Friday, March 9, 2007

KSK Mock Draft: Movie Action Scenes In Which We'd Like to Star

Each week leading up to the draft, we at KSK will be holding a mock draft of our own in the category of our choosing. This week, we're picking cinematic action sequences we wish we could be a part of (the dangling preposition sounds better). The rules: (1) No sex scenes, and (2) once a movie has been selected, no one else can select a different scene from that movie. Draft order was serpentine and determined by first come, first serve.

In order to increase the awesomeness, I embedded or linked to as many of the scenes as possible. Say goodbye to the rest of your day.


ROUND ONE

1. Captain Caveman: The Battle of Stirling, Braveheart

I don't care that Mel Gibson is a fucking lunatic. Horses get ruined, hamstrings get sliced, blood splashes on the camera, and large, blunt objects smash people's skulls. Sign me up. Bonus: if you start "Welcome to the Jungle" when the people start running at each other, the song meshes perfectly and ends when Wallace throws his sword and it sticks in the ground. I'm not kidding. It's fucking cool. (This narrowly beat out William Wallace's first revenge scene where he pretends to surrender, then smashes a dude's face with a mace in slo-mo and drives a rack of antlers through another guy's throat. Sa-WEET!)

2. Unsilent Majority: THE car chase, Bullitt



"Is there anything on Earth better than a great car chase? I think not. This was the one that set the tone for for generations to come. You've got American muscle cars (Mustang vs. Charger) racing through the hills of San Francisco (Crazy Taxi come to life) culminating with a badass explosion. If you don't have a man-crush on Steve McQueen you're probably gay."

3. Big Daddy Drew: Battle of Pepellenor Fields, Lord of the Rings: Return of the King

"I want to either ride the big fucking elephant or be one of those ghosts that sweeps along and fucks shit up. Awesome shit."

4. Christmas Ape: Opening Battle, Gladiator

Good scene. Excellent use of burning Germans. However, it's an absolute waste of a pick. This is MAYBE the third-best scene in the movie. I would have taken either the first arena battle (man wearing Minotaur costume gets stabbed by one of the big German guys from Beerfest; delightful use of mace and trident; buckets of blood; wall-spike impaling; prominent double-sword decapitation) or the "Carthage" arena battle in Rome (guy beaten to death with helmet, archer chick sawed in half by chariot axle). In fact, that scene's so sweet I'm gonna post video of it. Screw Ape's pick.



5. Monday Morning Punter: the Big, Sweet, Long-Ass Car Chase, Ronin.

"Only I would definitely not be flashing the brights and shooting out the window a lot more."

6. flubby: Sonny getting gunned down at the tollbooth, The Godfather.

His reasoning: "Not really sure what this draft is all about." The email subject line in the thread I started was "Mock Draft: Action Scenes We Want to Be a Part of." flubby does a lot of drugs.

ROUND TWO

7. flub: Deckard versus Roy at the end of Blade Runner

A cool scene, but no fucking way I'd want to be a part of a scene where my enemy saves my life, makes a preachy "tears in the rain" speech, then dies without me killing him.

8. MMP: Hoth Battle, beginning of The Empire Strikes Back

"I REALLY wanted to pick Vader vs. Skywalker, but since this draft already has so much depth at dork, I feel a need to be a little more creative with my selection... How often do you get to fly a speeder, watch your co-pilot get shot while you yourself are virtually unscathed, crash, use a grappling hook to throw a grenade into another walker, and then flee the scene in another craft reserved for your exclusive use? That's what I thought."

9. Xmas Ape: Final fight, Drunken Master II

"I'm tanked and kicking everyone's ass with impeccable moves. It's about 10 minutes of the best fight choreography ever. People disrespect Jackie Chan because of the painfully goofy shit he's done since coming to the U.S. but his body of work is amazing and this is probably the best example of it."

10. BDD: Post-robbery street shootout, Heat


"Wearing a suit and shooting people with a bottomless assault rifle has long been a dream of mine. It really doesn't get any better than that. And I'm wearing sunglasses while doing it! I also liked it when Sizemore used the little girl as a human shield. Children make great human shields."

This pick destroyed my will to live. I came up with the idea for this draft SOLELY to pick this scene. I was hoping to steal it in the second round because there was no way Braveheart would fall that far. And tubby civilians like Drew can't even understand the full awesomeness of the scene. This is pretty much the only scene in cinematic history where villains employ the basics of fire and movement and show some knowledge about marksmanship, sighting in and firing from a stable position whenever possible. (Drew's right about the bottomless assault rifle, though. A 30-round magazine doesn't last that long on an AR-15 when you've got it set to full auto.)

11. UM: Final scene, Léon (known by Americans as The Professional)

"This is where things get tricky. Yes, Leon dies, but that's not about to discourage me. He kills himself along with Gary Oldman ( always a good idea) in order to save a 12 year-old Lolita named Natalie Portman. If I had to go early this is the way I'd do it. Nothing beats the old ring trick."

Further proof UM is TERRIBLE at these drafts.

12. CC: Morpheus's rescue from The Matrix.

This is one long motherfucking action scene. You get to go through security strapped with guns, shred a marble lobby and do a one-handed cartwheel while shooting people, run on a wall and kick somebody in the face, blow up an elevator shaft, jump out of a building into a helicopter, fire a minigun, crash the helicopter into an office building, dodge bullets, have a superfast flying kung fu fight, and make a guy get hit by a subway train. That's your money's worth right there.

ROUND THREE

13. CC: The climactic scene from A History of Violence.

It's not as long as I might like, but it's my lifelong dream to axe-stomp somebody's Adam's apple.

14. UM: Major Kong riding the bomb, Dr. Strangelove

"Hmmm...I might have a death wish. But who cares? The world was about to be destroyed and jumping out of a plane while riding a nuke seems like it would be a damn good time. "

15. BDD: The helicopter attack in Apocalypse Now

"I win. Have a nice ride home, everyone."

