Wednesday, March 14, 2007

The Bloggies Are Dead to Us; In Other News, Kissing Suzy Kolber Wins the KSK Blog of the Year for Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Excellence

Congratulations, Arseblog. You are a sports blog that follows a single team in the English Premier League, and also the hands-down winner of the 2007 Bloggie Award for Best Sports Blog. You often post as many as one times a day. Recent ledes have included:

March 5th: "...there’s rather a dearth of news this morning."
March 11th: "A very quiet Sunday morning for you. Not much happening..."
March 12th: "...As you can see there’s very little going on in the world of Arsenal this morning."

Holy shit that's riveting. I can't believe we got nominated to share the stage with such esteemed company.


Obviously, the Bloggies are dead to us. Unlike the Weblog Awards, which were an obvious farce, the Bloggies are masked in a veil of legitimacy, which makes this straight-faced joke of a Shakespeare in Love selection even more insulting. Personally, I think this is Deadspin's fault. That gadfly upstart Leitch totally split the Kissing Suzy Kolber vote.

There's good news, though. After three months of sequestered deliberation, the KSK Gay Mafia has emerged from our secret headquarters high in the Andes, and we're pleased to announce that the winner of the first annual Kissing Suzy Kolber Blog of the Year for Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Excellence is none other than...

[drumroll]

...KISSING SUZY KOLBER!!!


"Oh wow. Oh my God. I... I had no idea. I thought With Leather had a chance to win the Kissing Suzy Kolber Blog of the Year for Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Excellence, but this means so much more.

"Ummm. Umm. Wow. Who to thank? Whoooooooo to thank. My parents, for believing I could establish the best politically incorrect/profane humor sports blog on the Internet. Desiree at Cheetah's and of course Ruby at Gold Rush. My agent, Byrd Leavell, who's been great about sending me the absolute cleanest call girls, even when I call him coked out of my mind at 3:00 a.m. on a Wednesday morning.

"But mostly, I have to thank the other writers at KSK who make this site so great. Christmas Ape, Monday Morning Punter, flubby, and that tiny black man, Unsilent Majority. They're just the funniest and foulest Internet friends a man can have.

"Holy crap! Wait wait wait! I can't believe I forgot such an important part of the puzzle. The person who made so many of the jokes come alive and live on across the Internet: Footsteps Falco. God rest his soul.

"Finally, fuck Arsenal. I couldn't be happier they shat the bed on their way out of the Carling Cup, Champions League, and FA Cup. I'm not even sorry Thierry Henry's out for the rest of the season. Nyah, Nyah. Suck it, Gooners."

140 comments:

The Costanzo said...

I heard you guys really suffered in the Red states ... and with hooligans

SteveJeltzFan said...

Webster's Dictionary defines excellence as "the state or condition of being ecellent.

Joe Fraizer approves.
Congratulations KSK.

Burnsy said...

We're proud to say that the KSK Blog of the Year awards have gone green.

Mike said...

And CC continues his astounding run of "Flimsy Excuses To Include My Picture In Every Post."

The babes love you for it, dude. But your more XY-inclined readers prefer cheerleaders sporting cleavage & inner thighness.

Anyhow, congrats on the big victory.

jason said...

you bitter cunt.

up the Arse

The Intern said...

Ouch, Drew gets snubbed in the speech. CC apparently went to the Hilary Swank School of Acceptance Speeches.

a said...

you stupid cunt. arseblog rules! muhaha!

arseblogger said...

I really thought my panther-cock remarks would be taken in the spirit they were meant.

I suppose sitting for 3 or 4 hours to see 60 minutes worth of play would numb anyone's mind though.

Still, better luck next year. You can always play with your Weblog Award but that'd be like having to make do with a regular Action Man when your great rival has an Action Man with that cool thing on the back of his head to make his eyes move.

*looks left* *looks right*

Awww yeah...

Jackin'4Beats said...

Drew getting snubbed in the acceptance speech...let's just hope this isn't the Yoko Ono moment that breaks up the KSK gay mafia. Say it ain't so...

Clint and arseblog are arse buddies. They clearly get bent together.

Big Daddy Drew said...

The Bloggie results results are nothing more than rabid anti-Americanism at its very worst.

Know who runs the Bloggies? A guy named Nikolai. That's right: Nikolai! He's probably kneeling before Lenin's tomb reading Trotsky as we speak! Oh, good day to you, Comrade! Let's devise a universal health care system and bow to the hammer and sickle!

