Kyle Orton Partying? Our Faith in Mankind is Shaken
An enterprising tipster alerted us (Note: this is not the royal "we." There are five of us) to these undated pictures on Facebook. Now, the official Kissing Suzy Kolber position on athletes partying is -- obviously -- Namathian, possibly even Smootian. So we're here not to tsk-tsk Bears "quarterback" Kyle Orton. We applaud his active nightlife. Judging by the first picture alone, his rookie season may have been better than Ben Roethlisberger's (sadly, Big Ben's face probably still looks better than Kyle's).
So, what to do with these gems? Caption contest!* KSK's one-liners are below each of the pics; hit us up with your best in the comments, you dirty fucking voyeurs. (And if the Internet is the Wild West of journalism/grammar, then our comments section is hereby declared the OK Corral. With a minefield. In a tornado.)
*No winner will be decided; no prize will be given.
CC: Honestly, women like this don't even need a face.
UM: Kyle temporarily loses sight of the tits he was dancing with.
Drew: "Man, that girl has a nice ra... ooh, did someone just leave that half-empty Michelob with the two cigarette butts in it over in the corner? Things are looking up for Mr. Orton!"
MMP: Is he looking at her ass or is he asleep? Or is he just Vietnamese and nobody told me?
CC: Kyle, I've seen you move in the pocket. Your future's not that bright.
UM: To be fair, they were dancing to a Corey Hart cover band.
Drew: "Your watch, my dear... it's just so very bright! It's searing my retina! Vuarnets! I must... wear... the Vuarnets!"
MMP: Her watch says, "1:50." Her eyes say, "Where's Craig Krenzel?"
CC: Kyle practices his best chance for getting the starting job back.
UM: "You be Peyton and I'll be Kenny!"
Drew: "God dammit, where is your penis again? I know the dipshit with the water bottle doesn't have one, but yours must be somewhere."
MMP: I guess Orton wasn't just blowing games last season. Did that girl run off with Ced Benson?
Note: Footsteps Falco has a "deposition" -- whatever that is -- and will join the party when he's able.
UPDATE: Of course, Deadspin -- a website with which we're only vaguely familiar -- is the true trailblazer in the Orton chronicles. You can see him out partying here. Oh, and here. And look! No neck-beard here.
45 comments:
Does Kyle only hang out with women with men's faces?
This is the best Notre Dame tailgate yet.
Kyle: Maybe if I blow you I can get back on Deadspin!
Man getting blown: Sorry man I'm only worth Kissing Suzy Kolber.
kyle orton is my fucking hero. if the bears ever cut him i am no longer a fan.
the all cliche edition...
1 - He's going to have to make some adjustments to pull this one out.
2 - You really want to come away with a score when you're this close
3 - It truly is a game of inches.
You're with me, neckbeard.
Brook Berringer must be so proud.
Katie got some big tit-tays!
Meh. Joey Harrington blows harder ... or is it sucks more? ... or does a better job? Ah, fuck it. Joey swallows!
Thank you for having me on your program.
I thought the girl was alright, Dweeze; why were you looking at her FACE? I won't say for sure, because I am an 'ass' man, and I'd need to see a full-body pic to be sure.
dweeze, have you seen kyle orton? for him to snag a pair of totties like that is an accomplishment unto itself.
"Shit, I must have put the roofie in the wrong drink. I can't keep my eyes open ... fuck. Better put shades on so she doesn't know."
"Wait, now I can't see anything ... where did she go? Why am I in this car? And why am I going face first into ... oh, actually, this is kind of alright ... "
[darkness]
Drink like a backup quarterback today
1) Man, I haven't seen udders as nice as these since Freshmen cow tipping.
"The view from here is NOT SOOO GOOOOOOOD."
"Just another incomplete Kyle Orton pass."
Gentlemen,
Congrats on the new site.
Best wishes.
"I wanna kisssss your asssss, YEAHHHH!"
wow, orton is FAT
When she's much older and done banging second stringers, I see this woman becoming a major cougar.
Bear down, Chicago Bear
1- you're with me , tranny!
2- paris hilton is getting desperate
3- kyle getting some practice for his big date with strahan
Something about a Cover Two.
Last pic: "Orton tries out for a spot on the Bang Bus"
Really, if I suck hard enough I can get Jack Daniels out of there?
1) Tubbs McButter looks upon his evening prey. No, not Hooter McBoob in front of him, the tray of donuts in the corner.
2) Shane MacGowan shown at local pub.
3) No really, why is Kyle Orton biting a guys dick?
Picture 3:
Oh, no! Not the breathalizer again!
by the way, is this girl kyle's fiance/wife/girlfriend (whatever the fuck she is now)...because, although im not sure..the girl in the second picture on this deadspin post http://www.deadspin.com/sports/nfl/oh-you-didnt-forget-about-kyle-did-you-164069.php seems like she may be the same one in these pictures.
and also notice the guy on the far right, not getting his dick bitten, is in the first picture in the bottom right on that deadspin post. just sayin.
At least Orton is moving up the depth chart. So far, this is the best looking skank I've seen in an drunken-Orton picture yet.
If Grossman gets injured again (and at this point it's a certainty) this man will hold the Bears franchise in his hands. I can't wait for the 06-07 season!
actually, slickbomb, orton is third on the depth chart behind brian griese.
He manTooth said...
Katie got some big tit-tays!
11:32 AM
Dammit what is this from, it's killing me!
the mad real world of course
it is from Chapelle Show skit "Mad Real World", Tron said it about the white guys girlfriend
Why can't I quit you Kyle Orton?
This is why Kyle Orton should be every former high school athlete's hero. Raise your hand if you think you could beat Kyle in the 40 yard dash today...and raise your other hand if you think you could throw the ball just as well as Orton...I'm pretty sure that Michael Jackson is better athlete than Kyle Orton but at least Kyle is going down on somebody older than 12. Then again, the guy on the right might be waiting for Wacko Jacko
I'll bet Kyle could throw a football over them mountains.
or at least a steak.
chiswede, he's not Bill Brasky!
UM, I just meant the mountains in the picture.
Picture 3: "Hey guy in middle, you don't think there should be offsides in soccer? What a great idea! I'm not gay but you definitely deserve to be rewarded for your brilliance."
Caveman's not gonna like this one...
you know all he is going to do is take her home and show her game film. "Look, this is where I suck".
so far, so good, kids. i'll be reading.
Holy shit, that looks exactly like my neck-beard.
This time next year, when young Kyle is selling real estate for a living and trying to convince people that he really was once an NFL quarterback, a starter no less... he will savour these mammaries.
"Yeah, I'll wear these shades so no one will recognize me."
(10 minutes later to any woman within 20 feet, still wearing the glasses) "Hey, I'm a football player with the Chicago Bears, a quarterback even. Don't ya wanna sleep with me? C'mon. Please???!!!!! Hell nah I'm not taking the shades off, I don't want people recognizing me.
Caption for the 3rd photo:
Hey, take a look at this play Kordell taught me!
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