
Same reason as Christ.
I am sweeping up the cash with a street sweeper and you guys are quibbling about whether you get Lucy Pindar or Heather Brooke for one night.
tsk tsk tsk
Truly you lack vision
Ines Sainz, some reporter. She's not much from the front, but she compensates:
http://www.xboard.us/bbb/xb_pics.php?siteUrl=http://www.lazygirls.info/Ines_Sainz/Ines_Sainz47_Dwtqxv9?id=100270
Move over, Kevin McHale
Steal of the draft? How about Beyonce Knowles, motherfuckers, in the 5th round...
(Ahem, better link of my last pic, sorry I spat on protocol)
http://www.xboard.us/bbb/showthread.php?t=124815
Signal to Noise, to hell with me for what ? now what did i do wrong ? you got the first over all pick in this draft.
with my 4th pick: alyssa milano
From here on out, no more time-traveling. You only get to pick people as they currently exist.
Ann Margaret
http://www.starpulse.com/Actresses/Ann-Margaret/Pictures/
Oh, and I take Tebow's girlfriend.
I feel like the Minnesota Vikings, delaying my pick and letting other numbnuts get ahead of me and pick.
Well, I'll go with Laura Prepon (after de-bleaching her hair back to red).
Good pick devang. It was a toss up for me between Her and Taylor Rain.
I'm going way back here (well 1995 or so) but I pick Ophelie Winter.
This video made me waste alot of kleenex in high school.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QOIMMbOECWU
Damnit drew... I was going to steal Allah from under John S' nose...
oh well. Alyssa Milano. Fucking yum.
http://www.infobih.com/slike/200610121032490.Alyssa-Milano-sexy.jpg
BDD - To little too late...
While I acknowledge my choices were along the "I would wish for more wishes" ilk, I still have managed to lock up any of the women in this thread.
Yoko Matsugane.
I'm after big tits today, I suppose.
Here she is.
Evan Rachel Wood. I'd have to wash the Marilyn Manson off her first, but it's worth it.
Before this gets too far....
Joe Namath selects Suzy Kolber.
(Boo me all you want, but I had to do it.)
Jack White. Mancrush realized.
Jenn Sterger in the 5th Round.
yowza!!
I'm going with Veronica Varekova. I know this isn't a hockey blog, but I freakin' hate Petr Nedved.
http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/features/2007_swimsuit/models/veronica_varekova/
jrhodes ... drew just bagged milano a few picks before.
I'm going for Halle Berry.
Maria Bartiromo
to help me manage all of my millions of dollars after the Christ and Buddah picks.
Know what? Fuck it. Liz Lemon.
I get the metaphysical business, but can there be some sort of "If they weren't gay" caveat?
If so, I'm taking Wentworth Miller.
I can't believe it's 2007 and girls would still waste these picks on freaking Tom Brady.
Maria Menounos... too bad BDD called no more time travel, or I'd say I preferred her before Vin Diesel, err, contaminated her...
Ivanka Trump; so I can slap her on the ass and tell her to fix me a sammich and get me a beer....dammit!
Elisha Cuthbert
all of you, except for the dude who said emmanuelle chriqui, exhibit very poor taste. eva longoria (aka longhorria)? i would rather fuck sand and broken glass.
winning pick: nastassja kinski.
http://www.escalextric.net/cutenews/data/upimages/paris_te.jpg
oh god damnit... I revoke my previous pick and opt instead for Tiara Lestari
I'll chime in and take Kristen Bell (a.k.a. Veronica Mars). Smart, funny, petite, and oh, those eyes.
I can't believe I missed this because I was working of all things.
Let me make up for my absence, I'll take Mariel Hemingway, Margaret Thatcher, the chick from Total Recall with 3 knockers, and Taylor Hanson.
actually i picked alyssa milano, but she might be trade bait.
next pick: carrie underwood. i need a blond on my team.
becky: the other guy on Prison Break is cuter than Wentworth.
I pick Mike Mussina.
DAMN YOU!!!
I swear I was taking the three-knockered hooker next.
I'm sticking with the porn star picks and going with Sasha Grey. Very young and new but very dirty girl. Awesome!
For example, wikipedia lists some of her movies as:
Cum Fart Cocktails #5
Fashionistas Safado: The Challenge
Hellfire Sex #7
Sasha Grey Superslut
Sex Slaves #2
Tight Teen Twats #2
Freaky First Timers #2
Evangeline Lily - I needed a bible thumping Christian to offset picking a Jew.
Sofia Vergara of Chasing Papi.
www.sofiavergara.com
Titsalicious
You guys want a real sleeper pick here in the 7th (?) round? Well then I select Alina Vacariu:
http://innuendo.blogter.hu./?post_id=129046
That link probably NSFW... you can thank me for introducing you to her after you're done cleaning up...
MAria Sharapove with the 6th pick. Oh those legs can crush....
Seeing as how I'm a little behind,
I'll make 2 picks:
1) Jenna Haze
2) Maria from WWE
If anyone objects, I take pick one and make a deal for Maria
Reon Kadena
A video for your viewing pleasure:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_CnWJ4nygTw
Candice Michelle
Pam Beesly...yes.
wow- Erin Andrews went this far.. she's mine now.