Drew's damn pleased with himself. It's a great scene because of "Ride of the Valkyries" and Robert Duvall saying badass things ("Music?" "Yeah, I use Wagner. Scares the hell outta the slopes"), but as far as helicopters fucking shit up the better bet is Black Hawk Down.

16. Xmas Ape: Huge fight scene at O-Ren Ishii's, Kill Bill Vol. 1

"I have to be a chick, but I get to take out tons of people single-handedly in brutal, beautifully realized ways."



Nice pick. If I got to be Uma Thurman for that scene I'd find a way to take a shower afterwards. You know, to soap up my breasts.

17. MMP: Opening Scene, The Replacement Killers.

"Chow Yun Fat walks in, blows a bunch of holes into people, walks out. Best scene in the whole fucking movie. Plus, my name would be Chow Yun Fat. Tits and tits."

18. flub: Time-travel, Superman 2

flubby made this pick several days after we had stopped discussing the draft. I had to remind him to make his final pick. By this time he had finally figured out the point of the draft: "Superman makes time go backwards by reversing the Earth's rotation. I'd go back to [last] Friday morning and make sure my dumb ass understood what exactly we were drafting."

There you go. Disturbing windows into our psyches. flubby has brain damage, Unsilent wants to die, and I prefer an intimate, hands-on murder to some fiery explosion. Even though Drew claimed victory, UM made a solid point: "How can you win? This is all about what I'd like to live out (and if I die who cares, the movie's over)."

So think about that while you mock us for leaving out Saving Private Ryan, True Romance, El Mariachi, both Bourne movies, Fight Club, the sword fight from The Princess Bride, the running chase from Casino Royale, Finding Nemo, et cetera and so on. I, for one, already regret not grabbing the opportunity to be the T-1000 from Terminator 2. I missed my chance to turn my hands into blades and stab people in the face. Damn.

UPDATE: Drew would like to point out that I missed the fact that he switched out his first pick with the opening scene from Raiders of the Lost Ark.

200 comments:

Unsilent Majority said...

I thought I'd be mocked even more if I'd taken El Mariachi.

Hustler of Culture said...

The gun battle from Heat wins.

I bought a sub-woofer specifically for that scene...

BeaverFever said...

something tells me if this draft had been held next week at least one scene from "300" would be on it. that movie looks like it is going to kick ass.

Real Men Eat Haggis said...

Amen to that beaverfever - I'd have taken the "300" trailer no later than mid-2nd round

Otto Man said...

As much as I love that scene from "Heat," I've got to give the win to MMP here. That Ronin car chase is phenomenal, the Hoth battle one of the best, and the opener for Replacement Killers is the balls. (Plus, it reminds me of the name a friend vowed he'd take for a porn career -- Chow Yung Ass.)

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to put the headphones on and watch that Bullitt chase five times.

Otto Man said...

And I'm with the "300" crew. If there's a just God, that movie's going to be at an IMAX theater here in New York.

QueeferSuthrland said...

I know I'm an old fuck, despite the fact that I'm 20, but The Wild Bunch anyone?

Three teriffic action scenes:

-The opening bank robbery
-The train robbery
-"The Battle of Bloody Porch"

Hell, the last one is 4 old white guys killing nearly 200 Mexicans. (Including some women!)

Unsilent Majority said...

Gregg Easterbrook is not a fan of this post...or Jews.

The Costanzo said...

I really thought one of you would stray from the ordinary and go with the news team brawl in Anchorman

Big Daddy Drew said...

First off, I switched out my first pick with the opening scene from "Raiders", which is fucking badass.

AND I claimed the first 20 minutes of Saving Private Ryan in free agency.

That is why I fucking win.

KillBillWirtz said...

If you extend this to video games, someone should claim the fight between Naked Snake and The End in Metal Gear Solid 3.

Chris said...

Heat - I bought my first surrround sound system just for that scene.

The Replacement Killers - Nothing better than watching someone take a bullet to the forehead in an opening scene.

How could you guys leave out Road House? Easily Swayzes best performace. He rips that poor bastards throat out.

Anyways good list though and also for everyone going to see 300 hundred tonight here is the R rated trailer

Chris said...

No scenes from a John Woo movie? The leading choices would have to be:
- The hospital scene at the end of Hard Boiled. Damn, is that scene sweet.
- The church at the end of The Killer. Horrifically violent, but also amazing.

Heat would top my list, then Hard Boiled. Would have been a great steal to get in round 3.

Captain Caveman said...

There was no fucking free agency, Drew. And anyone who would WANT to be at Omaha beach on 6/6/44 is fucked in the head.

Captain Caveman said...

John Woo sucks balls. His disdain for pistol marksmanship is horseshit.

Big Daddy Drew said...

And anyone who would WANT to be at Omaha beach on 6/6/44 is fucked in the head.

Are you kidding? Think of all the free drinks people would buy me. Sweet.

Smello said...

Otto Man - 300 is playing at the IMAX at Lincoln Square. Sold out for tonight, but shows available tomorrow & Sunday. I might have to go both days.

And to carry the comic to movie theme - the opening scene of Blade in which it literally rains blood while Wesley Snipes does a whole lot of killing would've been high on my list of picks.

Weed Against Speed said...

Bonus: if you start "Welcome to the Jungle" when the people start running at each other, the song meshes perfectly and ends when Wallace throws his sword and it sticks in the ground. I'm not kidding. It's fucking cool.

Is this like Dark Side of the Moon and The Wizard of Oz, thing? I heard it only works if you watch it...

...on WEED.

peb said...

Hello? How could anyone not choose the ending car chase in The Road Warrior? Come on!

doug_plank said...

Would the scene from "Crank" where Chev bangs Eve in front of all the Chinese people, considered an action scene?

Chris said...

How could I leave out Way of th Gun - I really don't know which scene to choose, but I guess the one in which they dive into the fountain only to discover its full of broken glass.

Otto Man said...

