Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Keeping Tabs On Who Keith Olbermann Bangs



There was an episode of The Larry Sanders Show where Larry was about to nail Sharon Stone, only he couldn’t get an erection until his show was on TV. And if there’s any real-life broadcaster who fits that profile, why it’s gotta be Keith Olbermann. It appears Keith has become quite the coxsman as of late. First there was this story in October:

A BROWN-haired beauty who claims she had an unsatisfying one-night stand with Keith Olbermann is getting her sweet revenge - she's launched a blog to warn other women about the acerbic MSNBC commentator's boorish bedroom habits.

The bitter babe, who calls herself KarmaBites1, says she doesn't want others "to fall into the same trap . . . and I want him to feel some remorse for what he's done . . . He sets his mind on a woman, lures her in, and once he gets what he wants, he refuses to ever speak to them again. And I don't think he understands the damage he's caused."


Sounds like every other single guy to me. I have no issue with this.

…when "sexual activity began [in] less than an hour," Olbermann had difficulty. "I pretended he knew what he was doing," the embittered blogger writes. "I adored the guy. I didn't want him to think he was a dud in bed," so she faked experiencing ecstasy.

Next, he piled on excuses as to why he had to leave. "He told me he's an insomniac and that it's hard for him not to sleep in his own bed. He also mentioned he hadn't had 'company' in a while. [He said] he had an early meeting with the Yankees [and] he might be allergic to the pillows in the hotel bed."


I don’t know why Keith needed three excuses. One usually suffices before bolting for the door.

Six days later, she claims, Olbermann e-mailed her to tell her never to contact him again. "I practically begged him to explain what I did wrong. I told him I deserved some kind of explanation for such a dismissal, but I never heard from him again." She said she's since heard from six other women who say they had brief sexual relationships with Olbermann. She named her blog forthisreliefmuchthanks.blogspot.com, after a line from "Hamlet" she says the perennial bachelor quoted.

So, does he quote that after he’s experienced sexual release? Because that’s something I could see Olbermann or any writer at McSweeney’s doing. So there’s the preface. Now we come to today, with this item, again from the fabulous Page Six:

MESSAGE to Keith ("The Quick") Olbermann's girlfriend: Your man likes porn stars. Triple-X sex siren Mary Carey told Free-FM's "Radio Chick" show that the MSNBC blabbermouth once called her and left a "rambling message" in which he asked her out. But Carey, star of such steamy adult classics as "Boobsville Sorority Girls," says she turned him down "because I had a boyfriend at the time." Olbermann - who last year was accused of bedding, then dumping, a sexy young fan who then blogged about what she called their lackluster fling - is now dating a young college grad. But Olbermann's rep insisted it was Carey who called him. Olbermann had her as a guest on his show in 2003 when she was running for governor of California. "It's a well-documented fact that Keith is off the market," the flack added.

I have a hard time believing Mary Carey would turn down a bologna sandwich, much less sex from a famous, rich person. So I’m gonna side with Keith here. But it’s nice that he’s dating a young college grad now. Presumably, he needs to date girls who are still young enough to remember lines from Shakespeare they were forced to read in school. Excelsior to you, Keith. You got to Suzy Kolber before she turned into a lesbian, and now you’re shootin’ for the younguns. Well played.

Oh, and someone else blogged about nailing Keith as well, in a farcical manner.

40 comments:

Unsilent Majority said...

[cough]bitches[/cough]

cinnamon girl said...

@UM - Yeah, that's classless. You don't hear stories about the "You're with me, leather" girl ratting out Chris Berman ... even though you know she could.

Unsilent Majority said...

pros know better than to spill the details

Signal to Noise said...

This "Karma Bites" chick is one of those types whom, despite saying she's performing a service by alerting others to his bedside manner, is really just bragging that she got to bang him.

Like if I got to screw, say, Erin Andrews, and say, "yeah, I hit that; it wasn't that great."

doug_plank said...

What was she going to do?Run out to Filene's Basement the next day?

cinnamon girl said...

@signal to noise: Yeah, right. That's what you'd say if you banged Erin Andrews. Riiiight.

DrDoom said...

peyton manning will kill a snitch

Burnsy said...

Perhaps the mojo's in the moustache.

I once covered a South Carolina game, or rather was assigned to, and instead literally followed Erin Andrews around taking pictures of her butt. She finally said hi to me and I ran away like a scared child. I'm not proud of anything in those two sentences, but I would do it all again.

Ruthless Gravity said...

I bet you Keith's into shit that makes Berman look normal.

Mike said...

What an amateur. None of the famous ladies I've had spilled the beans. They don't wanna let their competitors know about my wily moves.

You think I'm lying? Ever hear Shakira say anything bad about me? Does Beyonce blog about my lack of prowess? Jessica Alba dropping unflattering innuendos about me on Leno?

