Tuesday, March 6, 2007

Newly Signed Free Agent Garcia, Simms
To Compete For Starting Job, One Another's Love


He's a rogue with a strong arm that breaks all the rules. She's a damsel in distress who can't run the offense. Fate brought them together. Jealousy could tear them apart. And poor Bruce Gradkowski is beating his lonely Toledo Rocket in the corner.

You know it's hard to make relationships work in the office. It really is. Chances are that the relationship falls apart, things get awkward, and the whole team dynamic suffers. Hopefully, these two kids will have what it takes to make love last. But I have one more question:

Is it a quarterback controversy if they're fucking each other?

26 comments:

DrDoom said...

Not so long as chris keeps getting deliviries from his brother to loosen things up.

becky said...

what, no "geez punter, that's just wrong" tag?
oh, that's right...it's not mean if it's true.

BeaverFever said...

i thought simms already had a boyfriend. doesn't he share a tatoo with a lover from texas ?

DrDoom said...

Major appelwhite?

by the way wht the fuck happened to him?

Does Garcia's boyfriend know about this? ( T.O. informs me that there is a boyfriend who he met.)

Weed Against Speed said...

Are they going to use this picture for their Christmas card?

MDG said...

How can plummer and his porn stache not want to get in the middle of this love triangle.

Weed Against Speed said...

I'm wondering what Jeff is planning to do with his left hand in that picture.

Actually, scratch that. I don't want to know what Jeff is planning to do with his left hand in that picture.

Bulger in My Pants said...

Only the presence of Peyton Manning could make that picture more horrifying.

Burnsy said...

Gradkowski's not totally left out. Simms has an extra hole from his spleen surgery.

82 said...

applewhite is coaching at Rice, no?

Suss & The Family Stone said...

"And poor Bruce Gradkowski is beating his lonely Toledo Rocket in the corner."

I wasn't aware Bruce Gradkowski had a girlfriend in college.

Happy Fun Miles said...

After the way Simms played through an A-sploded spleen, and Garcia cried after leaving Filthadelphia, I'm guessing Senor Garcia is the bitch and L'il Simms is the butch.

Otto Man said...

The QB controversy will come from the struggle over which one of them gets to be "under center."

And Major Applewhite? I'm pretty sure his unit was called up for Iraq.

BeaverFever said...

is it major applewhite that simms shares the tatoo with ? btw, major applewhite is currently on Saban's coaching staff at Alabama.

Signal to Noise said...

We'll know it's real when they get the matching tattoos.

Chris is hoping Jeff can get him a beard as nice as a Playmate of the Year.

Clutch247 said...

All is fair in love and football. (And by love I meant throw and by football I meant blow)

haha remember Major Appledick's comeback in the 2001 Big 12 championship when he had to relieve Chris "I sing the sailor's song" Simms.

Ruthless Gravity said...

John Amaechi is glad that he has paved the way for these two openly gay athletes.

save the steagles said...

Was this originally a picture of a father and son, Punter? That poor family.

Clint said...

Is it a quarterback controversy if they're fucking each other?

You know when lady bugs do this to eachother, it kills them.

Jez said...

Uh, is that Mini Me on the left? Couldn't you have sized their heads a little better?

If Brett Favre would have blown up his spleen, he wouldn't have missed the next game.

I wonder if they'll wait until the end of the pre-season to cut Simms.

I rape red sox fans said...

Mini Me. Holy shit. That is funny.

Keep your hand on your head there, jez, lest what brains you have left ooze out of your skull.

Laser Rocket Arm said...

Chris Simms can't be that gay, considering he has a kid (that looks just like him, the poor thing). Besides, Garcia likes brunettes, Simms is so not his type.

I rape red sox fans said...

Yeah, gay people never have kids.

Laser Rocket Arm said...

I guess the kid was to give the beard--er, wife--something to do while he's whispering sweet nothings in Major Applewhite's ear. But like I said Garcia never goes for blondes. Ask TO.

Howie Feltersnatch said...

Not liking blondes???
I heard that Garcia was seeing The Natural Butch Reid

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