Surprisingly little fu here. Someone should've gone with the Two Masters vs. Beast fight at the end of Kung Fu Hustle or the end fight in Fist of Legend.

But Hard Boiled and Wild Bunch are great calls too. "Well, they shouldn't have run; they shouldn't have run."

devang said...

How could you guys leave out Road House? Easily Swayzes best performace. He rips that poor bastards throat out..

What are you, Simmons?

The Ronin car chase is the balls. My humble opinion not counting for anything, I think it's the best ever. Yes, better than the French Connection.

Unsilent Majority said...

yeah chris, i still have nightmares about that moment.

the only other car chase I would even consider would be the French Connection.

The Dude said...

UM, you're the best. Bullitt is the tits! And the only man crush I've ever had in my life is Steve Fucking McQueen!

Otto Man said...

Otto Man - 300 is playing at the IMAX at Lincoln Square.

Sweet! Thanks for the tip.

If only they had a smoking section.

Unsilent Majority said...

whoa there devang.

1. bullitt
2a. ronin
2b. french connection
c. everything else

devang said...

Fuck, forgot about Bullitt.

Big Daddy Drew said...

Chris, I thought about picking the opening scene to WOTG, where they walk along with their cars and shoiot each other while covering behind them. Very fucking cool flick.

All of you missed The Blues Brothers in the pantheon of great car chases.

The Dude said...

I'd rank French Connection over Ronin. Just because of the sheer intensity of the scene (and how it gets started) and then the satisfying ending when Hackman blows away that French dude.

And yes, the Blues Brothers cop car pile up rocks!

DrDoom said...

the boat raid from usual suspects? sorry but thats just my favorite movei ever...

Captain Caveman said...

Both Bourne movies have tremendous car chases, as well.

Here's the problem with car chases, though: they're not violent enough. I want epic brutality and heads smashed with blunt objects. Car chases have too much driving.

Otto Man said...

I hate to admit knowing this, but Flubby's time-travel scene comes from the first Superman film, not the second.

Otto Man said...

I don't know, that Moscow car chase from the second Bourne flick is pretty kinetic. The hand-held cameras really do the trick, as does the fact that Bourne is apparently driving Tony Danza's cab from the TV show "Taxi."

And when he T-bones that douchebag into the divider, Lady Di style, it's a thing of beauty.

Otto Man said...

I want epic brutality and heads smashed with blunt objects.

Suddenly, the Shockey avatar makes sense.

cinnamon girl said...

chris - thanks for the trailer. Looks like it has all the things boys like, including some girl on girl action.

and WAS, is that your version of a fortune cookie ending? Everything works better

... on WEED.

J.E. said...

One word: HELLTRACK!

Unsilent Majority said...

beat up old minis and cabs just don't do it for me i guess. great camera work though.

bullitt was all about innovation. the camera mounted on the hood changed everything.

devang said...

Otto Man, yeah that chase from the Bourne Supremacy was pretty sweet as well. I just wish they had used something else besides a Russian cab.

DrDoom said...

300, can we get a post about it tommrow so we can all give thoughts, and yes i expect everyone to have seen it by then.. I will try but i am flying tonight so i will have seen it by tommroow night.

Redhead said...

What about The Transporter? The opening car chase is sick, and the entire end of the movie - from the oil fire to the car/truck chase are crazy. I wouldn't mind being as badass as Jason Statham for a little while.

Oh, and at least one scene from Die Hard belongs in the draft.

Big Daddy Drew said...

My problem with that Bourne scene was the fact that the cab would have fallen apart 45 seconds in.

devang said...

the boat raid from usual suspects? sorry but thats just my favorite movei(sic) ever...

I wholeheartedly second that!!

Otto Man said...

I just wish they had used something else besides a Russian cab.

I kinda liked that his ride was so shitty, though you have to wonder how it was still rolling after a couple of those hits. But the crappiness fit with the general low-cost approach to his ass-kicking, like when he beat that German assassin's ass with a magazine and then blew up his apartment with a toaster and the same magazine. He's like MacGuyver, minus the mullet and a Chuck Norris-level of bloodlust.

Unsilent Majority said...

honorable mention to the opening scene of the last boyscout. just because a gun makes a better lead blocker than lorenzo neal.

Perks said...

I like where Ape's head was at with the Kill Bill pick late, but I would've taken something from Crouching Tiger... ya know, climbing up trees with sweet swords and running on water.

But the Heat scene wins by far. Whenever a buddy gets a new sound system or big screen TV, we test it out with that scene.

Rob I said...

Car chases have too much driving.

Possibly the best comment in this entire post.

I would have taken the Napoleonic war battle scene from "Love and Death" with the hot dog vendor.

- Hey, get your red hots.
- You got anything to drink?
- The guy with the beer's coming.

DrDoom said...

thank you devang

Otto Man said...

I just spit out my coffee, UM. Thanks.

devang said...

What about The Transporter? The opening car chase is sick, and the entire end of the movie - from the oil fire to the car/truck chase are crazy. I wouldn't mind being as badass as Jason Statham for a little while.

Oh absolutely. The scene where he kicks the door into the guy is pretty cool as well.

Dammit nibbles!!

becky said...

Ape is my new BFF bc old school Chan is BADASS. Snake in the Eagle's Shadow is probably the best.

As for car chases, in an otherwise mediocre movie, the scene where Connery escapes from the Feds after his makeover in The Rock just looks like fun.

However, I have to say, I would pick...all of Running Scared. Gazelle AND Mrs. Gazelle do some badass shit. Pimps, pedophiles, Russians...and more!

DrDoom said...

nibbles is not here, he is busy at deadspin

we need a ksk animal, uh how bouta platypus... or a rabbit named sexy rexy?

Unsilent Majority said...

+1 deadtern

Unsilent Majority said...

becky- hummer vs. spider in san francisco would be a lot of fun.

Big Daddy Drew said...

redhead:

"You should have heard you brother squeal, WHEN I BROKE HIS FUCKING NECK!"

