Thursday, March 29, 2007

This Week’s KSK Mock Draft – Board Games We’d Choose If Death Awaited The Loser


We had a tough time choosing this week’s KSK mock draft. I was a big fan of drafting fruit. Punter thought the idea of drafting fruit was retarded. Which is why I liked it to begin with. Then we considered last meals, only everyone ended up picking different cuts of steak (and UM insisted on including some froufrou wine). So that was out. Porn stars? YOU try finding images of porn stars that are SFW. It’s a bitch. Ice cream flavors? I would have stabbed anyone who took mint chocolate chip first.

Superheroes? Too nerdy.

People we’d want to write our autobiography? Too gay.

Hangover cures? Too obvious.

Movies that should be banned? Too played.

Deadspin commenters? Too meta.

Beers? Too broad.

Board Games We’d Choose If Death Awaited The Loser? Eh, okay. Why not.

Okay, so the rules are: you will play another random person at this board game. If you lose, you will fucking die. On the spot. Like a seal being eaten by a shark. The order: Punter, CC, UM, flubby, me, Ape. Serpentine draft. My… my… my serpenteeeeeeeen!

Round 1, Pick 1 – Punter – Stratego

“Military strategy game is a composite of chess, war (the card game), and capture-the-flag. You can set your pieces any way you choose, and then attack. An awesome board game in its day, and one that would be quite appropriate to play with one's life in the balance.”

I suck at this game. Needless to say, it was not on my draft board.

Round 1, Pick 2 – CC – Scrabble

“Hey, I'm playing for my fucking life. I'm going with the game where I'm undefeated for the last four years. As long as I'm not playing Stefan Fatsis I should be good to go.”

I would fucking murder Ufford at Scrabble. And I’d kick Bill Simmons’ ass, too. Even if he cheated, and there’s evidence he’s just that big of a douchebag. Plus, I have the advantage of knowing that “qi” and “za” were just added to the official word list. Winner: Drew

Round 1, Pick 3 – UM – Trivial Pursuit

“In a life and death situation I can always fall back on my encyclopedic knowledge of trivial bits of knowledge.”

I too am quite good at Trivial Pursuit, unless it’s one of those original sets from the 80’s where half the geography questions were about Canada and the “Entertainment” category asked only questions about films made prior to 1942. And whenever I landed on “Sports and Leisure”, I always end up getting a leisure question. How many pegs are on a cribbage board? Fuck you, that’s my answer.

Round 1, Pick 4 – flubby – Dominoes

“Dominoes. I can play the hell out of some dominoes. Plus, I can make an ASCII double-six domino. Check it out: [:::|:::]

Man, am I talented.”

Then flubby did a double one:

“[ · | · ] SKILLZ MOTHERFUCKER!!!!”

I’m pretty sure dominoes isn’t a board game, but I’ll let it pass.

Round 1, Pick 5 – Me – Monopoly

“But only if we put $500 in Free Parking and allow multiple hotel
building. And I get to be the dog. Then I can seize New York Avenue,
throw three hotels in there, and then squeal with delight as opponents
roll a 7, think they've hit Free Parking, only to realize they counted
spaces wrong and are now buttfucked. You just dealt with the dawg,
bitch.”

Punter vehemently objected to my house rules:

“THERE'S NO MONEY IN FREE PARKING IN THE REAL GAME THAT'S BULLSHIT!!”

Fucking fascist.

Round 1, Pick 6 – Ape – Clue

“Like, Monopoly, you have to play with at least four people or it's too damn easy. Also, it has to be the Master Detective version. Fuck the purists. There's more stuff, meaning it's more difficult. And communism was just a red herring.”

The best ending to the “Clue” movie? The third one. The second one, where Mrs. Peacock killed them all, was bullshit.

Round 2, Pick 7 – Ape – Jenga

“I can utilize my surgical precision of motion without sticking my hand in some dude, as in Operation.”

God, I suck at Operation. Good call.

Round 2, Pick 8 – Me – Cranium

“Okay, so the drawing something with your eyes closed part is fucking
impossible, and I hate trying to sculpt shit out of that fucking clay,
but I can handle the rest of the game fairly well.”

Round 2, Pick 9 – flubby – Backgammon

“I just can’t think of anything interesting to say about backgammon.”

