During the NFL offseason, we’ll be asking various luminaries of the league establishment to join us in making picks for other prominent sporting events. It’s a day late, but here are the Final Four picks from of your favorite NFL players, coaches, broadcasters, and columnists. Their title picks are in bold.
NOTE: Turner’s bracket picked all 63 games to chalk.
NOTE: Should these picks end up being erroneous, I already have an excerpt from Simmons’ next column about it: “When I look back, OF COURSE I should have taken UNC to win it all. In fact, I was ready to pick them. But, as usual, I outsmarted myself. Don’t you just hate when you’re too smart like I always am? Let me reanalyze the entire field in retrospect so that I look like even more of an arrogant prick.”
Montclair’s Girl’s JV Teeball (“Such Good Kids.”)
Punch To The Abdomen
Push Down Flight Of Stairs
Crushed RU-486 In A Glass Of Cotes Du Rhone
Glass Pipe With Tin Foil
Plastic Honey Bear Container
Petrified, Hallowed-Out Human Finger
In The Ass
In The Mouth
In A Stab Wound
In The Eye
Anything That Will Help Set Black People Back 125 Years
In A Photo Booth
In A Public Park
In A Popcorn Box
Rape (He Likes Rape)
”Does Frank Winters Still Play? Remember Him? Ol’ Frank Bag O Donuts?! I Like Donuts!”
I’m sure you’ve got some celebrity picks of your own. Tell us in the comments.