Friday, March 30, 2007

I am Punter's Creative Process

Fuck, I need to write-up the cheerleader post. Gotta write something funny, something for the end of the week, but why? These assholes are just gonna spank it to the pic and then take a nap. Who cares? It's almost filler, like the We Have To Ask post on Deadspin. Just get a few comments from the peeps and we're good.

Wow, I haven't written shit in like two weeks. This is not good. We've all been kinda slacking, though. So much going on with free agency and the draft, too. The Browns want Trent Green, are they fucking serious? Roger Goodell trying to be all Mother Superior and shit. Good luck, Opie. No creative juices in my juice. I guess Drew shouldn't have taken the espresso machine out of the KSK break room. So sleepy...

I got a hedgehog about three weeks ago. Her name is Betty. I named her after America Ferrera's character on that one show. Sorry, there's no fucking way I'm naming a hedgehog "America." That's something the fucking Somalis would do.

Nice work, Punter, cracking on the Somalis like that. Get ready for all that Somalian hate mail now, you shithead. You better hope those assholes haven't figured out how to send anthrax in a jpeg attachment.

Holy shit, I'm just rambling now. Four paragraphs in and I haven't said a fucking thing. You think this might be a good spot to wrap it up? That's it. Just drop it in there now.

Good.

Damn, she has got it going on. Alright, now say something witty about how she looks. Say that you'd eat walnuts out of her ass. No, you dipshit, you say that about EVERYBODY! I think you even said that about Ufford once. You fucking homo.

Hey, dipshit? You can stop typing anytime, or at least not type EVERY FUCKING THOUGHT that creeps into you sick fucking head. Am I really swearing in my head this much? How would I even know?

Fuck, I really can't stop. I am just a rambling fuckknob at this point. Wow, fuckknob looks really weird in type, with that double-k and all. Tex is talking to me about options now. This is Tex's last day. You don't care. Sweet Christ, what am I doing?

God, if Andie and Save The Steagles had a wet t-shirt contest, I think my pants would explode. Should I try to meet Will in Atlanta this weekend? I'm pretty sure weightlifting and online chess cancel each other out. Why does my asshole itch so much? Stop! STOP! STOOOOOOP!!!!

I think I need a Diet Coke. Yeah, that sounds good.

25 comments:

My Insignificant Life said...

Nice Pic To End The Week...........BTW, I'd Hit That......

Barney said...

Jesus. Suddenly walnuts are on my shopping list. Nice point of purchase displays always get me. I'm such a mark.

- Barney

Naptime, PA.

I rape red sox fans said...

Yummmmmy!

Christmas Ape said...

Maybe a banana nut. That's a good muffin.

Real Men Eat Haggis said...

Nothing wrong with that one...

BTW, my Word Verification was "ughpwgh" - which happens to be the sound I made while I was spurting on my monitor

MemphisRaines said...

Am I really swearing in my head this much?

Sometimes I wonder the same thing - most recently when also thinking about the Browns signing Trent Green. Thanks for the tasty picture to end that train of thought.

My Insignificant Life said...

And another thing, fuck the somalis - we should have bombed their shit after Black Hawk Down happened - but no, Clinton was to busy blowing his load when it was his turn playing Pass The Pig with Monica. Thought I'd throw that in so you won't be the only one on the somali hate mail list.

AustinBoston said...

Now I'd buy that for a dollar.

BoSox Siobhan said...

Man, it's Tex's last day? Whom will you make relentless fun of now, Punter?

Ryan said...

...I like We Have To Ask

Tim said...

Where is Tex going and should we care?

Redhead said...

Strangely, the part that I thought was the most random was the hedgehog bit - and I think Betty was a nice name for it.

DrDoom said...

why does my asshole itch so much.

and wow antrax as a jpeg, that could be fun.

why is my word verification 20 letters?

Grimey said...

Clearly, college basketball holds no monopoly over spurtability.

josh said...

I think the "I'd eat walnuts" thing is difficult to quantify without knowing if the speaker likes walnuts or not.

I suggest the following system:

"I'd eat ice cream out of her ass."
-pretty good ass.

"I'd eat Brussels sprouts out of her ass."
-now THAT's an ass!

when I was young, I thought I'd use my linguistic skills to write a novel. look at me now.

denvergodfather said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Vanilla said...

Holy crap you sound just like Bill Simmons!

save the steagles said...

Well I did just get my Sex Cannon shirt today and I was worried I'd have no place to wear it.

Phishisgr8 said...

No one yet? Ok...

Yes.

Laser Rocket Arm said...

Well, at least the fake boobs aren't ridiculously huge. Impressive abs, though, I'm jealous.

And excellent stream of consciousness, Punter.

Slash said...

I won't be spankin' it, but I do admire her abs. Wish I had those. Guess I need to more sit-ups. OK, I need to do ANY sit-ups.

Anyway, I enjoyed the stream of consciousness. Please don't ruin walnuts for me, though.

flubby said...

+1 Josh

gymclassheroes said...

James Joyce approves this post.

DrDoom said...

steagles i also got my shirt and have no place to wear it.

Stuck in the Ivy said...

Wow. I wish my stream of consciousness was as interesting as that. Mine usually consists of I'm tired, I'm hungry, I'd hit that. Lather, rinse, repeat.