Is this a board game? I think it’s usually played inside a briefcase. Flubby continues to flirt with the rules. Anarchist.

Round 2, Pick 10 – UM – GO

“With my life hanging in the balance I like the idea of a zero-sum battle of the minds. Oh Jesus, I'm going to die.”

I’ve never heard of this game. It looks like Othello, only even more head-splitting.

Round 2, Pick 11 – CC – Risk

“Nobody has the stamina and patience to ever finish a damn game, which means it's highly unlikely that I'll lose. Plus this gives commenters the chance to re-heat the predictable and and not terribly funny "Ukraine strong!" joke from Seinfeld. Also, I love saying the word Kamchatka.”

Man, CC loves his readers.

Round 2, Pick 12 – Punter – The Dark Tower

“This game is pretty fucking sweet. The tower was computerized. You killed people, bought food, killed some more people, and then roamed some countryside and shit. Plus, Pegasus is in the game! I don't see no Pegasus in fucking Monopoly, that's for gaddam sure.

This was my favorite game as a kid, even though I only won one time. The fact that it is so obscure gives me a critical edge.”

It’s like World of Warcraft, only REAL! And plastic!

Round 3, Pick 13 – Punter – Scene It (Movie Version)

“Yes, there's a DVD in it, but there's also cards, and it is played on a board. Plus, the game is so damn easy. It's not uncommon for me to pull it out when a party dies down and ask, ‘How about me against everyone?'”

Punter also asks this question when he walks into sporting goods stores and Taco Bells.

Round 3, Pick 14 – CC – Pass The Pigs

“Okay, so there's no board, but nobody objected to dominoes, so this damn well better get a pass. Pass the Pigs is the absolute balls. I love this game, and I will absolutely lie and cheat to win. However, we'd have to play best-of-nine in order to make sure the best player (me) won. Otherwise a pair of cold pigs could cause my untimely death.”

I’ve never heard of this game. “Pass the Pigs” sounds like some kind of game baseball players play with slumpbusters.

Round 2, Pick 15 – UM – Knock Hockey

“I was going to go in a different direction but if Pass the motherfucking Pigs is a board game then the field opens up a bit. You can try to beat me in knock hockey, but you will undoubtably go home humbled.”

Round 2, Pick 16 – flubby – Yahtzee



“I used to play with my grandmother when I was a little kid. I think I still got the skills if my life depended on it.“

And flubby goes three rounds without picking an actual board game. You gotta love Kentuckians.

Round 2, Pick 17 – Me – Rail Baron

“Want to go from Miami to Seattle? Better pay my track fee, bitch. No
one rides for free when I own the Sante Fe AND the Union Pacific. Not
even the hoboes. They get shot first.”

Round 2, Pick 18 – Ape – Gnip Gnop

"Because I wanted to pick something really gnay. That and all the board games in which I'm even marginally skilled have been taken, I'd take one that totally haphazard. I'd pick Battleship if I wanted something cooler, but I always lose."

When you think about it, Battleship is just a more masculine version of Go Fish. But hey, everyone loves imitating the old ad when they’re battleship gets sunk. Also, everyone always chooses the red pegs. The white pegs are for homos. I liked the deluxe edition of Battleship that made actual sounds when your shit got hit. I only wish the horrible screams of sailors burning to death had also been included.

And there’s your draft. You’ll notice none of us picked chess. Says a lot about us as a group, and that is that we aren’t Asian. I’m sure we missed a few. Your picks in the comments. Next week’s draft promises to be a doozy.

117 comments:

Otto Man said...

And whenever I landed on “Sports nad Liesure”

Man, I landed on my sports nads once. I must've cried for ten minutes.

BeaverFever said...

what ? no, operation. i was also a fan of mouse trap. that would have been my sleeper pick.

Ironic pick, Life.

Unsilent Majority said...

Best of the Rest: Girl Talk!

Burnsy said...

Well, whoever the ass was that left that awful Ukraine line from Seinfeld should be taken out and beaten.

Sorry CC, next time I'll reserve commenting and go back to giving homeless people handjobs in exchange for wet bread crust.

Burnsy said...

And yes, Mouse Trap was the shit. Oh, and Life sucked because I always ended up with like five daughters.

