Monday, March 26, 2007

More Uses For The "Kill Kill Kill" Tag



If you're a fan of doing drugs (and who isn't?), I hope you're watching "Planet Earth" on the Discovery Channel. And I hope you've got some of your highest grade sticky icky with you when you do so. Discovery Channel and the BBC sent out a shitload of photographers with high-definition cameras around the world for months on end. These are powerful cameras that could focus on your genitals one pube at a time from a mile away. So did they use this incredible technology to go do something useful, like find bin Laden? Fuck no. They used it to get some killer animal snuff porn just for me.

In this clip, a great white shark shoots out of the water and swallows a seal whole. One bite. Arf! Arf! *CHOMP*. You're fucking dead, Seal. No more making babies with Heidi Klum for you. The Great White Shark: it's the Shawne Merriman of the depths. Be sure to check out the 1:30 mark, when the shark leaps clean out of the water in order to fuck the seal up. It's tremendous. Last night, they also showed a pack of wild dogs feasting on the carcass of an impala (that's an actual animal, not a Chevrolet). Was it a good night of killing in Big Daddy Drew's house? Fuck and yes.

You're well aware of the douchebags at PETA, the People For The Ethical Treatment Of Animals. You know who's not for the ethical treatment of animals? ANIMALS. They fucking want each other dead. And that's cool by me. Soon only I will remain, and then I'll be king of the world, free to watch all the animal death movies I please.

NOTE: This is a clip from the British version. The American version is narrated by Sigourney Weaver, who has yet to fulfill her destiny by playing a women's basketball coach on the silver screen.

44 comments:

BeaverFever said...

Shark 1, seal 0. game over.

i'd like to see PETA vs Great White Shark

Otto Man said...

That is outstanding.

And here I thought Great White Sharks only ate gorillas.

Grimey said...

"Would you kill the birds for singing? Would you poison the fish for swimming? Would you shoot the children for laughing?"

My Insignificant Life said...

Almost like watching Rosie O'Donnell at the all you can eat Old Country Buffet.

Weed Against Speed said...

That show ruled last night. I watched all three hours. Some of the shit looked like computer animation it was so clear in HD.

trevorfrankschultz said...

That was awesome. What a way to start my day

cinnamon girl said...

@trevorfrankschultz: To START your day? I want your job.

Still, it was cool and would probably be better ...on weed.

Awful Chief said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Burnsy said...

How shitty would it be if a shark just popped up and ate you, like if you were at the supermarket making jokes about melons and boobs and BAM! a fucking shark eats you? I want to be a shark.

Signal to Noise said...

I watched those three hours at midnight, completely enraptured by the alternation of overwhelmingly cute (pandas, polar bears) with senseless killing machines (this here shark.)

I want to know what Michael Vick would say while watching this.

Bad Barbecue said...

You're right about the leap at the 1:30 mark. But what makes it better (worse) is the shark giving the cameraman (and us) the crotch shot on reentry.

"Fuck you seal and fuck you all watching at home. Look at my nuts"

The Intern said...

I'm pretty that shark pulled a can opener after eating the seal. I'll need to watch it 400 more times to verify, though.

Rob I said...

Cablevision finally gave me Discovery in HD and yet I watched that fucking midget on Amazing Race instead of this MAGIC. Fuck me.

Weed Against Speed said...

Rob - it will be on again. I can guarantee you that much.

Rob I said...

If I don't get home by 6, I'll be forced to wait until Saturday. Screw grocery shopping, Daddy needs his shark fix.

daaaaaaa bears said...

HD DVR...

The two greatest inventions in the history of man. Amazing clarity and the ability to rewind sports bloopers, nipple slips, and sharks fucking up seals.

Burnsy said...

How cool would it be if we could combine the video with the topic of the last post? In my head it's already happened.

devang said...

"Watch that shark right there, watch that shark....see how he's going for that seal, see that, see that,...and..BAM..he's got him in one bite

Mr Furious said...

Kick ass!

I love how the shark totally hot dogs it too. Like Jim Edmonds, not content to just make the catch, he lays all the way out for it.

All of that said, I'll be confining my swimming in Lake Michigan this summer, thank you.

lieutenant winslow said...

If you're a fan of doing drugs...

awwww, Drew... you wrote a post just for me? you're such a sweetie.