DrDoom said...

uhm not really but how bout fight scene in anchorman.........

" Brick Killed a Guy."

Redhead said...

Yippee-ki-yay Big Daddy Drew

Billy said...

honorable mention to the opening scene of the last boyscout. just because a gun makes a better lead blocker than lorenzo neal.

I was waiting for this to show up!

And also... no love for Ong-Bak? Muay Thai is the fucking balls.

Chris said...

It's not much of a fight scene but what about when they cut the guys ear off in Reservoir Dogs. Blood everywhere and Paul Simon playing in the background.

Otto Man said...

You want some badass fight scenes, check out District B13. That running fight scene in the opening of Casino Royale is a watered-down version of the style they use, only they manage to keep it up for the whole movie. (Same with Ong-Bak, a Thai version of the same style.)

As long as I'm flexing my kung fu nerdliness, check out Master of the Flying Guillotine, Five Deadly Venoms, and Unleashed.

But if you want a really brutal film? Battle Royale. It's a futuristic film where they put a bunch of Japanese schoolchildren on an island with various weapons and the last one standing wins. It's like "Hello Kitty" meets "Thunderdome."

KillBillWirtz said...

Where's the nightclub scene from Collateral? I don't care if Tom Cruise thinks we're inhabited by thetans, that one kicked all sorts of bouncer and Asian ass.

Otto Man said...

Blood everywhere and Paul Simon playing in the background.

Great scene, but the song is Stealer's Wheels' "Stuck in the Middle with You."

Weed Against Speed said...

Chris - it was Stealers Wheel, not Paul Simon, but a good scene nonetheless.

Chris said...

Otto - now your just being nitpicky.

Weed Against Speed said...

Get outta my head, Otto Man!

Jordan Ginsberg said...

I'd have to go with the apartment scene from Pulp Fiction. You'd get to (1) say some cool shit, (2) put the absolute fear of God into a room full of assholes, (3) eat a tasty burger, (4) kill a guy with a shitty haircut, (5) kill Frank Whaley, and (6) kill a member of the Arquette family. That's just me, though.

Otto Man said...

Otto - now your just being nitpicky.

Look, Mr. Blonde was inspired by a muse of his choosing. We need to respect his selection.

Sorry, WAS. Apparently I'm in full psychic meltdown, since Billy and I referenced Ong-Bak at the same moment too.

Unsilent Majority said...

Same song they performed on idol last night. odd choice.

a lot of people associate that song with dylan.

Big Daddy Drew said...

Also not to be overlooked: the final 20 minutes of Commando.

"Let off some steam, Bennett."

Dave said...

how could you leave out all the 'head shots' from "The Departed"? esp the ones coming out of the elevator?

The Angry Rant said...

Reason #1,492 why the military kicks butt: Sneak preview of 'The 300' was shown at MCAS Miramar last Sunday night.

It was free with military ID.

I was there.

And that movie kicks butt.

Suck on that, bitches...

DrDoom said...

rambo? just for sheer rediculousness, actually no because if youre in rambo youre sly stallone which means your balls and iq just got reduced in size by a great deal.

Otto Man said...

Also not to be overlooked: the final 20 minutes of Commando.

The part where he throws the circular saw blade? Priceless.

Ladies and gentlemen, the governor of California.

Big Daddy Drew said...

We should also include ALL of Bloodsport.

BeaverFever said...

nice call on Commando. that is old school Arnold. best scene is when Arnold slices off the top of that guys head when he throws a circular saw blade at him. Also, the guy that played Nick Tortelli from cheers playing the main bad guy. classic. i made my wife watch that movie about a month ago.

Captain Caveman said...

how could you leave out all the 'head shots' from "The Departed"? esp the ones coming out of the elevator?

Probably because that's a fucking weak choice.

Chris said...

Holy shit I don't know how I left out the chase scene in Point Break. Gary Busey, Patrick Swayze, & Keanu Reeves how can you go wrong.

Undead Zombie Horde said...

I'm cutting out of work at noon to catch 300. Onemore hour...

Best Scene: Boondock Saints anyone? I would so love to drop a toilet on a Russian gansters head from at least three stories up.

BeaverFever said...

let it be known i typed my post about Commando before i read read otto man's post about the saw blade scene from commando. great minds do think a like.

Otto Man said...

I just saw "Boondock Saints" last week. Nice call, though we're probably talking a sixth-round pick there.

Weed Against Speed said...

Unsilent - isn't that what the D.J. (Steven Wright) says about the song in the movie? Something like "...recorded this Dylan-esque tune..."

Smello said...

Redhead - I'm right there with you with the Jason Statham pick.

The Transporter is badass.
Transporter II is ridiculous, but he kicks some quality ass.
Crank is just one long fight scene with a sex scene thrown in for fun. And, the man's not afraid to take off his clothes. I like that in my action stars.

Oh, and even if you do have to be Stallone, which, as drdoom points out is BAD, John Rambo coming out of the woods to destroy a town at the end of First Blood is quality.

MDG said...

Get me two Utah. Two!

Burnsy said...

I'd pick any scene from Agent Cody Banks or Spy Kids.

In all seriousness, it's not action but I'd like to reenact any scene from Jason Robards' standpoint in Philadelphia. That kind of discrimination is just plain fun.

Awful Chief said...

Chris, that fight in Roadhouse is great, especially because at the beginning of it the guy says "I used to fuck guys like you in prison" to Swayze.

There is a terrible movie named Malice "starring" Molly Ringwald where she stalks a college baseball player. The movie ends with the baseball player swinging a bat at Ringwald, knocking her through a second story window killing her.

devang said...

What about Uma Thurman with the sword at the Japanese Restaurant in Kill Bill v.1

FenwayFaithful78 said...

There is no FIGHTING IN THE WAR ROOM!

Awful Chief said...

Sorry, it's called Malicious, not Malice.

Smello said...

devang - that was Ape's third round pick.

MDT said...