Fucking pinko.

save the steagles said...

Mike, after all we got yesterday was male masturbation location stories, I think the ladies are entitled to a little CC before KSK gets around to publishing their 10 greatest bowel movements.

Captain Caveman said...

Still, better luck next year. You can always play with your Weblog Award but that'd be like having to make do with a regular Action Man when your great rival has an Action Man with that cool thing on the back of his head to make his eyes move.

Action Man? British toys suck.

lieutenant winslow said...

Ruby from Goldrush said to tell you hello

devang said...

Know who runs the Bloggies? A guy named Nikolai. That's right: Nikolai! He's probably kneeling before Lenin's tomb reading Trotsky as we speak! Oh, good day to you, Comrade! Let's devise a universal health care system and bow to the hammer and sickle!

Fucking pinko.


Fucking meathead Nikolai.

sun of a beetch, sheet

The Intern said...

I suppose sitting for 3 or 4 hours to see 60 minutes worth of play would numb anyone's mind though.

Better than sitting 90 minutes to see 30 seconds of action.

devang said...

Better than sitting 90 minutes to see 30 seconds of action.

that's what CC said about the Spain Train.

http://www.withleather.com/post.phtml?pk=2348

Big Daddy Drew said...

Know what you'd be without the good ol' US of A, Arseblogger? The smallest island in the Russian Empire!

Jez said...

Intern -

Don't forget about the dives and guys getting hurt when they fall on the grass. Yeah, that soccer is a tough sport. Call me when the best MLS player is making more than Robbie Gould.

Otto Man said...

Wait, I thought that was my line.

Clint said...

Soccer's for fags that can't hit fastballs or don't have the hands to catch a football.

It's right there with "lax" fuckstick outcasts.

That said, quit your whining. It's a fucking blog award. Ask yourself this: What can I do to get my blog award back?

Clint said...

Clint and arseblog are arse buddies. They clearly get bent together.

Jackin4welfare: You now mention me in every post. You've officially let me bother you about something, what might that be? Turn the page or get a job, something.

Medfly said...

Clint what the fuck is American Football even called football. The only fucker that even uses his foot is the punter and the fag who kicks the field goals. The rest are steroid pumped fat cunts who to try to hit each other as hard as they can. Where the fuck is the athleticism there? You don't like Soccer fine but the rest of the world does, so basically that makes you pond scum.

Grimey said...

So thanks to everyone who nominated and voted and thanks to everyone who reads and comments and emails and everything else which makes Arseblog such a fun place.

There’s a free home made Guinness for everyone and some cheese and pineapple on cocktail sticks over there. Help yourselves.


Cheese and pineapple on cocktail sticks? Has Arseblogger been reading my diary?

Simon Burke said...

As an Arsenal fan who lives in America who used to work at Arsenal all i can say is too bad gents.. Maybe next year, but probably not. As for hitting fastballs - the hard part is staying awake for 7 hours to see it...
COME ON YOU ARSENAL - put this crap Yank blog in the ground every year-
Just kidding fellas, seems a quality blog to me, till next year.

Clint said...

medfly: I'm not here to get into a pissing match on why your sport sucks. I don't give about the politcal correct naming of our football. You can keep the damn name and we'll call it Pigskin oval for all I give a shit. Soccer is for fags, at any level. High school, college, etc. Most soccer players end up in women's undergarments later in life, it's a fact. The rest of the world likes soccer? You mean there's a "rest of the world" outside this country? Not to me. You can keep your foreign tv covering DC United at 4 in the morning, I don't want that either. Drinking beer and watching a soccer game is about as fun as cancer. You wanna know why soccer is a flop? Take a look at the MLS. That shit sucks. Any sport that has a history of the players killing the ref, should be annexed. No one in the USA, which is the only place that anything matters, gives a rats ass about soccer. I'd rather not watch ferries run around a field that makes them look like Ants to play to a scoreless tie. I gave it a chance last olympics, and I kicked myself for it. And "Injury time"? WTF? That'd be like in football some team stands up a team for 4 downs inside the 3 yard line to preserve a 4 point lead, only to have them get 1 more down because there was injuries, in which this time can't even be known exactly how long it is because it's never the same. Arse.

becky said...

always a bridesmaid....

all I'm saying...is that if you had given us butter AS PROMISED, this all could have turned out differently.

