Friday, December 29, 2006

I'm that star up in the sky / I'm that mountain peak up high / Hey I made it / Mmm... / I'm the world's greatest

The NFC East is the greatest division in all of sports. Yeah my Redskins suck and Dallas and Philly are both going to get killed in the playoffs but that doesn't change shit in my mind. Of course that's because the NFC East is home to best damn cheerleaders this side of Dillon High. Who cares if the Giants are too gay to field a squad of their own, the Iggles, Redskinettes, and Cowgirls might just be the three best representatives of tits and ass in the entire league.

So today I've decided to combine my love of the NFC East's pant-tighteners with something everybody needs this time of year...CALENDARS! That's right you drunks, assuming you just woke up this morning you should probably know it's already the last week of December, if you don't get that calendar now you're gonna be really confused on Monday. Speaking of which, I hate the last week of December. The days jammed in between the Winter Solstice and New Years fucking suck and should be turned into a holiday for everybody to enjoy...I'm thinking All Taints Day.

So without further ado, lets look at some shimmery goodness!

Exhibit A- The Dallas Cowgirls

This is Becca, but you should already know that, she spends more time gracing this site than Footsteps Falco and Drew's wife combined. Before you start calling dibs you should remember that she's completely infatuated with our own Captain Caveman...at least that's the word on the street over at Karmic Payback. Even though she's not quite as thick in the britches as she once was, I'd say she could still hold up to a good bangin'. And really, what more can we ask of our cheerleaders?

Exhibit B- The Shiggles


This is Janipher (I'm guessing her parents were even bigger Donovan fans than mine) and she is fucking lovely. I had a few choices to go with on this one but Janipher just had to win out. Apparently I'm going through that "soaking wet young asian girl" phase...again (see below). The things I would do to this young lady are not appropriate for such a forum, just know that it would involve a kicking tee a tackling dummy and Wellington Mara's corpse.

Exhibit B- My Redskinettes

This is Lisa...I will make her my wife. Yeah, Danny Snyder deserves most of the criticism he receives, but when it comes to the Redskinettes even the most jaded fan will give him two thumbs (and one other appendage) up. Of course he still worships one thing above all else and that's revenue. For this reason we can't actually see the inside of the calendar without actually spending 15 bucks (and no, you'll need more than 15 to see Lisa's insides...trust me).

Bonus Exhibit- The Giant Lesbians

This is Kate Mara, her grandfather died because he saw her munching some serious luxury box on TV. Leave it to those pigfucking Jersey bitches masquerading as New Yorkers to fuck up one of the NFL fan's unalienable rights, the ability to eyefuck future call girls. Well just because they don't put on a show on the sidelines doesn't mean there's nothing worthwhile going on behind the scenes. Of course I'm referring to Wellington's piece-of-ass granddaughter and her onscreen exploits. Here she is dressed in traditional cheerleader atire engaging in what I can only imagine is traditional cheerleader behavior.

Have a good New Year you lecherous fuckers/gorgeous female readers.

16 comments:

8hrdrive said...

Janipher may be taking a shower because she feels dirty. Dirty as in ass to mouth. Now I need a shower.

dusty said...

When your NFL team sucks pond scum I guess you guys always have the cheerleaders to fall back on..or just fall on, whatever the case may be.

Unsilent Majority said...

i still love the redskins for what they are. the cheerleaders are just a nice perk.

The Pirate Sloth said...

I can't form any words....

Captain Caveman said...

My God but I do love Becca. Thanks, UM.

Becky said...

I am an idiot who knows not how to link. But this is for my man Flubby...
http://sportsnspice.blogspot.com/2006/12/just-for-flubby.html

Dickens Cider said...

These are the type of posts that get me through this last hour of work. God bless you UM.

flubby said...

Best. Tree. Evar.

The Last Unitard said...

Janipher (WTF?) made me need a sedative.

It's a good thing I work in a hospital.

Becky said...

Happy New Year one and all - off to start weekend long drinking binge in 5...4...3... fuck it, I'm out.

Unsilent Majority said...

THE WIZARDS ARE IN FIRST PLACE FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE (plus an additional five years or so)!!!!!!!!!!

I'm a bit fucked up

Head Chick said...

You're quoting R. Kelly lyrics and displaying your love for light-skinned Black girls. I'm not sure if there is a connection, but I'm working on it.

Signal to Noise said...

Cheerleaders like Becca make me consider being a Cowboys fan for a split second. I still have the honey shot NBC got of her on Christmas Day stuck in my head.

Unsilent Majority said...

that's right head chick, i only piss on the light-skinned girls

WeJamEcono said...

I thought he was quoting Chappelle quoting R. Kelly.

Unsilent Majority said...

i'm pretty sure dave never covered the world's greatest.