Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Stand Aside and Gape; Here Comes the Ruckus

This here website is Kissing Suzy Kolber. The posse here -- Big Daddy Drew, Captain Caveman, Footsteps Falco, Monday Morning Punter, and Unsilent Majority -- is dedicated to kicking ass and making NFL-related jokes.

That's the long and short of it. There will be no analysis. Any mention of statistics to prove that a certain team is "better" than another will be countered with stats like this: 98% of assholes use stats to make a pointless argument. The only thing that we offer is the funny. Bring the funny or get the fuck out, that's our motto. Or at least it might be. It hasn't been ratified yet.

"Kissing Suzy Kolber." It feels good on your tongue, does it not?

Coming soon: What teams will be funny in 2006? KSK previews all 31 pro teams, plus the Texans.



At last our long national unfunny dream is over. Good morning, bitches. It's time to wake up and laugh at the NFL.

101 comments:

Big Daddy Drew said...

Oh, and you won't find any of us lurking in the comment section. Because pumping up your own comment count is totally gay. Just like Terrell Owens.

Anonymous said...

Hey fack you buddy.

Tom said...

Sweet fancy moses, am I excited.

StinkyLaRue said...

Considering CC's attitude about the homeless, would you have advocated euthanizing the Saints last year?

Looking forward to some fun in the NoFunLeague.

jakeymon said...

"I couldn't care less about the team struggling."

dp said...

WOW, the Deadspin all-star commenter cast came together. You definitely have a reader here.

McSomething said...

Is big daddy drew saying TO and Jeff Garcia got it on in SF? Makes a kind of sense I suppose. Appealing to the local demographic and what-not. Woof woof.

The Raiders meanwhile fry them gay-folks on an an open-air spit before each game. Allegedly.

Sophisticajun said...

Alright. Finally a place to get the inside info for my fantasy team.

Anonymous said...

A Deadspin spinoff? Lets hope its better than "AfterMASH."

rsr26

Anonymous said...

it's like joanie loves chachi..

copyranter said...

Good name! Ad Guy Who Names Things For A Living approved.

shaun said...

You're with me, new favorite NFL blog.

Boomdog said...

No masthead photo of drunk Joe Namath?

shaun said...

(sorry couldn't help myself)

B said...

Does it mean I'm not human if I can't even get through that Kolber/Namath video without shutting it off?

Good luck with the site (from a random Deadspin reader).

chiswede said...

Clearly you guys are too cool to be messing around down here with us plebes....especially those of us who can only admire your witty deadspin banter sans invite.

I expect similar quality here. Keep it up.

I'm also willing to bet that at least 2 posters did web searches for "bad TV spinoffs" to come up with comments.

Spectacular Sam said...

I have a feeling this will be better than the Michael Richards Show.

Dennis Lemeuix said...

This is like when Launchpad left Duckberg to work with Darkwing Duck. Only the awesomeness is multiplied by 5.

Spectacular Sam said...

Your welcome chiswede

Tom said...

I dunno if this site is applicable for the bad spin-off comparison. It's more of a Curb Your Enthusiasm thing, behind-the-scenes guys going out on their own.

chiswede said...

sorry, three posters.

Becky said...

totally freaking psyched for this. I've been lurking in the deadspin comments for a year now and could not be more pleased to have something else to make me laugh out loud in class. bring on the random Eli Manning lap dance sightings.

BigRicks said...

I'm still waiting for a blog dedicated strictly to football based on a simulated season of Madden. Injury updates, scores, live blogs, whole nine yards. Can I expect something like this here? I wouldn't expect anything less.

Suss & The Family Stone said...

No doubt this blog will have the sex appeal of John Clayton.

(Shudder)

Despite that, you're in my RSS reader now. Don't let me down.
--Suss

Rob I said...

This is not what I am used to.

Scott said...

So how long till you get mentioned by Billy Simmons?

Dweeze said...

Sniff. And to think I was there when the idea was first broached on CC's blog.

Dwight K Schrute said...

Question: Will this in any way impact the quality/quantity of your collective posts on Deadspin? You don't want to disappoint all of us Deadspin-lurkers, do you? DO YOU?

SlickBomb said...

This is like a spinoff of Entourage, except starring Turtle.