I've been beaten to Ong-Bak and Bloodsport! Enough gratitutous usage of the knee to make Triple H weep tears of joy.

UM, if you've got such a deathwish, you might as well go grab your favorite mancrush and hole up in the final scene of Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid.

devang said...

My bad smello.

$#^@# work breaking my concentration on important things!!

Biggus Rickus said...

There was an old Michael Caine flick called Zulu. That had the single greatest Colonial period battle sequence ever. Wave upon wave of Zulu warriors being taken down by about 1,000 British regulars is a fucking sight to see. Not saying it's first round material, but it's worth a flier in the late rounds.

FenwayFaithful78 said...

What, no love for Mad Max? Any of them?

And what about The Warriors?

Can you dig it?!

BeaverFever said...

i would have picked the last scene from "High Plains Drifter". Clint Eastwood as "the stranger" fucks that town and the bad guys up.

MDT said...

Also I think I would've drafted being Jude Law in Enemy At The Gates. Bad-ass sniper duel and when it's over, nailing Rachel Weisz in some dirty, under-the-covers-in-public hero sex? Sign me up.

Unsilent Majority said...

I just realized what i forgot...GODZILLA!

Now that would be fun!

devang said...

"Rommel, you magnificent bastard!! I read your book!!"

Otto Man said...

Godzilla would be fun, but most of those movies involve some annoying little Japanese kid in short shorts as his friend. If you could change the script and crush the kid, then I'm all for it.

Dave said...

The running fight scene from "Last of the Mohicans"

The shoot-out(s) from Miami Vice.

Basically almost any Michael Mann movie (see love for Heat above)

Captain Caveman said...

Good call on Godzilla. I'd like to add the new King Kong to my waiver-wire pick-up: the scene where Kong fucks up three T-Rexes. Holy fuck that was sweet.

presidentdave said...

The first (I think it's the first) fight scene in the Patriot, with Mel Gibson ambushing the Brits with his kids. Fun for the whole family!

Grimey said...

The white uniform scenes from Equilibrium. Here's a video rundown of the action scenes... besides all of the kickass gun stuff, you get to cut Taye Diggs' face off.

MDT said...

James Caan at the end of Rollerball

"JON-A-THAN... JON-A-THAN... JON-A-THAN..."

QueeferSuthrland said...

Boondock Saints was fucking atrocious.


I forgot earlier, but seriously, how does nothing from Die Hard make it?

C4 down an elevator shaft + Terrorists + "I'm not the one who just got buttfucked on tv" = Cinematic Brillance

Jordan Ginsberg said...

Were it a deeper draft, I might take True Lies later on, just to have on the bench. Murdering 500+ terrorists with your bare hands in 15 minutes is quite an achievement.

Jamie Mottram said...

In commenting here the past few days I've realized that I have nothing of substance or humor to add to a site like KSK, so let me just say this ... you six continue to entertain. Very creative, funny and well-executed. Thanks for the enjoyment.

McFad said...

Dave, Miami Vice's shootout...was super $h!lly. The movie was covered in feces

My pick would be Bruce Lee in the Game of Death vs. Kareem.

QueeferSuthrland said...

What about the wildebeest stampede that killed Mufasa?

What, too soon?

BigRicks said...

I'm too lazy to read through everything, but who wouldn't want to be in the anchorman street fight? Talk about awesome use of a trident. Plus, it escalates quick.

Otto Man said...

you six continue to entertain.

When exactly was Footsteps Falco's corpse removed from the roster?

Ah, Falco. We hardly knew ye.

Awful Chief said...

Grimey just reminded me of a nice little movie named Scarface with a few keeper league-worthy scenes. Do forgive if it has already been mentioned.

devang said...

+1 Queefer

devang said...

Jamie, did you nail Dana Jacobsen yet?

Signal to Noise said...

The scene in Heat wins for me.

However, for a surprise bench pick that no one's mentioned (I think), I would gladly take part in several scenes from Kung Fu Hustle.

FenwayFaithful78 said...

Here's one for the fellas

Billy Madison v. Veronica Vaughn

in the pool!

Chris said...

Could I mominate Otto to replace Falco?

J said...

Devang, if you're gonna call a scene from Patton, you got to make it when he jumps out the office window to shoot a pistol at the German bombers. Really, though, as much as I love that movie it probably goes in the late seventh if it's drafted at all.

smoothvanillapocketrocket said...

Desperado - You get to nail Selma Hayek after some ridiculous gun fights.
Yeah, I know sex scenes aren't allowed, but fuck you! There's always an exception when Selma's involved.

Game of Death - You're Bruce Lee starring in a live-action video game/movie, and you get to stomp Kareem Alcindor-Jabbar's gay balls into the dirt. Pretty nice trifecta of good clean fun.

By the way, 300's action scene's had better be good because the dialogue in the preview is fucking terrible. "This is Sparta!" sounds eerily like "Immortality! Take it, it's yours!"

Rob I said...

Could I mominate Otto to replace Falco?

I mominate Clint.

The scene when Godzilla fights the christmas tree in "Godzilla vs Megalon" is pretty sweet.

Unsilent Majority said...

svpr- we've mentioned el mariachi. same thing...just good.

devang said...

J, I agree on both counts. It's just that George C. Scott was such a badass in that movie. Had Patton down to a T.

Smello said...

Ah Equilibrium - really enjoyed that movie. Too bad Wimmer went on to write & direct Ultraviolet, which might be one of the worst movies ever made.

As a sleeper pick, I'd like to take the final shoot out in Grosse Point Blank.

PANGER said...

don't know if the wild bunch got mentioned but should have. it's the gold standard, the inspiration for nearly all the other films mentioned.

and for just pure homicidal enjoyment, i'd pick jean reno doing clean-up in la femme nikita or the assassin in the opening minutes of three days of the condor

Danny G said...

I'd like to be a camp counselor in any Friday the 13th. All they did was smoke pot and bang. Sure it ends bad, but I'd go out with a smile on my face.

