KSK's Holiday Gift Guide

We have Christmas fever here at KSK (at least I hope it's Christmas fever, otherwise another trip to the Men's Free Clinic may be in order). The commercial landscape is awash with officially-licensed NFL miscellanea. So before you waste your hard-earned on inferior crap, be sure to read KSK's Holiday Gift Guide.

Tony Romo's ascendancy has Cowboys fans talking playoffs and beyond once again, and we all know how overbearing Dallas fans can be. Chances are, you know at least one Cowboy fan who, needs a little humility these days. Well look no further:

Behold how this handsome conversation piece functions as both a precision chronograph and lasting reminder of the heady days when the Rushmoresque troika of Testaverde, Keyshawn and Eddie George served as the cogs of the Dallas Football Machine. (A similar Jeremy Shockey clock is available for all the Giants fans on your shopping list. Caveat emptor, however, the Shockey Clockey would not make a good gift for Mr. Shockey himself since, you know, it's not digital and someone would have to tell time for him.)

Bad news, Texans fans, you can still see the game with these on.

Fellas, you've been in this situation. You've taken a lady out for a fancy dinner, copiously followed UM's pedantic wine protocol, and she has ordered the surf and turf. The only thing standing between you and sealing the deal at her place is paying your tab and getting out of the restaurant. Yet, even this routine task is fraught with peril. If you pull out some generic pleather billfold or some goofy money clip you received for a middle-school graduation present eons ago, she may decide that maybe you aren't really worthy of her womanly charms. Don't let this happen to you. With this nylon Detroit Lions wallet, you can reach for that check with confidence. Once she catches sight of this measty wallet, you will be scant moments away from hittin' it .

[Note: looks like MJD and I have similar tastes in haberdashery, not to mention tastes in punchlines involving Matt Millen. I don't know if that is good for me or bad for MJD.]

Our distaff commenters all strongly agree: Instant. Panty. Remover.

Time was only cool guys like GI Joe, Evel Knievel and Han Solo got their own action figures. Now thanks to uber-nerd Todd McFarlane, just about any fringe pop culture luminary can get their own fully-poseable collectible which will be snapped up by thousands of fanboy losers devotees. For instance, what Jets fan wouldn't step on their own mother's throat for a chance to get their grubby paws on one of these Eric Mangini action figures:

Eric sez: "This sweater really compliments my svelte, porcine figure."

So there you have it, football gifts guaranteed to please. Just don't buy me any of this crap. flubby just needs bourbon for Christmas.


Note: Don't let this merriment and jocularity detract you from the real reason for the holidays:

Remember, the need for cheap laughs knows no season.
Photo from Howl @ the Moon