Welcome to the
first latest installment of KSK's newest series, Better Know a Draft Pick. We'll lead up to April's draft by giving you all the pertinent info you'll need on the next generation of future salary cap casualties.
Name: Joe "Wonderbread" Thomas
Height: Somewhere between Alando Tucker and Brian Butch
Weight: When he got on the digital scale it started leaking battery acid
Urine Test: Velveeta
Stool Sample: Corn. Lots of corn.
Mainstream Comparison: Jonathan Ogden
KSK Comparison: Michael Lewis' recurring wet dream (not to be confused with his other recurring wet dream featuring a nude Tabitha Soren traipsing around the Oakland A's locker room).
Who Wants Him: David Carr's bruised ass
Who Will Take Him: Some shitty team that wants to bore their fans
Hobbies: Basting fat chicks in the tub
Favorite Food: Miracle Whip sandwiches and his salt lick
Favorite Expression: Fe-Fi-Fo-Fum
Story ESPN Will Shove Down Your Throat: He once ate the corpse of his uncle Dave after defeating the Wendy's founder in a Jr. Bacon Cheeseburger eating contest.
Immediate Impact: Seismic
Down the Road: Dementia pugilistica and robot legs...not a bad trade-off