Otto Man said...

I wanted to play the waiting game, but then I got bored and went with Hungry Hungry Hippos instead.

Weed Against Speed said...

Fucking Knock Hockey. Brilliant! I haven't thought of that game since junior high.

And Burnsy - have you ever actually played Mouse Trap? I would just set it up. I don't think I ever knew the rules.

The Intern said...

Deadspin commenters could have been interesting. Lt. Winslow has to be the consensus #1, right?

flubby said...

So backgammon is not a board game, but Jenga is?

To clear up any debate about backgammon. Many years ago, after school, while waiting for the bus to come, we would play board games. Checkers and backgammon came in the same box. One side of the board had a checkerboard the other had a backgammon board.

And yes, I went to I went to some broke-ass public schools. Kind of like Mr. Presbo's class on The Wire, but with more honkeys.

BeaverFever said...

the bitch about mousetrap was that little metal ball that also seemed to roll off the table.

@burnsy, my friend had life actually imitate your game of Life. He has 6 daughters !

MemphisRaines said...

No Candyland? Is there anything more fitting than death due to lack of candy?

WV: eatue - perfect for the comment.

Lisa said...

What, no Sorry? No Trouble?

Pussies.

Rusty said...

1. Pornstars would have been better. Safe for work? Didn't you guys just have a picture of a lady putting a dildo in her bajingo?

2. Mall Madness is better than Girl Talk.

3. The best trick in Trivial Pursuit Genus 1 is to not give someone credit for answering "Germany."

"Oh, I'm sorry. The correct answer is "WEST Germany."

Jackin'4Beats said...

Because I wanted to pick something really gnay

Now that's some hilarious shit right there.

Knock Hockey is the balls and I think I could take you up pn that especially with my rules:

1) Shoot puck from on top of wooden diamond in fron of your goal = 5 points

2) Shoot puck from the top of any corner on your side = 10 points.

Used to love hitting people with a double 10 then a 1 point shot to end it.

How about Taboo? Too gnay for anyone? OK maybe not...

cinnamon girl said...

@weed against speed: how about Candyland ...on weed? Or Chutes and Ladders ...on speed?

Burnsy said...

So you're pretty much set when they turn 18, right?

If death is on the line, Mouse Trap is perfect because no one ever set that bitch up right. Half the time, that shit broke. But if the rules are being bent so much, how about Jumanji?

Lisa said...

Or Mystery Date?

Bad Barbecue said...

I choose pick-up-sticks.
My steady hand and taunting abilities made me a neighborhood champion.

Not a board game? You can play it on a board or anywhere else. Flubby said so.

My Insignificant Life said...

Kablamo - This 2004 game release that tries to simulate the fun of pointing a gun at your own head and pulling the trigger. So all you pussies playing with only plastic and cardboard, let’s get real about this draft!!! Real mistakes have real consequences – just like the NFL – just ask Pac Man Jones.

A game of "Russian Roulette". Each player is given a board depicting the (rotating) barrel of a gun with a space for each of the six chambers it has. The gun is loaded by playing counters (representing bullets) on the spaces. Fuck that, I'm using real bullets.

Bullets come is various types: some kill you when fired – bullshit, I’m changing the rules to point the gun at someone else - others allow you to change the position of bullets (either in your gun or that of someone else), or modify the behavior of bullets. In addition, each bullet has a priority on it.

Each turn, all players simultaneously fire their gun, rotating their barrel by one position and revealing the top bullet. The actions of the bullets fired are now resolved (order decided by priority of the bullets). Guns are reloaded by randomly drawing new counters and playing them on the empty spaces.

Man, I'm having a bad morning......

Mr. F. Magoo said...

Nice Simpsons reference Otto man.

If the no actual board rule is intact how about Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots?

David said...

Axis and Allies is the best board game ever, its a more complicated more involved form of risk, what is sad is that i am being serious

Afino said...

I would LOVE to kill flubby in either dominoes or Yahtzee.

Let's roll.

BeaverFever said...

friends daughters = too close for comfort.

and i am a happily married man with a daughter of my own. and no you cannot date her Burnsy.

i'm shocked nobody has mentioned connect 4. actually that game sucked.

MemphisRaines said...