Hey, Yankees fans looooove Entourage, right CC??

Captain Caveman said...

Dweeze: you are a witness to history. In a way, we owe this blog to an insane Brazilian woman.

JMW said...

Bring it on, guys. This will be good. Granted, it's 800 degrees in my apartment right now, so I'm not in a real NFL state of mind, but I'll have my game face on when the time comes.

konstantConsumer said...

oh good. something else to look at when i should be working. i'll go ahead and book mark you. i just hope you update more than i do on my livejournal.


and before you make fun of me, yes, i concede that i am a 12 year old girl for having a livejournal.

Eric Faris said...

Please include the videos in your RSS feed....thanks ya!p

Unsilent Majority said...

dwight, i will not be going anywhere. the fact that you have taken on such a name (and even phrased questions like the man himself) makes me think that you will make an excellent commenter.

Anonymous said...

Looking forward to this..

BDoc said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
skormos said...

Ha! He actually said AfterMASH.

CactusRock said...

Longtime lurker, first time poster.
Deadspin Wolfpac? Will CC turn on UM & rejoin Deadspin Hollywood for the $? Hopefully, this will have a longer life than that crap did.

Anonymous said...

Good luck with this thing. I've always enjoyed the majority of your collective comments on Deadspin.

Anonymous said...

Does this make you guys the "JT the Brick" to Will Leitchs Jim Rome?

Luis Sojo Jr. said...

A spinoff! Deadspin has officially jumped the shark.

DCThrowback said...

Hey, I am just happy to see someone take shots (both passing and parting) at the NFL - the Globex of our sporting universe. Best of luck from a Deadspin comment lurker - I am sure you won't need it, but I'll provide it anyways.

Big Blue Monkey said...

Good luck, lads. Even if you didn't write another post, I'd probably still visit here once a week just to watch that video.

Have fun.

Filthy Fowl said...

TO is not gay...he's just misunderstood and confused.

Chamomiles Davis said...

You guys are so linked from my blog.

Anonymous said...

Yes...but can you make Joe Namath sober?

Comanda said...

Best of luck to my favorite Deadspin commenters!

CC...Does the invite still stand?

Anonymous said...

I will be expecting various and sundry Michael Strahan entries very soon. Good luck, gentlemen.

Bad Becks said...

blaaaaahhhh, I don't even care about the stats. All I know is I just wanna kiss you right now...

Yaaaaayyyy!!!

Q Compson said...

Oh boy, am I happy. College football is my drug of choice, but this may actually make me care about the NFL.

Anonymous said...

So essentially, this will be the commentary B-League (or perhaps more likely, the Local Rec Softball League) for all of us lurkers who are not a) cool or b) savvy enough to get Deadspin invites?
-or to put more simply-
KSK Bloggers = Family Matters to Deadspin’s Perfect Strangeres (i.e. spin-off that’s just as good)
KSK Commenters = Enos LAPD to Deadspin’s Dukes of Hazzard (i.e. not so good)
Also, to CC- Go Seahawks (or Sea-Turkeys as I will always affectionately call them).

"Hot" Carl Monday said...

I thought you guys were creating a fantasy football league, not a blog. At any rate, this will probably be funnier than a rundown of your draft, anyway.

Ricky Williams said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Ricky Williams said...

An NFL blog huh? Am I invited?

Anonymous said...

Wow. A blog devoted to humor in the NFL that so far has zero humor. Better bring the funny soon.

victorious secret said...

I actually hail from a major producer and exporter of football-funny. You may know it as Minnesota.

So, I'm excited to read/lurk/JV comment your site.

Big Al said...

You're with me, un-moderated comments section

Salvatore said...

Can't wait. Another place for me to go waste away whatever time I have left to waste.

WasteOfBreath said...

Not caring is a kind of caring, right?

fridge=wit,class
cumby=logic,dorkisms

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ag1XFqF2Ky4

carrwreck said...

As a Texan season ticket holder I’m really looking forward to this – not in a Christmas morning sort of way, but in a first dose of penicillin or Famvir sort of way.

The Dude said...

I was going to start a blog called "Boning Linda Cohn" but you guys stole my thunder.