Or maybe Buffalo Bill in Silence of the Lambs. Torturing fat chicks has got to be fun. And who doesn't enjoy the naked lady dance?

Proinsias Cassidy said...

Smello, you yanked my pick away. Grosse Point Blank was excellent.

Commando is awesome. There needs to be more 80's love here (and not Rad; bicycle dancing is so gay). How 'bout the foundry sequence in Robo Cop? I guess this is a kind of homage to Frank Miller, since he wrote the other two shit-piles in that franchise.

Or, the entirety of The Last Dragon. Sho' nuff.

J.L. White said...

We got an IMAX theater here, right inside the Seattle Center. But those cocksucking bitches are playing Happy Feet instead of 300. Godamnit all to hell.

Okay, okay, I driving down there in a shitty Russian cab, armed with Val's bottomless assault rifle and Bobby's grenade launcher. Going past the Space Needle, hanging a looie after the Bumpershoot field, then blowing a hole inside the Pacific Science Center. And if I have time, I'm hanging a rico, and taking down Key Arena for good measure. It's not like the Sonics will be needing it soon enough.

smoothvanillapocketrocket said...

American Psycho. Christian Bale is badass and you get to kill yuppy fuckwads with impunity. I'd choose the axe scene.

Jaws and I'm the shark. One caveat: Dreyfus dies, Quint lives. "I had a little drink about an hour ago and it went straight to my head!"

Big Jim Slade said...

F'n Commando. God, what an awesome flick. Who didn't want to see Freddy Mercury get a pipe thrown right through his chain mail vest at the end*? I watch that entire movie even when it's on Telemundo.




*spoiler alert

Otto Man said...

Could I mominate Otto to replace Falco?

Thanks for the love, Chris. As per our agreement, I'll destroy the incriminating photos of you with Emmanuel Lewis.

DrDoom said...

I finally saw patton a few weeks ago and while it has no memorable fight scenes it was still a great movie.

Big Daddy Drew said...

Also a great scene: Miller's Crossing, when Leo kills all of Casper's henchmen with a tommy gun. Maybe my favorite scene ever.

J.L. White said...

Okay, instead of making up my own action scenes, I'll pick a real one. Heat was the best, BDD wins hands down. I may have picked Uma's scene from Kill Bill, but I probably would have ruined the ending by coaxing Lucy Liu into a soapy bubble bath, rather than scalping her.

Did I say ruin? I meant improved greatly.

Weed Against Speed said...

j.l. White - we have an IMAX here in the Minnesota Zoo and they are playing 300.

So, ha ha.

Chris said...

What about the one with PK? Do I need to ship you and UM some of this back when I head back to Amsterdam next month?

DrDoom said...

apparently on rotten tomato 300 has received bad reviews, i say we declare blog war on rotten tomato.

cinnamon girl said...

Chris and Awful Chief - let's look forward to Grindhouse, not back at Roadhouse.

And DrDroom - can't we just use Namath as our "pet"? He's not working, right?

DrDoom said...

but we don;t want a drunk pet..... or do we?

Otto Man said...

Oh, that Miller's Crossing scene is a winner. I don't know what's better -- Albert Finney under the bed with the tommy gun, or the fact that "Danny Boy" is playing throughout it. Well played.

Jordan Ginsberg said...

Apropos of Miller's Crossing, Fargo has some stellar sleeper scenes too, viz. the wood chipper and the parking lot attendant, the latter in particular being one of the better scenes of any '90s movie.

Smello said...

If we're giving the 80s some love, it's a toss up between Chuck Norris, Van Damme & Segal for me. Granted, they all go on to become very, very lame, but they made some high quality (albeit bad) movies in the 80s/early 90s, such as Missing In Action, Invasion U.S.A., The Delta Force, Lionheart, Bloodsport, Universal Soldier, Above the Law, Marked for Death, and Under Siege.

Chris said...

Hey what abot the scene in Rules of Attraction where he takes the electric knife to the dudes arm.

Also pick pretty much scene in American Pyscho.

smoothvanillapocketrocket said...

Staying with the Cohen Brothers, the chase scene in Raising Arizona is up there.
"I'll be takin' these Huggies and whatever cash you got."
And the entire scene in the pickup truck. The driver's uncontrollable yelling gets me every time.

DrDoom said...

what about stallone for the 80s, and no i am not bill simmons.

Weed Against Speed said...

Wow - 143 comments. Kissing Suzy Kolber is having quite the effect on productivity today. Great post, fellas.

Benjamin said...

Holy Shit! 144 comments! I just got to work, and now i've got to read all of these?

For me:

1) Car chase from ronin
2) Rescuing morpheus
3) Sword fight on top of the fucking bamboo trees in crouching tiger, hidden dragon

Unsilent Majority said...

what about stallone for the 80s, and no i am not bill simmons.

that's exactly what bill simmons would say

PANGER said...

Also a great scene: Miller's Crossing, when Leo kills all of Casper's henchmen with a tommy gun. Maybe my favorite scene ever.

can't believe i forgot that. one of my favorite movies. "nobody knows anybody." and sometimes, the threat is more compelling than the action itself: the scene in the woods with tommy and bernbaum will always haunt me.

and while on the the coen brothers, don't forget the end of blood simple.

Bad Barbecue said...

Just want to mention two movies that may have been overlooked with a couple of scenes to choose from:

Escape from New York (nostalgic favorite)

Army of Darkness

And its not so much action, but...
The (near) opening scene of Saturday Night Fever. I've always wanted some theme music as I walk down the street. Gay? Probably. I'm secure in that. I'd even use the same music.

mamacita said...

God I love men. And Becky. I have seen exactly one of those movies, and it was Dr. Strangelove.

BTW, CC, I tried to post last night about what a hottie you are, but nibbles -- he hate me. Is it a Firefox thing?

devang said...

The dogfight in Top Gun (ducks)

devang said...

Think we'll hit 200 for this post?

Benjamin said...