Word Yahtzee anyone? It's like Yahtzee for people not smart enough to play Scrabble!

Crazy Little Thing said...

I'm going to go home and sleep with my wife.

Pemulis said...

no balderdash? no pictionary? bush league

Grimey said...

I can attest to the awesomeness that is Pass The Pigs, although it's too much of a game of chance to play with death on the line.

I'll go Trivial Pursuit DVD Pop Culture 1, Tri-ominoes 2, and Sorry 3.

Burnsy said...

Connect Four was like Tic Tac Toe. It was too easy to win if you got to go first.

I was always upset that the Chinese had a much cooler version of checkers than us.

Weed Against Speed said...

Parcheesi is the balls. It's the Royal Game of India, you know.

Bad Barbecue said...

Every evening my parents would play the silent game with me. I won each time as I could here them talking to each other from my special position: the utility closet of heroism. It's not a board game but my imaginary friends, Moppy and Turpentina didn't like to play them.

So I choose the silent game. starting now. Okay now. Go.

Joe said...

Definitly got to go with Passout, a Board Game from the 70's. It's set up like a monopoly board except instead of properties there are spots requiring certain amounts of drinking and bong rips. The goal is to gain cards that have tongue twisters written on them. When you receive a card you must recite the tongue twister quickly and correctly or you gotta chug and try again until you get it right. Winner is the first to gain 8 cards or the last one left awake.

Lisa said...

Hungry Hungry Hippos.

TO THE DEATH.

MemphisRaines said...

I had a friend who always kept 2 joints in his Pass the Pigs case and wanted to play whenever he got high! Great game.

Tech N9ne's Tribute to Falco said...

So do you guys want to keep talking about sports or, uhh... Pogs?

Unsilent Majority said...

2. Mall Madness is better than Girl Talk.

good call.

and mystery date is a classic.

Smello said...

There should ALWAYS be money on free parking.

That is all.

Tech N9ne's Tribute to Falco said...

Cause I had this one eightball slammer once, it was suhweeet!

Otto Man said...

and mystery date is a classic.

"Oh no, you got the dweeb!"
"Hey, he looks like you, Poindexter!"

BoSox Siobhan said...

Goddamn. Original Mystery Date game is going for $125.00 on some freakish 1970's kitsch website.
I'm going for Mancala to the death. My frieds' hippie parents always played that after dinner.
Only now do I realize they were high as shit.

Bad Barbecue said...

Also under the Flubby provision, I take Jax.

Jon J. said...

What no "Hungry, Hungry Hippos"! No "Parchesi"? No crappy movie/ comic tie-in board games?

The fact that there was no Strat-O-Matic or All-American Football, this draft was a travesty! Draft legumes next time!

Ted Valentine said...

Kudos for the Dark Tower call. My wife brought that game into our marriage. It made a couple nights very interesting. That was long ago, before the little people.

cinnamon girl said...

None of you boys picked Hi-Ho Cherry-O? Where the winner is the one who picks the most cherries off the trees?

fallex said...

Was Pass the Pigs the one where you roll pigs instead of dice? If so, I remember the scenario where the pigs land in a 69 position was called a Pig Out. Too Good.

Since we're talking bonghits, and we've overridden the necessity of a board:
Zonk is where it's at.

Unsilent Majority said...

jon, i was going to pick strat-o-matic but i'm just not that big a nerd.

The Pirate Sloth said...

CC - Pass the Pigs is the fucking bomb.


Why didn't anyone choose Sorry? Awwww

Ryan said...

Apples to Apples? The greatest game ever? Anyone?

aaron said...

Two unique board games:

Scotland Yard-- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scotland_Yard_(board_game)

Coolest board ever, as a map of London. There's six pieces but you can only play with two, since there's really only one effective strategy to capture Mr. X. Otherwise you're just yelling at the other players to get to the subways.

Oh, What a Mountain -- the only vertical board game. For younger kids but fun out of sheer novelty.

MDZ said...

Lightning reaction. The carnival music of impending doom sets this game over the top.

save the steagles said...

No Scene-it Sports edition? It may be a little too new-age for the purists out there, but I'd say you all could win it if your life depended on it. I didn't do too bad and 75% of the questions dealt with something that happened before I was born or track.

becky said...