Brit accents really don't mesh well in these here comments...

Eradj said...

You're all cunts of the highest order, you know?

Does your blog have the one highest rated sports podcast (according to iTunes)?

Does you twats ever get anything close to 1000 posts on matchdays?

Do you organize helmet ball games for your members? Arseblog had a 5-a-side football tourney.

Do you have the chairmen of NFL "franchises" talk to your blog?

Do you have "franchise" legends talk to your blog?

As for your "humor" that shit that you write wouldn't make a person on laughing gas amused.

PS, it's great that you follow a sport the show piece of which - the Super Duper Bowl, is watched for TV ads and not for the helmet ball action "dude"

Burnsy said...

That last post was like the episode of the Simpsons when they go to Japan and the waiter tries to talk American. How cute is that? Bangers and mash for all of our adorable cockney friends!

Bad Barbecue said...

You probably lost this award due to not honoring your promise to do your comparison post after winning the last award. You cannot burn us twice.

And I really need that post. (not really).

Big Daddy Drew said...

You're all cunts of the highest order, you know?

Don't I!

Does your blog have the one highest rated sports podcast (according to iTunes)?

Nope. Podcasting is for queers. Pasty, British queers.

Does you twats ever get anything close to 1000 posts on matchdays?

No. Because in America, we play games, not matches. You don't become the dominant global superpower by playing matches. That would be weird.

Do you organize helmet ball games for your members? Arseblog had a 5-a-side football tourney.

I bet Arseblog has 5-a-side many things. Like naked Red Rover. No, we don't organize games for people. I have a bad back.

Do you have the chairmen of NFL "franchises" talk to your blog?

Good Lord, no. That would make us legitimate!

Do you have "franchise" legends talk to your blog?

Does a picutre with Joe Namath count? I say yes!

As for your "humor" that shit that you write wouldn't make a person on laughing gas amused.

Really? Because I'm on luaghing gas now and it is HILARIOUS. Now take your shinguards and your spotted dick and wipe your pasty British ass with them.

cinnamon girl said...

medfly: after reading clint's latest entry, I'm left to wonder if his hatred of soccer is truly what makes him pond scum. I can think of a few other things.

Gunny said...

Arsenal are the greatest football team in the world!

The NFL just stinks, bunch fat guys and guys on steroids running around and into each other.

As an American I am proud to know what REAL football is and to know that it is NOT the NFL.

C'MON YOU GUNNERS!

devang said...

Bad teeth vs. Fat Cunts. Hmmm.

street fighting hooligans vs. battery throwing philly fans

redneck douchebag in sausage encasing vs. a scouser

Clint was probably never given the proper "love" by his mother.

BTW, I love the NFL AND the EPL. DOes that make me a bigamist?

becky said...

all the Brit angst + BDD trumping the entire post in 1 comment = "OK you guys, who dressed him up in little suspenders?"

Big Daddy Drew said...

Great. Now we have commenting hooligans. Nice job, Ufford. I have to go fireproof my house now.

Captain Caveman said...

Welcome, angry soccer fans. We heartily encourage your overuse of the word "cunt." But please, let's try to keep this civil. No throwing flares and bags of urine.

At the end of the day, cheers to Arseblog. Now we BOTH have meaningless Internet awards.

Eradj said...

No. Because in America, we play games, not matches. You don't become the dominant global superpower by playing matches. That would be weird.

-------------------

No, what would be weird is getting into one's 9000 - tonne SUV and driving across the street to buy a bag of jelley doughnuts. That's weird.

Also, a fat bastard running around in 5 second spurts is weird. Ads being the centerpiece of a sports match (ooh, sorry me bad, "game") is...wait, not weird, fucking pathetic.

G'day, cuntishes.

flubby said...

I wish we could relegate some of these commenters. I'm NOT referring to the limeys.

Eradj said...

No throwing flares and bags of urine.
----------------

Are burning scooters and pig heads allowed?

Otto Man said...

Did I miss the part where England had its sense of humor and sarcasm destroyed? Was that a Labour initiative pushed by Blair, part of his Cool Brittania program that vomited up the Spice Girls and Hugh Grant?

NFL players are all fat and on steroids and they smell like doody. Thanks for the zinger, Captain Peacock.

becky said...

what's a bag of jelly doughnuts and where the hell can I find one???

Mike said...

Wait. Does this mean the Coalition of the Willing has broken down?

Otto Man said...