Reason #1,492 why the military kicks butt: Sneak preview of 'The 300' was shown at MCAS Miramar last Sunday night.

It was free with military ID.

I was there.

And that movie kicks butt.

Suck on that, bitches...


Well, they do have a stake in getting people excited to fight a bunch of persians.

Captain Caveman said...

BTW, CC, I tried to post last night about what a hottie you are, but nibbles -- he hate me. Is it a Firefox thing?

Send me an email, mamacita. I can't fix your account unless I know which one it is.

Otto Man said...

Is "fix your account" some new sexual slang the kids are using these days?

Chris said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Chris said...

Yes it is, send me an email Otto so that I can "fix your account" as well.

Otto Man said...

Sorry Chris, but I don't go in for these backdoor shenanigans. Sure I'm flattered, maybe even a little curious, but the answer is no!

Smello said...

For me Stallone really hit is stride in the 90s. While I do love the Rambo series, I can watch Demolition Man & Judge Dredd again and again. I even enjoyed Cliffhanger.

Wow. I really like some crappy movies.

But Norris, Van Damme & Segal were better at the hand to hand stuff, although I was always confused as to how it was Segal's hair never moved.

Otto Man said...

I was always confused as to how it was Segal's hair never moved.

Simple. He secretes his own hair gel.

Unsilent Majority said...

easy caveman. she lists entourage as an interest. i think we know where you stand on that issue.

Chris said...

Did anyone ever seeThe 13th Warrior? It has some badass fight scenes in as well.

unitasinthe4th said...

I'm not going through each the 160 previous comments but why in hell is Clint in "Unforgiven's" final shootout scene off the board. Morons.

Chamomiles Davis said...

unitas - EVERYTHING involving Clint Eastwood should have tied for first.

What about Superman taking on not one, but THREE seriously pissed-off Kryptonian ex-cons in Superman II?

Honorable mention: The Doc Ock-Spidey subway fight in Spiderman II.

Honorable mention 2: The final showdown at the end of X-3.

(Yes, I'm a big fucking dork. So noted. Like I care.)

Jackin'4Beats said...

163 comments? Holy shit batman, that's got to be a record or something.

Ok now I have to read to get the full effect of the hilarity...see you all on Monday.

Dexter Manleys Coke Spoon said...

Picking Raiders (after the fact) and Heat easily makes Drew the winner in this draft.



I always thought the fight scene in True Romance between Patricia Arquette and Tony Soprano was pretty fucking intense.

swing4 said...

The chandelier scene from War of the Roses.

Sure, she dies... but, she dies happy.

Mike said...

You motherfuckers! Doing this shit on the only Friday in memory when I had actual work-related nonsense to keep me from this sort of thing.

Fuck.

Anyway, big, BIG ups to BDD for finally getting the "Danny Boy" scene in Miller's Crossing. That, along with his bogus "free agent" pickup of the greatest war movie scene of all time gives him a huge win. Heat is almost an afterthought with the rest of that roster.

As for Reservoir Dogs the aborted robbery scene (just after the cool-as-tits-on-my-face scene where they walk to "Little Green Bag") is bad-ass beyond belief: cops getting shot, Tim Roth blowing away the woman who pops him with her little .22, Mr. Brown mumbling & futzing with the ignition key with a hole in his forehead. Good shit.

And for sheer preposterousness, nothing can beat Billy, in Predator, opening up that automatic gatling gun on THE FOREST, and just blowing away every tree in sight. Dumb as it is, that scene makes me spring wood every time.

Smello said...

Chamomiles - I think I love you.

Several comic/superhero movies ran through my mind before I settled on Blade as my first pick.

As for X-Men, I'm a fan of the Wolverine v. Mystique fight in the first movie, although the all out mutant battle at the end of III is not without merit.

Grimey said...

And for sheer preposterousness, nothing can beat Billy, in Predator, opening up that automatic gatling gun on THE FOREST, and just blowing away every tree in sight.

That wasn't Billy, that was Mac.

Jackin'4Beats said...

FUCK!!! Mike took my Predator pick since that scene when they blow away an entire forest in vain was nice. But I think Jesse Ventura's got the gatlin gun. "I ain't got time to bleed."

OK, now I've got to see Heat - was trying to avoid it since it's like what, 4 hours long?

Choices:
1) Saving Private Ryan (I need complete body armor though)
2) Kill Bill fight scene with the Crazy 88's
3) Matrix Reloaded fight scene when Neo kicks about 1000 Agent Smith's asses.
4) Snatch scene when Brad Pitt knocks out that guy at the end after making it look good, then goes out and kills the crew that killed his family.
5) Predator (see above)

Cody said...

Almost 170 posts and I'm a bit vexed one's mentioned Tony Jaa's "The Protector." Two scenes stand out:

1. Jaa fights his way up a 4 or 5 story den of sin in one long continuous take.

2. Jaa kicks the shit out of 40 dudes Bruce Lee-style, then takes on three steroid fueled giants, one of whom throws a fucking elephant. I watched the moment he and Gigantor #1 run full speed at each other right before Jaa leaves his feet to absolutely wreck Gigantor's chest at least 4 times.

devang said...

Next post: Best Porn titles or scenes.

Mike said...

It wasn't Billy. But it wasn't Jesse either. It was Mac.

Otto Man said...

I think we all got caught up with Ong-Bak, but I'll take all the Jaa we can get.

No one's mentioned Kiss of the Dragon. Jet Li kicks a considerable amount of French ass in that one, and as a bonus, Bridgit Fonda plays a whore!

Mike said...

How about being Achilles at any point in the movie Troy?

Ben said...

"Remember when I said I'd kill you last? I lied."

Sooo loving this.

Miller's Crossing is indeed badass, Commando is hilarious, and District B13 is about the only thing to come out of France that's worth watching. But I'm surprised, with this many comments, that no one's mentioned Riddick/Pitch Black, Sin City, Aliens, or The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly.