I'm pretty good at Scene-It.
(I was THIS close to buying the sports edition a few weeks ago too...)

I'm good at AIR hockey.

I cheat at Candy Land.
(always have, always will.)

But I OWN at the Sweet Valley High board game.
you guys played that too, right? oh, um...me neither.

ready, set, same concept, but with video games, GO!

FenwayFaithful78 said...

Space Hop? Fireball Island?

Not a board game but in somehow shaped my life- Perfection. The sound of the buzzer and the humming pieces really wound me up tight. Took years of bong hits to chill the fuck out.

My mom used to make us play some weird bible board game. It was AWFUL!

fallex said...

Fucking A, Becky. Why don't you just write our letters of resignation for us. But for me, it begins and ends with Tecmo Super Bowl, with Baseball stars a close second. These newfangled tube-boxes with more than 3 buttons on their controllers left me behind.

J said...

David: The only game of Axis and Allies I successfully completed took about 13 hours of play - it would've been only 12 if the Japanese hadn't taken control of Australia. Bushido bastards with their slick electronics and hybrid cars.

Benjamin said...

Punter also asks this question when he walks into sporting goods stores and Taco Bells.

For some reason, this was the funniest line of the day for me. Spit took.

Dat RoRo Kid said...

Props to you, BDD, for that Pavement quote. Muthafuckas don't know NUTHIN' bout Wowee Zowee.

Boy Howdy said...

Although they both stretch the boundaries of "board games", I'd pick Boggle, and I'd be terrified to see how offensive the KSK contributers could make a game of Guess Who?.

Dat RoRo Kid said...

I gotta go with Lisa. it's all about Sorry. You can own fuckers in that shit and scream it out loud. Ultimate wreckage game...in a world of human wreckage.

J.L. White said...

When playing a board game that has your own life hanging in the balance, it is important to consider which games are the easiest to cheat at. And in that vein, Battleship should rise to the top. "E4, you say? Uh....miss." And if you are skilled at moving your boats around mid-game, all the better.

Some may prefer to die honorably, but not me, and not over a fucking board game.

Grimey said...

Anyone who would play Perfection to determine whether they would live or die would be the most masochistic person ever. Talk about stress.

Hercules Rockefeller said...

Good call on Scotland Yard, aaron.

Nick said...

Crossfire. That is all.

BeaverFever said...

as far as the porn star draft goes I would still recommend it. Ton of potential there.

also, does anyone remember the nfl board game that game with a VHS tape ? my brother and i played the sit out of that game.

Chris said...

"People we’d want to write our autobiography? Too gay."

Wouldn't you need to write your own *auto*biography?

Sorry... back to dick jokes!

BeaverFever said...

o.k. , now i remember. it was called "the vcr quaterback game" and it was licensed by the nfl. i just found someone on ebay selling it.

Big Daddy Drew said...

I quoted Pavement?

Signal to Noise said...

Add me to the chorus of Sorry supporters. As it is, UM's first pick was the best -- if we're talking life or death, I want to put my own life in my trivia-loving hands.

Dat RoRo Kid said...

oops, guess not. thought you had changed the word from "Serpentine PAD" to "Serpentine DRAFT"...guess you're not that fucking genius after all.

Chris said...

Maybe he thought serpentine was a reference to "Serpentine Pad"? Or maybe he completely missed the Guns 'N Roses reference?

DrDoom said...

1000 points to axis and allies yes. i would pick this because no one but me a few others knows how to playso i have an advantage.

DrDoom said...

i could whip punters ass in stratego.

Unsilent Majority said...

CROSSFIRE! that's what it's called...
Yeah, I was trying to pull that.

Grimey said...

Where are all the Settlers of Catan fanboys hiding?

DrDoom said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Bad Barbecue said...

And for my final pick:

I select Ouija board.

"Will I die?" "No."

Cheating? Suck it.

I win.

Awful Announcing- said...

Pass The Pigs is fucking Rad. I'd destroy you with a Double Snouter CC!!!

Unsilent Majority said...

6. taboo (me and my sister never lsoe when paired)

your cats must be very proud

J.L. White said...