Looking forward to it. I'll be linking it up on the MSD (where, I pull a lot of T.O.s).

Cheers!

Juancho said...

Will there be cheerleaders on this here blog?

Oddibe McDowell said...

okay, i made it across the chasm and clicked on this link. i'm ready for the funny... [checking my watch]

texansgirl said...

Visiting among your commenters occasionally is not lurking, not gay, not inflating your comment count, it's polite and engaging and encourages new readers.

Now that that's out of the way, bring on your 31 pro teams plus the Texans. I'm excited.

Steve said...

So, where are the pics of Suzy Kolber?

Anonymous said...

"i couldn't care less about the team straggalling"

John Riggins, Jr. said...

Nice! Looking forward to checking this out every 12.7 minutes (i.e. the interval at which I tire of working).

I, too, want to kiss Suzy Kolber.

Metamorphosis of Life said...

Congrats and good luck on the new blog as it will offer plenty of original witticisms for me to further waste my day.

And I'll echo the thoughts of others as this will allow us sans invites to comment.

BoSox Siobhan said...

Good God, what's that smell? Ohhh, right, a hell of a lot of testosterone. I like it. Yes I do.

Anonymous said...

You're with me, B-Team.

Sorry, I've just been jealous of deadspin commentors for months now.

Anonymous said...

I expect wit, literary references and photographic evidence.

Roll on!

Matt said...

Add an RSS feed or something. And don't let just anyone comment

~my 2 cents

Anonymous said...

I don't have to really Kiss Suzy Kolber to read the site, do I?

TheStarterWife said...

Stupid Blogger fields.

'Tis I, TheStarterWife, who does not want to kiss Suzy.

Anonymous said...

From a longtime Deadspin lurker, I'm looking forward to reading the blog guys.

One more thing, I covet you UM.

Unsilent Majority said...

god i pray anonymous doesn't have external genetalia

He manTooth said...

Please, just leave poor J.P. Losman out of all this. Bills fans have suffered enough.

I've already bookmarked Deadspin Jr.

minority retort said...

I can't wait for the fun to begin!

Unsilent Majority said...

we aren't deadspin, they have "sources" and "editors"

we have punch and pie

Spectacular Sam said...

nThe puch is spiked though, right?

Captain Caveman said...

Good God, what's that smell? Ohhh, right, a hell of a lot of testosterone.

Siobhan: That's the smell of desire, m'lady.

KaLiBLeeK said...

AWE-SOME. Saves me some time hitting up Google to find a football blog to read.

AHHH said...

I actually signed up to Blogspot so I could make fun of you guys.

Happy hunting!

eric cartman said...

a blog by the Deadspin all star commenters? sweet

screw you guys i'm going home

Christ Sabo said...

Big Cluckin Chicken.
-Christ Sabo

j said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Jonah said...

It's hilarious to see this video again and again, thank you for making this your name and founding post. Namath speaks with the honesty of a 7th grader who has just imbibed his first three wine coolers.

Good luck guys.

DawgPound Craig said...

Where's the fucking scotch?

Your pal,

Joe #12

THE BONE said...

struggaling

the bone said...

I hope the Black President will be well represented this upcoming year, even though he is in no way affiliated with the Miami police department.

Unsilent Majority said...

bone, we do football 'round here

besides, the prez is busy filling out the paperwork to pardon his teamate.
FREE AWVEE!

Ahk See Moron said...

Mocking the Texans. Not fair. But a great start.

eirishis said...

This is just great. Just when I had my daily sports blog consumption at a healthy three, you have to go and start this. I'm completely screwed. Thanks guys, seriously.

Anonymous said...

I don't UM.

Unsilent Majority said...

hooray!

Marla Collins said...

Longtime Deadspin lurker - even though baseball is my preferred worktime hoover I look forward to spending my hungover mornings on your blog. Best of luck!

Anonymous said...

The craziest part of that video clip is that the Jets actually got a first down.

Captain Caveman said...

Anon: No, the craziest part is the outrageous claim that Pennington is actually any good.

Buckaroo Banzai said...

Has anyone fired that Millen fellow yet?

rar288 said...

Were we to understand there'd be punch and pie?

Clint said...

First post, 101 comments. You guys were finger lickin' good from the start.