Ads being the centerpiece of a sports match

Unlike the Premier League, where the ads surround eevry inch of the field and are often plastered on the players' jerseys. Slogans like "Fly Emirates" and "Marriott" really do speak to the purity of the game.

The Dude said...

Coldplay.

'Nuff said.

Grimey said...

Ads in soccer matches? No way.

Captain Caveman said...

The Dude wins.

Redhead said...

Cuntishes? Well I've just learned a new word.

Big Daddy Drew said...

Yeah, it was worth all the self-serious hostility to learn that word. Cuntishes goes right in the lexicon.

Hey Arsenal fans, perhaps we could have a curse word exchange? Would you like "pussy basket"?

Bad Barbecue said...

Otto man, I think they may feel their comments are funny in the way Deadspinners trashed the Barbaro or Simmons boards. I kind of do too. They may be winning. We have the original post on our side but we also have the Clint.

BloggerCade '07.

becky said...

shhhhh Drew, we can keep them BOTH. i.e. any day you can work in the pussy basket is a g'day indeed, cuntishes. feel me?

Otto Man said...

Yeah, I'm not thrilled to be on the same side of this argument as Clint.

And personally, I think the Arsenal fans are just pissed we took Fever Pitch and made it into a bad baseball movie with Jimmy Fallon. Who can blame them?

Ryan said...

So what the hell happened to the comments section before?

Grimey said...

This is why I should never go to the U.K. I'd end up just walking around asking every Brit with missing teeth and a mohawk to call me a "wanker."

the butler said...

"We heartily encourage your overuse of the word cunt."

Yeah, CC - get ready for modifications of that word you never thought were possible.

When I lived over there briefly I remember it being used as an adjective of relation, as in "you cunting whore..."

And I also remembered PLENTY of British people watching the Super Bowl. I even went to a SUPER BOWL PARTY there.

Lots of Brits like American Football, don't let these few comments fool y'all.

liquid_d said...

lets end this, shall we?
soccer "star": David Beckham , effeminate douche who gets white guy cornrows.
PWNED again, just like in 1776.

Dat RoRo Kid said...

This commenting thread is escalating into an international incident, I see. Shall I get Boutros Boutros Boutros Boutros-Ghali to mediate? How 'bout some Realpolitik? Some Metternich? Anyone....?

Clint said...

Otto man, I think they may feel their comments are funny in the way Deadspinners trashed the Barbaro or Simmons boards. I kind of do too. They may be winning. We have the original post on our side but we also have the Clint.

You guys here....Suchhhhh Fags. You're just so cult-like. Fuck off, I don't wanna be in your jerk circle. "Dick radish". Fits right in with the humor here.

Grimey said...

Whatever... these pud-thumbers couldn't even off Malcolm Glazer.

Clint said...

If you don't laugh at the tag label "cheap shots", then you're not human though. That's quality shit.

Clint said...

I see the site IT (UM) ditched the 3 minute attempt at using "Haloscan" as the commenting device.

Weed Against Speed said...

Jerk circle?

cinnamon girl said...

clint says "Fuck off, I don't wanna be in your jerk circle" and then promptly posts two more times.

devang said...

Clint you are the ONLY one with any sense of humor. Now can you please FUCK OFF, you nattering nabob of negativity?

Big Daddy Drew said...

I see the site IT (UM) ditched the 3 minute attempt at using "Haloscan" as the commenting device.

Actually, clint, that was me. I find your incessant stupidity so useless and grating I am actively trying to find ways to ban you. Alas, for now, I will have to simply you hope you get the hint and that everyone else ignores you.

Bad Barbecue said...

"Guys", "Fags", "Fuck", "Jerk-circle", "Dick", "Fits right in".

That's alot of gay.

Jackin'4Beats said...

I can't believe CUNT and I agree about soccer. Someone kill me now before I go around burning crosses and beating up homeless people for fun.

Clint, this is the last time we're going to tell you. FUCK OFF! We don't want you here.

"I don't want to be in your jerk circle." OK, well step the fuck off already you shit packin' dick snot. Can one of you Arseblog guys take him away and do the Braveheart torture scene on him puh-leeeeze?

Anyway, to squash the whole, who's the best blog debate.

KSK = humor and good ol' redblooded American Foozball.

Arseblog = don't know much about it, but they sure do love their team so that's OK with me. But you've got to admit that it's hard to see the players under all of those gratuitous ads.