When playing "team" board games, like Pictionary or Cranium, be waring of playing against husband-wife teams. Sure, a majority of them will end up screaming at each other because one doesn't know how to draw a cat right, but there are a few (like my brother and his wife) who have developed almost ESP-like intuition when playing together.

In a way, these games are a litmus test for how happy your relationship really is (like how I suck at these game, and I'm single).

Bad Barbecue said...

taboo with sister

Is not on any of my lists of any kind for saving my life.

DrDoom said...

see jl white is with me.... and now i realize how taboo with sister sound let me explain when playing the board game taboo, in which you have a tewmmate when me and my sister are parided in the board game we do well.

DrDoom said...

top 10 board games

1. axis and allies
2.settlers of catan.
3.stratego
4. scene it sports
5. scattegories
6. taboo
7. cranium
8. risk
9. monopoly
10. chess
10a. shutes and ladders (jk)

top five to save my life
1. axis and allies
2. settlers
3.stratego
4. risk
5. taboo
dead last: scrabble

J.L. White said...

Hey, DrDoom, I was speaking about romantic relationships. If you're "that close" with your sister, then I beg you to keep me out of it.

Greg Schuler said...

+1 for Axis and Allies. When I blow shit up, I want it to look like what it is. The fun is replacing the plastic bits with the some GHQ hardware.

However, the best game ever is Storm Over Arnhem. Nothing like re-enacting one of the truly fudged up battles of WW 2. Yes, it was a board game (hexagonal map! flimsy cardboard unit markers! the SS!) Hours of fun.

http://www.boardgamegeek.com/game/1423

Bad Barbecue said...

Obviously the problem is in the proofreading.

j.l.white was talking about happy or unhappy relationships. The type of relationship where two people have sex.

So...I hear ya.

Benjamin said...

Where are all the Settlers of Catan fanboys hiding?

Perhaps i might've chosen Puerto Rico had i been drafting.

DrDoom said...

ya i was missing jls point really badly, uh i should probabvly have caught taht and no me and my sister do not have that type of relationship.
in the future i promise to uh be careful about that and to proofread.

oh and settlers is a great game.

Christmas Ape said...

CROSSFIRE! that's what it's called...

YOU'RE BEEN CAUGHT UP IN THE...CROSSFIRE...CROSSFIRE...CROSSFFIIIIAAAHHHH...

HUAUGH!

mamacita said...

Straight dominoes is kinda for pussies (and by pussies I mean CC's cat). If we're playing to the death, we should play 42. I would pwn you ALL.

Jackin'4Beats said...

Spades to the death. What is that you say? Spades is not a board game? Well we're making up our own rules so screw you sideways. And it's played on a table top or board or another flat surface so there take that.

And you can shoot a muthafucka if they piss you off by reneging on a book.

Next game after Spades and Taboo is Outburst. Remember that one? The game of verbal explosions? In 2007, it would be the game of exploding in your mouth for playing that game.

Just a little gnayer than Taboo.

The Pirate Sloth said...

Holy shit Fenway.... I totally forgot about Fireball Island. I used to have that game and fucking loved it.

I never knew of anyone else who ever knew that game.

Dan said...

Pass the Pigs is the official game of stoned English university students. Or at least the hippies that I met last year who hosted a "World Cup" in some beach house in Bournemouth. I'll never get "Double Raaaaazzzzooorrrback" out of my head. For the record, Paraguay won.

God Hates Raiders Fans said...

I'm too lazy to read tonight so I dont know if anyone else mentioned this one: Scattergories. Oh btw CC pass the pigs is fucking great.

Yeah unless you've spent six and a half months in iraq...you cannot be in good enough practice to beat me at some spades.

My Insignificant Life said...

Talking Football -

It came with
1 Sportscaster, 1 Football Marker,
2 Goal Posts, 1 Play Peg,
1 Quarter Peg, 1 Down Marker Peg
1 Kick Off/Punt Record, 1 Kick/Interception Record, 1 Penalty/Fumble Record, 1 Plastic Coin, 1 10-yard Field Marker
1 Spin Dial Score Board, and a bunch of records to play the game.

My Favorite was "....Leaping interception, going all the way, TOUCHDOWN!!!!"

TrickDaddy said...

Damn you for the Pass the Pigs link, I've wasted the last two hours at work! In the last game, the computer thought he had me with a double snouter in the 10th, but I came back with two leaning jowlers and a double snouter of my own to win in dramatic fashion.

