Monday, March 26, 2007

Goodnight, Sweet Prince You Bloviating Jackass


Hi, everyone. This is ordinarily where we'd have a real post talking about the imminent end to the Theismann Era at Monday Night Football. But the gay mafia is suffering from a rash of sick wives and girlfriends, as well as a nasty rash. So let's just go ahead and open up the comments -- tell us how excited you are for Ron Jaworski to replace Joey T, look back on the dumb things Theeeeesmann spouted over the years, or go against the grain and tell us that TK shoulda been shitcanned, too.

Have at it, our lovely little piranhas. We promise to be back in action with entertaining-ish posts soon.

42 comments:

Big Jim Slade said...

The only thing that would have made this sweeter is if they had Lawrence Taylor break the news to him.

Godspeed, you insufferable prick.

Monday Morning Punter said...

Swap out Tony K and we'll talk. I know he's kind of a big deal to some of you, but Kornheiser added nothing to that broadcast last year.

It's been said before, but that entire booth was dogshit; you can't pin it all on Theismann. I'm still pining for Nessler/Vermeil/Jaws, though I may as well be a Chinese jet pilot.

Unsilent Majority said...

I'm just glad they've given Tony somebody to banter with. He was awful last year but Thees was crippling his efforts. Jaws is always responsive to TK's humor on PTI so I expect better things.

That and a shitload of AFL references.

Burnsy said...

Why can't we have Dennis Miller, Rush Limbaugh and Will Ferrell impersonating Dan Fouts?

Grimey said...

Get rid of Tirico, put in Gus Johnson.

Just wanted to get that out of the way.

Permanent4 said...

Lawrence Taylor was too busy asking where the bitches were.

dbvader said...

Are you sure you guys didn't want to post because the vaginas are kicking your ass in the NCAA pool?

JebusHChrist said...

Theismann is an asshole and a cock block. Korny will be so much better without Theismann sitting there fun hating and killing all of Korny's jokes.

t-bone said...

'Bout time; good luck in your next career, Joe, break a leg!

Greg Schuler said...

The only people that make Kornheiser worth listening too are Andy Polian, Gary Braun and Michael Wilbon.

I feel bad for Jaworski- all the preparation and none of it will ever make it to the show. Tirico will ignore it and the guests will talk over it.

At least His Bald Orangeness will keep the demographics in check. Way to skew young, grandpa.

Signal to Noise said...

More than happy to see him go, but firing Theesmann is treating the fucking symptom rather than curing the disease -- which is, the producers in charge of MNF, who are stupid enough to think a cable audience on the world's biggest sports network want a giant entertainment spectacle rather than a well-analyzed and commentated football game.

Jaws will be good, but if they don't ditch the guests and rein in Kornheiser's tangents, it'll still suck.

JebusHChrist said...

While we're making changes to MNF, could we stop doing it in HighDef? In HD, Tirico looks like Roland Gift's gay uncle.

devang said...

I thought this was Michael Irvin's next move

devang said...

Tirico looks like Roland Gift's gay uncle

"She drives me crazy..."

Burnsy said...

I'd like a MNF featuring just Theisman and Irvin. Then men would know what it was like to have a period between their ears.

BeaverFever said...

Jaws will be an upgrade from Thees. hard to get any worse than Joey T., but I just can't get with Tony K. if ESPN wants one of their lackeys on MNF why not hire Mike Golic, when he talks about football he actually knows what he is talking about.

Otto Man said...

That's fantastic news. We Theisman haters haven't seen a moment this sweet since Letterman unveiled the Joe Theismann Pencil Sharpener, where the crank was his shattered lower leg.

Jaws will be an improvement, and hopefully make Tony K. a bit better.

But yeah, we could do without the special guest appearances by Jamie Foxx and Tony Danza. It's Monday Night Football, not a Very Special Episode of "Blossom."

devang said...

why not hire Mike Golic, when he talks about football he actually knows what he is talking about.

From one Notre Dame dumbass to another. It's not that the the commentary was nauseating enough, but now we would have to hear about the fat fuck's eating habits and his constant suckling of Brady Quinn's teat

Mike said...

Bring back Broadway Joe. And The Juice.

