Thursday, March 15, 2007

Dear God, Hootie. What Have I Done?


You've probably heard by now that the fine broads over at Ladies... threw down the gauntlet last week and challenged us to a collaborative college basketball pool. As it's been said before, we're (cough) a football blog, and most of you realize that the ability to pee standing up has no value in this venture.

I don't think I've watched 40 minutes of college basketball this entire year. But I "know" some of the women over there from Deadspin (Andie, being a law student at Notre Dame, and Wanda, being a single mom, have both impressed me as fans and as people), so I was eager to get something together. Probably too eager.

The rules were negotiated. Our six brackets will go head-to-head against their six best. Whichever set of brackets tallies the most points will be declared the winner.

At stake is:

(1) a day's worth of posts from the winners on the losers' blog
(2) the KSK winner going admiral on TheStarterWife around the ice during the first intermission of a Capitals game at the Verizon center

One of those is true.

Some people wonder what KSK has to gain from this proposition. Oh, sure, our site gets more traffic than theirs does, but there's more to it than that. This is an opportunity to take the moral values of KSK to the streets, to spread the gospel of the Sex Cannon, bukkake, and mock pedophilia.

Despite getting hits in the five-figures every day, our message still isn't being received by those who need to hear it most. Still, some of us aare concerned that I've put our precious little blog in peril, that we've given up too much for a chance to gain too little. This might be the first time our hopes lie in the hands of Unsilent Majority, and that is fucking scary.

It's my fault. I got us into this. And I apologize.

I apologize to all of our readers, because if we lose, we really have no idea what kind of filth will make it up here. Rumors of posts celebrating Title IX, baby pictures, and ranking men based solely on their appearances are already floating through the series of tubes. Just disgusting. These women really have no shame.

Also, I apologize to the fine readers that the Ladies' blog already has. If any of you are reading this now, I want you to know how sorry I really am, because if we win this motherfucker, all of you will be scarred for life. You will only wish your worst fears were confirmed, because the pervert training wheels will be popped off faster than you can say Fatty Arbuckle. I look forward to the chance of having eight women hating us, suddenly and simultaneously.

The upside is there, but it happens to be mighty close to the downside in value. That's why it's a bet. But we intend to prevail, and when we do, you can be certain that we'll piss all over that blog, standing up.

34 comments:

Captain Caveman said...

We are royally fucked. We should have gone against their MIDDLE six brackets.

I rape red sox fans said...

Great. Just what KSK needs: more bitches that don't put out.

Clutch247 said...

Sux for you guys(and your readers) that it's an undeniable fact that chicks get so fuckin lucky when they fill out brackets...Fuck, We're all fucked.

May god have mercy on your souls.

Jackin'4Beats said...

God help you MMP...GOD HELP YOU!

If they win, I will be taking a sabbatical for one entire day so not to hear about their hot Australian football players.

Sweet chubby baby Jesus, please save MMP from himself. He knows not what he does.

liquid_d said...

If KSK wins the only thing more perverse than the writers posts' will be the follow up in the comments board. Depraved fans FTW!!

devang said...

Meh, you Challenger post is NOTHING compared to this.

Jordan Ginsberg said...

Hey, at the very least, it couldn't be any worse than the day that broad from Gawker edited Deadspin.

lieutenant winslow said...

wait. explain to me why "you have to flash us your tit-ays" was not negotiated for in this little wager?

MMP, as your attorney, i am advising you do NOT make ANY future wagers without consulting with me first.

cinnamon girl said...

MMP: First of all, what did TheStarterWife do to piss you off? That's just horrible. (And yes, I did have to check the link to figure it out)

Second, if the Ladies win, I'd pick babies first and then ranking the guys.

And third, at least eight women hate you simultaneously now. (BTW, I'm not one of them.)

cinnamon girl said...

Lt. Winslow - I expect the flashing titties will come on the Ladies site if they lose.

Vanilla said...

You guys will be OK. They've probably got Oral Roberts in the final four because he sounds like a guy they'd like to have around.

becky said...

wait...who doesn't put out?

Redhead said...

vanilla:

That was actually pretty good.

Mike said...

Good god, man! What have you done???

First Brit soccer fans, and now chick college hoop fans. Yikes.

When do you invite the scientologist t-ball afficionados?

devang said...

Gee I sure hope Mandy participates

devang said...

I'd pick babies first and then ranking the guys

@Cinnamon Girl. Brady or Brady's baby 1st?

The Weepy Beej said...

If you guys do win, may I suggest a fine selection of "Dead Baby" jokes...sure to make every woman swoon.

cinnamon girl said...

@devang. Brady's baby first, of course. You know, what with evolution and all.

Signal to Noise said...

I'm with liquid_d: if KSK wins, the commenter devastation over at Ladies would be something to behold.

Ryan said...

who knew a spammer would know exactly what to put on this comments section?

Cedrick said...

'we might be totally fucked here' is either the most appropriate or the most inappropriate (i.e. unlikely) tag I've ever seen.

(BTO)

Unsilent Majority said...

If they win they're obviously witches.

cinnamon girl said...

unsilent: witches? isn't someone going to "fixed" that? as a girl, it won't be me.

cinnamon girl said...

Hey - I keep going to the Ladies but there's nothing new there today. Guys, I think they're all planning. Be afraid, be very afraid.

Unsilent Majority said...

perhaps they're all on their period.

cinnamon girl said...

Ladies, someone, please?

Nastinchka said...

I don't know that I speak for the rest of the Ladies... but I have nothing but admiration for the hilarious stylings of KSK.

(Also, I was dead serious about that Peyton threat, but I let people sitting around me at a bar pick my bracket, so you prolly don't have a whole lot to worry about.)

swing4 said...

Explain to me how "Drew must reveal his last name" was not part of the negotiated prize.

Amateurs.

Jez said...

Is this the fucking link:

http://wordpress.com/tag/ladies/

devang said...

Explain to me how "Drew must reveal his last name" was not part of the negotiated prize.

Amateurs.


Amateurs indeed swing4, amateurs indeed.

TheStarterWife said...

I already flashed my boobies for the Deadspin crowd. That is not much a bet.

Sex on the ice, (and yes I had to look up "Admiral"), during a Caps game sounds no worse than a typical night at our house.

Wanda (aka Metschick) said...

more bitches that don't put out.

Who said we don't put out?

First Brit soccer fans, and now chick college hoop fans. Yikes.

Not all of us are college hoop fans. I couldn't care less for college hoops. March Madness to me really is just the month before MLB starts.

poorly said...

No, this is the fucking link:

http://ladiesdotdotdot.wordpress.com/

Preview is your friend, MMP.

Jez said...

Thanks for the correct link. You know, if you click on the word "edit" in your Blog dashboard, you can actually fix stupid ass errors like that.