NOTE: We're pleased to bring you this BKADP entry from special guest poster STW of the great Name Of The Year blog. Take it away, my man...
Name: Mason Crosby
Height: Taller than Jackie Mason, shorter than David Crosby
Body Type: Right thigh bigger than mole on Ginny Sack's ass
Speed: 8.3 (sidelines to ball spot)
Urine Sample: Good trajectory, stream tends to fade right
Stool Sample: Tiny pieces of Martin Gramatica
Criticisms: Doesn't follow through when kicking longer field goals, jerking off
Mainstream Comparison: Sebastian Janikowski
KSK Comparison: Nigel "The Leg" Gruff
Who's Interested: His mother, other kickers
Who Will Take Him: The Falcons. Need rookie to kick off, attempt long field goals, escort Morten Andersen to and from Buckhead Assisted Living Facility
Honors: Runner-up for Lou Groza Award in 2005. Didn't stab teammate in the leg like backup punter at other school in Colorado
Story ESPN Will Shove Down Your Throat: Has to hit 60 golf balls at a driving range two days before every game. This will lead to the following conversation:
BERMAN: Mason "Bing" Crosby! Looks like whoever drafts him will have to hold a celebrity golf tournament.
JAWORSKI: Another kooky kicker, Boomer.
BERMAN: I keek a touchdown!
(Cut to highlight of Garo Yepremian throwing interception in Super Bowl VII)
Ambitions: Not fucking up just enough to make $30 million in career kicking a football five times a week.
Projection: Drafted in third round. Subject of 43 newspaper profiles speculating whether he can break NFL field-goal record of 63 yards. Forgotten until misses first potential game-winning kick. Gang-raped by offensive line when misses another. Released when misses third. Plays seven seasons for Laredo Lobos of afl2.