Danny G said...

Helen Keller would be an upgrade over Theisman.

I think Wilbon should be in the booth, with or without Kornheiser.

BeaverFever said...

devang, yes Golic is an ND hack and we would run the risk of listening to him bring up ND and the eating habits. All that aside he does know football. Maybe he could be forced to wear a shock collar that would go off everytime he mentioned ND or eating ?

hell bring back "dandy" don meredith.

bobbybeingmanny said...

how about mel kiper? He can talk about "great motor" and "high football iq" all game.

Just me? okay sorry

Burnsy said...

I just hope they don't get rid of A-listers like Christian Slater from stopping by. If I hadn't known what the status of the straight to DVD release of Gleaming the Cube 2 was then I wouldn't have had a good NFL season.

By the way, before anyone thinks I was bashing it, Gleaming the Cube defined my childhood and should be in every hall of fame regardless of relevance.

BeaverFever said...

let's not forget ashton kutcher, jim belushi, and ben stiller all making appearences during MNF last season. Those Hollywood celebrity types add so much to the broadcasts.

Burnsy said...

Belushi, especially. Thank God the talented one lived.

Jackin'4Beats said...

Jaws will be good, but if they don't ditch the guests and rein in Kornheiser's tangents, it'll still suck.

I couldn't agree more. We don't need guest appearances during a god damned football game. The reason why we watch is to see some football...and hot cheerleaders, but I digress. And Korny's gotta know when to open an big can of shut the fuck up from time to time.

Hey if Gus Johnson brings as much passion to calling football as he does calling NCAA basketball games, I say GIMME A HELL YEAH!!!!

5150 said...

Get rid of all of them and put Betty White and Triumph the Insult Comic Dog in the booth.

OkieRover said...

YES!!!
Thank you Jesus.

cheswick said...

if we're making over the whole booth (which sorely needs it), how about Pam Ward and Mike Gottlieb? Pam rocks!

WV: bftpk (sounds like a peter king thing)

Unsilent Majority said...

Greg- It's Polin and don't ever forget about Nigel!

BoSox Siobhan said...

I love Nigel.

Unsilent Majority said...

ack...POLLIN...now i've done it.

kill me.

My Insignificant Life said...

What, Terri Schiavo was not available for MNF? She'd be a step up from JT and when she’d have an opinion; it would be something worthwhile to hear - not necessarily understand, but to hear......

Greg Schuler said...

Actually Unsilent, I'll always know him as Andy Polley...

As for Nigel, sure - I enjoy fake British accents as much as the next person.

Any room for Junion on the broadcast?

Awful Chief said...

Andy Polley Andy Polley Andy Polley is the worst suck up hanger-on in the history of radio.

DrDoom said...

how bout just erin andrews. and she does not speak. they just cut to the booth and she stands there smiling.

oh and greatest (worst) theisman moment ever was in the preaseason first game with new booth. I will try to quote exactly

Game (as in what happened). bledsoe throws a fade to glenn who makes a great catch and keeps his feet in.

announcing.
theisman" bledsoe."
dead silence for 10 seconds
tk "uh joe you can continue."
theisman " bledsoe no but glenn catch bledsoe 2 touchdown throw nice feet and kcik good glenn but catch."

Neo Conservative said...

*
"The only thing that would have made this sweeter is if they had Lawrence Taylor break the news to him."

oh, snaaaap!!!

i bet theismann still wets himself every time somebody walks up on him from the blind side...

*

DrDoom said...

i bet michael lewis does also... in a different way.

Walker said...

MNF should be covered by Richard Pryor, Charles Barkley, Paula Abdul, and Mr. Bean, in a small booth. With sideline reports from that guy from Star Trek Deep Space 9 with the big ears.

christopher said...

If you are going to go through the effort of replacing Theisman at least clean house and get rid of Kronheiser. Nobody west od Baltimore can stand that guy but then again the East Coast dictates the 4 letter network's direction.

impresario919 said...

Can we please bring Howard Cosell back now?

kitibo said...

We should have a rotating group of analysts, to include Dandy Don, Alex Karras, Fred the Hammer Williamson, Fran Tarkenton, and the one constant analyst, the Juice, he would be a killer.