If you've ever
read a Bill Simmons column had a conversation about sports with someone who happens to also be interested in something that isn't sports, you know that a staple of the blogging diet is the "X-as-Y" gimmick of comparing sports figures to people or things that are not sports figures.
Most often, the "not sports" half of the comparison comes from the bottomless, poisoned well of pop culture, but this handy blogging tool applies to all realms of knowledge. For example, guest KSK writer Gregg Easterbrook is working on a post that compares Tony Romo to a supernova, the VY-Leinart-Cutler combo to an open cluster, and Eli Manning to a yellow dwarf... because nothing injects life into a conversation about the staid dullery of football like the adrenaline rush of astrophysics.
By my recollection, KSK has dipped into this well twice in its short, profane history: Christmas Ape's sharp comparison of NFL coaches and film directors (in two parts), and Unsilent Majority's work last week likening quarterbacks to wine (also in two parts -- this was probably good but I only drink wine from a box, so I couldn't really tell.)
Perhaps it's a bit of a tired mechanism -- inevitably, some razor-witted commenter pokes fun at the author for ripping off Simmons: Who's going to do the post comparing running backs to Madonna songs?, har har -- but this idea ends now.
Some people out there seem to think that KSK is one of the best sports blogs on the Interwebs, and, as such, we feel the need to blow your fucking mind. So, you didn't like coaches as directors? Thought quarterbacks as wines was preposterous? Well, bring it on: we can do ANY comparison.
Which long-snappers are which 19th century playwrights? Piece of cake. Quarterbacks as board games? Child's play. Front office mavens as lanthanide series elements? Done. Agents as muslim clerics? Kickers as Rodgers & Hammerstein songs? Team logos as books by David McCullough? Second-string centers as families in the order Lepidoptera?
I'm bored it's so easy.
Go ahead, submit your challenges in the comments or via email. If KSK wins Best Sports Blog, we'll prove our worth by tackling what we deem the most ridiculous, absurd concepts.
Update: Looks like I'm going to have to scrap my athletes as the cast of "Cheers" post. But it was so timely!