Clint said...

Actually, clint, that was me. I find your incessant stupidity so useless and grating I am actively trying to find ways to ban you. Alas, for now, I will have to simply you hope you get the hint and that everyone else ignores you.

Uh-oh. King shit has spoken. The mighty one. Fhack you... used to think your stuff was funny. Now it's just kind of like a like pulling a string on a doll that says 3 short sentences. Time for you to get a new "Schtick", asswipe. Learn to make adjustments and quit your bitching about not winning a blog trophy. Maybe if you spend some time with "Mrs. Drew" who I'm sure is a fine one indeed, you won't have to make so many 'hilarious' posts about whacking off, you tool.

If you ignore me, why would you want me banned? Ditch the blogging and go back to warcraft, asswipe.

Clint said...

Clint, this is the last time we're going to tell you. FUCK OFF! We don't want you here.

Oh yeah, I'll leave, cause you said so and all buckwheat.

The Last Unitard said...

Give Clint a break, you guys.. he's obviously angling for an award of his own.

Therefore I nominate Clint for the Kissing Suzy Kolber Commenter of the Year Award for Oustanding Achievement in the Field of Buggery.

Now go on up there and give us a speech, lil buddy. You've earned it.

Pete Rose Colored Glasses said...

Clint-

How do you have time to make $100,000 a year selling cell phones when you are writing awful blog posts and commenting in places where people wish you would disappear?

Mike said...

Clintishes.

Bad Barbecue said...

I don't if banning is the answer. I'm laughing my ass off. But I think it's the kind of laughter that comes with watching someone who thinks they know karate.

Sorry if I'm encouraging.

Bad Barbecue said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Chamomiles Davis said...

Fuck awards. Who needs 'em? Self-congratulatory pieces of virtual garbage. KSK is a fine site and doesn't need the Weblogs, Bloggies, Blogaramas or any other pseudo-stroke acknowledgements to validate its existence.

If awards really meant something, and there was a just God in this universe, the Oscar shows would have been discussing "seven-time Academy Award winner" Martin Scorsese.

devang said...

"Bye Bye miss American pie, drove my chevy to the levee but the levee was dry. Good'ol boys drinking whiskey and rye, singin' this'll be the day that I DIE."

Get the hint redneck.

Jordan Ginsberg said...

I don't think Clint's humanitarian efforts should be ignored and discounted so easily. After all, he's making great strides in trying to give AIDS back to the monkeys. Good show.

yvivwgz: The Fresh Prince often asks himself this very question.

janie said...

I'm almost too scared to post here today with all this hostility, but as a female limey fan of both your football and mine, and in the spirit of peace and reconciliation can I just say......

..can't we all just get along?

Also...UP THE VILLA! We're going to twat Arsenal tonight.

Sorry you lost out KSK - you're the dog's - I fully intend to only have my tea and crumpets while wearing a Sex Cannon t-shirt from now on.

Clint said...

"Bye Bye miss American pie, drove my chevy to the levee but the levee was dry. Good'ol boys drinking whiskey and rye, singin' this'll be the day that I DIE."

Wow, just wow.

devang said...

He He.. "Arse Gunners". Describes the lot.

Did you see how clever I was!! Did you!! Did you!!

cinnamon girl said...

as my mom used to say, "Let's just all play the ignoring game!" Stop encouraging him.

The Last Unitard said...

Clint is not amused, Devang.

Burnsy said...

"We're going to twat Arsenal tonight."

There's a chance I may never use an actual verb again.

Oh, and my word verification is aptly jliynut. That sounds British.

Clint said...

Tomorrows KSK "Hilarious" non award winning post:

Cunnilingis! Cunni-ling-us! Cunni-ling-IS! to the tune of "Hallelujah" and then they'll throw in a picture of Warren Sapp so it remains "Football Content".

Followed up by something about, lemme guess, whacking off.

cinnamon girl said...

I'm surprised he knows the word.

Mike said...

I'm surprised he knows the word

I'd be surprised if he knew how to do the word.

Clint said...

I'd be surprised if he knew how to do the word.

hehehehe, "Dude, he said, 'do', he heh he heh"

Ryan said...

Anyone else think this comments section is going to end badly?

Basshole said...

Followed up by something about, lemme guess, whacking off.

I sure hope so. I enjoyed hearing about the adventures of little Rick.

joeeffyourself said...