Mike said...

Monopoly, 21, checkers & chess. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

J.E. said...

Crossfire. Wow. My fat-ass cousin stepped right fucking through mine ...

J.E. said...

By the way, Scene It - Sports is a fucking joke. I’d rather play Don’t Wake Daddy.

Danny G said...

95 comments and nobody mentioned "Crossbows and Catapaults"? Nothing like unloading on the family dog with mini catapaults.

Anybody remember a 3d version of a battleship type game? You played on a huge mat, with submarines that shot out little discs and you had to hit the other ships in certain spots and pieces would fly off? Any idea what it was called?

Excuse the randomness. I'd much rather focus on old board games than working.

Clutch247 said...

I used to be the dog when I played monopoly too. I would shit on other players property. If it was my brother's, after I shit he would punch me in the face...But well worth it

The Pirate Sloth said...

Crossbows and Catapults wasn't an actual board game.


Too bad I broke most of my pieces of that game.

feep said...

knock hockey is a complete steal at that stage of the draft. good call UM.

really though, the game scattergories deserved a mention.

Hayley said...

good call with pass the pigs. gimme the double jowlers!!!!

Big O said...

Has anyone ever heard of the game called dynasty? Damn that was sweet. You picked up players along the way for trophies, and depending on the number of player you you got to roll that many times. Oh, and the first to get four trophies total in hockey, baseball, basketball, and football won. That shit was the TiTs handsdown.

DrDoom said...

scattegories is fun but to me even though it is an individual game it sort of falls in the same area as taboo cranium pictionary.
axis and allis is the tits
as is settlers of catan.

Roger said...

Mine in order of games I'd be willing to stake my life on

Scene It (movie edition)
Scattergories (I rock that shit)
Boggle (this would be risky)

Agreed that only one of these is a board game. Bite me.

Landru said...

Where are all the Settlers of Catan fanboys hiding?

At Diplomacy tournaments.

Puerto Rico

Playing that when they're still eliminated from Diplomacy and get tired of Settlers.

Uhm...not that I know anything about any of this.

Nels Bells said...

Drew - I sold a copy of my dad's Rail Baron on ebay for $100.

Oh, and Apples to Apples is far to subjective to play to the death.

cruella said...

pretty pretty princess

David said...

Rock em Sock em is the true battle to the death by the nerves of the combatant, but if it's a battle of the wits it has to be Clue: The Great Museum Caper. This is by far the best board game in a battle of wits. Much better than a wine faceoff

Lazarus said...

Crossbows and Catapults...Ill take
the Grim Reaper on any day

floppy socks said...

I would thoroughly enjoy a mock draft extolling the various pros and cons of everyone's favorite hangover cures...I suspect MK Jr would have Bong Hits and David Feherty's Ironically Comforting Voice atop his big board.

BeaverFever said...

i was flipping through the tv last night and realizing how many worthless networks i receive. how about a draft of what channels should be banished from the airwaves ? my first pick would be HGTV.

bankmeister said...

i don't see a "chorus" of sorry supporters, but it's definitely my old-school pick. topping sorry, though, would be catchphrase. i kick some serious ass at that game.

DrDoom said...

i like the channels banned from tv idea.

how bout oxygen. or abc (what good shows do they have?)

if chanells is too much we should do specific tv shows.

BeaverFever said...

thanks for the vote of support drdoom.

i noticed i get the gay channel "logo". i'm not against the gays having their own channel, but it is just one more channel i never intend to watch. and if i didn't have a 2 yr old i would get rid of all the kiddie stations.

AustinBoston said...

Crossfire would be the ultimate game to decide if someone lives or dies. Hell, you could even replace the triangle and star shaped things with live scorpions and be the first to knock a live scorpion into your opponent's bare crotch. Damn, I loved that game. My parents probably still have those little steel balls all over their house.

Stuck in the Ivy said...

Easiest/most annoying strategy in Risk: sit your ass in Australia. Just keep stockpiling armies, every turn take over Siam and then retreat back into the land down under. Everyone will hate you for it and when it's down to you and the last person you'll call it a tie because no one wants to roll the dice a hundred fuckin times.