Heidi Klum
I cannot believe she lasted this long.
Kristen Stewart.
She's legal in my state.
Ctrl+F "Naomi Watts"
0 results.
Fools.
the Bush twins, if twins are a package deal. 2 for the price of one pick.
if not i pick gwen stefani
@sean
tossup between her and Sterger.
I chose Sterger.
Ed, she got knocked up by scarface, I mean, Seal. Sorry.
I can't wait to check this tonight around 9 PM, and people are still drafting into the "I take Linda Cohn" rounds.
sledgod - nice!
jrhodes - you find kadena on our site?
Anna Benson. Interviewed her once for an article I was writing. She's actually HOTTER in person. And with the stripper history, it's guaranteed animal sex during the one-nighter.
Gotta run for work. Been fun, fellas.
Jennifer Morrison - Cameron from "House" - sweeeet!
portuguese song bird: nelly furtado
For my next pick I'm taking Lena Headey, the chick who played the queen in the movie "300"... if you watched that movie and didn't find the queen to be a 9.5-10, you have fucking failed as a man
Leelee Sobieski. Hells yeah.
i miss counted and picked too early. i will now wait 20 picks before my next selection.
I pick Drew. Get a sitter and bring the Mrs.
Jenna Von Oy.
White chicks with fat asses. And the ass.
It's pathetic how much I keep refreshing, waiting for my pick. I am not gonna go all Minnesota Vikings on this draft.
That said, my third pick is Julianne Moore. Children of Men FTW.
redhead:
nuh uh. I would do anything for a pair of blue eyes, not to mention the rest of him is exactly what I like anyway.
also, he's an Ivy League grad, so I could even talk to him once I've had my way with him!
along the blue eyes line, I see your Moose and raise you one Scott Proctor.
I would not mind nursing his arm, his ego, and a few other things....
I'm going with Anna Kournikova.
I don't care if she's been used up by 3/4 of the players in the NHL, I still want my turn.
I'm assuming I'm jumping in somewhere around the 4th or 5th round. AND with the 175th selection, Amphibian picks Mo'Nique Imes.
The Domino racial naming skit had me crying with laughter. Plus I'd totally boff that.
Jennifer Garner pre Affleck. First season of Alias, can't believe she went this low.
Eva Mendes
I waited 20 picks since I made 2.
Diane Lane
Her in that movie Unfaithful...FUCK
Aria. Giovanni. FTW.
trevor... hotdog. down. hallway.
Quick question, not a pick. When does this end? Do we run this bitch all weekend like the NFL Draft or what? Because Sean's right, eventually we'll be in Linda Cohn territory and that won't be good for anybody.
Elsa Benítez,
take your pick of the pics:
http://images.google.com/images?hl=en&q=Elsa+Ben%C3%ADtez&btnG=Search+Images&gbv=2
miamidiesel's next pick: Yamila Diaz-Rahi... talk about building a fuckin dynasty
Wow, who's left?
I guess I'll take Ruth Bader Ginsberg.
already taken
Hayden Panettiere, the heroes cheerleader. Winner.
http://64.111.216.18/ul/2166-hp2.jpg
Grimey, how long have you been blind?
I'll take Cleopatra with my first pick and Catherine the Great with my swing pick. I heard she likes horses. We'll get along great.
Around round 5 I'm going to take Dakota Fanning. Don't judge me.
Missy Peregrym, the shapeshifting chick on Heroes.
And she's new!
how does Pam Ward last till now? Back off - she's mine!
oh and toss in the 1990 Sela Ward and the 1985 Jaclyn Smith.
I am so done.
@john s.: andrew took eva mendes in the 3rd round. Please follow the example of the venerable beaverfever and respect the integrity of this draft...
beaver - it was a "to hell with you" for picking Melissa before I could thing, more like, nice pick.
Serena Williams, for the ass alone.
cc Ginsberg has been picked....man, that's sad.
Rosie O-Fuckin-Donnel
But more for entertainment purposes. And if it were ever the apocalypse I could live of her fat for a while then sleep in her like Luke did on that snowy planet
Tina Fey. The sense of humor and ability to hold a conversation just makes her that much more attractive to me.
With our first pick, we select Mike Penner of the Los Angeles Times.
Carmen Electra has not been picked?
YOINK!
Danielle Sarahyba. beaverfever, to hell with you for stealing my Carrie Underwood.
http://i.cnn.net/si/pr/subs/swimsuit/images/05_dsarahyba_01.jpg
Becky: Proctor?! Over Moose? What?!?!
OK, what do you think of Mark Mulder?
As for Wentworth, I get what you're saying about the Ivy League education, but I still get the impression he's a pussy (and no amount of conversation's going to make that attractive). I still take the other guy from the show, and if I end up wanting a conversation afterward I'll call my sister.
Mendes was taken? OK.. well, in that case, I will just throw some money her later down the road for a pie of that pie.
With my Mendes pick gone, I go back and take Rachel Weisz
I have a Leelee Sobieski thing. It's the face-plus-voice combo. Drives me nuts.
and by "pie of that pie" I meant "piece of that pie"
@ sledgod. Fuck. You. Moore was my next pick.