Hey Clint Evans, hell of a baseball season senior year at Ohio Wesleyan: 11 ABs, 1 hit.

Leave us alone, douchebag! For that matter, quit terrorizing every message board you appear on, no matter how many times they ban you!

cinnamon girl said...

mike - taking it to that next level creeps me out. now I have to try and get that image out of my mind! hopefully, no one will ever know.

Otto Man said...

I like how Clint shows up here every three minutes to announce how little he cares for this site.

cinnamon girl said...

otto man - and then double posts.

The Last Unitard said...

Let's play a game of Guess What Crawled up Clint's Ass and Died!

Ok, I'll start.

Umm... gotta be something that burrows... hmm... Is it a Burrow Owl?

cinnamon girl said...

the last unitard - okay, I'll play. It could be even bigger, right? Opossum?

cinnamon girl said...

Or, if I get to pick, porcupine!

Signal to Noise said...

Unitard: I vote for coked-up gerbil.

As for the visiting hooligans, last I checked, Chelski and Manchester United were still handing Arsenal their asses on a plate.

cinnamon girl said...

signal to noise: don't waste coke on a gerbil, or clint.

Otto Man said...

otto man - and then double posts.

Hey, some boys tend to stutter around the objects of their affection.

cinnamon girl said...

otto man - well played.

Burnsy said...

100. Cunterrific.

Jackin'4Beats said...

Clint sells Amway products to child mostesting evangelical pussy baskets.

He just about admitted as much on his very own blog before he deleted all of his racist rants and subsequent retorts from angry bloggers so his site wouldn't be shut down.

And I'm sure he's got baby skunk in his arse right now.

The Last Unitard said...

A baby skunk? That's fucking sick, Clint.

cinnamon girl said...

the last unitard - better than an actual baby.

cinnamon girl said...

did that take it too far?

Otto Man said...

I thought Clint had shoved his head up his ass. That's a baby skunk?

cinnamon girl said...

well played again, sir.

Otto Man said...

Thanks. Something about Clint just brings out my A-game.

Unsilent Majority said...

I'm no arsenal fan but i do commend their fans and their bloggers. now please, take clint with you.

Awful Chief said...

Clint,
Please explain your incessant commentary and visitation to a site that you seem to now hate everything about and hates you back even more. Do you also enjoy going into gay bars to tell gay people how much you don't care for butt sex? Do you like to hang out in predominantly black neighborhoods talking to residents about how black people are inferior to you? Probably not. Why? You are a big unsanitary pussy with hurt feelings for being scorned for your racism and stupidity by every author and commenter at this site. Whatever pride you have left keeps you coming back to piss us off, knowing that you cannot get physically hurt. I'm guessing your fiance will become quite familiar with this behavior from you after she files for divorce.

cinnamon girl said...

awful chief - if he goes to the gay bars to tell gay people how much he doesn't care for butt sex, then he does it and orgasms twice.

Awful Chief said...

Go Spurs! Berbatov > Henry

Signal to Noise said...

cinnamon girl: it's fine so long as it isn't my money, drugs, or gerbil.

Otto Man: +10, but damn, I wish I wasn't so late that I missed the original Clint comments.

Vanilla said...

Can we please get back to insulting the Bloody Limey's and forget about Clint. That was much more fun.

Someone should bring up Cricket and what a lame ass sport that is. Those wankers are saying 3 hours of baseball is bad how about a 5 DAY CRICKET MATCH in which one side retires, and both sides uniforms are white pants from the GAP and a matching Abercrombie sweater!

Jackin'4Beats said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jackin'4Beats said...

vanilla +1

Totally agree. 5 days of BS that means nothing when the team getting beat plays for a DRAW, thus nullifying all records from the previous 5 days.

See England vs. West Indies in 2004. But can anyone understand most of what's written here?

Otto Man said...

I'm afraid my congenital dislike of cricket has been temporarily crushed by a video clip CC posted over at With Leather. It was an instructional cricket video featuring bikini-clad babes.

Now every time I think about cricket, my pants start chafing me.

cinnamon girl said...

otto man - +1

I thought about it, but that comment was better placed by a guy. Thanks!

janie said...

Ok, ok, we get it - you all hate English sports. Not everyone here likes them either - I hate cricket only marginally less than I hate bloody fucking Arsenal right now because they just beat us at home (contrary to my earlier optimism.) And you're right - football (soccer) can be really boring, but when a good game comes along, it generally rewards your patience.