I didn't think so. Keith needs to study my tactics.

Signal to Noise said...

@cinnamon girl: oh, of course not. if I got to bang Erin Andrews, I'd be saying afterwards, "OK, God, you may end my life at your pleasure now."

cinnamon girl said...

@signal to noise: there, you fixed it.

BeaverFever said...

I'm not a huge Olbermann fan, but hey he was just doing what every red blooded American man, or woman for that matter, has done at least once in his life. Who hasn't given the one night stand the "don't call me, i'll call you" treatment ?

Jess said...

"I practically begged him to explain what I did wrong. I told him I deserved some kind of explanation for such a dismissal, but I never heard from him again."

Gee, I can't possibly imagine why he'd never want to speak to her again.

Otto Man said...

Well, Mike, that's not what Jessica Alba said to me last night.

Of course, it was hard to understand her for a while there, what with her animal-like grunting muffled by the pillow and drowned out by the applause I was getting from the hotel room next door.

But I think I got the gist.

And by gist, I mean convulsive orgasm.

Redhead said...

Her blog would have been awesome if she'd had a sense of humor about the whole thing. I mean, being pretend shocked over the cliche excuses he used is funny. Being legitimately shocked by them is kind of sad. Sort of a missed opportunity if you ask me.

Redhead said...

OK, someone already did that. If I'd read to the end of the post I would have known that. I need a nap.

devang said...

Send all correspondence to karmicpay...oh wait that's not correct.

Unsilent Majority said...

I wouldn't be at all surprised if these ladies are on Fox's payroll. Actually I'd be surprised if they weren't.

Otto Man said...

Good point, UM. Olbermann is in a blood feud with O'Reilly right now, making lots of loofah jokes at his expense. This would be right up his alley.

Grimey said...

Drew, are you shooting for "Worst Person in the World" status? Because if you didn't get it for sending someone a turd in a tupperware container, you're just not getting it.

Babydaddy said...

He was terrible in bed and I really wanted to see him again. What's that about?

Jess said...

He was terrible in bed and I really wanted to see him again. What's that about?

The Benjamins?

Otto Man said...

Those Olbermann websites have nothing on ifuckedanncoulterintheasshard.blogspot.com

Laser Rocket Arm said...

If this KarmaBites is any older than 25 I'd be shocked. This is one long "He quoted Shakespeare before he banged me so I thought I was his girlfriend now" blast. Poor deluded kid.

Chamomiles Davis said...

Let's see... Page Six is printed in the New York Post, a "newspaper" which is owned by Rupert Murdoch, who happens to own the Fox News Channel... nope, nothing unseemly here.

Otto Man said...

Are you implying that Rupert Murdoch is anything other than an objective journalist?

Fox News is fair and balanced. They told me so.

PANGER said...

...a 30-something office worker of Caribbean descent, KarmaBites1 said she struck up an e-mail friendship with Olbermann, whom she admired, and agreed to fly to New York to meet him last May. She says he came to her hotel room and opened a bottle of Merlot which he "spilled all over." Then, when "sexual activity began [in] less than an hour..."

um, that kind of "date" usually ends with the words, "visa or mastercard?"

or a bunny being boiled.

David said...

Damn otto man for beating me to the joke.

Unsilent Majority said...

Their headlines spell out

HI RUPERT
http://www.uloc.de/screenshots/a/aabf08_hi_rupert.jpg

Unsilent Majority said...

She didn't want to drink any fuckin' merlot!

Burnsy said...

My women drink Boone's Farm. (Insert MD 20/20 joke here)

devang said...

Next, he piled on excuses as to why he had to leave. "He told me he's an insomniac and that it's hard for him not to sleep in his own bed. He also mentioned he hadn't had 'company' in a while. [He said] he had an early meeting with the Yankees [and] he might be allergic to the pillows in the hotel bed.",

Sounds a little Woody Allenish to me.

DrDoom said...

no it was not woody allenist. this girl was not his adopted chinese daughter. neither was this set in new york. and this is funny.

Otto Man said...

My women drink Boone's Farm. (Insert MD 20/20 joke here)

When your women drink Boone's Farm, you can pretty much insert anything.

Thank you, thank you, I'll be here all week.

TheStarterWife said...

None of this matters. I've wanted to sleep with Berman since I was in high school and I will keep that flame alive.

(Although doesn't he have problems with depth perception? Would that explain some of the fumblings?)

God Hates Raiders Fans said...

you need your woman to get drunk before she'll let you insert random objects?

JebusHChrist said...

Olbermann = Jebus
Seriously, he's got all of my moves down. And I like it. Well played big O. Well played.

Signal to Noise said...

TSW - yes. KO's vision is poor enough that he can't drive.

spidergirl24 said...

How do you know K.O. got to SuzyK and now she's gay? Stop making up stories.