Name: Amobi Okoye-not a Jew...yet
Height: He'd offer you a ride in his limo, but he's got to stretch his shit out. He's a tall drink of water, don't want to wrinkle anything.
Weight: 21.5 Stones
Urine Sample: Excellence
Stool Sample: Smells like Calvin Klein's Obsession...for
Mainstream Comparison: Adewale Ogunleye (real original guys!)
KSK Comparison: Harold Wormser
Who Wants Him: ME! I think I'm developing a new man-crush.
Who Will Take Him: If he doesn't come willingly I will take him by force.
Hobbies: The same as any red-blooded 19 year old... Going to R rated movies without a parent or guardian,
drinking, voting, tobacco products, renting cars, military service, making sexy time with 17 year-olds, and jury duty.
Favorite Food: The Souls of Black Folk...or was that his favorite book? My notes are a bit messy but the book makes a bit more sense.
Favorite Expression: Cellar door
Story ESPN Will Shove Down Your Throat: He started high school at the age of twelve because he was so fucking smart after moving from Nigeria (suck on that you racist internet trolls!) Then he played every game as a 16 year-old frosh at Louisville while taking on a course load that would make a Wyatt Sexton go off the deep end. He graduated at the age of 19 after 3.5 years making him the smartest person in the history of Kentucky not named Flubby, Mrs. Flubby, Lil' Gusflub, or Colonel Sanders.
Immediate Impact: Dick Vermeil thinks he'll be great as soon as he loses the diapers.
Down the Road: Because he's starting his career at such a young age he's going to hit free agency at the age of 24. Most guys sign that contract when they're 26 or 27. As long as he puts together a good career he's looking at a rookie contract and three big time veteran contracts. Hey Amobi, you're going to need a damn good (read: Jewish) agent. So, uh...challah at a brother!
Update: It looks like Dan Snyder is once again driving me to the ledge. Instead of drafting my boy Okoye he wants to trade for Lance Briggs. So who would you rather have on your team, the gifted, brilliant, young lineman or the guy who keeps threatening to initiate Operation Shutdown? All of these great linebackers from the U of A and we have to go after this douche? Why didn't we just keep Antonio Pierce? FUCK!