Gambling on the NFL, Because It's More Fun than Dreidel

...and you thought I there would be no gambling advice...

Disclaimer

While I may appear startlingly brilliant (or possibly not) you must remember that this is a humor site. Gamble at your own peril you meshugena bastards!

Welcome to a special Hannukah Saturday edition of Always Be Closing. Today we're going to take a look at the NFL Network's latest marketing catastrophe. Can Mike Vick actually win three in a row down the stretch? Will Dallas come out from under their cot after last week's jailhouse raping? Read on for all the answers you'll need to keep you in lamp oil for life!

If I weren't Jewish this might not come off quite right.

Dallas -4.5 at Atlanta

Atlanta may have won two in a row, but they're still 2-4 ATS and 2-4 straight up in the past six weeks. Now the team is going through some shit that might keep them off their game. Ron Mexico's brother/sidekick is getting sued for fuckin' the teenies and everybody thinks he should play running back. Then there was Jim Mora's little radio joke, which was a bit more deadpan than you'd expect from the son of Mora the Elder. I'm confident that Bill Parcells has figured out a way to turn this thing around. Most likely he let Tony Romo titty-fuck him.

In honor of the holiday, and because I love living up to the assumptions of others regarding our flagrant use of attractive women on our humble little site, here is the sexiest Jewess in the world not named Sarah Silverman.

As if she weren't great enough, her name is Bar

Enjoy your Saturday night football from whatever bar/basement you choose as your venue.