Signal to Noise said...

+1 devang. Jaws would approve.

DrDoom said...

yes to agree with previous poster please put a michael vick watching discoery channel up.

and that was the most kickass thing ever. I only saw the mountain hour.

cinnamon girl said...

@Lt. Winslow: Not just for you. Puff, puff, give. Alternating lines. You know.

Chuckles said...

This program was what HDTV was intended for. The footage of the snow leopard chasing that Yak-looking beast down the side of that cliff in the driving snow was incredible. Not instantaneous Great White Death from below incredible, but still pretty badass.

DrDoom said...

the snow leopard was cool, i agree with chuckles. It was sort of like the snow leopard is your team drafting oden (nice and cool) and the shark is like watching your team win the championship while having sex.

The Pirate Sloth said...

"The shark relies on surprise..."


SURPRISE MUTHAFUCKA!!!! CHOMP!

MDG said...

I kept expecting a shark to jump up and grab that impala that jumped in the water. And how fucking funny where the baboons walking thru the water.

Rob I said...

Uncle Fucker, I'm fifteen minutes late.

langmann said...

Why the frick don't those dumb-ass seals just stay on the other side where the eats are?

All this crossing every day is lame.

DJ Tone said...

Hahahaha! I must've laughed out loud three times at that post. Good one...

... of course, I'm stoned to the beejezus on some pharmaceutical herb right now, and I'd probably crack up reading the ingredients of a tube of toothpaste, so, um... go fuck yourself :P

The Pirate Sloth said...

So I'm watching the first 3 episodes now and I keep wanting a shark to pop out of the water to kill EVERYTHING. From the caribou to the polar bear to even that dancing bird.

Just a quick SURPRISE MUTHAFUCKA and a CHOMP and it'd be good watching.

David said...

Dude, I think that a polar bear could really hold its own against a great white. . Although I think that homefield advantage would be fucking everything.

I know they make the polar bear look cute, but seriously: it's a savage fucker. I was baked at the Detroit Zoo with my friend one day at the Polar Bear exhibit. There's this glass tunnel that runs under their pond, and one of the bears was bored and kept dive bombing the little kids and the handicapped old folks as they pointed and laughed. Am I wrong for wanting the glass to break that day?

Mike Harris said...

THIS ...... IS SHARK MADNESS!!!!





CBS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jackin'4Beats said...

Saw the Seal massacre tonight when I got home. One word...OUTSTANDING!!!

Shark + Seal = Dead Seal

Still think the African wild dogs just outflanking their prey and tracking them down was damn cool too.

DougOLis said...

When does shark week start again?

Unsilent Majority said...

Billy Packer auditioned for the role of narrator but Discovery just felt that his heart wasn't in it.

McFad said...

Tomorrow on Animal Planet Jeff Corwin may get eaten by a shark at 5PM. I wanna say shark week is in July.
The series is available on DVid but not HD Dvid which kind of blows.

Slash said...

OK, I know I'm in the minority, but can't we save the seals and give the sharks something else to eat? Donald Trump, Rosie O'Donnell... All those fuckers on American Idol... And Survivor... And that asshole Bachelor and all those skanky bitches, too... There are 6 billion people on the planet, and I say that's too damn many. Time to thin the herd...

Andrew (JUhS) said...

The fact that they replaced David Attenborough with Sigourney Weaver is disgusting. Has anyone heard his voice? It's (almost) better than drugs.

Otto Man said...

Yeah, I'll take Attenborough. Every time I hear Weaver's voice, I'm wondering when she's going to strip down to her underwear to fight the aliens.

Hercules Rockefeller said...

Candygram

Greg Schuler said...

"Would you kill the birds for singing? Would you poison the fish for swimming? Would you shoot the children for laughing?"

Yes - I'm trying to sleep you goddamn dinosaur rejects.

Yes - you do know what fish do in the ocean.

Yes, plus as many reloads as I can manage before the police show up. Goddamn rotten infants.

SMP said...

David: "I think that a polar bear could really hold its own against a great white. . Although I think that homefield advantage would be fucking everything."

GENIUS, and I'm not even baked

-r said...

Honestly, I've watched this more times than any other youtube video ever. I seriously can not get enough. It's impossible.

For some reason my trip to Australia in May has just become equal parts more kick ass, and "oh fuck".