I have to admit though that (American) football is a fantastic, exciting game and tactically far superior.

J.L. White said...

Hey, where did Clint go?

Well, now look what you've all done. We were just having some fun, and then someone took it too far, and now Clint's gone. He's probably at home, crying. I'm sure he's weeping like a little girl who has stubbed her toe. He's crying into a giant plush teddy bear, that came with a valentine he got from Bruce. He's crying so hard he's probably staining the "Mommy's Bestest Little Boy" T-shirt he's been wearing for the last 20 years.

I hope you're all proud of yourself.

Awful Chief said...

I'm with you, Janie. Both sports are great and being a fan of the EPL in the US gives you another good reason to start your drinking before noon on Saturday and Sunday.

Eradj said...

As for the visiting hooligans, last I checked, Chelski and Manchester United were still handing Arsenal their asses on a plate.
-----------------------------

Actually, we've arseraped Man USA twice this year. Only English team to do so, too. Our U-18s just beat them today also. So fuck off.
And Chelski have beaten us once - we sent our Youth team to play them, and still played better, according to most pundits.

To the Villan Julien. Shit match, wasn't it? Still, didn't know the home fans showed up till second half.

And helmetball is only tactically superior because it HAS to be - the "coach" has to have every move planned out because, evidently, the players are too thick to figure out hat to do on their own.

Night, you lovely Yank cuntishes (a term of endearment, usually,F.Y.I.)

Proinsias Cassidy said...

The beginning of this was like a really funny, cross-posting flame-war from the old(er) Usenet days. Then it just got hilarious (up to '1 for 11') and, finally, laughing like the first time I ate mushrooms, in the end. Thank you, KSK!

I like Spurs because I like Jews (and Robbie Keane).

janie said...

awful chief - I think between us we may be able to broker a peace deal between these warring factions! Also, I no longer need an excuse to drink before noon on weekends - in fact watching AVFC while intoxicated is recommended for the sake of one's own sanity.

eradj - I'm well aware that Villa Park is a mausoleum. Can you blame us? Since Randy Lerner took us over, we've done nothing during the transfer window - we have absolutely nothing to sing about. So when you lot start up with "Shall we sing a song for you?" please feel free - we've lost our voices. God, I'm depressed - line 'em up, barman....

Yinka Double Dare said...

Soccer/football/grass diving/whatever you want to call it fans, and Gooners, if you're going to use alternate names for our football, at least use the good one. Helmet ball isn't funny. Armoured Wankball, on the other hand, is acceptable.

Now if you'll excuse me, I think I just heard someone outside of my office trip and fall. I'll know said individual is a soccer player if he/she is rolling around in 'agony' until I apply the magic spray.

James said...

I love how all of you retards don't remember the fact that the World Cup was watched by millions and millions of people in the UNITED STATES.

So thinking that the US doesn't care about soccer is just stupid. Using the MLS as an example shows that you know nothing about the structure of the leagues and the fact that the better soccer players in the US and in the world want to go overseas and play in HISTORIC leagues like the Premiership, Serie A, Bundesliga, La Liga, etc.

This takes away all of the talent and the MLS is left with shit.

Actually know what you are talking about before you completely bash another sport and country for that matter.

People wonder why everyone in the world fucking hates the United States. KSK being sore losers is a prime example.

janie said...

...don't forget the magic sponge.

Otto Man said...

Is that you, Clint?

Save the lectures about soccer, James. I bought my plasma screen just for the Cup and watch EPL all the time. Sounds like there are plenty of other fans here too.

This started when a tongue-in-cheek post mocking Arseblog -- in similar tones to the usual mocking of this site's big brother, Deadspin, might I add -- led to an invasion of Arseblog regulars who apparently had their sense of humor confiscated at Customs.

I love both games. And I usually love fans of both games too. Just not the humor-crippled sore winners we've had here today.

Otto Man said...

Actually know what you are talking about before you completely bash another sport and country for that matter.

This is the line that forced me to read your post twice. I was convinced you were slagging the soccer hooligans whose insight of American football has led them to argue that (1) all NFL players are simultaneously steroid-driven muscle goons *and* flabby fat bastards, (2) that because the game involves actual coaching that goes beyond sitting on a bench in an Armani suit, scowling through $600 sunglasses, it's somehow less intelligent, and (3) that TV ads between segments of play are somehow more offensive than "FLY EMIRATES" plastered on the players' actual jerseys.