Personally? I'd probably take the chariot race from Ben-Hur.

Smello said...

Troy is not a good movie. However, but for the dying, being either Achilles or Hector would be acceptable.

And, sweet lord in heaven is Eric Bana hot in that movie.

devang said...

No one's mentioned Kiss of the Dragon. Jet Li kicks a considerable amount of French ass in that one, and as a bonus, Bridgit Fonda plays a whore!

Good call Otto man. I like the next to last scene where he breaks one of the twins’ necks. Sweet.

Cody said...

I changed my mind. I want to be in the naked wrestling scene in "Borat."

Does that make me ####?

Jackin'4Beats said...

Right. It is Jesse the Body's gatlin gun, but he gets smoked by the Predator with that laser shot through the back and Mac picks up the gatlin gun and starts spraying shit up.

The only thing missing from that scene was Mac yelling "More Fiyah, More Fiyah...BO BO BO."

Undead Zombie Horde said...

Just got back from seeing 300.

A little riduclous at times with the Lord of the Rings-like soldiers but friggin' sweet!

*I ignored the historical inaccuracies.

Mike said...

I know we have a no sex scenes rule, but Billy Bob boinking Halle Berry in Monster's Ball is pretty much an action scene anyway.

She just wants him to make her feel gooooooooooooooood.

Undead Zombie Horde said...

Speaking of Terminator (its somewhere in here) has anyone heard that the Brits are about to send up a military satellite by the name of Skynet. Have we learned NOTHING!

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/science/
nature/6434773.stm

(sorry about the use of actuall addresses. I am but a simple man who knows not how to proeprly use the interweb)

Undead Zombie Horde said...

or how to properly spell...

Laser Rocket Arm said...

No one's mentioned Army of Darkness?! That whole movie is cheesy badassity.

mike said...

what, no mention of seven samurai? I would be happy to be kyuzo (the sword expert guy) in pretty much any scene, because he's the coolest samurai ever. or kambei (the leader) in the final battle. sure, it's wet and muddy and most of my friends die, and I realize that I'm still just a masterless samurai roaming the land, and my samurai hairdo still hasn't grown out again, but fuck I defeated like 40 bandits with just a few guys and some villagers with pointed sticks.

The Pirate Sloth said...

Jesus fucking christ. 186 comments while I am out getting drunk and offending people in Boston. May I say that this is hands down, the best post ever made.

And I am reserving my pick for the upcoming movie Hot Fuzz - made by the Shaun of The Dead Crew.

QueeferSuthrland said...

Actually, staying with Kurosawa there are two other teriffic choices.

First, the sieging of the fortress in Ran is one of the most fantastic and beautifully set up battle scenes on film.

Second, well, if you have a deathwish like UM, Toshiro Mifune's death scene is possibly the greatest one since Cagney's "Made it ma, top of the world" in White Heat, pierced to death by hundreds of arrows?

YES PLZ.

Dustin said...

What, no mention of any scenes from Last of the Mohicans? Hawkeye and Chingachgook going on a rampage that ends with Ching killing Magua in the most brutal way possible, with a face that shows nary a trace of rage? Seriously, first he breaks his arm, then he makes sure the guy sees the giant tomahawk blade sticking out of his stomach just to make sure he knows how bad he just got his ass kicked. And that comes after Hawkeye is blasting double flintlocks from the hip! Or the early battle scene, where Uncas, Ching, and Hawk save the chicks (I'm counting Duncan as a chick here) from the Mohawk ambush on the redcoat march, slaughtering like half the party like some kind of crazy Injun Ninjas?

surt2k said...

In Fight Club, beating the living stuff out of the too blond guy. Who hasn't wanted to do that?

I felt like putting a bullet between the eyes of every Panda that wouldn't screw to save its species.
I wanted to open the dump valves on oil tankers and smother all the French beaches I'd never see.
I wanted to breathe smoke.

Otto Man said...

In Fight Club, beating the living stuff out of the too blond guy. Who hasn't wanted to do that?

That's Jared Leto, right? Yeah, I'd love to beat the so-called life out of that douchebag.

Proinsias Cassidy said...

queefersutherland-

Mifune's death-scene in Throne of Blood? I was in Japan a few years ago and watched a biography about him. In an old interview, he stated that the arrows were very real and the look of horror on his face during that scene was NOT acting. He went on to say that the arrows weren't as close as they appeared (due to Kurosawa using a telephoto lense) but were closer than anyone would have been comfortable with.

Maybe a little obscure (but with more Toshiro Mifune good-ness); when Musashi fights the Yoshioka dojo's 80 students in Samurai II- Duel at Ichijoji Temple?

QueeferSuthrland said...

Proinsias Cassidy-

That's part of the reason I was thinking it. Mifune was actually horrified despite the blocks of wood under his armor that would have done nothing. You sure can learn a lot about a film when listen to it's commentary when on a Criterion DVD.

Nick said...

How about the swordfight against the Black Knight in Holy Grail?

Mr Furious said...

How anybody can bring up an X-Men movie and not want to be Wolverine in X2, during his berserker rage where he is just slicing and dicing through Stryker's soldiers in the mansion...

Only clip I could find

Pretty good for PG13.

Mr Furious said...

"From Dusk Til Dawn"s got a pretty good fight scene, too. Plus, the bonus Salma...

Walklett said...

As soon as I read the title of the post all I did was scroll down to see where the scene from Heat landed.

Very disappointed it fell to 10.

Wade_Garrett said...

Nothing beats a great car chase. For my money, car chases are better than most sci-fi or shooting action scenes, because you know that the chases actually happened, real drivers taking real risks with real cars. To me, that makes them cooler than the fight scenes from movies like The Matrix.

I would have picked final fight at O-Ren-Ishii's, from Kill Bill Vol. 1, the car chase from Bullitt and the final duel with Acheron at the end of Master and Commander.

Bill Fitzgerald said...

What about the Warriors taking out the Baseball Furies?

QueeferSuthrland said...

#200!