I'll sign her away when she hits the free agent market.
Next pick, Kelly Hu. Lady Deathstrike in X2.
I'm surprised more Asians aren't off the board yet.
Minka Kelly's still on the board?
not anymore.
As someone from Jersey, I feel compelled to take Marisa Tomei, who is like our state's Athena... so in spite of BDD's no time travel rule, I'll take Marisa Tomei next, even if she is on the bad side of 40...
Where's the love?
Jennifer Love Hewitt
@hercules rockefeller: Minka Kelly this late, now that's the steal of the draft
Any of the hoochies in the "Big Pimpin'" video.
Oh, and I trade for someone else's pick to get Jenna Jameson. I don't care if it is like throwing a hot dog down a long hallway.
miamidiesel
Hey hey hey!! Jersey gets insulted too much already. No Tomei
Sienna Miller.
THERE's a steal.
My turn again. I certainly didn't mean to turn my back on the other hotties of the KSK Gay Mafia, so I pick the rest of you. The only other one I've seen a picture of is Caveman, so he gets to go first.
And as long as I'm shooting my wad:
Alessandro Nivola -- so fucking hot in Junebug, even if he is a little too skinny; Chris Noth.
Maja Ivarsson from The Sounds.
http://i2.tinypic.com/20033ua.jpg
Plus, she's bisexual. I really wish we had someone breaking this draft down.
Eric Bana. Win-win-win.
And if I were into the vag, I take Kristen Bell as a huge late round steal.
Miller and Chriqui both taken
Emmanuelle Chriqui
She's been picked already
If I have to take someone as they are right now, I'm taking Anna Nicole Smith.
Janine Lidemuller
Here's the steal of steals, and I'm 99% positive she hasn't been taken yet:
Kira Knightley
Yeah, where's the Mel Kiper breakdown for this draft?
I'd at least like to see some numbers from the combine...
I can't believe I waited this long and still nobody has taken Eva Green. A) I've seen her naked in The Dreamers, so I know what I'm getting
B) I bought that damn body spray simply so she would sleep with me.
C) I get a girl that even Bond couldn't get. That's a steal if I've ever heard one
while i was actually doing work for a few minutes BDD stole my carmen electra pick.
my darkhorse pick: liz phair. she looks and sings like a total slut.
Man I am getting a steal. I choose Elin Grindemyr
Sorta ok for work
Oprah Winfrey
She would be my personal ottoman for the evening whilst I smoke a pipe in a red smoking jacket and read the Iliad in an overstuffed chair by a roaring fireplace.
"Butterfly" from Death Proof, Vanessa Ferlito.
So when am I gonna get that lapdance?
devang: Jersey does get insulted way too much, probably because we've allowed that fat fuck Peter King to live amongst us for far too long without any repercussions. That said, Marisa Tomei was slammin back in the day, and her "My Cousin Vinny" character is like a stereotypical northern Jersey girl... hence, the Athena reference
j.l. white, i think you are right. how the hell did keira knightly last this long ?
Rachel McAdams.
John Krasinski...I love me the tall boys.
Grimey: Death Proof was so badass.
@J.L. White: I hate you. May Michael Vick's dogs feast on your entrails.
Fine. I'm taking Kirsten Dunst with my fifth and final pick.
To recap: Dunst, Maja Ivarsson, Julianne Moore, Pam Beesly (Jenna Fischer) and Jack White. Game over.
Jenny Lewis. Indie hot is still hot.
redhead:
See: blue eyes.
Fine, if you don't like that pick, I'll take Alex Smith.
Mmmmmmmmmm, Alex Smith.
And I already specified Wentworth as straight man. In fact, I'll take him as a PRETEND straight man. What can I say? I like to banter with my boys.
I'm here to win people, not make bad "let me choose ugly chicks to get a lugh" picks.
Elin Nordegren
The brazilian women's soccer team featured in these pics. Yeah, I took a team. Bite me.
http://i49.photobucket.com/albums/f288/forum-misc/Girls/88208180_bulletinboardforum_com.jpg
http://i49.photobucket.com/albums/f288/forum-misc/Girls/brazil3.jpg
http://i49.photobucket.com/albums/f288/forum-misc/Girls/brazil4.jpg
http://i49.photobucket.com/albums/f288/forum-misc/Girls/brazil5.jpg
http://i49.photobucket.com/albums/f288/forum-misc/Girls/BrazilianWomen27sSoccerTeam14.jpg
OK.. +1 the NYJets
Now I'm taking The Sports Gal. And because I'd do anything I want to her, I'd do something that involves a red sox hat, a book, and anal
Damnit Signal to noise, you took my next pseudo-lesbian pick.
Heather Graham
http://www.librarising.com/astrology/celebs/images2/GHI/heathergraham2.jpg
I'm getting a late start. I choose 5 of the six girls from Full House. Candace Cameron still hot, Jodie Sweetin (even hotter now that she is off the meth), The Olsen Twins (Hot and Twins), Lori Loughlin (still hot)
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