Take your own advice and learn something about American football before you mouth off about it. And while you're at it, learn some fucking manners.

Eradj said...

Jamie,

The Grove has a shit atmosphere. In fact, the only one sector - Red Action, sing all match long. Our away fans are the ones who are trully passionate.

Ottoman,

1st. Re. ads, I meant that many people watch the Super Bowl to watch the ads. Which is sad.

2nd.Want a reason why saaaaker will never be "Big" in the US? Broadcasting companies like ESPN and Fox Sport (spits) would rather carry a sport which allows regular breaks in play so they can plug advertisments, rather than a sport which has three ad breaks per match.

Goodnight.

Otto Man said...

1st. Re. ads, I meant that many people watch the Super Bowl to watch the ads. Which is sad.

Fair enough. But that stems from the fact that the Super Bowl has essentially become a national holiday, and non-sportsfans have no choice but to get sucked into it and find something to watch. Blaming the sport for its own popularity is an odd gambit.

2nd.Want a reason why saaaaker will never be "Big" in the US? Broadcasting companies like ESPN and Fox Sport (spits) would rather carry a sport which allows regular breaks in play so they can plug advertisments, rather than a sport which has three ad breaks per match.

Don't you ever say another bad word about television again. Do you hear me?!

I think we've figured out your real complaint -- it's not American football vs. British football, it's American TV vs. British TV. That's a losing proposition for you, friend, and you know it. Aside from Little Britain, all you've got is a system so depressingly uninspired that "Channel 4" is considered the rebel for breaking free of the "BBC, BBC2, BBC3" sequence.

janie said...

err.. I think the aforementioned peace deal may be some way off.

eradj - if you're going to slag off my team and hallowed ground, at least get my name right.

Night peeps - it's bedtime for English girls that need to get up early. It's been fun.

Eradj said...

Yes, but C4 is shit. Especially their sports.

Otto Man said...

Yes, but C4 is shit. Especially their sports.

Finally, we agree on something. Well, this and the hatred of the Fox network.

Nick said...

[Slurred,drunken voice]

Who won the (Revolutionary) War?

Who tipped the balance of power in The Great War?

Who tipped the balance of power in WWII?

Who tricked you into joining the war in Iraq?

Eradj said...

Who won the (Revolutionary) War?
-----------
Left you lot to your own devices,a nd then sent the Oiirish Gingers and Scots to you. (just joking)

Who tipped the balance of power in The Great War?
-----------
ANZAC and other Allies? That's right, it was an Allied effort, and US suffered the least casualties of the Big Four. Most of the Aemrican contribution was economic, but nevertheless crtical.

Who tipped the balance of power in WWII?
-----------
Russia?

Who tricked you into joining the war in Iraq?
-----------
You're proud of that? Anyway, convicing Bush's bitch (Blair) to go to war is not an achivement.

Why all this nonsense? Oh, wait, you said you're drunk, I get it...

That Miller Lite is tough stuff, innit?

NYTOL

J.L. White said...

Hey, hey, hey, lay off the Brits here. Remember, they saved our butts in WWIII. Even if they're talking on and on about some foreign and exotic sport.

Soc-cer, is it?

Proinsias Cassidy said...

Nick-

Who tricked you into joining the war in Iraq?

The only word I can think of in a reply to this is: Brilliant!

Isn't that what people over in Jolly Old Engalnd say? All I know of the English is from those really funny Guinness commercials that annoy the piss out of me during PTI. And also several rewatches of Bend It Like Beckham.

Not really. I am not that petarded. Other than fearing for my life while in North London for a Yids and Gooners game, I really liked the UK. Met some really cool people (not one Nigel or Emma) and attempted sobriety for 6-months when I got back here.

James said...

Otto,

Not only have I played football for most of my life, but i currently work for an NFL team.

So please, the lecture on the NFL is not needed.

Shafiq Ab Kadir said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
jason said...

Big Daddy Drew, if that isnt the most pedophilic name i have read... 90 minutes to watch 30 seconds of action? much like your sexcapades. no?

i have no problem with you staying away from "soccer." in fact, you can keep your "football" and those wonderful moments of patting other men on the ass and bumping guts with beer swill tickling your mustachioed nostrils. "football" is homoeroticism for homophobic fat asses.

now go bend over, i think your quarterback needs to get on your back. hut hut hut.

up the arseblog!